Trapped with a Way Out

by Jeffery Martinez

While William spent most of her time exploring the trees, the pond was what really held her fascination. She was surprised that she was so taken by a large body of water, for the little mermaid who had spent most of her life hating the sea and dreaming of life on land never thought she would ever want to go into the water again. She had to admit, she was starting to miss the world under the water. When they lived beside the sea, she had no desire to go in because she knew all too well what horrors and injustices resided in there. She avoided it for fear of all the darkness and monsters she knew resided within; particularly sharks that some humans said they could see from land. She also knew that many mermaids could come out and see her any moment, and she did not wish to speak to anybody from her past. She also avoided the river for the same reason, since it led into the ocean.

  But this little lake wasn't like anything she'd seen. She was a little surprised to see a little body of water so far inland. It fascinated her greatly.

  She also wondered, was it really like a big puddle? How deep did it go? Could she walk across it and never get more than her skirt wet, or was it deep enough that she could submerge and swim under water? If so, how deep did the bottom go? Was it just a few dozen feet? Did it lead to the center of the earth? Did it become a giant underwater cave that let out into the ocean? Was it completely empty, or were there fish and water creatures in there? What sDid it have sentient beings in it like merfolk or kelpies? Did it have some sort of underwater society? What strange or wonderful creatures lived there?

  To her surprise, William found herself fascinated and drawn to the water instead of repulsed. She wanted to go swimming and find out what was in there.

  If truth be told, William also missed feeling weightless in the water. She never thought she would feel that way again after she was no longer sick with fever, but there it is.

  So, one calm and beautiful summer day, when the sun shined brilliantly, and the sky was a lovely cornflower blew which reflected on the lake, making it more beautiful and inviting than ever, William gave into her curiosity and approached the lake. She removed her many cumbersome layers of clothes until she was able to discard her restrictive corset (which was fine for sitting, standing and walking, but not good for running, stretching, or... swimming, she imagined), until she was down to nothing but her chemise, petticoat, drawers and stockings.

  She thought better of the stockings when she stepped into the water and found that not only was the fabric thick and uncomfortable when wet, but she felt squishy mud beneath it and wanted to feel it with her bare feet.

  William stepped cautiously out into the lake, and grinned as a thrill seized her. The water was ice-cold, and sent a ripple of what humans called "goose-flesh" (tiny white bumps) all over her body. The cold made her feel more breathless and alive. The mud was also very soft and squishy, and her whole foot sank with each step, and she liked to wriggle it between her toes.

  She found that the water got deeper as she got out farther (and she grew colder) until she suddenly couldn't fee the bottom, and splashed and floundered. For a wild moment William realized she didn't know how to swim with a human body! Then she thought, "Wait, I knew how to swim as a mermaid," and tried to immitate the motions. She didn't know how to swim with her legs, but she used her arms to push at the water until she was right-side up, and brought her legs together, pretended it was a mermaid tail, and kicked at the water the way she did was one. She was still a very clumsy and awkward swimmer, but at least now she wasn't drowning.

  William laughed at her triumph and swam further out into the water, splashing and twirling and ducking under water in her joy.

  She was rudely interrupted from her fun when she was suddenly grabbed under water (she released the breath she was holding under water into a silent scream that came out only as a giant glob of bubbles) and was roughly pulled back above the surface. She writhed and splashed her assailant, only to realize it was Mr. Bernadotte.

  "William! William! Are you all right?! Are you hurt?" she heard him shout as he clutched her shoulders. "Are you drowned? Can you breathe?"

  William splashed him in the face and wrenched herself away from him. Of course I'm fine, William face said, why wouldn't I be?

  What surprised her was seeing Mr. Bernadotte in the water. That was a place she never expected to see him. She then realized with a blush that he was soaking wet and in the water, just like her, and he wasn't wearing his big coat, but rather just a white coarse shirt with part of his chest exposed.

  He also looked both terrified and confused at her. "So... you're now drowning?"

  In answer, she used her long graceful arms to breast-stroke herself a little farther from him and kept her whole face but her eyes under water, watching him. She almost felt as graceful and mysterious as a mermaid again.

  Mr. Bernadotte looked both relieved and exasperated, and then angry. He exclaimed something French, and then in English, "Don't you scare me like that! Merde, William, I thought you were drowning!"

  She lifted her head long enough to smile apologetically, then ducked her head under water, so the tops of her eyes rested on the line of the surface.

  He sighed deeply, and swam closer to her. "Mon deu, William. They said you needed a chaperon out here, but I said they were daft. 'She's fine,' I said. 'She's a big girl, she can take care of herself.' 'She likes to flirt with danger,' they said, but now I think you've proven them right."

  William crinkled her nose and furrowed her eyebrows, but otherwise didn't emerge from the water.

  He sighed again, and came closer to her. "Mon deu, William, don't you think you're getting a little old for these games?"

  She spit water in his face. When he wiped it off and saw her grin, laughed and splashed her back. She laughed silently and splashed him back, and soon a splashing contest formed between them. Since Mr. Bernadotte's was winning, as his hands were bigger and his arms longer, William turned and ducked underwater where his splashes couldn't reach her. Pip growled playfully and swam after her, and caught her by the waist as she tried to retreat. She let out another glob of laugh bubbles and squirmed in his arms. He quickly brought her back to the surface so she wouldn't suffocate, but she recovered quickly and the laughing and splashing commenced, as well as "swim-away" and "swim-and-seek."

  Soon even those in the castle could hear splashing and laughing from the lake.

  A wall of servants awaited them when they returned to the estate; flushed, laughing, and dripping wet. Mr. Bernadotte's sopping auburn braid clung to his skin, and he wore only his off-white seaman's shirt, brown-green trousers and socks. He had a large bundle of clothes wrapped under one arm and held William' hand with his other. William wore only her thin white chemise and petticoat, which made it seem as though she wore only a thin white dress. The white fabric had turned almost see-through and clung to her skin while wet, making it a scandalous sight indeed. Even more scandalous, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled and her face positively beamed as she held Mr. Bernadotte's hand (this was, perhaps, the happiest they seen her since before her Old Grey died), and she held his boots as they walked.

  They were giggling and laughing together, seeming to notice nothing but each other's company. He walked boldly up the stone steps to the estate with large bold, and she smiled demurely as she let him help up the steps, though they were both encumbered; him by his bundle of clothes, and her his boots.

  They didn't notice the wall of hard eyes and stone-disapproval until they were right in front of the servants. Even then, they were not sufficiently cowed.

  "Oh!" Mr. Bernadotte grinned, "Sorry for our unruly appearance. Miss Hanna decided to go for a swim in the lake, and I thought she was drowning. Turns out, she was just fine," he smiled fondly at her.

  The servants were not moved. "How very convenient."

  The cold hard voice sobered him some, and only then did he realize his place and imposition. "No... it's not like that at all. I truly thought she was drowning. I only went in to rescue her, and I have." He he
ld up her bundle of clothes as though it were proof.

  "I see," said the eldest and harshest.

  This sobered them both considerably, and just like that, they were aware of how wet and foolish and unacceptably improper they were.

  "Mr. Bernadotte, you may go," Mrs. Hart said in her coldest, sternest voice. "Miss Hanna, come inside at once. Kayley, relieve Mr. Bernadotte of her thinks."

  A beautiful young maid stepped forward to take the bundle that was William' discarded clothes, although Pip had to untangle his large brown-green coat. William awkwardly held up his boots, and tried to offer them back to Mr. Bernadotte, but another maid stepped forward and yanked them out of her hands. Only then did she realize what trouble they were in.

  Needless to say, her master was furious to learn what had happened. William Hanna was his ward, and for her to carelessly throw herself into danger...!

  "I thought you had better sense than that," he said coldly; though he did not scold her too much because she had caught a minor cold from the lake.

  The servants did not get off so easy. He had them stand before like a wall, and ripped into them so viciously that a few cried. "Do you think I brought my ward out here for my own enjoyment? No! I desire nothing more than to keep her beside me in my flat in London, but I agreed to move her out here to improve her health and well-being. How can her health improve if you let her walk into danger?"

  "But ser," one of the younger ones said, "She's always gettin' away, and it's not as if we can..."

  "SILENCE!" he thundered, "If you cannot ensure my ward's safety, then I will find someone who can. You are all dismissed. Now get out of my sight!"

  William could hear him scolding them from upstairs, as she sat quietly alone by the fireplace.

  Mr. Bernadotte got it worst of all. The servants hinted as much in their gossip, but William hadn't heard him get scolded like the other servants. She didn't hear any more sounds from downstairs after her master demanded that the others leave so he could have a private word with Captain Bernadotte. She thought it sounded bad when she heard her master say after it was over, "I'm glad we understand each other," but she couldn't imagine anything worse than being yelled at like the poor maids. Nor did Captain Bernadotte lose his job since she saw him later on the grounds. However, whatever her master said to him must have cut him to the bone, by the way the servants talked, and he no longer seemed as cheerful. When William smiled and waved at him from a distance, he didn't even smile or wave back. He just looked at her sullenly, and walked away.

  When she went out to the stables later, he treated her with cool professionalism. When she wrote in her journal asking him what was wrong, he sighed.

  "Look, you're the boss's ward, and the boss is a noble; that makes you about as good as a lady," he said. "And I'm just the hired help. You're above my station, and we shouldn't be acting so friendly with each other."

  His words cut like a knife. Tears sprung out of her eyes like blood from a wound, and she walked away. It happened again. Humans rejected and rebuked her all the time. Mr. Bernadotte was the only one she could rely on to be a friendly face and willing company. Yet now he was acting like a stranger, pushing her away and telling her "her place" (which always seemed a place of loneliness and boredom, it seemed to William) like everyone else.

  Yet, she suspected it wasn't his words. She found it hard to believe that her master and the servants got mad at them for essentially being too friendly with each other, and now suddenly he was telling her she should stay away.

  "Besides," he said, looking at something distant above her head, "I'm not really to be around you anymore."

  William felt deeply saddened by the arrangement. The truth was she liked the captain's company; he was friendly, cheerful, and out-going. He often teased her, which vexed her greatly, but he also talked to her like and equal... like a friend. He spoke to her so casually yet familiarly that she almost felt like she could answer, but he also always seemed to know what she wanted to say, so she didn't have to. Captain Bernadotte said that her face was so expressive that she didn't need a voice, because he understood her just fine.

  William furrowed her brows.

  He laughed. "Oh, you doubt me, ma cher? Then how come I can see you frowning clear as day?"

  William flushed and looked away.

  "Aha! And now you are blushing! That means you are embarrassed."

  She turned around and snapped at him, although no words came out.

  He laughed. "I know, I know. Terrible."

  He vexed her greatly, but he had also been good company, and now she was sad that he could not speak to her anymore. Now, whenever he saw her, he looked at her with a dour expression, then turned away.

  The situation was not improved by her master arranging a female chaperon to accompany her at all times when she was out on the grounds, and they were allowed to use force to keep William inside when necessary. (They were not allowed to strike her, of course, but they could physically grab her arm or lock the doors.) He also ordered for William to be brought back to live with him to the London flat, at least part of the time.

  "If she's well enough to go swimming in the lake," he said, "She's well to join me in London."

  William could have groaned. NO! She hated the London flat! Why was her master making her go back there? Didn't he care what she wanted at all? Just because he wanted to suffer London's high society to pursue some church girl who didn't even want him, didn't mean William wanted to! She didn't want to suffer through London's heat and smog and London elite to help him woo a girl she didn't even want him to have!

  Now that William was fully recovered and back in the London flat, they lived as proper London elite. William and her master woke anywhere between nine and ten, enjoyed a modest breakfast. Despite herself, William enjoyed these. It was something that her master and she got to enjoy together, since socialites did not tend to call on each other during breakfast; before all the noise, the bustle and hassle occurred during events. Her master often red his newspaper at one end of the table, while William enjoyed a hearty breakfast of buttered toast with jam. (No matter what went wrong in her life, she always enjoyed warm toast with melted butter and sugary-sweet jams; it always warmed her to the soul, and lifted her spirits.)

  Her master surprised her one morning by saying, "Now that you have fully recovered, perhaps you should take up riding here in the city."

  William' heart fluttered, until she saw what riding actually entailed here in London. Scores of young ladies woke early every morning to have a ride around Hyde Park, and it was more awful than anything William could imagine. London was still so huge, yet so crowded, so closed-in by high buildings, and so covered in hard cobblestone. The only places with any green were large "parks" like Hyde Park and Kensington Park, which would be perfect to ride a horse through. However, there were so many young ladies taking their morning ride each day that they could not go anywhere they wished unless they wanted to trample all the grass, so they stayed to one dirt path.

  The young ladies also could not tack their own horses, nor ride any direction they wished, nor even ride faster than a brisk walk, nor even ride without some male human (either a hired groom or a gentleman from their house) holding the reigns for them, as the ladies were thought so delicate. They simply showed up in their best riding attire and sat passively atop their horses, which were led in a tacit walk by various men; and there were so many scores upon scores of women upon horses escorted by so many gentlemen that there was no room to ride without having your skirts

  "Is it not a perfect day for a ride, Lady Mary?"

  "I must say. It is quite a beautiful view."

  What view?! William thought, you're crowded by so many people I'd be surprised if you could see anything but other women's riding attire and horses!

  When William saw the church girl riding atop her golden steed, with her smart riding attire and her riding crop and her stupid sideways hat, William realized what this was really about. When her master
led her horse over to the church girl, her insides curled like snakes. William would have none of it. She threw her riding crop upon the ground, and marched straight back to the flat, ignoring all protests to come back.

  Of course she didn't get far. There were too many girls on horses in the way, and her master easily caught up with her, caught her horse's reign, and demanded to know what was going on.

  Her face burned and her gut clenched the whole way, but she would not answer. She would not look at him or betray one hint of her emotions, apart from her vexation, until the walk in the park was over and they were back in their city flat.

  She expected her master to be angry, but when he saw her facial expression and read her journal entry explaining her feelings, he laughed and laughed.

  "All right, my little foundling, we shall have none of it," he said, and kissed her nose.

  That small, simple, little kiss lighted many deep caverns inside herself that she had thought dead and cold and dark, and the realization that they were not empty flooded them with every tear she never shed.

  'Why?' she thought, 'Why do you give me such false hope? Every time you show me these little hints of affection I love you all over again, and it just hurts that much more when I see that you don't.'

  Something still troubled her, and she did not know what. She ruminated on it all day, and lay awake in bed long into the night trying to puzzle out what it was. And then it hit her.

  She could never predict her master's moods. Often, when she thought he would find something amusing he would surprise and upset her by being angry, and when she thought he would be angry (as she had fully expected with that stunt with the horses in Hyde park) he surprised her by finding it amusing. She was glad that he didn't yell at her now, because she wasn't sure if she could take it, but as she lay in bed the following evening her relief did not feel... well... relaxing. It was the kind of relief she felt right after she'd narrowly avoided a particularly painful scrape (like falling off a horse and hitting the soft grassy ground instead of the cobblestone fence), and it made her tremble.