Remembrance

by Danielle Steel

  “Serena, the doctor's coming, just take it easy.” And then he had a thought. “I'm going to put you on the bed.”

  “No …” She looked terrified. “Don't move me.”

  “I have to. You'll feel better if you lie down.”

  “No, I won't.” She looked suddenly frightened and angry.

  “Trust me.” But the conversation was interrupted by another roaring pain. And when it was over, without saying another word, he scooped her into his arms and deposited her gently on the canopied bed in the baby's room. He pulled back the pretty yellow quilt and the blanket, and let her lie on the soft cool sheets, her enormous belly thrust into the air, and her face pale and damp, her eyes huge and afraid. He had never seen anyone look so vulnerable, and for an instant he was terrified that she might die. As though from his very soul the words sprang from him. “You're going to be all right, my darling. I love you.”

  It was as though he had to tell her, just this one time, to get her through. He had never seen anyone in so much pain. She smiled at him then and clung tightly to his hand, and he found himself praying for the ambulance to come. But his prayers were not answered. Almost at the same moment he saw the searing anguish leap across her face and in a single gesture she pulled herself up and grabbed his shoulders, clutching him as though in terror as she tried not to scream.

  “Oh, God … oh, Teddy … it's coming …”

  “No, it isn't.” Oh, please no.… Together, without knowing it, they began to cry. They were two children, lost on a desert island, and all they had was each other, and she was holding so tightly to his shoulders that the grip of her hands hurt him. “Lie down. Come on. That's it.” He lay her down again as the pain ended, and she seemed to be breathing even faster, and before her head had even touched the pillow she was writhing again, and this time when she grabbed for him, she could not restrain the scream.

  “Teddy … the baby …” She was pushing at the bed, and then holding her belly, and as though in a single instant, Teddy found himself watching her not like a frightened schoolboy but a man. He knew just from his textbooks what was happening, and it would do her no good if he let himself be as frightened as she was. He knew that he had to help her. Without saying a word, he pulled gently at her skirt and quietly undressed her. He went to the bathroom and found stacks of clean towels. “Teddy!” She began to panic.

  “I'm right here.” He stuck his head out and smiled at her. “It's going to be all right.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I'm washing my hands.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we're going to have a baby.”

  She started to say something, but another pain stopped her. He rushed through his scrubbing, grabbed his towels, and went back to the bed, where he draped her carefully with the towels, and then he took two extra pillows and propped her legs up, and she said nothing. She was too involved with the pains, and too grateful that he was with her. And then suddenly with the next pain she seemed to lift off her pillows again and instinctively he went to her shoulders and supported her as she began pushing. “It's okay, Serena, it's okay …”

  “Oh, Teddy, the baby …”

  “I know.” He lay her back on the pillows when it was over, and looked between the draped towels on her legs, and then suddenly, as she began to push through another pain, he gave a shout of excitement. “Serena, I can see it… come on … keep pushing … that's it …” She groaned and fell back on her pillows but only for a moment. She was panting and breathless and he held her hand as he watched, but there was nothing for him to do now except watch as the baby crowned and then he reached down gently and turned it, wiping the tiny face gently with a soft towel, and then suddenly as though it objected to having its face washed, the baby gave a gurgle and then began crying, and Teddy looked up into Serena's face and they began crying too. Her face was wet with tears as she heard the baby.

  “It is all right?”

  “It's just beautiful.” Teddy was laughing and crying and when another pain came, he freed the shoulders, and a minute later Serena gave a shout first of pain and then of exultation and the baby lay in her uncle's hands and he held her up to show her mother. “It's a girl, Serena! A girl!”

  “Oh, Teddy.” Serena lay on her pillows with her eyes streaming, and she reached out to touch a tiny hand and at the same moment they heard the doorbell.

  Teddy began to laugh as he set the baby down on the bed beside Serena. “It must be the doctor.”

  “Tell him we already have one.” She smiled at him and reached for his hand before he could leave her. “Teddy … how can I ever thank you? I would have died without you.”

  “No, you wouldn't.”

  “You're terrific.” And then, remembering what she had heard him say earlier. “I love you too. Don't ever forget that.”

  “How could I?” He kissed her gently on the forehead and went to answer the doorbell. It was indeed the doctor, and the ambulance arrived just as Teddy pulled open the door. Dr. Anderson hastened upstairs and marveled at the baby and Serena, congratulated Teddy on a fine job on his first delivery, soundly knotted the cord, and directed the ambulance drivers to put mother and child carefully on the stretcher. The cord would be cut at the hospital, and both of them would be carefully checked out. But it looked to the doctor as though everything had gone very smoothly. He looked at his patient with a grin and checked his watch.

  “Just how long were you in labor, young lady?”

  “What time is it?” She smiled at him. She was tired, but she had never been so happy.

  “It is exactly two fifteen.” He glanced at Teddy. “What time did the baby come?”

  “Two oh three.”

  Serena chuckled. “It started at one thirty.”

  “Thirty-three minutes on a first labor? Young lady, next time we're going to park you in the hospital lobby for the last two weeks.” The three of them laughed, and the men carried mother and daughter out on the stretcher, and Teddy looked at the room for a moment before he left it. He would never forget sharing this moment with her, and he was suddenly glad that they had been alone.

  When Brad got back from maneuvers that evening, he found his brother sitting nonchalantly in the kitchen, eating a sandwich. “Hi, kid. Where's Serena?”

  “Out.”

  “Where?”

  “Having dinner with your daughter.” It took a moment for it to sink in, as the younger brother grinned.

  “What the hell does that mean?” Brad felt his heart begin to race. And then suddenly he understood. “Did she … did … today?” He looked stunned.

  “Yup.” His brother answered coolly. “She did. And you have a beautiful baby girl.”

  “Have you seen Serena? How is she?” He was instantly flustered and even looked a little afraid.

  “She's fine. And so is the baby.”

  “Did it take very long?”

  Teddy grinned. “Thirty-three minutes.”

  “Ase you kidding?” Brad looked shocked. “How the hell did you get her to the hospital in time?”

  “I didn't.”

  “What?”

  Teddy laughed, and gave his brother a warm hug, but there was suddenly something more grown up about him, even Brad had noticed it when he came in. It was as though in a single afternoon there was something different about Teddy, as though in some subtle way he had changed. “Brad, I delivered the baby.”

  “What? Are you crazy?” And then he grinned. “Crazy kid. For a minute I believed you. Big joke, very funny. Now tell me what happened.”

  Teddy grew serious as he looked in his brother's eyes. “I mean it, Brad. I didn't have any choice. I found her on the floor of the baby's room, already in labor. The water had just broken, and she went right into labor at an incredible clip.” He sounded strangely official, and Brad's eyes almost fell out of his head. “She was having three-and three-and-a-half-minute contractions every thirty seconds, and by the time I came back from calling the doctor and the
ambulance, she was starting to push. It was all over pretty quickly. And the doctor and the ambulance got here about ten minutes after the baby.”

  “Oh, my God.” Brad let himself slowly down into a chair, and for an instant Teddy wondered if he was angry. Maybe it upset him that his own brother had delivered his wife's baby, but it wasn't that that Teddy saw in Brad's eyes as he looked at him. “Can you imagine what would have happened if I'd been alone with her? I'd have panicked.”

  Teddy smiled and touched his arm. “I almost did for a while there. For a minute or two it was pretty scary, but I knew that I had to help her, Brad … there was no one else.” The brothers looked into each other's eyes for a long moment, and Brad put out his hand with tears in his eyes.

  “Thank you, Teddy.” He wanted to tell him then that he loved him, but he didn't know how, and the tears were too thick in his throat.

  Twenty minutes later he was standing beside Serena, and she looked almost exactly as she had that morning when he had left for San Leandro. She looked pretty and fresh, bright eyed and cheerful. The only difference was that the belly was gone. And no one would have suspected from her look of jubilation that only a few hours before she had been through so much pain. “How was it, baby? Was it really awful?”

  “I don't know.” She looked faintly embarrassed to admit to him how much it had hurt her. “For a little while I thought I couldn't stand it… but Teddy … he was right there with me … and he was so good.… Brad”—her eyes filled with tears of joy and emotion—”I would have died without him.”

  “Thank God he was there.”

  The nurse put her in her wheelchair then so that they could go to see the baby, and Brad laughed at the tiny pink bundle with the screwed up-face and swollen eyes. “See, I told you! A girl!” They named her Vanessa Theodora. Vanessa was the name they had agreed on before, and Theodora for her uncle, the doctor.

  And that night Brad called his mother to tell her. His voice was still vibrant with excitement when he placed the call, and it seemed to take forever for his mother to come on the line. He spoke to his father first, who offered his eldest son the appropriate congratulations. But there was no warmth in Margaret's voice when she spoke to him.

  “It must have been a dreadful experience for Teddy.” Her voice hit Brad like a cold shower.

  “Hardly, Mother. And I would think that if he's going to be a doctor he'd do well not to find that kind of experience ‘dreadful.’ ” But that wasn't the point and they both knew it. “He said it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.” There was an awkward silence as Brad fought with his own sense of disappointment at his mother's reaction. He was too happy for her to spoil it for him, but she dampened his spirits nonetheless.

  “And your wife is well?”

  “She's wonderful.” A smile began to grow on his face again. Maybe there was hope after all. At least she had asked after Serena. “And the baby is beautiful. We'll send you pictures as soon as we have some.”

  “I don't think that's necessary, Brad.” Necessary? What did she mean “necessary”? Christ. “I don't really think you understand how your father and I feel.”

  “As a matter of fact, I don't. And don't bring Father into this. This is your war with Serena, not his.” But they both knew that Margaret ran the show, and where she led, her husband followed. “And I think it stinks. This is the happiest day of my life and you're trying to spoil it for us.”

  “Not at all. And I find it very touching to hear you sounding so paternal. But that doesn't change the fact mat your marriage to Serena is a tragedy in your life, Bradford, whether you acknowledge that yet or not. And the addition of a child to further embellish an already disastrous union is not something I can celebrate with you. The whole affair is a tragic mistake, and so is that baby.”

  “That child is no mistake, Mother.” He was seething. “And she is my daughter and your first grandchild. She's part of our family, not just my family, but yours, whether you accept that or not.”

  There was a long silence. “I do not. And I never shall.”

  He bid his mother good-night then and there were tears in his eyes when he hung up the phone, but it only made him love Serena and the baby more. His mother would have been furious if she had known that.

  28

  The years in San Francisco were happy ones for Brad and Serena. They lived in their own happy little world, in the pretty brick house overlooking the bay. Brad loved his work at the Presidio, and Serena was never bored with Vanessa. She was an enchanting golden-haired child who seemed to combine the best of both her parents. In truth she looked a great deal like Brad, but she had the easy laughter and grace of her mother.

  Teddy came as often as he could. He called Vanessa his fairy princess and read her endless stories. He could never see them as often as he wanted to anymore, because his studies at Stanford were so demanding. It was only during holidays that he could really relax and spend some time with them. Whenever Teddy could get over, he took Vanessa to the zoo, and on special outings, and by the time she was three, she would stand at the door when she knew he was coming, and watch every passing car, until she saw him, and then she would scream with delight and shout. “He's coming! He's coming! It's Uncle Teddy!”

  Other than her parents, he was the only family she really knew. She had only met her other uncle twice, when Pattie and Greg had come through San Francisco on their way to the Orient. Pattie had stared hungrily at the child, and several times been rude to Serena. Greg seemed not to see her at all, as he sat in his usual stupor between drinks. And Pattie had made a point of telling Serena how much their mother-in-law hated the baby without ever having seen her.

  It was Pattie's idea to go to Japan for a vacation. Traveling had become her latest passion. But other than that, Serena and Brad had had no contact with the family back East. Ever since his mother's candid rejection of Vanessa, Brad had had minimal contact with his mother, and when his mother had once come to San Francisco to visit Teddy, she had refused to see Brad with Serena, and Brad had refused to see his mother without her, so she had stubbornly left town in the end without seeing Brad, or Serena, or Vanessa. Teddy had been heartbroken about the family rift and had begged her to change her mind, but she wouldn't. If anything, she was more determined than ever.

  Whatever her grandparents' feelings were about her, it mattered not at all to Vanessa. She was a constantly happy, sunny child, with an even disposition and almost no ill temper. And she was so passionately loved by both her parents and her uncle that the absence of others to adore her never mattered.

  It was shortly after her third birthday that Serena and Brad told her that she was going to have a little brother or sister, and she clapped her hands with delight and hurried upstairs to draw the new baby a picture. She made a picture of an elephant, which looked more like a dog, and Serena framed it and hung it in the nursery. This time the baby was due in August. And Teddy was already teasing her about it. He was graduating from medical school in June, and by then she would be seven months pregnant.

  “And if you think I'm going to run off the stage at commencement and deliver a baby, lady, you're crazy. Besides, my rates have gone up since last time.” It was a family joke now that he had delivered her first baby, and she was only a little nervous that this time the baby might come quickly. The doctor had warned her that it could happen, and she had promised to stay close to home, and the phone, in the last two weeks of July and into the beginning of August.

  Teddy was going back to New York in July after a brief trip around the West, and in August he was beginning his internship at Columbia Presbyterian in New York.

  But the graduation itself was causing a great deal of excitement in the family. Everyone was coming out, his mother, and Greg and Pattie. His father had suffered a stroke and was too ill to be moved now, but everyone else would be there to see him get his diploma.

  “Well, Doctor, excited?” Brad looked at his brother in his cap and gown the morning of the gradu
ation and Teddy beamed. He was twenty-six now, and Brad was thirty-eight, but they both looked almost the same age. Brad still had a boyish quality about him, and Teddy had matured immensely at Stanford.

  “You know, I just can't believe it. I'm actually—finally—going to be a doctor!”

  “I knew that almost four years ago.” Together they smiled at each other in a few private moments during the tense family gathering at the ceremony. Margaret Fullerton had actually refused to acknowledge Serena at all, and Pattie was delighted. The only one unaware of the obvious hostility was Vanessa, and Teddy looked at her now with a familiar glow of pleasure.

  “I love that kid so much.”

  Brad smiled. “This time maybe she'll have a little brother.”

  “You sure like to call the shots, don't you?” His brother teased and then Brad remembered something.

  “Yeah. By the way, I'd like you to do me a favor.”

  “Sure. What's up?” Teddy looked casually at his brother. It was rare that Brad asked him anything at all.

  “I'm going overseas in a few days, just for a little advisory mission in Korea. I'd like you to keep an eye on the girls for me. You know, after last time I'm always afraid that if I leave for work and forget to call home she'll have the baby in twenty minutes on her way in with the groceries.”

  “Nah, give her half an hour.” Teddy grinned for a minute, and then looked at his brother more seriously. “Will this mission be dangerous?” He had a sudden odd feeling about it. Brad was being unusually offhand, but he could see that his eyes were worried.

  “I doubt it. We've had advisers over there for a little while. I just want to see how they're handling it. We're not really getting involved. We're just watching.” But watching what?