A.L.F.A. Instincts

by Milly Taiden

  “In the beginning? Did they stop fighting after a while?” he asked.

  A boatload of emotional agony and grief came over her. She scowled and sat straighter, sliding into the other person she used as an escape. Her having an alter ego, a mask to hide behind, made all the sense in the world now. When things at home went to hell, she pretended to be someone—somewhere—else who was happy and had a better life. Coping strategies. Psych 101.

  “In a way, they stopped fighting. I killed my mother.”

  CHAPTER 23

  As Candy sat on the floor of her office with a man who enticed her too much, emotions she didn’t want to deal with bubbled inside her, ready to explode like a volcano. It had taken her a long time to suppress the tumultuous disaster her life was, to push it down so far inside, it would never see the light of day. Apparently, that wasn’t enough.

  Here she was pouring her heart out to a man she didn’t know, but was highly attracted to. There was something about him that made her want to trust him. Believe in him. Talking to him was so easy, too easy. Like they had been best friends for years. Mates.

  Thinking back to when her mother died made her want to curl into a ball and cry until the pain was gone. But that wouldn’t happen. She hadn’t cried since she was twelve. The ache would forever be there, ready to eat her alive when helpless against it. Solution: don’t be vulnerable. She sat up straighter and yanked down her white T-shirt.

  “You didn’t really kill your mother. Did you?” The way he asked sounded funny in her ears. Like he didn’t believe she would do that. Then again, maybe he would. She laughed, releasing some pent-up emotion.

  “No, I didn’t,” she confirmed. “The drunk prick did. But I was the cause of it.” She took herself back to that awful day. She would finally tell someone the horrible truth of the moment that had changed her young life.

  “I had come home from school angry because my favorite teacher was going on maternity leave and would be gone for a few months. Her substitute was a grouchy old man who liked to call you out in front of the class to ‘teach you a lesson.’

  “When I came through the kitchen door, Mom was cooking dinner. Spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it. My favorite, but it didn’t cheer me up. I stomped over the linoleum toward the other room. I told my mom I was mad at Mrs. Carpenter and wasn’t going back to school, ever. She smiled and asked me how I had arrived at that conclusion. I had reached the stairs in the living room at the point and hollered back to her, ‘She’s leaving because she’s pregnant.’

  “My father popped up from his recliner, nearly empty bottle of Jack clutched in his hand. I knew right away I shouldn’t have yelled. He looked around confused, like he’d never been in the house before. ‘Who’s pregnant?’ he stammered, holding on to the back of the stained recliner for support. His expression turned to the mean hate I knew meant trouble.

  “He staggered toward the kitchen. ‘The bitch ain’t ever leaving me.’ I ran after him when he burst through the swinging door into the kitchen. I pulled on his arm, telling him it was a mistake. My teacher was pregnant and leaving, not Mom. He didn’t hear me. He had an excuse to rant and rave and he was going to take it.

  “Mom was holding dinner plates in her hand when Dad tromped in. Before she could react, he bashed his glass whiskey bottle into her head. She crashed to the floor and the plates fell from her hands. It was so loud with my father screaming at my mother that he didn’t want any more twat waffles to feed, Mom screeching back, and the dishes smashing into pieces. I wanted to cover my ears, block it all out.

  “Then my dad did the unthinkable: He kicked Mom in the stomach, over and over, saying he would beat her until she miscarried, and if she ever thought about leaving him, he’d kill her.” A sob choked her throat. The image of her mother on the floor, bloody and beaten, tore at her. It was her fault. A single tear slid down her cheek.

  Suddenly, a warm blanket was wrapped around her, holding her tightly against a hot body. Josh had scooted behind her and enveloped her with his silent strength. With his comforting touch, she felt stronger, able to get through this nightmare he’d asked her to relive. Only for him. She wouldn’t do it for anyone else.

  “I hit and pulled on Dad’s arm, screaming at him to stop. It was all a mistake. My mistake. He laid his hand on the top of my head and shoved me against the wall, hard enough to crack the wallpapered surface.”

  She snuggled back into his warmth. She’d never felt anything so good, so relaxing. She let out a breath and let him gently rock her.

  Josh asked her, “What happened after that? Did the police arrest him?”

  She laughed, but it sounded angry and hate-filled even to her ears. “You’d think that would be the case. That’s when I learned something about my father I’d never forget. Just how much of a motherfucking piece of shit he was.” Her hands fisted and she brought them down hard on her thighs. The momentary pain felt good. For the tiniest sliver of a second, it took her mind off the agony inside her. She did it again. Another small repose.

  Josh grabbed her fists from behind where he’d snuggled up to her. He whispered soothing sounds, gently swaying side to side. With an incredible sense of peace in her heart overcoming the pain, she relaxed into him. This man’s touch, his closeness, his protective cocoon around her was like nothing she’d ever experienced. She didn’t know this . . . this . . . bliss existed.

  Josh asked, “Is there more you want to tell me?” She nodded. She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted him to make all the ache go away, all the burden of knowing her mother was killed because of her carelessness.

  She took in a deep breath. “After he pushed me into the wall, the next thing I remembered was waking in my bed to sirens and red lights flashing through my bedroom windows.

  “In the twin bed beside mine, my younger sister and brother slept, holding on to each other for dear life, it seemed. I had always protected them when our parents fought, but I wasn’t there for them this time. I was a part of the battle, a casualty.

  “I sneaked downstairs to see what was happening. It was nighttime. Hours had passed. Police cars were parked in the driveway and along the street, their emergency lights giving the dark room a surreal feel. I went to the kitchen to see Mom, to make sure the police had her safe. What an idiot child I was back then.

  “I walked in and saw a white blanket over a lump on the floor. At the bottom of the blanket, my mom’s feet stuck out. They, too, were bloody.

  “Someone called my name, probably my bastard father. I looked up and saw him sitting at the breakfast table, crying. I—I was so shocked that I couldn’t move. I just stared at him, not recognizing the man. My father was dressed in a suit with his tie loosened around his neck. His hair was combed back and his black shoes shined. He looked like any respectable father coming home from work.

  “One of the officers knelt in front of me. His eyes were friendly, unlike my father’s. He asked me if I’d seen the intruder who had come into the house, hurt my mother, and took off with her purse.

  “At first, I didn’t understand what he was saying. That wasn’t what happened. My eyes caught my dad’s, glaring hatred at me. I knew at that moment he would get away with my mother’s murder. Blaming it on someone who came in the unlocked door to steal money—during the daytime, when people were out and about.”

  She came back to the present to find herself in the hold of a man she truly desired to be with. Inhaling deeply, she took his scent into her, calming her, bringing her comfort.

  Josh said, “That’s what we call scenting.”

  “What?” she replied. “Breathing in your smell?”

  “That’s part of it. For a shifter, our ability to smell the slightest molecule of a scent keeps us alive in dangerous territory.”

  She nodded. “I can see that.” They sat quietly, the rocking motion lulling her into contentment. The pain in her heart subsided, almost to
the point she could bear it. Where did it go? She didn’t understand.

  “You know,” Josh said, “they say when you tell someone about something you’ve kept inside a long time, you’re sharing your heart, and you and that person will always be connected through that sharing. You’ve given me half your pain so you are not burdened alone anymore. I will carry it for you as our connection grows stronger. As your mate, I will do everything in my power to make you happy.”

  She twisted around in his hold to see his face. The fire lit one side, keeping the other in darkness. But she only needed half to see he meant what he said. Even though she’d never seen it after her mother died, she knew the look in his eyes was love, directed at her.

  She snaked her hand behind his neck and pulled him to her. She wanted this kiss more than anything. That damn cliché about wanting him more than her next breath was true. A laugh almost burst through with that thought, but the touch of his lips on hers sent every logical piece of her scurrying away.

  CHAPTER 24

  “Mmmm . . . I could kiss you all night.” Josh whispered against her lips, the glow from the flickering fire making his eyes even sexier.

  His lips feathered over Candy’s chin and across her jaw to the tender skin beneath. His body was a hard-muscled line against her naked flesh and she shivered, feeling the dampness spread between her legs. How they got to this point still stunned her, almost as much as the memory of his tongue on her private parts. Her lower body jerked just thinking of how he’d made her come, her legs going liquid as he plundered her pussy with his hand and his mouth.

  The feeling was nothing like she’d expected. She’d been happy without sex most of her life. Now she wanted to know how it would be with Josh. He was different and she knew it.

  Josh’s lips continued down, kissing the hollow of her throat, skimming over her breasts to take one nipple into his mouth. She gasped at the tender yet rough feel as he drew the stiff bud deep.

  Skating his hand over her hip, he cupped her pussy once more, stroking her slit. “You’re so wet, baby.” His tongue played along her breast. As he slid one knee between hers, he climbed between her legs. “Spread yourself for me.”

  Candy’s whole body stiffened and she shoved him from her, scrambling back.

  He blinked, his face clearly stunned. “Candy, what just happened?”

  She shook her head, bringing her knees to her chest. “It’s not you, Josh. It’s me. I can’t. I just can’t—”

  “Look at me, babe.”

  She shook her head.

  “Yes . . . Candy, baby, please. Look at me.”

  Wiping a hand across her wet eyes, she lifted her gaze to his. He reached out one hand and held it toward her. “Whatever this is, we can talk about it. I’m not going to force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Is it something I did? Did I hurt you?”

  Her eyes widened and she took his hand. “No, Josh. None of the above. You’re the only man who has ever made me feel like you care.”

  “I do care. If I didn’t hurt you, what’s wrong?”

  “I hate feeling powerless and out of control.” She shrugged. “Sex does that to a woman. Men tend to overpower and do what they want. It’s part of the reason why I’m not as experienced as you’d think when it comes to sex.”

  “You were made to submit with sex?” he asked, concerned.

  She nodded again. “Something like that, yes. Not to mention the times I tried were less than satisfying. You combine that with my aversion to feeling not in control and it makes for a recipe of ‘why bother.’”

  “Less than satisfying, huh. Sounds to me like the guys you were with wouldn’t know what to do with the equipment if they read the manual.”

  She cracked a smile. “To say the least. They made it all about them and I was nothing more than a means to an end. They got off and I didn’t.”

  His eyes took her in and he nodded. “I have an idea.”

  She cocked her head, wary. “I don’t know, Josh. It’s been a really long time since I’ve found myself in a situation like this, and with my history I really don’t want to freak again.”

  He reached for his clothing pile on the floor. Candy’s throat tightened. “You’re leaving?”

  Josh turned with his necktie in hand. “Nope. I don’t scare that easily.” He walked toward her. The silk tie wrapped around his palm.

  “Um, Josh—what are you doing?”

  Sliding in beside her, she scooted away the moment his body touched hers.

  “Don’t be afraid, Candy. I think I know how to help you relax and enjoy sex the way it should be.” He stuck two pillows on the floor behind him and then held his tie out to her.

  “Josh,” she said unsure.

  He nodded. “Trust me. Take it.”

  She slipped the silk length from his hand and he held his wrists together. “Tie me up, love. No touchy, no feely. It’s all you.”

  With a smirk, she bound his wrists. “Too tight?” she asked.

  He shook his head, slipping his hands behind his neck. “Nope. Perfect. Now I want you to take that pretty scarf of yours from behind the office door and blindfold me with it. That way you won’t have to watch me watching you.” He winked. “What better way to be taken than bound in silk that smells like you?”

  She moved to the door and slid the shimmering scarf from the hook, tying it around Josh’s eyes. With the crooked smile still on his face, he nodded once. “I’m all yours, baby. Exposed and completely in your hands.”

  Candy inhaled, kneeing beside him. “Yes, but—”

  He shook his head again. “No buts. Not unless that’s the part of my body you want to tease and tempt. You call the shots. Just don’t leave me hanging too long.” He chuckled. “Though with my cock as hard as it is right now, I’m not going to hang for a while. Not without help from you.”

  Unsure, she climbed over his legs, and sat on his thighs. Leaning over, she spread her palms over his chest. The feel of his skin and the rasp of soft chest hair sent tingles to her lower belly. Feeling emboldened, she raised and moved up his body, the length of his erect cock grazing between her legs.

  He moaned gently as her slick part brushed his shaft and head, but she took his mouth instead. Sinking her hands into his hair, she concentrated on his lips and tongue. “Kiss me like you want to own my mouth, Josh. Like you want nothing more than the feel of my tongue on yours.”

  He obeyed, devouring her lips as she tightened her grip on his hair. His cock jerked against her thigh, his head swelling as he strained for contact.

  As he had done before, she broke their kiss and nibbled her way over his throat to his chest, circling his nipples with the tip of her tongue.

  Josh grinned. “Now I know why you like that so much.”

  “How about this?” She grazed the narrow bud with her teeth and he hissed. “You like it a little rough, Josh?”

  “I aim to serve, beautiful.”

  Raking her nails along the hard planes of his chest, she licked and stroked his torso past the sexy V-shaped muscles leading toward his cock. She scooted down his thighs and wrapped her hand around his thick shaft. His member jerked in her palm and she froze, all her bravado gone.

  “Relax, Candy. Just loosen your grip and run your hand over my hardness.”

  She nodded.

  “Okay.” She slid her hand up and down, her movements tentative.

  Josh groaned, licking his lips. “Harder, baby. Run your palm over my head.” She did what he asked and he sucked a breath through his teeth. “That’s it. Now faster, get a rhythm. Mmmm.”

  The low rumble in his throat made her pick up her pace even more and his thigh muscles clenched beneath her thighs, his ass tight. A grin tugged at her lips at his reaction and she dipped her head, her tongue flicking the satin of his swollen head.

  “Oh, babe, yes . . . us
e your mouth. I want your tongue and your lips wrapped around my dick. Take me deep.”

  She inhaled and opened her mouth, slipping his engorged head over her tongue. Josh bucked his hips pushing his member to the back of her throat.

  “Keep your hand on my base, work my shaft as your mouth works my head. That’s it.” He said the words in a tight mutter and then let his breath out in a woosh. “Circle your palm over my head as you pull your mouth up and off and then plunge in deep again.”

  Candy took his full length into her mouth and a growl left Josh’s throat, the sound raw and full of need.

  “Faster, baby, tongue my balls and work my length. Ahhh, yessssss,” he hissed.

  Candy ran the flat of her tongue up the corded base of his cock and then sucked his head between her lips. Letting her teeth graze his sensitive flesh in and out.

  “I’m really liking this,” she stopped to say with a grin before taking him deep again.

  “What’s that?” he groaned with each suck.

  She stopped again, licking his cock from root to tip. “Your grunts and your sexy animalistic noises. They make me want to suck you harder, until you come in my mouth. Do you want that, Josh?” she asked, giving his head a quick lick, taking the pearl of cum from the top. “Want me to make you come?”

  Josh’s entire body went rigid and his cock flexed, hard and unyielding in her hand. “Let me fuck your mouth, baby. I want you to swallow everything I give you.”

  “Tsk, tsk. That might be what you want, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you.”

  “Candy! Fuck!” he snarled, a massive shiver shaking him.

  She laughed low. “What do you say, Josh? What’s the magic word?”

  “Jesus! For fuck’s sake! PLEASE!”

  She took his cock deep once more, but then pulled back when he tried to buck his hips. He growled in frustration, but she lifted her ass off his thighs and hovered over his straining member. Gripping his rigidness, she rubbed his head along the slick folds of her slit.