Campus Crush

by Ashelyn Drake

  “And your dad thought she was a grad student.” I can barely get the words out. That’s why he was so pissed at me. I did to him what his mother did to his father. It wasn’t exactly the same, but it was pretty damn close.

  He moves closer to me. “I’ve never been so attracted to anyone, so you can see why certain similarities freak me the fuck out.”

  I nod. If Darren reminded me the least bit of my dad I’d be running. I’m not sure how he’s still in the car with me.

  “You’re not like her though. You look nothing alike, and Mom’s nowhere near as forward as you are.”

  I breathe a sigh of relief. “So she agreed to marry your dad?”

  “No. She turned him down. He lost everything, and she left him.”

  The story can’t end there. Darren wouldn’t be here if it did. “How did they get together then?”

  “Mom transferred schools, but she never forgot my dad. She came back after she graduated, and they’ve been together ever since.”

  “Was your dad angry that she misled him?”

  “Not like my grandfather was. Dad loved her, so he got over it pretty quickly.”

  “You could’ve told me this before.”

  He laughs. “Julia, we’ve known each other for a matter of days. You’ve made me do things I’ve never done this soon before, but divulging information this personal is pushing it, don’t you think?”

  “I didn’t make you do anything.” How can he say that? It’s obvious this connection between us is completely mutual.

  He reaches for my face. “I told you, when I’m around you, I can’t think straight. You’re all I can see. I know you don’t mean to, but you do make me do things I normally wouldn’t. Do you have any idea how many girls hit on me at the bar?”

  “I’ve been trying not to think about that.”

  He laughs again. “Fair enough, but my point is that I’ve always been able to turn them down. I don’t go for girls in bars. I don’t even go for girls who try to pick up guys. I like to be the aggressive one, not that I think I am aggressive. But you…you’re a take-charge kind of girl. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever dated.”

  “And you don’t like that.”

  “I didn’t say that. I don’t like it on other girls, but I love it on you.”

  “Do you mean that or are you just trying to get me to come back to your place?” I tease.

  “What if I said both?” His eyes lower to my mouth, and he drags his thumb across my bottom lip.

  “Then I’d say what are we still doing here?”

  Chapter Eight

  Darren’s mouth is on mine and his hand finds my thigh, trailing up my shorts. As much as I love what his touch does to me, I know he’s being reckless again. Someone could easily see us here.

  “Darren,” I say into his mouth.

  He pulls back, but his hand keeps moving up my leg. “What?”

  “Please stop, before I lose the will to stop you.”

  He chuckles. “I’m okay with that.”

  “No. We should go to your place. People could see us here.”

  He groans, but he pulls his hand back, and I can breathe normally again. He has the car started and is pulling out of the parking lot before I can get my seatbelt on. “It’s not fair that you can make me so crazy sometimes.”

  “And you think you don’t have the same effect on me?”

  He turns to look at me briefly before focusing on the road again. “I won’t let us end up like my parents. You can’t get expelled because of me.”

  “I don’t think they’d expel me. You’re not even a professor. You’re a T.A. No offense, but it’s not the same.”

  “I don’t care. It’s still against campus policy.”

  “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me, so tomorrow morning, I’m dropping the class. It’s the easiest solution.”

  “No.”

  “I still don’t see what the big deal is. Thanks to Noelle making me start a semester early, I’m already ahead in my credits.” Why is he being so stubborn about this?

  “That’s not the point. I don’t want my family to have to go through the disgrace of being known as breeding guys who can’t keep it in their pants. Even if you drop the class, when people see us together, they’ll know what happened. They’ll know I screwed up just like my dad did.”

  I reach over and place my hand on his leg. His eyes lower, and I see that even the smallest touch gets a reaction from him. The chemistry between us is too much to ignore. “It wasn’t your father’s fault, and it isn’t your fault either.”

  “I’m not going to put all the blame on my mom or you, so don’t even try to convince me to.”

  “I’m not. I’m just saying that when it comes to two people being attracted to each other, campus policy doesn’t mean shit.”

  He turns to me and smiles. “It really doesn’t.”

  He pulls into his driveway and walks around to get my door for me. Reaching for my hand, he brings my fingers to his lips and kisses each one. If I wasn’t already dying to get inside and close this distance between us, I would be now. We run to the door, pausing only long enough for Darren to unlock it and shut it behind us.

  Behind closed doors, we don’t have to hide what we feel for each other. We both let loose. He scoops me into his arms and carries me into his bedroom. The second he puts me down on the bed, he tears his shirt off and lowers himself onto me. Everything he’s been holding inside comes barreling out. His hands explore every inch of my body as he kisses me deeply. Every so often he kisses my cheek, and I can’t help thinking he’s kissing my freckles. Finally, when neither one of us can stand it any longer, he rocks inside of me. We hold onto each other long after our breathing calms. It’s like we both know once we leave this place, we’ll have to go back into hiding, pretend we are nothing more than student and T.A.

  Finally, at ten o’clock, Darren rolls off of me and gets dressed. “I need to get you back to campus.”

  “Oh God! I never texted Noelle to let her know I was coming here.” I scramble out of bed, searching for my clothes.

  “Relax. I’m sure she figured it out. Just like I’m sure Murray figured out I was going to be gone for a while.”

  He’s right. Noelle had Andy’s car. She probably left once I sat down at the bar, figuring I’d text her when I needed a ride back to the dorm. I pull my shorts and tank top back on and look at Darren. “People at the pub are going to know about us.”

  “Let’s just hope none of them find out you’re a student in my class.”

  I nod, and the pressure of our situation comes crashing back down on me. Darren kisses my forehead and walks me back to his car, where he opens my door. I’ll have to let Noelle know that Andy’s not the only gentleman left.

  We drive to campus, and Darren pulls up to the driveway in front of my dorm. He leans over and kisses me goodnight. “I guess I’ll see you in class in the morning.”

  “I’ll try not to stare too much,” I say with a smile.

  “Same here.”

  He pulls me in for another kiss, and in the streetlight I can see his eyes look more green today than brown.

  Someone taps on Darren’s window, and we both jump. Professor Bellows is standing right outside the car, looking in on us.

  “Fuck.” Darren takes a deep breath and lowers his window. “Good evening, Professor Bellows.”

  “Darren.” She eyes me over her glasses. “Aren’t you in my English Composition class?”

  I’m surprised she recognizes me with my eyes open. I slept through her class this afternoon. “Um…” That’s all I can say because I don’t want to implicate Darren. She obviously saw us kissing.

  “That’s what I thought.” She shakes her head at Darren. “I’d so hoped you’d turn out differently,” she says and walks away, her heels clicking loudly against the pavement.

  “Is she going to tell Monahan?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  Darren doesn’t even look at
me. “You should go.”

  “Darren.”

  “Julia, please.” His voice is small and full of worry, so I touch his hand lightly and get out of the car. The second I shut the door, Darren speeds off. And I’m not sure if I’m ever going to see him again.

  ***

  Noelle listens to me cry over Darren until well past three a.m. Finally, I collapse on my bed from exhaustion. When she wakes me for class in the morning, I debate skipping. I have no idea if Bellows told Monahan yet or if Darren will show up for class. Not knowing is killing me.

  “It will look worse if you don’t go,” Noelle says, sitting on the edge of her bed. Andy was nice enough to go back to his dorm last night after I got in, realizing I needed my best friend.

  “If I go, Monahan is going to want to talk to me. He’s going to ask me what happened between Darren and me, and I’m going to lose it.” I start crying again. I’ve lived on campus for just over two months, and I’m about to be named the campus slut and take Darren’s reputation down with mine. Why did I have to go up to him that day at the pub? Why did I push him in the men’s room when I could’ve let it end there? Why did I let Noelle drive me to McEntire’s to find him last night? There were so many times I could’ve backed off, ended it, but I didn’t. And now I have to face the consequences.

  “I’ll talk to him with you. I won’t leave your side.” Noelle gets up and hugs me for the millionth time since I got home last night. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

  We walk to class, and I can already feel the eyes on me. Noelle says I’m being ridiculous, that no one is looking at me, but it doesn’t feel that way. We take our usual seats, and I wait for Monahan to walk in. He’s alone. My chest tightens as I imagine the conversation Monahan must have had with Darren and the disgrace Darren must feel having followed in his father’s footsteps. All I can think is that I did this to him. Maybe I hadn’t meant to, hadn’t known, but I’m still responsible.

  I can’t bear to sit in class and listen to Monahan. I grab my bag and give Noelle a look. She nods, knowing I can’t stomach a lecture on art history right now. She squeezes my hand before I turn and walk out of class. I head straight to Monahan’s office, thinking Darren might be cleaning his things out before leaving Timberland for good. But the office is empty. I text Darren, but get no reply. The only other place I can think to look is at his house. It’s way too early for his shift at the pub. I head back to Andy’s dorm to beg him to either drive me to Darren’s or let me borrow his car.

  Andy opens his door wearing nothing but a towel. “Hey, Julia.” He looks around, most likely for Noelle. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?”

  “I think Darren got fired. I need to find him.”

  “You want to borrow my car, right?”

  I nod. “Or if you don’t want me to drive it, maybe you could—”

  He holds his hand up and grabs his keys from the table by his bed. “Take it, but promise me you won’t drive like a crazy person. I’d like it—and you—back in one piece. Noelle will kill me if you get hurt in my car.”

  I smile. “She’s really lucky to have you.” I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Darren was supposed to be my Andy. I can’t bear to think it’s over between us. “Thanks for this,” I add as Andy hands me the keys.

  I race down the stairs, not able to wait for the elevator. I need to find Darren. I need to fix this. If I can.

  The roads are empty, so I speed the entire way to Darren’s apartment. I pull into his driveway, but I already know he isn’t home because his car is gone. Still, I knock on the door. Tears stream down my cheeks every second that my knock goes unanswered. I sit down on his front steps and cry for hours.

  Red-eyed, I finally get myself up and head back to the dorm. I text Andy, but he’s in class and tells me to hang on to the keys until later. I head to my room, taking the elevator because I barely have the strength to move my feet anymore.

  “Hey,” Mindy says, stopping the elevator door from closing.

  I look around and realize I’m at my floor. I hadn’t even noticed.

  “You okay?” Mindy reaches for me and helps me off the elevator like I’m a lost child. Maybe I am. I feel lost without knowing what’s going to happen to Darren. To us.

  I shake my head and sob.

  Mindy pulls me in for a hug and pats my back. “Come on. I can afford to miss one class. Come to my room and tell me what’s wrong.” She leads me to her door and opens it for me.

  I hesitate. I can’t tell her the reason I’m falling apart. It might get Darren into even more trouble.

  Mindy looks around at the students in the hallway. “Julia, I think I know what’s going on, and I don’t think we should talk about it out here. Come inside.”

  How many people know about Darren and me? I step inside, not wanting to make the situation any worse. Mindy’s room is impeccably neat. She motions to the chair in the corner, and I sit.

  “This is about a certain teacher’s assistant, isn’t it?” Her voice is soft and sympathetic.

  I nod. “I screwed up. I had no idea he was a T.A., and I sort of neglected to tell him I was an undergrad.”

  Mindy sighs. “Look, Julia, I’m not going to lie to you. This could get pretty bad for both of you. My advice would be to lay low for a few days. Let this blow over. On a campus this big, something else will happen and the focus will be off you and Darren. But you have to give it time. Don’t try to contact him.”

  Not contact him? I can’t. “But—”

  She shakes her head. “I’m trying to help you. If you and Darren push this right now, you’ll send Monahan and the dean over the edge.”

  “But Andy is Dean Decker’s son. Maybe he can—”

  She holds her hand up, cutting me off again. “Do you really want to drag Andy into this? You could get him in trouble, too. Dean Decker is really hard on Andy. He expects Andy to be the model student and R.A. Dating Noelle is already teetering on a line that Dean Decker doesn’t think Andy should cross.”

  I had no idea Dean Decker objected to Andy dating Noelle. The last thing I want is for Noelle to feel the way I do now. Mindy’s right. I have to stay away from Darren. At least until this blows over. If this blows over.

  Chapter Nine

  Staying away from Darren for a week is heartbreaking, but I don’t call or text because I’m worried that Mindy is right. I’m worried I’ll only make things worse, and possibly hurt Andy and Noelle in the process. Even though I’m in no mood to attend classes, Noelle makes me, hoping it will keep my mind off Darren. It doesn’t. Every class I have with Monahan just reminds me of what’s missing from my life. Darren.

  Noelle watches me gather my books, but she doesn’t say anything. She’s being so careful to not upset me lately, and I hate it. I’ve never been this girl. I’ve never cried over a guy. Maybe this is why I’ve only had two real boyfriends. I thought I wanted what Noelle and Andy have, but if it means having to endure this kind of heartache, I’m not sure it’s worth it.

  “Ready to go?” Noelle asks, her bag already slung over her shoulder.

  I look at her and pause. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course.” She lowers her bag and sits down on her bed.

  I walk over and join her. “I need an honest answer though.”

  “When have I ever lied to you?” She gives me a look like I should know better.

  “Okay.” I take a deep breath, not sure I want to know the answer to my question. “If you lost Andy tomorrow, would you wish you’d never had him to begin with? I mean, would the pain of losing him be greater than the time you spent together?”

  “Wow.” She fidgets with her hands in her lap. “That’s tough to answer, Julia.”

  “I know, but I have to know if I was stupid for even putting myself in a situation to get hurt like this.”

  She meets my eyes. “You mean opening yourself up to the possibility of a real relationship?”

  I nod. “Maybe it’
s not worth it. Not at our age at least.”

  “I don’t want to believe that. I know it’s not likely that who we date now will be ‘the one’ but it wasn’t likely that Andy and I would’ve gotten together in the first place.”

  I know what she means. They met at orientation, and she slept with him. It wasn’t typical Noelle behavior. And how many college hook-ups turn into relationships? She and Andy are already beating the odds.

  Noelle gives me a small smile. “I don’t have the answer, but I do know that I wouldn’t trade what Andy and I have for anything. If I get my heart broken…” She shrugs. “I still wouldn’t change anything about our relationship.”

  That’s what I was afraid of. In order to have that relationship that makes your heart flutter and your head spin, you have to risk the pain of losing it all. Darren and I haven’t known each other for long, but he makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.

  “You know,” Noelle says, “Monahan didn’t even mention why Darren’s hasn’t been in class. Maybe he’s not really gone for good.”

  I shake my head. “I’m sure he’s just trying to downplay the situation so he doesn’t look bad by extension. Darren is his T.A., and he screwed up.”

  She doesn’t say anything else because there really isn’t anything she can say to make me feel better, and she knows it. We both take deep breaths and walk to class. The sun is shining, and it looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day. I can’t help thinking Mother Nature is mocking my pain. Everyone I pass on the way to the Newman building is smiling and looking carefree. I couldn’t feel more out of place.

  When we get to the lecture hall, we take our usual seats. I remove my notebook and pen from my bag and start doodling, keeping my eyes down. Most of my notes from the past week are scribbles since I didn’t hear a word Professor Monahan said. I’ve been keeping one ear open for the sound of Darren’s name, but so far Monahan hasn’t mentioned him.

  Noelle curses under her breath, which gets my attention because she doesn’t curse often. I narrow my eyes at her. “What’s wrong?”