To the Sky Kingdom

by Tang Qi

  His face was expressionless as he just brought my tea over and lifted it up to my mouth so I could take a sip. He looked at me solemnly for some time before saying, “I would have risked all my cultivated spiritual energy if I’d been there with you. I wouldn’t have let them put a scratch on your body.”

  “We are all from the same foxhole. We’re family. You’re right. We should be there for one another,” I responded awkwardly. “If you are ever in a fight, Bi Fang, you can be sure that I’ll be there to cheer for you.”

  I’ll be there to cheer for you felt like it had fallen rather short.

  “In fact, I would fight to the death for you,” I added with a cough, noting happily that my expression of loyalty now exceeded his.

  He leaned over and said, “Bai Qian, how long are you going to pretend that you don’t understand? You must know that I’ve come to Qingqiu because I care for you deeply. Are you saying these things just to make me angry?”

  I was dumbstruck.

  My goodness. I had heard how loyal feathered creatures could be. It was not possible to see unless they fell in love, but once in love, they stayed in love. And if one fell in love with you, he would love you until the day he died. Caring for my niece as he did, Bi Fang’s avian tradition should have meant that he would love her through thick and thin. When and how, in that case, had he developed feelings for me?

  “You and that Sky Emperor heir have been engaged for a long time, and I have been forced to hide the way I feel,” he explained. “But this huge calamity befell you, and he was unable to keep you safe. And I’ve heard he keeps a concubine in his Sky Palace. I’ve been gone all this time thinking things through, and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s not qualified to look after your heart and soul. I’m not happy for you to be given to someone like him. I . . .”

  The door creaked open before he could finish his sentence.

  Ye Hua stood in the doorway, ashen faced, holding a bowl of medicinal soup with steam billowing off it. I gave a confused sigh. This debt of gratitude passage had suddenly turned into a romance passage. This really was an extremely unconventional turn of events.

  Bi Fang threw a glance toward Ye Hua, but said nothing more.

  Ye Hua put the bowl of medicinal soup on the desk, and because Bi Fang was sitting at the side of the bed, he sat down silently on the bench next to the desk, a frosty expression on his face.

  For a time the room was extremely quiet. It gave me a moment to take stock of what Bi Fang had just said: that because of my engagement with Ye Hua, he had been hiding his true feelings toward me.

  He had been hiding his true feelings extremely deeply, and for the last ten thousand years, I had not had a clue. I did not return Bi Fang’s sentiments, but recalling his words filled me with happiness.

  Being jilted by Sang Ji, followed by the Sky Emperor’s sky decree, had well and truly messed up any chance of a romantic life I might have had. I spent the best years for enjoying romance all on my own, having a much duller time than most immortals of that age. It must have looked as if I simply did not enjoy venturing out, but actually it was because what had happened had bothered me so much. Bi Fang’s confession caused a release of all the soreness and sensitivity I had accumulated over the last fifty thousand years.

  I knew I could not satisfy Bi Fang’s wishes, but I decided to let him down gently and with minimal pain. I thought it through before hesitantly starting to speak. “I have been engaged to marry into the Sky Clan for a long time and have only just found out about how you feel. Which means that you and I . . . well, you and I were never meant to be. Hearing you say you care deeply for me filled me with joy. But things, things follow an order, don’t they?”

  Bi Fang’s eyes were shining. “If you agreed to be mine, I would be willing to offend the entire Sky Clan,” he said, glancing at Ye Hua. Through the swirling steam of medicinal soup, I noticed Ye Hua’s face turn nastier than words could describe.

  Ye Hua was completely justified to look so appalled. Being made to sit there while his future wife talked through romantic feelings with another man was as preposterous as it was insulting. Bi Fang and I were being completely up-front and open, however. Ye Hua had just happened to walk in at the wrong moment, and I was not going to snub Bi Fang just because he had. After all, Bi Fang and I went back a long way.

  After thinking it all through, I turned to Ye Hua. “Why don’t you go outside for a moment?” I asked pleasantly. He ignored my request, just stroked the edge of the medicine bowl, his face devoid of expression. Bi Fang moved closer to me.

  “Just tell me, do you want to be with me or not?” he asked softly. Sitting this close to me right in front of Ye Hua did seem very audacious.

  “As you know, I concern myself with etiquette. Since I am engaged to marry into the Sky Clan, I won’t do anything that could cause trouble between Qingqiu and the Ninth Sky. I appreciate the sentiment, however, and I am extremely moved. But you and I were never meant to be. It would be for the best not to bring this up again. If your feelings for me don’t fade, I suggest you continue to hide them. I know how your heart feels, and I will never forget it.”

  My words had been impeccable, flawless, leaving both Bi Fang and Ye Hua with their pride intact.

  Bi Fang stared at me blankly and then sighed. He tucked in the corners of my quilt once more before turning to leave.

  Ye Hua continued to sit by the desk, his face obscured by the steam wafting up from the bowl of medicinal soup.

  I had not slept enough to feel completely recovered. And this conversation with Bi Fang had made me feel at once surprised, happy, afraid, and nervous and set my recovery back somewhat. I was still thinking about going to Yanhua Cave, but Ye Hua seemed to have stationed himself in my room now, which was going to make it tricky. I needed to think of a way to get rid of him. In a listless voice, I said, “Oh, could you pass me my medicine, please? I’ve suddenly started to feel a bit drowsy. Once I’ve taken it, I’d like to sleep for a while and leave you to get on with your work.”

  He gave a murmur of assent and brought over the bowl. They say good medicine always tastes bitter, which must have meant his medicine was excellent, as it was the most bitter I have ever tasted. I knocked it back, and feeling the bitterness travel from the top of my scalp to the tips of my toes, I gave a full-body shiver.

  Ye Hua took the empty bowl and placed it on a stool beside me. He did not appear to be leaving; instead he leaned over and looked at me, saying, “Every time you want to get rid of me, you use the excuse that you’re feeling tired. Surely you can’t be feeling drowsy at this hour?”

  I gave a start.

  He was right, it had been an excuse, but it was the only time I had ever used it with him, so what did he mean every time?

  I was still turning this over in my mind when he came over and slipped his arms around my waist. Due to my injuries, I had subconsciously reverted back to my original form to heal. A fox’s body is very different from that of a person with their distinct waist and limbs, but Ye Hua impressed me by deftly feeling out my fox waist.

  “Qian Qian,” he said in a slow, husky voice.

  “Mm?” I replied. He was too busy holding me to say anything more. It was a while before he managed another sentence.

  “Did you mean what you just said?”

  I was confused. Everything I had just said had been intended for Bi Fang’s ears, nothing to do with him. That question would have been much more appropriate coming from Bi Fang.

  He buried his head, and I heard what sounded like laughter, but carrying a sense of utter helplessness. “You’re letting me put my arms around you and hug you like this, and all the time I’ve been living in Qingqiu, you’ve refilled my teacup and played chess with me. Is it all just because of our engagement? If you were engaged to another man, would you . . . ?” He held me even tighter and sighed, but did not continue with what he had been saying.

  I felt a wave of shock pass through my heart. I found his question str
ange. Was it not obvious? If we had not been engaged, how could he have ever come to stay with me and taken advantage of these intimate moments? If when he had first come to stay in Qingqiu, Mystic Gorge had chased him away with a stick, how could he ever have entered the foxhole and been given a room, not to mention my clearing out Third Brother’s room for him to use as his study? He had been treated extremely solicitously.

  This was the first time since getting to know Ye Hua that I had seen him get worked up by anything. It was strange to witness his weak side.

  “I’m not just being good to you because of our engagement,” I said with an awkward laugh. He stiffened and lifted his head to look at me, his eyes sparkling. His long stare started to make me feel uncomfortable. I gave a cough and said, “All the time you’ve spent living in the foxhole, you have been working hard in the day on those official documents, and on top of that, you have been cooking for us too.

  “I am extremely moved by all you have done for me, and I can say with my hand on my heart that I will never forget it. As the folk saying goes, kindness involves give and take. You throw over a peach, and I throw back a pear. If I have no pear, I will throw you a loquat fruit instead. If I were engaged to another man, it wouldn’t necessarily be like it is with you. And I wouldn’t necessarily want to drink tea and play chess with him.”

  I sensed that this had been the right thing to say. I imagined that caring for each other like this was how people stayed happy in long marriages. But when Ye Hua heard what I had said, his eyes darkened. I did not understand why he looked so dejected, and not wanting to make matters worse, I kept my eyes up on the top of the bed frame. My thoughts returned to Yanhua Cave and how I would have to set up a new restriction at the entrance.

  Ye Hua buried his head deep into my shoulder. “I’ve never cooked for anyone apart from you,” he said.

  I patted his back with my paws and nodded. “Your cooking is excellent. Find the time to cook for your mother and father. Oh, and your grandfather too. That would be the embodiment of filial behavior.”

  He ignored me and said, “I haven’t done these things just because of our engagement. And I didn’t move to Qingqiu just because Ali was missing you.”

  “Ah.” I was finally understanding. “Cooking is your hobby. It’s a good hobby, extremely useful.”

  He held me tighter still, but continued to ignore what I was saying. “Qian Qian, I love you,” he said.

  I sat there in a daze, my eyes opened wide in shock. What, what, what had just happened? I would not have been more surprised if the sky had just fallen in.

  I always thought of my love destiny as an obstinate old tree that had been hacked away at for thousands and thousands of years and never given a chance to flower. Could this obstinate old tree finally be starting to bloom, and with a double lotus no less? Ye Hua lifted his head and looked at me intently. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  I was still in deep shock and not sure how to respond. I finally managed to take a breath and say, “This . . . this isn’t a joke?”

  He gave a faint smile and said, “I’ve never been more serious in all my life. It’s possible to have a long marriage without affection, but with you I’m looking forward to nurturing a long marriage full of affection.”

  His intense words made my flesh tighten. From within the shock and fear, I found a clear moment to think it all over. I really had no idea that he had been feeling this way.

  I thought back over everything that had come before: all the things we had done together came flashing before my eyes. I wondered if his feelings were true, and if so, whether I could see the signs. I was blushing furiously, but fortunately I was still in my original form, and the fur on my face hid my bright-red cheeks.

  But I swear on my honor, my intentions toward him had always been completely decent. Even though we were engaged and would become husband and wife in the future, we would be the kind of husband and wife who were good friends. I never had other designs on him.

  I was full of respect for Ye Hua and admiration of his character. But I viewed him the way a member of the older generation views one from the younger generation, full of care and concern. But romantic involvement, it seemed somewhat . . . well, somewhat . . . Ye Hua was looking at me in a strange way. He said nothing, just continued to stare.

  The way he was gazing at me was making me uncomfortable. I paused, swallowed, and said, “Mother once told me that after a couple has been married a while, the romance and affection tend to wane. Over time, being together makes you more like relatives. I already feel as if you are my relative, so perhaps we can simply skip the middle part?”

  My heart, once broken by Li Jing, had healed nicely, but a scar remained. It had taught me that love with the wrong person was no good. If I had been forty or fifty thousand years younger, we might have had some fun together; even if it had ended in more heartbreak, I could still have sought comfort in the fact that I was young and naive about life. But I was old now, and had no interest in any of that. Ye Hua was still very young, though, and even though I hankered after quiet, peaceful days, that did not mean that they had to be inflicted upon him too.

  I had spoken very articulately and clearly before, and Ye Hua’s lack of a response emboldened me further. After thinking a while, I decided to share my thoughts with him. “You’re at the age where you should be having passionate love affairs and getting your heart broken. Take advantage of the fact that your love for me hasn’t rooted itself too deeply yet. There is still time to pull it out if you do so quickly. When you get to my age, you’ll understand. When you’ve lived as long as I have, your interest and enthusiasm for love wanes.

  “Just as the higher you climb the colder you feel, the older you get the more you suffer the ups and down of love. Oh, it was the Sky Emperor’s decree that brought us together, but I’ve always felt that this engagement has been unfair on you. You mustn’t be too upset about it, though. Once we’re married you can get yourself a couple of beautiful young concubines too.”

  Once I had said this, I felt as if a big stone had been lifted from my chest. I was speaking in a very calm and subdued manner.

  I had to be the most magnanimous empress the Four Seas and Eight Deserts had ever seen. Even if our age difference did disadvantage Ye Hua, he should be lighting incense and giving praise to have ended up with such a generous and understanding wife.

  He did not look as happy as I had been expecting. In fact he had gone deathly pale. “Are you speaking from the heart?” he asked, staring at me.

  “Yes, I’m speaking from the heart. I couldn’t be more sincere,” I told him calmly.

  Now we were on the subject of concubines, I imagined that he must be after some assurance but did not wish to ask outright. His pursed lips had become even more tightly puckered, and the light in his eyes was starting to fade.

  I had become more tolerant with age, but one thing I had learned was that where feelings were concerned, there was no room for ambiguity. I kept my composure and continued to talk with sincerity. “In a thousand years I would still give you the same answer. It’s for the best if the two of us keep our marriage pure and honest.

  “Passion and love are not necessarily good for a couple. If some day in the future you wished to take a concubine, it would make things more complicated. Now is the right time. You need to set your sights on the long term. What I’m saying might not make sense to you today, but one day you’ll take a shine to some immortal and wish to take her back to the Xiwu Palace as your concubine. That’s when you’ll understand what I’ve been saying here today.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “Are you, are you saying these things just to upset me?” he asked slowly.

  My heart gave a jolt. He was ardent in his love for me, and though they had been meant with the kindest of intentions, I could see that my words had been hasty and insensitive.

  I said nothing. I just sat there under his gaze, not knowing what I could say to convince him. I decided this neede
d to be handled delicately after a little more thought.

  He held me in his arms. “I love you. Just you. I’ll never love another,” he said hoarsely. He paused a moment before muttering something else that I did not hear properly.

  Oh, what a troublesome and stubborn fellow he was!

  Even after saying words so intense that they made the top of my head tingle, Ye Hua still did not show any signs of leaving. He just helped me to lie down and tucked in all four corners of my quilt. I was badly injured, but not so weak that I needed his help to lie down. But he looked so sorrowful, and I did not want to make things worse, so I just lay there quietly and let him tuck me in.

  When he had finished with the quilt, he took the medicine bowl from the stool and put it on the table. He picked up a cup and poured himself some cold tea. He leaned against the bedpost and said, “I’ve taken Ali back to the Sky Palace. He’s had a shock, but it’s not too serious. He just needs a couple of days to recuperate. I was planning to bring you back to the Sky Palace with me. His Revered Highness Ling Bao has a sky spring at the Shangqing realm that will really help speed along your recovery.” He frowned and said, “Bi Fang is dead set against me taking you, but if you agree, he can’t stop you. You lie here and rest now, and we’ll head to the Sky Palace tomorrow morning.”

  I had heard of His Revered Highness Ling Bao’s sky spring, and it sounded wonderful. Injuries like mine that normally took a month to heal could be fully healed after soaking in the water of the sky spring for a couple of days. I was lucky: Ye Hua’s prestigious position would allow me access to the spring pool.

  Ye Hua closed his eyes and rested quietly. I still needed to get to Yanhua Cave to look in at Mo Yuan. “Don’t you have any documents to work on today?” I asked.

  He half opened his eyes. “Nothing too urgent. You said you were tired, so I thought I’d lie down with you and hold you as you sleep.” My mouth twitched. Had he not realized I’d been making an excuse? He gave me a meek smile and said, “What, not tired anymore?”