Shape of My Heart

by LuAnn McLane

  Jimmy wanted to walk over to her, but his legs refused to answer the command from his brain because he was preoccupied by her beauty.

  Maggie tilted her head to the side and frowned at him. “Jumbo Jimmy, get on over here.”

  Jimmy laughed. “Are you really going to call me that?”

  Maggie giggled. “Only in private.”

  Jimmy wondered if she realized she’d just acknowledged that they would be in public together too, and his legs somehow propelled him forward. When he slid onto the bed next to her, he said, “I was serious about filling up your calendar. I know you have a deadline.” He cupped her cheek. “But I want to greedily gobble up all your free time.”

  Maggie surprised him by closing her eyes and leaning her cheek into his palm. “You’ve got it.”

  Moved by her sweet gesture, Jimmy rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip. She had so many facets to her personality and he wanted to learn everything about her, peel away her layers. He scooted down, taking her with him, and held her close.

  Maggie rolled over and turned toward him, resting her head on his shoulder. She ran her fingers over his chest, sending pleasant sensations sliding down his spine. “I’m still a bit overwhelmed.”

  “I get it.” Jimmy put his hand over hers. “I think we’ve both led lives that make us worried about what the future might bring.”

  Maggie nodded her agreement.

  “Let’s just concentrate on right now.”

  “Good plan.” The breath from her long sigh tickled his chest, making him smile.

  “Maggie?”

  “Yes?” she asked in a sleepy, supercute tone. She snuggled closer.

  Jimmy hesitated, afraid she might turn him down. “Is it … uh, okay if I spend the night?” When she failed to respond right away he added, “I make a killer breakfast.” He swept the hair from her neck and kissed her there until she sighed again. “Maggie?”

  Maggie remained silent.

  Jimmy wanted to plead his case, add more incentives like breakfast in bed or offering to walk Trixie, but he didn’t want to be pushy or, worse, appear needy. “Then again,” Jimmy began, but she abruptly pushed up and put a hand on his chest.

  “Jimmy.” Maggie looked into his eyes. “Of course I want you to stay with me,” she said firmly, but her slight frown didn’t match her sentiment.

  “Why do I hear a huge ‘but’?”

  “My butt isn’t huge,” she said, but her smile was weak.

  Jimmy ignored the attempt at humor, knowing she was using it to put up her guard. “Maggie,” he prodded gently. “I’m serious.”

  “Are you?” she asked, and he knew it had nothing to do with her butt or even with his request to stay.

  “How do I answer that question without scaring you away again? This past week not seeing you was the longest of my life.”

  Maggie gazed at him as if searching for answers, and he saw a flash of fear in the depths of her eyes. “Go ahead,” she said softly. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  Jimmy hesitated again. He didn’t want to go there just yet, and now he pretty much had to confess his feelings. Dammit. “Maybe we should just table it for the time being.”

  “Too late. If you don’t tell me what’s on your mind, my imagination will take flight and come up with dozens of scenarios. Some of them kinda out there.” Her gaze dipped away. “I came up with all kinds of reasons why my father left. Maybe he was lost? But when I wanted to go looking for him, my mother gently refused. I was convinced I’d done something to make him leave, but Granny Mags assured me that wasn’t the case and to never think him leaving was somehow my fault. I fantasized that he was a spy on a secret mission he couldn’t reveal to us.” She shook her head. “Or abducted by aliens, living on another planet.”

  “And so you guard your heart.”

  Maggie nodded slowly. “I didn’t realize how much until now.”

  “Okay, you’ve convinced me.” Jimmy gave her a level look. He wondered if it would be hokey to take her hands in his? Or if he should do this somewhere other than in bed? Was asking her to be his girlfriend antiquated?

  “If you’re trying to build anticipation, you’ve achieved your goal. I’m in complete suspense.”

  “Oh, Maggie, I’m much better at writing song lyrics than at voicing my feelings. Funny that I usually clam up when I want to shout from the rooftops, like in a scene from a movie or something,” he said, suddenly hit with a bit of shyness. “But I can’t.” What if she didn’t feel the same way?

  “Shout what? Do you need to have a guitar in your hands?”

  “Excellent idea. I’ll be right back.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and headed for the door.

  “Uh, Jimmy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You’re naked.”

  “Oh.” Jimmy looked down at himself and she laughed. “Right. He looked around and located his boxers and shorts. “Be right back. Need anything?”

  “A cold beer?”

  Ah, the girl of his dreams. Jimmy smiled. “Gotcha covered.” Yes, he was definitely falling in love.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  I’LL HAVE TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN A SONG

  After Jimmy left, Maggie tossed back the sheet and headed for the bathroom, wanting to freshen up before he returned. She gazed at her reflection in the mirror and shook her head. “Oh, wow.” Messy hair, smudged mascara, rosy color in her cheeks! She looked, um, supremely well-loved.

  Love? The word had her blinking at her reflection.

  God. Yes. And she wasn’t just thinking about the amazing sex. She was falling deeply in love with Jimmy Heart. Or at least she thought so, because she’d never felt quite this way about a guy before, especially so fast. Ever. She thought back to past relationships, none of which had lasted long enough to get very serious. And she hadn’t wanted them to get to that point. She valued her freedom, her privacy, and she didn’t like taking time away from her work, which was her only true passion. She’d never really wanted to fall in love and give someone the power to hurt her in the way her mother had been hurt by her father. It had taken a long time for her bright and bubbly mother to get over being deserted by her husband. She loved him and had forgiven him, but she’d never dated or tried to find someone else to fill the void after he left. Funny, but Maggie hadn’t really thought about her mother dating before. She wondered if she should encourage it?

  Maggie inhaled a cleansing breath, bringing her thoughts back to the present.

  She repaired her makeup, trying not to let her mind race ahead to what the future might bring. “Live in the moment,” she said to the ruffled girl in the mirror, but Maggie didn’t think she had it in her not to plan, or not to think about what would or should happen next. But the problem was that falling in love couldn’t be planned. It just happened.

  Still, when Maggie wasn’t prepared, anxiety took over and held her captive. Uncertainty made her stomach do weird, wonky things. She placed her hand over her abdomen and felt gurgles swirling around. She swallowed hard, but then lifted her chin and headed into the bedroom. She tugged on a bra and panties and then located her discarded clothes. A glance at the rumpled covers, the pillows strewn all over the floor, had Maggie putting her hand over her mouth. She felt the heat of a full-body blush when she recalled her uninhibited response to their lovemaking.

  But then she smiled.

  Inhaling a deep breath, Maggie decided to leave the bed unmade—something she had never done before. A moment later, she heard the clickity-clack of Trixie’s toenails on the hardwood floor, and the little dog trotted into the room and gave the pillows a curious look as if to say, Hey, is this allowed?

  “I know, right?” Maggie said with a shake of her head. “What in the world is getting into me?” She knew that her desire to have her condo neatly in order stemmed from her need to feel in control. But letting go and giving in to her desire felt liberating, and she waved a dismissive hand at the unmade bed. She opened the balcony door so Trixie c
ould use the pee-pee pad if needed, then turned around at the sound of a light rap at her door.

  Jimmy. Her pulse raced and her stomach didn’t know whether to gurgle or create butterflies. Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door, and, at the sight of smiling Jimmy Heart, the butterflies won out.

  “May I come in?” Jimmy asked, and Maggie realized she was staring at him.

  “I didn’t recognize you with a shirt on,” she said, stepping away for him to enter.

  “I can take it off.” He handed her a six-pack of cold beer.

  Maggie fought against a blush and lost. She dearly wanted to put a cold can of beer to her forehead.

  “And you can take yours off too, you know,” he said with a grin.

  Something in Maggie wanted to tug her shirt over her head just to see his reaction. Instead, she went for an eye roll.

  “Just thought I’d toss that suggestion out there.”

  Maggie cracked open a beer and handed it to him, trying to act calm. She looked at the blue can. “Beachin’?”

  “Local craft brewery up in town. Another place I’d like to take you.” He smiled but seemed just a little bit nervous too. Sweet. Was there anything she didn’t like about him? Uh … no. “Hope you like it. Jesse and I like trying new beers.”

  Maggie opened one for herself and took a sip. “Mmm, it’s good.” She licked her lips and nodded. “So, do you want to go out onto the balcony or stay in here?”

  “It should be really nice outside. Cooled off by now.”

  “The balcony it is,” Maggie said breezily, and she headed toward the sliding glass doors. “Trixie’s already out there.” Her heart hammered so hard she thought it might thump out of her chest like one of those crazy cartoon characters’. Jimmy followed and settled into a cushioned chair. Trixie trotted over and allowed Jimmy to lean over and scratch her behind her ears, and for some reason this made Maggie feel a bit emotional. Her little dog was healing.

  Maggie sat down across from Jimmy and put her drink down. Somehow it didn’t seem right to be holding a beer when Jimmy had something potentially serious to say. Trixie trotted over and rested at her feet, letting out a wheezy little yawn. Ah, Jimmy was right. Pleasant temperatures and a light breeze made sitting outside comfortable. Her solar lamps had come to life, shedding just enough light.

  Maggie folded her hands and waited.

  Jimmy looked over at her, smiling softly before turning his attention to his guitar. Head bent, he strummed a few bars. The lovely notes blended with the light breeze and the distant sound of waves lapping against the shore. Maggie’s heart rate slowed to a near normal pace … and then Jimmy started singing.

  Jimmy’s beautiful ballad began with the pain of loss and heartbreak coupled with the fear of ever loving again. The lyrics touched Maggie deeply, reaching into places she usually kept safely tucked away. She felt an acute ache lodge in her throat, and without realizing it, she put her hands over her chest. But when the song slid into the healing power of accepting love once more, the ache subsided, then disappeared. Maggie felt her muscles relax and her shallow breaths elongate. Peace washed over her. Jimmy’s rich voice had a soothing power. He might have rocked with Heartbeat, but Jimmy Heart was meant for … this.

  Maggie felt the warmth of tears on her cheeks when she realized that Jimmy was also singing about him taking a chance on loving her. She tasted salt on her lips, but letting her emotions surface felt cleansing, not embarrassing.

  After the last strum faded into the night, Jimmy looked up and over at Maggie. His steady gaze filled her with strength and a willingness to embrace falling in love. She shoved away a little hiccup of fear and smiled. “That was simply beautiful.”

  “I’ve been working on this song for you,” he said in a husky voice. He put his guitar to the side and stood up. “To let you know how I’m beginning to feel about you, Maggie.”

  “I’m blown away.” Maggie swiped at her damp cheeks and accepted his offered hands. He helped her to her feet and then enveloped her in a warm embrace. Though Maggie had learned to be independent, to be strong, she welcomed the feeling of his strength. “I told myself never to fall in love, to lean on a man, to give him the power to hurt me.”

  Jimmy kissed the top of her head. “I hear a ‘but’ again.”

  Maggie smiled against his chest and then tilted her head back to look up at him. “But there’s something special happening between us, Jimmy.” She couldn’t bring herself to say she was falling for him too, even though every fiber in her being was screaming for her to do so. But the words only made it to her heart. “I can’t deny it.”

  “Even though you want to?” Jimmy used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tracks of her tears. “Believe me, I understand. Before meeting you, I would have said that falling in love is the riskiest thing you can do to yourself, emotionally.” He shook his head. “I was wrong.”

  “How so?”

  “The biggest risk in life is letting love slip through your fingers, get away. I watched Grady do that with Arabella, and they were lucky enough to get a second chance. If we hadn’t done the Heartbeat reunion, they might have never gotten back together. Never had little Ella. Maggie, I hope I’m not scaring you away, but I had to let you know how I feel about you.” He hugged her closer as if anticipating her escape.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Because it’s your condo?” he asked in a slightly teasing tone, but she could feel his heart beating faster.

  Maggie wanted to respond, but her throat clogged with a new round of unshed tears as it occurred to her she had the power to hurt him as well. Did she want that power?

  Jimmy stood very still. “Hey, I’m not looking for a declaration of love. I just want a fighting chance. Like you said, we have something special. Will you give us a shot?”

  “Oh, Jimmy.” Maggie inhaled a shaky breath. “The boy of my dreams, who helped me get through a tough time during my childhood, is now a wonderful man who just wrote a song for me.”

  Jimmy tucked his finger beneath her chin. “Life is good?” he asked hopefully.

  “Yeah … so how can I not give this a chance?” Maggie allowed herself to smile, to absorb the magic of the moment, but then she tilted her head. “But Jimmy, my childhood was chaos in so many ways. I always felt as if I was in the eye of the storm.”

  “And you hid much of your angst from your mother.”

  “She already had way too much to deal with. So I carefully planned my future, wrote down my goals. I desperately wanted order in my life. It’s just so hard for me to simply let go not knowing how everything will turn out. I know that you get that part too.”

  “I do, but Maggie, I’m trying to change too. I don’t want to just write love songs. I want to live one. I want to travel, explore, have some adventures. But I want someone amazing with me along for the journey.” He looked into her eyes. “Hopefully … you.”

  “Jimmy, I—” she began, but he put a gentle fingertip to her lips.

  “Hey, I don’t need any promises.”

  Maggie felt her heart constrict. She loved him. He deserved to know it. But she just couldn’t say it.

  “But there’s one thing I do want.”

  “The dinner I owe you?”

  Jimmy chuckled. “Well, yeah. Okay, I know this might be old-fashioned. But you must remember that I missed out on dating in high school. Heartbeat was touring constantly, or in the studio.” He sucked in his bottom lip and then continued. “What I’m trying to say is that I want you to officially be my girlfriend.”

  Maggie hesitated. Being his girlfriend meant they could have a messy breakup. The idea of making this official made icy-cold fear slide down her spine and spread through her veins. But he looked at her with those warm brown eyes, so full of hope. In her wildest dreams …

  Wait, this was her wildest dream.

  “Your stricken look wasn’t what I was hoping for. Hey, Maggie, I won’t ever hurt you.”

  “I believe you.
” Okay, she didn’t think that Jimmy had the capacity to hurt her. “Well, I missed out on dating in high school too, but for very different reasons. I think I tried to hate the whole concept because I felt left out.”

  “So let’s start filling your calendar. There’s tons of fun dating stuff to do in Sea Breeze.”

  “I’m a city girl, remember?”

  Jimmy arched an eyebrow. “That’s about to change. Tomorrow, I’m taking you boating. You can swim, right?”

  “My mother insisted that I take lessons at the local YMCA. The water was freezing and it was an old pool, so I had to wear a silly swim cap.”

  Jimmy laughed. “I bet you looked cute.”

  “You would lose that bet. But I can swim. I excelled when I was younger because it warmed me up to swim fast.”

  “Good, well, Oliver has a sweet cabin cruiser.”

  “A what?”

  “A boat with a cabin underneath. It even has a head.”

  “A what?” she asked again.

  “The bathroom on a boat is called the head. There’s a galley kitchen. Fore and aft sleeping areas. Can you spare half a day away from your deadline?”

  “My agent is already freaking out, but … yes.”

  “Awesome. We’ll do a dinner cruise and search for dolphins.”

  “Well, now.” She tilted her head. “Are you cooking for me?”

  “Yes, I’ll head over to the marina early and get the boat gassed up and stocked with something amazing for dinner. Steaks? Fish? Oliver has a portable grill.”

  “Surprise me. There isn’t much that I don’t like.”

  “Good. Then we’ll have fun cooking together, don’t you think?” Without waiting for an answer, he dipped his head and captured her lips with his.

  Maggie leaned into the warm, bone-melting kiss. She fisted her hands in his shirt and pressed her body to his, loving how her breasts felt against his firm, muscled chest. If she couldn’t voice her feelings, she could show him how she felt. She slid her hands over his shoulders and to his biceps, thinking she wanted to explore every inch of his sexy body. He slid his long fingers into her hair and tilted her head back, deepening the delicious kiss. Maggie responded, opening her mouth for more. When her tongue tangled with his, Maggie felt a hot sizzle in her blood. She squeezed his arms and moved suggestively against him, wild with heart-pounding desire.