“I'm fine … I'm sorry …I just had a headache during dinner.” It was a flimsy excuse and he didn't buy it. He knew her better. He wondered if she was coming down with some tropical disease, but she looked fine to him. She was usually so good humored that he found it instantly suspicious that she was so glum.
“Are you worried about our trip?” he asked gently, wondering if suddenly the idea of going away with him didn't appeal to her. He hadn't asked but suddenly wondered if maybe she was even a virgin and was nervous about sleeping with him. He kissed her, and then put his arms around her before she answered. “Whatever is bothering you, Cricky, I'm sure it's something we can work out together. Why don't we give it a try?” He looked down at her with the love and tenderness of a father for his child, which made her heart ache even more. All she wanted was to take this trip alone with him.
She was about to tell him that he didn't understand when Max signaled to her from behind Parker's back, and there was a definite urgency to his gesture. She stood there with Parker's arms around her and nodded to Max, trying to suggest that she would be with him in a minute. She slowly unwound herself from Parker's arms, and much to his consternation, said she would be back in a minute, she had to say something to Max that she had previously forgotten, and it was urgent. Something about a medication they were trying to get for him in town. Parker didn't question it, but went to sit down on a chair while he waited. Ushi came by soon after that with Ernst, and they had a pleasant chat, while Cricky disappeared into the deserted dining tent with Max and Sam.
“What?” She looked anxious, and both men looked nervous. Max spoke for both of them.
“We should probably be committed for this, but we're going to let you do it.” What had decided it for both of them was that she was going to peaceful areas, and they were both well aware that this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance for her. Once back in Liechtenstein, she would never be alone again. Forever. Letting her go away with Parker was their gift to her. And given the circumstances and the location of their intended trip, they both felt that she would be safe with Parker, and he would take care of her. He was a totally responsible man, and they knew she would be in good hands. “There's only one condition, two actually.” He smiled at her, and Samuel was smiling, too. “One is that you absolutely must take a radio, and a gun.” The radio might be unreliable in the area, and unable to reach them. But they knew the gun was failsafe, and that she was well able to use it if she had to. She was an excellent shot and knew a fair amount about guns.
“The second condition is that we want you to be aware that if anything happens to you on this trip, we're going to shoot ourselves rather than go back and face your father. So you have two lives on your hands as well as your own.” They both knew that it was a completely insane thing for them to do, and defeated their whole purpose in coming here, but they had decided to take a risk for her, and give her and Parker this opportunity to be alone. She was well aware of what they were doing, and threw her arms around first Max's neck and then Sam's, with tears running down her cheeks again. This time, tears of joy.
“Thank you, thank you … thank you …” They left her breathless with excitement and delight, and she ran out of the dining tent and back to where Parker was sitting with the others. He could instantly see the happiness in her eyes.
“Well, you look happy, Cricky,” he said, looking pleased. All her anxiety seemed to have dissipated, although he had no idea why. “What did Max tell you that made you look like that?”
“Nothing. I got his medication for him, so he paid me back my poker earnings that he owed me. I'm a rich woman now!”
“I'm not sure the rate of exchange on nakfa is that great these days to justify looking like that, but far be it from me to burst your bubble, if it makes you that happy.” Whatever it was, he was delighted that she seemed so comfortable again. She was floating on a cloud until they left. And they set out for Qohaito two days later. Just as Fiona had predicted it would, it felt like a honeymoon to her, and even to him.
They had borrowed one of the old dilapidated cars at the camp and made their way slowly through the countryside, feeling like children on an adventure. It was the most romantic trip Christianna had ever taken, and with each day she came to know Parker better and love him more. They made love the first night in a tiny hotel, with total abandon, and all the love that had grown between them since their whirlwind romance began.
It was almost like a honeymoon, as they drifted from one fascinating location to another, and collected memories like flowers. It was the perfect time. They planned to spend three days together before going back to Senafe. And it was on the second night of the trip that Parker found her gun, in a small case in her suitcase. She had asked him to hand her her nightgown, forgetting what she'd concealed in it, and he looked a little stunned as he held it in his hand.
“Do you always carry a gun?” he asked, gingerly setting it back in her suitcase. He had no idea if it was loaded or not, nor how to tell. Guns were definitely not his thing. He repaired people, not destroyed them. Although she hadn't seemed the type for guns either. He was truly surprised.
“No,” she laughed at him, taking the nightgown from him as she got out of the bath in their hotel. She didn't know why she was bothering with the nightgown, it would be somewhere on the floor for the rest of the night, five minutes after they got into bed. “Of course not. Max gave it to me in case we have a problem.”
“I'm not sure I would feel comfortable shooting someone,” he said, sounding a little nervous. “Would you?” She didn't tell him she was an excellent shot, although she wasn't fond of guns herself. But her father had forced her to learn.
“Not really. But he meant well. I just threw it in the suitcase and forgot about it,” she said blithely, putting her arms around his neck, and kissed him.
“Is it loaded?” He was still uneasy about it, and her explanation seemed a little casual to him, and offhand.
“Probably.” She knew it was, but didn't want to scare him. He pulled her close to him then, held her, and looked into her eyes. He knew there was something deeper there than what she was telling him. He already knew her well.
“Cricky, there's something you're not telling me, isn't there?” he asked calmly. Her eyes never left his, she hesitated for a long time, and then nodded. “Do you want to tell me what it is?” He never loosened his grip, on her body, or her heart, or this time her eyes.
“Not now,” she said in a whisper, clinging to him. She didn't want to spoil everything, and it would. It had to. One day she had to tell him that she was going back to her life as a princess, to serve her country and her father as reigning prince, and there would be no room for him. She couldn't bring herself to say the words. “Not yet.”
“When are you going to tell me?”
“Before we leave Senafe, whichever of us leaves first.” Presumably, it would be him. He nodded. He had decided not to press her about it. He sensed that it was something deep and sad for her that troubled her a great deal. It was the sadness he saw in her eyes sometimes. A look of loss, sorrow, and resignation. He didn't want to pry her secret from her, he wanted her to give it to him willingly, when she was ready. And she was deeply grateful for his understanding. He was truly an amazing man, and she loved him more than ever, in gratitude for the gentle way he loved her.
The rest of their trip was even more beautiful than they had hoped for or expected. They headed back reluctantly, had taken a million photographs on the way, and rolled slowly back into camp late Monday afternoon, feeling as though they had been gone for months. It really felt as though they were returning from their honeymoon. Christianna felt married to him in her very soul. He kissed her as they got out of the car, and he carried her bag to the women's tent. She hated the idea that she wouldn't be able to sleep with him that night, and wake up beside him in the morning. That felt like punishment to her now.
Fiona was the first to see them when they got back, and she smiled at them bot
h. She had just gotten back from a difficult delivery that had taken all day but went well in the end. She looked tired but happy to see them, as she always was.
“How was the trip?” she asked with a tired smile. She was almost envious, but liked them both too much to be truly jealous. And it was so nice to see them happy, which they obviously were. They were both beaming as they walked in.
“It was perfect,” Christianna said, glancing over her shoulder at Parker for confirmation.
“Yes, it was,” he said, smiling proudly at her.
“You lucky dogs!” Fiona complained good-naturedly, and they told her about the travel details of the trip, but obviously not the rest.
Everyone teased the young couple that night at dinner, and Max and Sam looked particularly relieved. She had thanked them profusely moments after they returned, and had returned the gun to Max. They had both hugged her fervently, immensely happy to see her in one piece. They had spent a tortured weekend, worrying about her, and she told them again what an incredible gift it had been, to let her go away with Parker alone.
“Let's not do it every weekend,” Max said wanly, putting the gun back in his own pocket.
“I promise,” she said, although she and Parker had said on the way back that they wanted to go away again. Next time to Massawa, to enjoy the water sports there. It was the port that the Ethiopians had coveted for years.
Dinner was festive that night, and everyone was in good spirits. Parker and Christianna seemed particularly close. The three days alone, staying in hotels together, had cemented the bond of their love. Christianna had to almost tear herself away from him that night, to go back to her own tent, and she slept poorly without him. They met at the dining tent at six the next morning, and were the first ones there. They fell into each other's arms like lost lovers, and Parker told her he couldn't even imagine a life without her anymore. Worse yet, neither could she, and it was dangerous for her to feel that way. In the long run, becoming that attached to him would break her heart. But it was already too late for those concerns.
In late May, Parker went to the post office with Max and Sam one day when they were calling her father. He called his supervisor at Harvard, and got an extension to stay until late July. He told him that he felt the work he was doing, and data he was gathering, was important, and it would be a mistake to leave prematurely in June as planned. The supervising doctor of his project took his word for it, and granted him an extension till late July, even August, if he felt he had to. He gave out a war whoop of glee when he hung up the phone. All he wanted was to stay in Senafe with Christianna. Sam walked him outside to celebrate, so Max could talk when he made his call. Sam didn't want Parker hearing Max call the palace, or asking for His Serene Highness. Parker gladly followed Sam outside, and Max made the call to give Christianna's father their usual report, that all was well and she was fine. She made the trip into town to speak to him herself roughly once a week, and he always told her how much he missed her and couldn't wait for her to come back. It made her feel guilty to hear his voice, but never guilty enough to want to leave. Far from it. And she was far too happy with Parker to go anywhere without him. She was doing all she could to hang on to their little world for as long as possible. One day the end would come, inevitably, but she wasn't ready for it yet, and couldn't even remotely imagine getting there. But at some point, they would have to face it, and she knew she would have to tell him the truth. She just prayed that that moment wouldn't come soon.
Parker was in a celebratory mood as they drove back to the camp outside Senafe. He immediately ran to find Christianna to tell her the good news. She was as excited as he was. She threw her arms around his neck, and he lifted her easily off the ground and spun her around. Their mail had come that day, and everyone was in a good mood. Christianna took a walk with Parker once she finished work, and they talked about their plans to go to Massawa, which they hadn't managed yet, but still intended to do.
When they got back from their walk, Parker went back to his own tent, and Christianna to hers, an arrangement they still found irksome. She was dying to spend the night with him again, and leave on another trip. They were also talking about getting a tent of their own. But she was thrilled with his good news, and the extension granted by Harvard. She was about to tell Fiona, who was lying on her bed reading a magazine, when she noticed that the little Irish woman she was so fond of was very pale. She worried for a moment that she was sick, as Fiona raised her eyes to her friend's. And for a long moment, she said not a word. Her milky-white skin became almost translucent easily, whenever she didn't feel well, or was upset, or enraged. She had a fairly hot temper, and the whole camp teased her about it. Once in a total fury, she had even stamped her feet, and then finally laughed at herself. She was looking every bit as pale as that day now.
“Are you okay?” Christianna asked her, looking worried. Something was very obviously wrong, as Fiona laid the magazine down and stared at her. “What's up?”
“You tell me,” she said cryptically, and handed the magazine to her, for Christianna to see for herself. Christianna couldn't imagine what might have upset Fiona so much, and glanced across the page. And there she saw it. A photograph of herself, five months before, with her father, at the wedding they had attended in Paris before she left for Africa in January. She was wearing the blue velvet evening gown, with her mother's sapphires. And the caption under the photograph said simply, “Her Serene Highness Princess Christianna of Liechtenstein, with her father Reigning Prince Hans Josef.” There wasn't much to say. It was all there. Christianna's face went instantly as white as Fiona's. There was no one else in the tent at the time, which seemed like a good thing to Cricky. This was not a piece of news she wanted to share with anyone, not even Fiona. She had been reading Majesty magazine, which listed all the doings of royals all over Europe. Christianna had often been in it, and was obviously badly shaken that the magazine had fallen into Fiona's hands. Her mother always sent it to her from home. Christianna just hadn't expected to be in a current issue, or she'd have worried about it. But the photograph was five months old. She hadn't counted on that. “Would you like to explain this?” Fiona said, looking furious. “I thought we were friends. It turns out I didn't even know who you were. Your father is in PR, my blooming ass.” In Fiona's mind, friends didn't keep secrets from each other. She was livid, and obviously felt betrayed. And if Fiona felt that way, Christianna was even more terrified of how Parker would react when he found out.
“Well, it is kind of like PR,” Christianna said weakly, still just as pale. “And we are friends, Fiona …it changes everything once people know. I didn't want that to happen here. For once in my life, I wanted to be like everyone else.”
“You lied to me,” Fiona said, throwing the magazine on the floor.
“I didn't lie to you. I didn't tell you. That's different.”
“My ass it is!” She felt utterly foolish and betrayed as she looked at Christianna with fire in her eyes and rage in her heart. “Does Parker know?” she asked, even more furious. Maybe they'd even been laughing at her because she didn't know, which was not the case.
“No, he doesn't,” Christianna said with tears in her eyes. “Look, I love you, Fiona. You are my friend, but it wouldn't have been the same with you or anyone here, if they knew. Look at you now. You're proving the point.”
“The hell I am!” she raged. “I'm pissed off because you lied.”
“I had no other choice, or I might as well not have come. Do you think I want everyone here kissing my ass, waiting on me hand and foot, calling me Your Serene Highness, preventing me from doing any worthwhile work, or putting a doily under my sandwich at lunch? This is my only chance in my whole life to be normal and real. I had to beg my father to come here. And when I leave here, it's all over for me. I am going to have to be that person for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not. And I don't. But it's my duty. This is the only moment of ‘real life’ I'll ever have. Can't you at least try to un
derstand that? You don't know what it's like. It's like being in prison. Forever. A life sentence, until I die.” It was how she truly viewed it, which was sad. There were tears pouring down her cheeks as she said it, and there was a long silence as Fiona stared at her, and the color slowly came back into her face. She had heard what Christianna had said, but said nothing as Christianna choked on a sob. She didn't reach out to the Irish woman again, she just sat there in tears, feeling the whole weight of the crown she wore, whether visible or not, crashing down on her head again, even here.
“And just exactly who are Max and Sam?” Fiona asked with a suspicious look, still angry, but less so. It was hard to understand the misery of her friend. It sounded like fun to her, but looking at the anguish in Christianna's eyes, she was beginning to understand that maybe it wasn't as much fun as it looked in a magazine. Until then, she had always envied the people she'd seen there.
“They're my bodyguards,” Christianna said softly, as though confessing a terrible crime.
“Shit. And I was trying to get Max into bed for months. With no success, I might add,” she said, her sense of humor returning slightly, but not fully yet. “He probably would have shot me if I'd had the balls to really make a pass at him.”
“No, he wouldn't.” And then Cricky had to smile herself at the memory of Parker finding the gun wrapped in her nightgown on the trip. She told Fiona about it, and this time they both laughed.
“You little shit,” she said irreverently, not the least impressed by her title or allegedly lofty status. “How could you not tell me?”
“I couldn't. Think about it. And then what? If I did, sooner or later everyone would know.”
“I would have kept it secret if you told me to. I can keep secrets, you know,” Fiona said, looking insulted, and then she thought of something. “What are you going to do about Parker? Are you going to tell him?”
H.R.H. Page 18