His Vow: The Protector Series: Book 1

by Monroe, Lilian

  I racked my brain, trying to remember what I could of my childhood.

  He’d been living with us, when I was a kid. He and his parents had occupied the guest house at the back of the estate. Then, his parents had gone away, and Zane had stayed. He was quiet, reserved, and angry. He left not long after, and I experienced my first heartbreak.

  What if my feelings now were just a memory of the boy I fell in love with? What if I thought I liked adult Zane, but I was just remembering what it felt like to love someone for the first time?

  He glanced at me, and reached over and squeezed my hand. My heart melted. He was the only one who seemed to care about me at all. Him, and Mags. They were the only ones I could trust.

  I glanced up at him, and the streetlights passed across his face, alternating shadows and light. His strong, determined jaw ticked as he scanned the road. His fists clenched and unclenched over and over and over.

  He was worried.

  He’d put himself in danger for me, and I didn’t know why. I wasn’t sure that I deserved his help at all.

  The van came to a stop, and Zane jumped out. The driver slid out of his seat and opened the door for me. Zane was already there, sheltering me with his strong, muscular body and leading me towards the door.

  “Chris, check the house and the street out front.”

  The driver, Chris, nodded. He disappeared into the night without a sound. The stealth of his movements terrified me. How was it possible for two men as big as them to move so quietly? How many more people had moved in the shadows around me without me even knowing?

  As soon as we stepped inside, the warmth of the house enveloped me. I breathed a long sigh of relief, letting Zane lead me down a hallway towards the living room. He drew the blinds and closed the curtains before turning the lights on. Then, he settled me on the couch and put a blanket over my legs.

  I was like a doll in his arms. I let him move me, coddle me, take care of me until he stood up.

  “Tea? Coffee? Beer?”

  “Beer would be nice.”

  He nodded. “Beer it is.”

  Disappearing through a swinging door, he came back out a minute later carrying two beers. He sat down beside me on the couch and I swung my legs up over his lap, laying down lengthways on the sofa. His eyebrows jumped up in surprise, but then his arms came to rest on my legs. He held his beer with one hand, and the other hand slid down to my foot. He started massaging it absentmindedly, from heel to toe.

  “That feels so good,” I moaned with a sigh. He looked at me and grinned.

  “Good.”

  I took a sip of beer and watched him. He didn’t seem to mind silence—my guess was that he preferred it. It didn’t feel forced or uncomfortable. It just… was.

  When he moved his hand to massage my other foot, I finally found the nerve to speak.

  “What’s going on, Zane?”

  Zane looked at me as if he’d forgotten I was there. He sipped his beer and shook his head. “I’m not sure.”

  “How did you know I was in trouble? Have you been watching my house?”

  He chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. “No, but only because I forced myself not to. When you didn’t show up to class, I knew something was wrong.”

  “Will you send me the classwork that I missed?”

  He laughed for real for the first time. His whole face lit up, and his smile burst across his face like the sun coming up over the horizon at dawn. His dark eyes shone as he looked at me.

  “Only you would be worried about college at a time like this.”

  “College is my life.”

  “I thought you wanted to be a veterinarian.”

  I blushed. He remembered? I shook my head. “That was just a childhood fantasy.”

  “Mmm,” he said, nodding. He took a sip of beer. “You’re good with animals, though.”

  “Yeah,” I said, smiling. “I am.” I chewed the side of my cheek. “To be honest with you… ahh, nothing.”

  “Tell me.”

  I flicked my eyes up to his, and a blush crept over my cheeks.

  “It’s silly.”

  Zane massaged my feet and waited for me to speak.

  I took a deep breath. “Well… to be honest with you, I would still like to be a vet. I feel like I’ve always had an affinity with animals, and… I don’t know. They just bring me joy in a way that people can’t.”

  Zane grunted. “I hear you there.”

  His smile faded, as if the memories of the past dragged him down. He took a drink of his beer and didn’t answer. The door opened behind us and Chris appeared.

  “All clear.”

  “Thanks, brother.”

  “You want me to stick around?” Chris glanced at me for a fraction of a second, and then back at Zane.

  “Nah, we should be good for tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow with a plan.”

  Chris hesitated, thumbing the edge of the door. He nodded. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  “I won’t.”

  They exchanged a loaded look, and Chris walked out. We listened to his footsteps fade, and then the sound of the van leaving. Zane stared at his bottle of beer for a while and the silence between us thickened.

  “Do you know why your family wanted you to marry Balmoral?”

  I hesitated. “It was a good match.”

  He grunted, and I blushed.

  “I mean… I don’t know. I met him at an event. My father introduced us. After that… he started showing up at our house, giving me flowers. He’d drive me home from class. I heard him and my father talking. They—” I choked back a sob and forced myself to keep my voice steady. “They were talking about some sort of deal. It’s not like he’s in love with me, obviously. I’m not stupid.”

  “What kind of deal?” His eyes were sharp.

  I shook my head. “I’m not sure. I heard them talking…” I hesitated. This was all so crazy. I hardly believed it myself, I felt silly telling this big, serious man about the conspiracy theories that were circling around my head.

  Zane nodded. “What did you hear, Sadie?”

  He breathed my name and my heart fluttered. “I heard them talking about weapons. About a deal… about Russians.”

  Zane’s eyes widened, as if he’d understood something for the first time.

  “What?”

  “One sec.” He pulled out his phone, pressing a button and putting it to his ear. “Berk. I need you to look into Balmoral. Any connection to weapons manufacturing. I think he’s our source.” He listened, and then sighed. “Berk, just trust me on this! Fine. Yes.”

  He hung up and gave me a tight-lipped smile. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Who’s Berk?”

  He ignored my question. “You think your wedding was all planned based around this deal?”

  “Of course.” I scoffed, shaking my head. “My life isn’t what you think, Zane.”

  “What do you think that I think of your life?”

  I arched an eyebrow. “You think I’m some spoiled rich girl. You think I’ve had every opportunity handed to me on a silver platter—I mean, I have. I’m not denying that. But it comes at a cost. I go where my parents go. I do what they say. I marry who they tell me to marry. It’s the life of a Senator’s daughter.”

  “Not every Senator’s daughter.”

  “It’s what’s expected of me. Up until last week, I was ready to do it.”

  “So what changed?”

  My face soured and I looked away from him. Memories of the fundraiser attacked the walls I’d put in my mind and I shook my head. “You know what happened.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, pretending to concentrate but really, I was just trying not to cry. No, I wanted to scream. I wanted to shove a pillow against my face and scream until my vocal cords were raw.

  I was in my mid-twenties, and my life wasn’t my own. I was a virgin, for goodness sake. What kind of pathetic little girl did he think I was? Embarrassment colored my cheeks.

  He probabl
y just saw me as a little kid, hoping to become a vet one day. I pretty much had ‘Horse Girl’ written across my forehead. A weak little girl with no mind of her own.

  I was in college. But that was all just going through the motions. I needed to be the beautiful, successful daughter so that my father would have the perfect family. My mother needed to keep her hair done, her nails done, keep a fucking Stepford smile on her face just to keep up impressions.

  I shook my head and took a deep, raking breath. The thought of my mother broke my heart. She’d seemed so determined when I told her what had happened. I actually, truly believed that she would have my back.

  But she didn’t.

  Zane’s hands squeezed my calf and he brought me back to myself. I forced a grim smile and shook my head.

  “I don’t know, Zane. My life is a mess.”

  Zane nodded. He put his beer bottle down on a side table and went back to massaging my feet. “Okay. Don’t worry. Just, fuck your parents. Do what you want.”

  I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, okay. Easy for you to say.”

  “Is it?”

  He massaged my feet slowly, tilting his head to the side.

  “I can’t just quit Georgetown Law to become a vet, Zane.”

  “No?”

  My heart thumped. Tonight was the first time I’d told anyone that I still wanted to be a vet. When it came time for me to choose colleges, veterinary school hadn’t been an option. The only option had been law.

  But not with Zane. A million possibilities flashed in front of me as he listened. What if I did what I really wanted? What if lived my life my way?

  We stared at each other—my green eyes versus his dark ones. His hands were warm, soothing, comforting. He moved his hands to my legs, and a spark ignited between my thighs. I bit my lip, and he exhaled. I watched him close his eyes and stop the movement of his fingers over my legs. I could feel the pulse in his hands. His jaw tightened.

  It was as if he was doing everything in his power to control himself.

  …but I didn’t want him to.

  I didn’t want control, and silence, and coldness. I wanted his passion. I wanted his fire. I wanted to feel everything he had to offer.

  It scared me and excited me more than anything else.

  I wanted him.

  He swallowed and then relaxed. Picking up his beer, he took a long sip and I did the same. I thumbed the label of the beer, studying his profile.

  “Where did you go?”

  “Hm?”

  “After you left our house. You disappeared when I was thirteen years old and I didn’t see you until… well, until now.”

  Zane clenched his jaw. “I joined the Marine Corps.”

  I nodded. He turned his head, and his eyes blazed through me. It looked like he wanted to tell me something, but no words came out.

  “Why did you leave?” My voice was quiet. Everything was quiet. The only sound was his shallow breathing, and the creaking of the old house in the wind.

  “I had to.”

  There was a finality to his words, and my heart thumped. This had something to do with my father—I knew it. There were too many things stacking up, too many things without an explanation.

  And now I knew that my father wasn’t the man I thought he was. I inhaled sharply at the thought of his face when he barged into my room.

  I thought my father cared about me. I thought he wanted the best for me.

  I was wrong.

  He threw me to the wolves—well, to Thomas Balmoral. He knew that Thomas had tried to assault me, and he didn’t care.

  He could have done the same thing to Zane all those years ago. He could have tried to ruin Zane’s life, hurt his parents. I didn’t know what my father was capable of.

  Tears stung my eyes and I sipped my beer to hide my emotion. Zane tightened his hand on my calf, and the force of his stare made me look towards him.

  “None of this is your fault,” he said quietly.

  I sobbed. I didn’t mean to, it just exploded out of my mouth. My hands shook and tears started streaming down my face.

  Zane picked me up and pulled me to his chest. He took the beer out of my hand and placed it to the side, wrapping his thick, strong arms around me. I tucked my chin into his chest and soaked his shirt with tears. He held me to his heart, and his steady, strong pulse brought me back down to earth.

  When my sobs quieted down, he ran his fingers along my jaw and tilted my head up towards him. Through my teary eyes, I met his gaze. He was the strongest person I’d ever met. When I was with him, I felt safe.

  I felt like I’d found someone who cared about me. My hand ran up his shirt towards his cheek, and I stroked the stubble that covered it. It looked like he hadn’t shaved since the fundraiser. I liked the stubble. I liked how rugged it made him look, how it matched the wildness in his eyes.

  He wasn’t some clean-cut law professor. He was Zane Wolfe, CIA operative and my first teenage crush.

  He leaned down towards me and pressed his lips to mine. It was soft, and slow, and it set my body on fire. My heart raced as his lips parted mine, and I curled my fingers around the back of his neck. I tangled them into his thick, dark hair as he deepened our kiss.

  I was floating. HIs fingers sank into my flesh and he hold me so tight against his hard body that it felt like we were fusing together. I moaned into his mouth, relishing the taste of his kiss.

  When I felt his cock throb against me, I shifted my legs to straddle him.

  “Sadie…” he whispered, and I answered with a kiss. His hands dropped to my waist, and then cupped my ass. I let my instincts take over. I rolled my hips against him as we both moaned against each other.

  His cock throbbed, sending a shiver through my whole body. It felt… big.

  I knew it would hurt if we…

  His hands gripped my ass and pulled me against him, and my fears eased. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my chest against his.

  He groaned, slipping his hands under my shirt. His palms felt hot, as if he was searing my skin with his touch. I wanted him to. I wanted him to brand me, to mark me, to claim me as his.

  I’d spent years of thinking, wondering, hoping, and simultaneously retreating from sex. I’d isolated myself and relished the prison that my parents caged me in. I shied away from men, and told myself that it was because I wasn’t married. But in that moment, I knew my destiny.

  I would give myself to Zane Wolfe: mind, body, and soul. I was ready.

  11

  Zane

  When I first pulled Sadie onto my lap, I was able to control the desires that started growing inside me. When she straddled me, I knew I was done.

  I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anyone before. She moved her hips against me and my cock strained towards her. I could feel the heat between her legs, and I longed to taste her and to plunge myself deep inside her. I wanted to fill her up completely.

  She leaned back and pulled her shirt off over her head, and then clawed at my shirt to rip it off. Her fingers traced my shoulders, my chest, my abs. I groaned, my hands sliding up her sides towards her bra. I buried my face between her breasts and she tangled her fingers into my hair.

  “Zane…”

  I growled in response.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered what I’d found out in that stairwell—Sadie was a virgin. As much as my body was screaming for her, as much as I wanted to fuck her senseless, I knew I couldn’t do that to her. Her first time couldn’t be like this—afraid, alone, in danger. I wouldn’t do that to her.

  She deserved to be treated like a queen. In a bed, with rose petals and candles. I wouldn’t fuck her on my couch when she was on the run from her father.

  I leaned back and cupped her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She moved her hips back and forth slowly, and I groaned.

  “Sadie, wait.”

  Her eyebrows twitched upwards. She placed her hands on my chest and tilted her head to the side.
>
  “What?”

  I shook my head. “We shouldn’t do this.”

  Her lower lip jutted out in a pout and my cock throbbed. Fuck, I wanted her. I took a deep, raking breath and closed my eyes for a moment. My hands were resting on her ass, and the closeness of her sex was driving me insane.

  “We shouldn’t do this,” I repeated, trying to convince myself. She pressed her center towards me and I groaned.

  “Why not?”

  “You’re…” I took a deep breath.

  “A virgin?”

  I nodded. “I don’t want your first time to be like this.”

  “Shouldn’t I get to decide how my first time is?”

  Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to take her, to fuck her, to give her what she wanted. What I wanted. She slid her hand down my chest and between my legs. My cock strained towards her and she stroked it gently.

  “Shouldn’t this be my choice, Zane?”

  I groaned as she moved her hand back and forth. The thought of fucking her had been driving me wild ever since I’d first laid eyes on her the night of the concert.

  But the thought of being the only man to have her? That was driving me completely insane. I’d tortured myself, thinking of her being with Balmoral. I’d driven myself into a rage at the thought of another man inside her, but now…

  Now it was different. This wasn’t something that I wanted to rush. I couldn’t just take her virginity on my couch after stealing her away from her house. I’d never taken anyone’s virginity! I wasn’t going to ruin this for her. As much as I wanted to claim her completely, it wasn’t the right time.

  No matter how much she said she wanted it, I didn’t want her to remember me like this.

  Her hand was still stroking between my legs, and I pulled it away. Her eyebrows drew together and I shook my head.

  “I’m not going to fuck you tonight, Sadie.” I slipped my finger under her bra strap and slid it off her shoulder, caressing her silky skin. She let out a whimper, and I exhaled. “I’m not going to fuck you, but I will make you come.”

  Picking her up, I laid her down on the couch beside me. I caged her between my arms, crushing my lips to hers. She slid her hand down to my crotch and I growled.