“Could I meet you in Paris?” He looked so sad, every bit as sad as she felt. She felt as though she'd put a knife in his heart, and her own.
“I can't promise, but I'll try.” She sounded worried and unsure. She had a feeling her father would want her to stay close to home when she got back. A weekend in Paris might not be too hard. Or perhaps she could go to London and stay with Victoria, and see him there. But the press always hung around her cousin like vultures, which would be disastrous for them. Paris would be infinitely better. “I'll do everything I can.”
“And after that?” There were tears in his eyes now. None of this had been good news to him, just as it wasn't to her. But it was old news to her. It was all very new to him.
“After that, my love, you go back to your life, and I to mine. And we remember forever what we shared here, a memory we cherish … you will always own a piece of my heart, a very, very big one.” She couldn't even imagine marrying someone else. Only him.
“This is the worst thing I've ever heard.” He wasn't even angry at her. What was the point of that? He was just devastated right to his core. “Cricky, I love you. Will you at least ask him?” She thought about it for a long moment, and nodded yes. She could try. But once she did, her father would demand that she stop seeing Parker. As long as he didn't know, there was at least a chance that they could see each other. And she didn't want to give that up yet. Secrecy was the only possible path for now, and she told him that. This time he didn't disagree with her. He could only assume that she knew best. He was totally out of his league. This final twist of fate seemed like a very bad movie to him.
After that, he just sat with his arms around her, thinking about everything she'd said, trying to understand and absorb it, and realize what it meant for them. This was a terrible fate for them both. She was destined to be the lonely princess forever. And he the young doctor with the broken heart. He didn't like anything about the way this story was going to end. There was clearly not going to be a “happily ever after” for them.
They walked back to the camp afterward, both of them looking sad. They said very little. He just held her close to him, with an arm around her, and Fiona happened to see them wander into the camp. They both looked like someone had died, and she wondered. Parker didn't even say hello to her, which was rare for him. He kissed Cricky without a word and went back to his tent.
“What happened?” Fiona asked her, looking worried.
“I told him,” Christianna said, looking bereft.
“About you?” Fiona whispered, and Cricky nodded. “Oh, shit. How did he take it?”
“He was wonderful, because he is wonderful. But the situation sucks.” Fiona smiled at her choice of words.
“Yes, it does. Was he angry?” He didn't look it. He looked destroyed, which was worse.
“No. Just sad. So am I.”
“Maybe the two of you can figure something out.”
“We're going to try to meet in Paris after I go back. But that won't change anything, it will just drag it out. In the end, he has to go back to Boston and lead his life, and I'll be in Vaduz, with my father, doing what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life.”
“There has to be a way,” Fiona insisted.
“There isn't. You don't know my father.”
“He let you come here.”
“That's different. He knew I was coming back. And I wasn't going to be marrying anyone here. This was supposed to be a sabbatical. My deal with him is that I take up my duties when I go back. He's not going to let me marry an American doctor, a commoner, and live in Boston. That's just not going to happen,” she said miserably, and Fiona had to admit it didn't sound hopeful, even to her.
“Talk to your father. Maybe he'll understand. True love, and all that.” She had never seen two people love each other more, or be happier together than Cricky and Parker. It was hard to ignore, and tragic for it to end so senselessly.
“I'll talk to him eventually. But I don't think it will get me anywhere.” Fiona nodded, and walked quietly back to the tent with her. There wasn't much she could say, and she was sad for both of them. It was a sad story, not a happy one.
That night Parker and Cricky sat close together, and for the next weeks they were together more than ever. If anything, what she had shared with him, and its tragic implications, only made them love each other more. They were virtually inseparable until the end of July. And then the first of their agonizing hurdles had to be faced. He had to go back. There was no delaying any further. The director of his research program had asked him to come back on the first of August. Their last days were bittersweet beyond belief, and their last night had an unreal quality to it. Christianna thought it was the saddest night of her life. They sat outside her tent all night, as he held her in his arms. They had had a farewell dinner for him that night, and Parker and Cricky looked as though they were going to burst into tears at any moment. The others in the camp had no idea why it was so tragic, but they sensed easily that something difficult had happened, and that it was an exceptionally hard time for them.
Many of the people he had treated had come to bring him gifts before he left, carvings and statues, bowls and beads, and beautiful objects they had lovingly made for him. He thanked them all, and had tears in his eyes every time. The AIDS patients he had met and treated there had touched his heart.
He and Cricky sat together all through the night, and watched the sun come up together. They took a walk in the gentle early morning light, under the splendor of the African sky. She knew as she walked with him that she would never forget this moment, or this time in her life. She wanted to stop time, and stay there forever with him.
“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” he asked before they walked back.
“Maybe half as much as I love you,” she teased him, but there was nothing funny about it, or easy. When they went back, the others had gotten up and were moving around the camp. Akuba and Yaw were busy. The others were eating breakfast. Cricky and Parker joined them, but ate nothing. They drank coffee, and sat there silently holding hands. Even Max and Sam looked sad. They knew better than anyone there what lay ahead for her, a life without this sweet man that she loved. And he was truly a good man, though even that would do them no good. He wasn't the husband her father wanted for her, and had no hope whatsoever of becoming it. When he left Senafe, the death sentence for their love would have begun. And no one knew that better than the two of them.
Geoff was driving Parker to Asmara in one of the camp cars, and he had invited Cricky to come along. Their romance was no secret, and everyone heartily approved of it. They weren't sure why, but they all seemed to know that Cricky was not going to be able to pursue it when she went back. They assumed from what she'd said that she had a tyrannical father, who wouldn't approve, and expected her to dance attendance on him. They didn't consider it insurmountable, but difficult certainly. Only Fiona, Geoff, Max, and Sam knew the truth, and the two lovers themselves. The others assumed there was still hope for them. Those who knew who she was knew better, and that in fact there was no hope at all, unless she was prepared to defy her father and walk away from all she was, which seemed unlikely to those who knew her well.
Everyone embraced Parker warmly when he left. Mary particularly thanked him for his invaluable help, and he for hers with his research. He had taken a last walk through the ward, and said goodbye to all the patients there. His heart was aching as he left. He and Cricky got in the car with Geoff, and began the long ride to Asmara. Cricky knew the drive would seem even longer on the way back, without him. Now at least she could touch him, talk to him, see him, feel him near her. She had never been as sad in her life. And finally, after a while, they said nothing and just held hands as Geoff drove. He had a feeling from bits and snips of the conversation between them that Parker now knew who she was, but he didn't ask. He had promised to keep her secret for the duration of her stay, and he had. If she had chosen to tell someone, that was up to her. Even now,
he remained discreet.
They arrived in Asmara an hour before Parker's flight. The timing was perfect, and as she and Max and Sam had done when they arrived, they stood waiting, this time for the plane to land. Her heart ached even more when it did. She had been hoping it would be late. Every minute was precious, every ounce of her longed to go with him, and to disappear forever into his life. She had never been as close to running away, even if it meant breaking her father's heart. She was torn between two men she loved, what each needed from her, and what she wanted herself.
They had another half-hour after the plane landed, as people lined up, carrying boxes and bags. She and Parker stood quietly to one side, holding hands, as Geoff stood at a discreet distance, sorry for them. Knowing the truth about her, he knew full well what this moment meant.
And then it came. The final moment, final touch, final kiss, final feel of his arms around her and hers around him.
“I love you so much,” she whispered, as they both fought back tears.
“It'll be all right,” he said, wishing it were true. She knew better and said nothing. “I'll see you in Paris as soon as you get back. Take care of yourself.” He smiled down at her. For this one last moment she was his, and perhaps never again. It was almost beyond bearing, for both of them. “And watch out for snakes!” he teased.
One last kiss, and he walked down the tarmac to the waiting plane. She stood staring at him, without moving, her eyes glued to him, as he walked up the stairs to the plane, stopped, and looked at her for an endless moment in time. Her eyes were riveted to him. She blew him a kiss and waved. He touched his heart and pointed to her with a sad smile, and then he was gone. She stood there, with tears running down her face. Geoff continued to stand at a discreet distance, wanting to leave her alone with her private grief, the reality of what they both had to face.
They watched the plane take off and circle high in the sky, on its way to Cairo, Rome, and then Boston. She followed Geoff quietly back to the car. Neither of them spoke for a long time.
“Are you all right?” he asked quietly, and she nodded. She felt as though someone had torn her heart out with their bare hands. She spoke little and never slept all the way back. She just sat, looking out the window at the African landscape sliding by. It looked so different to her now, without him. Everything would for a lifetime. He was gone out of her sky. They would never again have what they had shared for the past six months. It had been an incredible gift, and one she knew she would cherish forever. Their days together in Senafe had been more precious to her than diamonds.
Fiona was waiting for her when she got back. She saw the dazed look on Christianna's face and said nothing to her. She put an arm around her, took her into their tent, and put her to bed. Christianna looked up at her with the broken-hearted eyes of a child. The two women's eyes met, and Fiona smoothed her hair on the pillow and told her to close her eyes and go to sleep. Christianna did as she was told, as Fiona sat and watched her for a while, to make sure she was all right.
Later, Mary came in and spoke to Fiona in a whisper.
“Is she okay?”
“No,” Fiona said honestly, “and she won't be for a while.” Mary nodded and went to bed. No one fully understood it, but they all knew something sad had happened, more than Parker just going home. As surely as if she had gone back to Liechtenstein, her life sentence without him had begun.
Chapter 13
Christianna moved through the next two weeks in a daze. She had a letter from Parker after ten days. All he could talk about was meeting her in Paris. He said he had never hated Boston so much in his life. He was pining for her, just as she was for him. She wrote him two letters, but she didn't want to make this harder for him than it already was. It was unfair enough, and she had caused him enough misery with her impossible situation. She told him how much she loved him, but held out no hope.
On the third week after he left, there was a sense of unease one morning when she went to work. She wasn't sure what it was. It was almost palpable in the air. Everyone looked serious at breakfast, and she noticed that Akuba and Yaw weren't outside as she walked to the dining tent. Christianna glanced at Fiona, who looked as mystified as she did. Geoff explained the situation to them before they left for work. There had been an attack on the Ethiopian border the night before. An ambush. It was the first flagrant violation of the truce in many years. Geoff said he hoped it was a single occurrence, but they all had to be aware. If the war began again between Eritrea and Ethiopia, it could become dangerous even for them. But that was still a long way off. This wasn't a war, it was a skirmish, and hopefully nothing more than an unfortunate incident. Geoff said that UN troops were on hand at the border, as well as those of the African Union, to keep the peace. But everyone looked concerned as they went to work, not so much for themselves as for these people they loved so much. They had suffered so terribly during the last war, all the workers at the camp hoped that the breaking of the truce would not light the fires of war again. It was everyone's dearest hope.
The patients were all upset that morning, there was much talking, and a sense of near panic. They had all lived through it before. In addition, the workers at the camp were worried about malaria season, which would be upon them in the next month. They had enough to worry about with that.
The consensus of opinion was that they just had to keep an eye on the situation, and be aware. For the moment, it posed no threat to anyone in the camp. But they were close enough to the border to have some justifiable concern. And after breakfast, Max and Sam came to talk to Christianna.
“Your father won't like this, Your Highness. We have to report to him.” That had been one of the principal conditions of their being with her, and it had even been her agreement with him herself, that if the political situation ever got dicey, she would agree to leave at once.
“It was just a skirmish,” she pointed out to both of them. “We're not at war.” She had no intention of leaving now, particularly with malaria season coming, they needed her more than ever. And there were reports of a fresh outbreak of kala azar.
“It could worsen at any moment,” they said, looking deeply concerned, “and once it does, it could get out of hand very quickly.” Neither of them wanted to be in a situation where they couldn't get her out.
“Let's not panic yet,” she said tersely, and went to work.
Nothing further happened for the next two weeks. It was the first of September by then, and the first cases of malaria began to come in. It was a grueling time for all of them, compounded by heavy rains. It was miserable in the camp, even in their tents, as they waded through heavy mud. She had been in Africa for eight months by then, and it had already seeped into her soul. With the heavier workload, and the miserable weather, they all fell into bed exhausted every night. And her father had been railing at Max and Sam for weeks to get her home, ever since the border skirmish, which he didn't like at all. But Christianna was refusing to go anywhere. They needed her, and she was staying. She sent the message to him via Sam and Max. She no longer had time to go to the post office to talk to him herself, which was just as well. She didn't want to argue with him. She was still too upset about Parker, and had too much on her mind.
“God, don't you hate this bloody weather?” Fiona said one night as they got back to the tent. She had been out delivering babies all day. Christianna had been helping with AIDS and malaria patients, and two more cases of kala azar had come in, and Geoff was deeply concerned. They didn't need a major outbreak of that on their hands as well.
Fiona had been back for less than an hour, when they called her out again. A woman not far from the camp was delivering twins. Still soaked to the skin, she went back out, praying her little car wouldn't get stuck in the mud, which it had already done several times. One night she had had to walk home in the pouring rain, well over two miles. She'd had a cough ever since.
Christianna saw her go out and waved with a tired smile. “Have fun!”
“So
d off!” Fiona said gamely. “At least you'll be dry in here.” At certain times, it was a hard life, and this was one of them. And Fiona worked as hard as all the rest, often harder. She never complained, she loved what she did, and knew how badly they needed her.
Christianna heard the little car drive off, and finally went to sleep. They were all exhausted, from the weather and increased workload. And it didn't surprise her when she didn't see Fiona in her bed in the morning. She often stayed out all night, especially if the delivery was rough, or the baby frail. And with twins, it was bound to be hard.
Christianna went to breakfast with the others, and as he glanced around, Geoff looked suddenly concerned.
“Where's Fiona? Asleep or still out?”
“Out,” Christianna answered as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“I hope her car didn't get stuck in the mud.” He said something to Maggie, and then decided to drive out himself and check. The rains hadn't let up all night, and still hadn't. Max volunteered to go with him. If the car was stuck, he could help push it out of the mud. A few minutes later, the two men set off. Christianna and Maggie went to the AIDS clinic, Ushi to her classroom, and everyone to their respective jobs. It was a morning like any other in the rainy season, except wetter and darker.
Christianna was in her office doing some paperwork later that morning when Max and Geoff got back. They had found the car, and Fiona wasn't in it. They had gone to the house where the twins were born, and were told that Fiona had left hours before.
It was the first time that anything like that had happened. Max came to tell her, and Christianna wondered if she had tried to walk home, and either got waylaid, or took shelter in someone's house. She knew just about everyone in the area, since she'd been delivering their babies for several years.
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