Campus Crush

by Ashelyn Drake

  He stares at me as he pulls the straps of my dress back into place and lowers me to the floor. I know what he’s thinking. We can’t stay away from each other. The attraction is too strong, and that means we need to find a way to get through the next fifteen weeks.

  “I have to get back to class and so do you,” he says, tucking in his shirt and buttoning his pants.

  “How are we going to pull that off without looking suspicious?” I’m not even sure how I’m going to get out of this bathroom.

  “You go first. I’ll make up some story about helping a lost freshman.”

  “Or I could be the lost freshman.”

  He nods. “I guess you could.”

  He turns and unlocks the stall, but I grab his arm. “Wait. Are you still mad that I didn’t tell you my real age?”

  He reaches down and kisses me softly on the lips. “Are you hiding anything else that I should know about? Like a boyfriend?”

  “No.”

  “Then I’m good.” He smiles and holds the stall open for me. “I’ll check the hall for you.” He peeks out of the bathroom and motions for me to go. I don’t hesitate. My adrenaline is still in high gear.

  Darren walks me back to class, going with our plan that I, the lost freshman who left class to use the restroom, couldn’t find my way back. Of course, considering how close the bathrooms are to the lecture hall, that makes me the stupidest freshman on campus, but I don’t care. My body is still on fire from Darren’s touch, and I get to stare at him for the rest of the class.

  I enter the lecture hall and walk to my seat, stopping at the end of my aisle and whispering “thank you” to Darren to keep up with the rouse. Noelle’s eyes widen. Maybe I can fool Monahan and a class full of co-eds, but I can’t fool her.

  Chapter Five

  “In the bathroom?” Noelle shrieks as we walk back to our dorm.

  “Damn.” I rub my ear, but the smile is still on my face. It was there all through the lecture, which I’m sure made Monahan wonder. He either thinks I’m so clueless that I’m always happy or that I really like art history.

  “Why? How?” Noelle can’t even form sentences. I love her to death, but until Andy came along, she never took chances. She doesn’t get the whole “follow your instincts” thing. I live by it. If something feels right, I go for it. No matter what.

  “It just sort of happened.”

  “But…he’s,” she lowers her voice, “our T.A. That has to be against school policy, right?”

  “Very.” Of course she had to focus on the negative. She’s totally killing my good mood.

  “So why did you do it?”

  “If there was a policy against dating Andy because he’s a resident advisor would you stop seeing him?”

  “No.” She looks away, unable to argue.

  “I know you think I just hopped into bed with—”

  She grabs my arm. “I don’t. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” She slides her key card and opens the door to our dorm. “Are you going to see him again?”

  We never discussed whether dinner is still on. I’ll have to text him later. “Maybe tonight.”

  She gives me a look as we get on the elevator. Several other people get on with us, so we can’t exactly talk about Darren. But even without words, I know what Noelle is thinking. And she’s wrong. I’m not some sex-crazed girl. I can’t deny sex with Darren is amazing, but I really do want more than just a physical relationship with him.

  We get off on the sixth floor and wave to Mindy, our R.A. as she comes out of her room. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she tries to remember our names. “Good morning, ladies. How’s your first day going?”

  Noelle looks at me and smiles. “Julia loved our first class. I’ve never seen her so interested in art before.” She wags her eyebrows at me, but Mindy totally doesn’t get why.

  “That’s great. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Even though we just met, I can already tell Mindy is the most optimistic person I’ve ever met. I guess that’s better than having a bitch for an R.A.

  I unlock the door and toss my bag on my bed. A quick look in the mirror shows my dress is slightly wrinkled and my hair is messy. I smile remembering how they got that way.

  “You’re like a horny little high school boy right now,” Noelle says, shutting the door.

  “Jealous?” I turn toward her. “Is Andy not satisfying you?”

  She blushes. “I have no complaints about Andy.”

  “Glad to hear it.” Noelle really has come out of her shell since she met him, and I’m happy for her. I just wish she could see that I can be the relationship type, too. Well, in fifteen weeks when the semester ends. God, I’m going to have to sneak around with Darren for fifteen weeks. While today’s bathroom trip was definitely enjoyable, I’m not exactly thrilled about the idea of only seeing Darren in private. Does that mean I can’t go out to dinner with him tonight? Can’t go to McEntire’s Pub anymore?

  “You okay?” Noelle wraps her arm around my shoulders.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I shrug, but she doesn’t buy it.

  “You should text him.”

  “Is it too soon? I don’t want to seem clingy. But then again, I don’t want him to think I’m only interested in sex either. Why does this have to be so damn confusing?”

  “Just do it,” Noelle says, walking to my bed and grabbing my cell from my bag. “You won’t feel better until you do.”

  She’s right. I have to know if there’s any sort of future for Darren and me. I have to know what this all means to him. I bring up his number and stare at the screen, getting up the courage. We still on for dinner? My finger hovers over the send button, but Noelle pushes it down. My heart races as I wait for his response.

  I have no idea if he has another class now. We didn’t get to talk before I left. And now that I think about it, Darren didn’t even look in my direction. We glanced at each other a few times during the lecture, but once it was over, Darren went to talk to Monahan. I hope he was just trying to act normal and avoid suspicion, but my insides are a tangled mess of worry.

  By lunchtime, Darren still hasn’t texted me back.

  “You need to eat something,” Noelle says.

  I just glare at her. When did I become this girl? The one who waits for a guy to call her? In every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve taken control. I’ve led the guy. Even in the bathroom this morning with Darren, I initiated everything. Me. I hate not being in control.

  “Hey.” Andy sits down next to Noelle, placing a kiss on the side of her head.

  My stomach sinks because I’m not sure I’ll ever have that. Darren can’t walk in here and kiss me. He can’t even eat lunch with me without getting in trouble for fraternizing with the students. It’s clear why he hasn’t texted me. He wants to end this.

  “You okay?” Andy asks me. Noelle shakes her head at him, and he pushes himself up from the table again. “Hang on. I know what you need.”

  If it’s not Darren, he needn’t bother. But I know what he’s going to do. He’s going to make me an ice cream cone and a mug of sprinkles. It’s his signature dessert. The mug of sprinkles ensures that every lick has sprinkles no matter how much ice cream you eat.

  “He’s just trying to help,” Noelle says.

  “I know. He’s sweet.”

  As Andy returns with my ice cream, Noelle looks back and forth between us. “Oh my God! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” She doesn’t need to tell me her revelation. I already know she’s figured out that I want Darren to be my Andy.

  “Don’t say it, okay?” I don’t need Andy knowing how pathetic I am.

  She nods. “Maybe you should text him again.”

  Andy shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and I decide to put him out of his misery. “I know Noelle told you about Darren, so you don’t have to pretend you have no clue what we’re talking about.”

  His shoulders lower with relief. “They usually overbook the T.As. I’m sure when
he’s not in class, he has office hours.”

  “But the semester just started. People couldn’t possibly be going to his office looking for extra help already.” Then it hits me. I could go to his office, find out in person if he’s avoiding me, if this is over. I get up. “See you guys later.”

  “Good luck!” Noelle calls after me.

  I run across campus to the Newman building, hoping that Monahan’s office is in the same building as his class. I look around the lobby for the directional signs they post on the walls and spot a group by the bathroom, which makes me think of Darren. I can almost smell his cologne.

  “Can I help you?” I hear behind me. I turn to see Mike, Andy’s R.A. friend that I hooked up with at the social during orientation. His eyes scan the length of my body, and he smiles. “Oh, hey, Julia. I didn’t recognize you at first. How are you?”

  “Hi, Mike. I’m good. Looking for Professor Monahan’s office actually. I missed part of class today and wanted to get caught up on the notes.”

  His face falls. “Oh…well the offices are down the hall on the left. They’re all labeled so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding it.”

  I smile and start down the hall. “Thanks. See you around.”

  “I hope so.”

  Crap. I don’t want to hurt Mike’s feelings. He’s a nice guy, but all we did was kiss and I wasn’t interested in anything more than that. Not then and definitely not now. I was hoping the feeling was mutual. Guess not.

  I pretend I don’t hear him and keep walking to the offices. Just like Mike said, they’re grouped together on the left. Now, if only they were also alphabetized. I weave through a maze of cubicles until I find a door at the back of the room with Monahan’s name on it. Apparently he’s a department head so he gets a real office with actual walls and a door. Lucky him, or lucky me, if I find Darren inside.

  I knock on the door, trying to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest. I hear footsteps and then see Darren’s face as he opens the door.

  “Um, can I help you?” His voice has the faintest hint of a quiver as he looks around, trying to see if there are any students or professors nearby to overhear us.

  I decide to play along in case anyone is listening to us. “Yes, I missed part of Professor Monahan’s lecture today, and I was wondering if I could get the notes. You did say your office hours are available to students needing extra help, right?” My words are void of emotion, but my eyes are saying something completely different.

  “Absolutely. Come in. I’ll get those notes for you.” Darren steps aside, but I make sure I brush against him as I enter the office. He closes the door behind me and whispers, “What are you doing?”

  “Getting notes, like I said.” I smile.

  “Julia, we can’t keep doing this.” Even though he’s protesting, he steps closer to me and runs his hand down my arm. “When you’re near me, I can’t control myself. We can’t put ourselves in situations like this. I meant it when I said I don’t want to lose this job.”

  “I get it.” I really do, but I can’t stop myself from saying, “Did you get my text?”

  “Yeah, but I was in class. My schedule is booked. I was about to text you back when you showed up here.”

  I step closer to him, my body aching for his touch. “So, are we still on for dinner?”

  “We can’t. If people see us out in public—”

  “They already have. I was with you last night. We can’t take that back.”

  “I know.” He runs his fingers through his hair and steps away from me, putting the desk between us.

  “We could tell people we got together before we found out you were my T.A. They couldn’t stop us from dating then.”

  “Yes, they could.” His tone is serious.

  “Fine. Then I’m dropping the class.” I hold my hand out. “One drop card, please.”

  “We don’t keep those in our office. You have to go to the registration building—” He shakes his head. “But I’m not letting you do that.”

  “Why? Do you really want to give up what we have? I know we’re not in a relationship or anything, but you can’t deny this.” I motion between us. “You’re keeping a desk between us because you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off me otherwise. What does that tell you?”

  “That I’m not thinking with my head. Not the right one anyway.”

  I smile. “Maybe that’s where you’re wrong.” I move around the desk. “If everything inside you is saying that you want me, why are you denying yourself that? I’m right here.”

  The office door opens, and I step away from Darren, looking down at the desk.

  “So, if you read the first chapter, I think you’ll be caught up on the slides you missed during today’s lecture. And next time, might I suggest that you don’t drink all your coffee before you get to class. It can make for an uncomfortable lecture or a situation like today where you miss important notes.” Darren’s recovery is impressive.

  “Thank you, Mr. McEntire, and I appreciate you taking the time to help me when I got turned around in the hallway during class. I can only imagine how much I would’ve missed if you weren’t there to help me out.” I turn around and nod at Professor Monahan. “Professor, I’m very sorry for missing part of your lecture today. I can assure you it won’t happen again.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” Monahan says, stepping aside so I can exit the office.

  I look back briefly at Darren before walking out. His eyes are lowered to the papers on the desk, but his body is turned toward me as if drawn to me.

  ***

  The rest of my day is packed with classes, so I don’t have a chance to talk to Darren again. When dinnertime rolls around, Noelle and Andy go to the cafeteria without me. I’m still hopeful that Darren will call and change his mind about cancelling on me, but he doesn’t. I’m tempted to ask Andy for his car and just show up at McEntire’s Pub, but I don’t want to seem desperate. I know the effect I have on Darren. He wants me just as much as I want him—only he’s exercising restraint. If I can’t get close to him, I can’t make him see that he wants to be with me.

  I’m just about to get up and search for Andy’s car keys when there’s a knock on my door. I’m not expecting anyone, so I look out the peephole. Darren? I yank the door open, and he hurries inside, shutting the door behind him as quickly as possible.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask. Sex in the men’s room was risky, but coming to my dorm is downright insane.

  “This.” He moves toward me, gripping the back of my head in his hand and crushing his lips to mine.

  Chapter Six

  At first I’m too stunned to move, but then Darren’s tongue snakes its way into my mouth and I’m moaning. If kissing were an Olympic sport, Darren would easily win the gold.

  He pulls away too soon and leans his forehead against mine. “I looked into your records to find out where you lived. This is by far the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

  “There’s a lot of that going around lately.” I smile up at him.

  “I’m not usually this reckless, but you’re under my skin.”

  “You make that sound like a bad thing.”

  “Not at all.” His hands lower to my waist and tug my hips to his.

  “This isn’t a booty call, is it?” Darren is undeniably sexy and being with him is intense, but I don’t want that to be all there is between us.

  “No. I just wanted to see you. I felt like such a dick for bagging out on dinner. I wasn’t even sure you’d be here.”

  “You could’ve called or texted me.”

  “I wasn’t thinking.” He kisses me, letting his lips linger on mine. “You cloud my judgment in the worst and best way possible at the same time.”

  “I know the feeling.”

  “So, what are we going to do about this?”

  “Good question.” I take his hand and bring him to my bed. He sits down, but looks uncomfortable. “What’s wrong?”

  “We’re a
lone. There’s a bed. I just told you I didn’t come here for sex, yet it’s all I can think about.”

  I sit down on his lap, straddling him, and rest my arms over his shoulders. “What if I said I don’t want to have sex again until we figure this out?”

  “Then I won’t touch you.” His hands remain at his sides.

  “I didn’t say you couldn’t touch me. I said I don’t want to have sex.”

  “Don’t want to or don’t think we should?” he asks.

  “Are you trying to call me out on a technicality now?” I smile and kiss his jaw.

  “What can I say? You’ve gotten to me. I’m even thinking like you now.”

  I think he and I are a lot alike and have been thinking the same things since we met. It’s why we clicked from the start.

  “Honestly, I do want to, but I think we need to decide what we’re going to do. I don’t want to be the girl you hook up with whenever you’re horny.”

  He picks me up and places me on the bed next to him. “Sorry, but having this conversation with you on my lap is working against you.”

  I was testing him, seeing how much he’d let me tease him without actually acting on it. It was stupid, but I couldn’t help myself. “Look, when I came here for orientation, I thought I wanted to hook up and not have any real attachments. Then Noelle met Andy, and seeing how sickeningly cute they are together…” I can’t bring myself to say the rest.

  “You want that for yourself.”

  I force myself to meet his eyes. “I’ve never had it before. I’ve had boyfriends, but it wasn’t—”

  “You’ve never been in love.”

  Oh God, I hope he doesn’t think I’m trying to say I love him. I’m definitely not there yet. “No, never. Not then and not…now.”

  He laughs. “Relax. I didn’t think you’d fallen for me.”

  I sigh. “That’s a relief. No offense.”

  “None taken. I don’t fall in love easily. Of course, I don’t usually hop into bed with a girl the same night I meet her either.”