I pulled away from him and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, “You’re better.” I smiled up at him and then got off my knees and kissed him, “I’ll just get washed up and then we can go back to bed and make out all afternoon.”
He chuckled, “Great.” He said, “Naked all afternoon – that sounds exactly how I want to spend my time.”
I nodded, “I know, right.”
Harley leaned away from me and smiled, “Have I told you that you’re absolutely perfect?”
I grinned, “You might have mentioned it once or twice.”
Chapter 17 – Everything changes...
Harley
The weekend away was absolutely perfect. We played hard during the day and ate and drank good food and wine in the evenings, and then we kissed and cuddled and touched and gave each other oral sex all evening. We still hadn’t had ‘proper sex’ as Alfie called it. Neither of us felt the need to rush into that – we were happy exploring each other with our fingers and tongues. We had all the time in the world... or so I thought.
I dropped Alfie off at work, giving him a long lingering kiss. “I’ll see you later on, baby – I’ve gotta call into work. Chief wants to talk to me about something.”
Alfie grinned, “Might be a promotion!” he said gleefully, “I can just see you making detective inspector or something equally as sexy.”
I snorted, “yeah, right – like that’s gonna happen this early in my career.”
He shrugged, “I don’t care what you do – as long as you come back to me every night.”
My heart did a flip in my chest. I wanted to come back to him every night for the rest of my life... Bit early in the relationship to admit to that, though – he’d probably run a mile.
*
I listened to the chief in a daze as he droned on about my latest assignment.
“It’s a great career move, Harley – this could totally get you your next badge...”
I say I was listening – and I was, kind of. Well, I heard him in any event, but it was like it was coming from a distance. A few weeks ago and it would have been the best news that could have ever been delivered... but now... Mm, not so much.
“So, you start next week if that’s cool with you?”
I nodded, “Uh, yeah – yeah, sure. Thanks chief and uh, how long is it for?”
He shrugged, “Well, we’ll see – could be up to six months to start with – but who knows? You might be offered a permanent position.”
I swallowed. Six months? A permanent position? Fuuuuck! I smiled weakly at him, “Brilliant.” I forced a cheery tone.
Chief grinned, “You’re a great asset the force, Harley. Truth be known, I’ll be sorry to see you go.”
Tell him you don’t want to be moved. Tell him! My mind screamed at me. “Well, it’s not forever.” I managed to say it with a smile on my face but really, all I wanted to do was cry with the unfairness of it all. I’d just found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and now I was being moved to the other end of the fucking country. Alfie would totally lose interest in me – hell we hadn’t even had proper sex with each other. We were both still fucking virgins...
He’d probably get recruited onto the road-show in my absence and he’d meet some stud with a massive dick who wasn’t afraid to use it and I’d never see him again... Fuck. I’d probably die a virgin...
I had no idea how I was even going to tell him. My contract at the club had ended with immediate effect. Apparently Kody and Peyton were going back and I was no longer required... The danger was deemed to be at a minimum and I was no longer required to be stationed there. I never had to go back.
Maybe that would be best... Maybe it would be better if I just packed my stuff and moved now...
Alfie didn’t need a geek like me bringing him down anyway... He was young and bright and sparkly, whereas I was dull and boring and careful – and still a virgin – at twenty-two...
I picked up my phone and sent him a quick text instead. I couldn’t go without saying goodbye.
Chapter 18 – Heartbreak...
Alfie
I stared at the message on my phone with my mouth open. My heart was beating out of my chest. He couldn’t have just gone... Surely he couldn’t just leave me without so much as a backwards glance after everything we’d had together? I honestly thought he’d loved me... We’d had such a connection... Hell, I’d sucked his dick –and he’d sucked mine too.
I was totally imagining that we’d do a whole lot more with each other. Lose our virginity together, make glorious love together and grow old together... But then he just left.
Was he ever going to come back? Did he even want to keep in touch?
I started to write a text and then deleted it all again. This needed a little more thinking about.
Fuck that. I scrolled through my favourites and pressed the call button.
“The person you are calling is unavailable at the moment...” Of course he was... I swore and pressed the end key. I wasn’t leaving a fucking message. I had work to do...
*
I almost fell into George’s car when he came to pick me up from work. I’d danced my fucking socks off tonight – mainly because I just needed to focus on dancing to stop myself from thinking about Harley. If I allowed myself to think about him, I’d be sinking to the base of my podium, curling myself up into a ball and crying until someone came to remove me. I was fucking distraught.
George frowned at me, “What’s happened to lover boy tonight, then?” he asked, taking in my puffy eyes and my red nose. I might have had a little bit of a breakdown once my shift had finished and I was getting changed.
I shrugged, “He’s been transferred to Newcastle.” I mumbled, feeling my eyes getting hot again. “He’s left me, George,” I started to cry, “He didn’t even say goodbye in person – he just texted me to tell me.”
George’s frowned changed to a scowl, “Fucking cowardly bastard.” He growled, “What the fuck’s he playing at?”
I shrugged and shook my head. “He never made any promises to me...” Not with words anyway. I kind of felt his promises in his kisses but I was obviously just romanticising everything that had occurred between us. When I looked at it objectively, we’d just been fooling around, kissing and fondling and sucking each other off. It was exactly the sort of thing River did on a nightly basis with numerous guys... I’d read too much into it. Fuck, I’d just been a convenient plaything. I needed to get a reality check. I needed to wake up and smell the coffee...
“Maybe not,” George said indignantly, “But you stayed over at his place enough times in the last few weeks. That’s not like you, Alfie – and he didn’t strike me as the fly-by-night type either.” He sighed and shook his head, “I’ve gotta tell you, Alfie. I had high hopes for the two of you.”
I wiped my face on the back of my hand, “Me too” I said, feeling pleased with myself that my voice wasn’t wobbling as much as my whole body was on the inside. I was fucking dying inside...
I ran up to my room once we were inside and immediately flicked back to the text message he’d sent me. Right... it was time to tell him exactly how I felt about him running out on me. Maybe when I was tired and emotional wasn’t the best time but I guess there was never going to be a good time to do it...
Harley
My phone buzzed. My heart almost stopped and I didn’t dare look at it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read what Alfie thought about my running away without saying goodbye.
I was wishing with all my heart that I’d done things differently once I’d actually thought it through. Fuck. Newcastle wasn’t that far away... a few hours. It wasn’t as if it was on the other side of the world. What the fuck had I been thinking of?
I read the beginning of the message off the front screen. Shit. He was mad. I could tell just from the first few words...
I swiped my finger across the screen. Time to read what he had to say about it...
“I can’t believe you�
�ve gone.
I can’t believe you didn’t come to tell me in person – did I mean so little to you?”
My heart broke a little bit as I read on. No, baby... you meant the world to me and you still do...
“I hope you find what you’re looking for in Newcastle. I won’t fool myself into thinking that waiting for you will work out for us long term – if that was what you wanted from me, I’m guessing you’d have had the balls to come out and say so.
So I’m gonna take the bull by the horns here and tell you that I honestly felt that I was falling in love with you. I don’t have a problem with admitting my feelings. I’m gay. I’m attracted to men. Big fucking deal. I was very attracted to you. I thought we had something special. I thought we were falling in love with each other. Guess I was wrong. I won’t bother you again and I’d prefer it if you would extend me the same courtesy.
Love always, Alfie xxx”
I read it through three times. My heart broke a little bit to realise that I’d blown it completely. He didn’t want me to call. He’d specifically asked me not to bother him again. I was useless at reading the hidden meanings in this sort of thing. Did that mean he wanted me to call? Or did he really not want me to call? What the fuck was I supposed to do?
I scrolled and found his number. I pressed the call button and waited. It rang three times and then he cut the call at his end. I tried again and found that he’d blocked my number. Well, that was it then. He really didn’t want me to call then, did he? It really was over...
I had to leave him alone. He needed what I needed. We both needed to be able to get over the way we felt – and we both needed to move on with our lives – separately...
Chapter 19 – First meeting...
Alfie
The first time I saw Lionel, I have to admit, I was feeling a little low. Well, I wasn’t the only one – we were all a little shaken by the attack on the club and the mood in the bar had been kind of different since Callum McCarthy – the guy who had a beef with Peyton – stormed the club and shot some of the punters and a couple of our staff members before being shot dead by Kody.
I was at once relieved that Harley had already gone and therefore had been safe and yet at the same time, distraught that he’d left – even more distraught that he hadn’t come back to visit just to check on me if I’m completely honest. I totally would have checked on him if the roles were reversed.
But he had obviously left for good and he’d been gone for two months. Apart from the two calls he made before I stupidly blocked his number temporarily, he hadn’t been in touch since sending me his text message saying he’d been transferred to Newcastle and that he wouldn’t be able to see me anymore. Whether he believed that I’d blocked his number permanently or if it was just that he didn’t even want to try to call me again was something I didn’t really want to think about. I had such a bad feeling that it was the latter.
I remember reading his goodbye text for the first time and thinking it was some kind of a wind-up. Not that I’d thought it was particularly funny but I wondered if he had a bit of a strange sense of humour that I’d not noticed before.
As it dawned on me that he really meant what he’d put I started to over-think everything – culminating in me sending the text message that should never have been sent...
Maybe things would have turned out differently if I hadn’t been feeling the way I did when I sent that damned text message and when I didn’t answer his calls, but I guess we’ll never know. All I do know is that Lionel definitely caught me off-guard and for that, I will always regret things...
Like I said, Harley hadn’t been around for weeks and even though I couldn’t believe he really had left me without a backwards glance, I was still hoping against hope that he’d come back one day when I least expected it and sweep me off my feet. As the days drifted on and there was no sign of that ever happening, I began to lose faith – and that was when Lionel struck. He kind of appeared out of nowhere and started to shower me with attention and obviously a load of flannel, but being at a low ebb, I sucked it up and felt really flattered that he fancied me. It was one night when I’d been filling in for River. He had some drama going on with his best mate who’d come to stay – with his really rather gorgeous boyfriend in tow and he couldn’t work.
I’d happily taken on the extra shift. I loved to dance – and the tips at Studs and Steel were like nothing I’d ever experienced.
Lionel had been watching me dance all night and I’d had eye contact with him a couple of times when I’d been doing my routine. Something about him made my heart beat a little faster. He was just the sort of guy I liked the look of – tall, but not lofty; dark hair, tanned skin with pale eyes. Not all that dissimilar to Harley if I’m honest and it was probably that likeness that made me notice him. There was no getting away from it – he was gorgeous. Well, he was gorgeous on the outside, at least... On the inside he was pure evil.
As I climbed back down from my podium to get a bottle of water from the bar, he approached me.
“Hi,” he said giving me a dazzling grin that made my dick twitch, “– nice moves.”
I turned and grinned at him, “Thanks.” I said flirtatiously – well, I was in work mode. “This isn’t my usual night but I’m helping out a mate.”
He raised an eyebrow, “Ah,” he nodded, “I wondered why I hadn’t seen you in here before – what night’s do you usually work, then?”
I happily told him, after all, I had no reason to distrust him – he seemed to be a really nice guy...
We chatted all night about all sorts of stuff – nothing that meant anything and towards the end of the night, he made his move. “So, can I maybe take you out when you get a night off?”
I nodded enthusiastically even as a pang of heartache almost made me decline his offer as I remembered another fabulous date on my night off – and an even better weekend away... But I had to stop thinking like that. Harley wasn’t coming back any time soon and besides – he’d called things off with me. He’d probably already got a new boyfriend while I was sitting here, pining away for my lost love, “That would be great.” It was just one date. Harley and I could still date when – if – he came back...
He smiled, “Cool,” he said, his smile disappearing and a little frown appearing on his face, “– but, uh, could you, like, dress a little more conservatively,” he looked me up and down, “– I’d uh, like to take you somewhere kind of classy and this get up just won’t do at all.”
It didn’t occur to me to feel affronted by his request. I was dressed rather flamboyantly in my red skinny jeans and cropped mesh top that showed off far more flesh than I would ever wear when I wasn’t working but I just laughed, “Of course I will,” I grinned at him and winked, “– you don’t think I dress like this all of the time, do you?”
His smile, that I failed to notice never reached his eyes, was back in place, “Well, I would hope not...” he drawled.
I returned his smile, “Would navy jeans and a nice shirt be appropriate?” I asked a little teasingly.
He nodded approvingly, “Sounds good.” He said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chapter 20 – Moving on...
Harley
The last couple of months had been okay... Well, that was a fucking lie. They’d been the most miserable couple of months of my life but they were totally self-inflicted so I couldn’t really complain...
I’d fallen in love – completely and irrevocably just before I’d gone – but I’d thought a long distance relationship wouldn’t be fair on Alfie. He was young – well, a little younger than me anyway and it wasn’t fair of me to expect him to wait for me for up to six months, as I’d been told it would be, to come back. The fact that it was all over after only two and a half months was neither here nor there – the deed was done. I’d burned my bridges. I’d fucked up completely... Looking at it objectively, it was better all round that I’d left without a backwards glance...
I threw my jeans and
my uniform into my case, followed by a few shirts, a couple of tee shirts and my jacket. I was crap at packing. I had absolutely no clue how to pack and generally just shoved most stuff into the boot after I’d already packed my case...
I was totally ready to go home. All I really wanted was to see Alfie again – not that he’d be in a hurry to see me again – I’d acted like a total dick by not contacting him – not because I hadn’t wanted to. It was more that I didn’t have any clue how to have a long distance relationship and I’d convinced myself that I was respecting his wishes by not doing so...
Fuck. He was bound to have met someone else – it had been almost three fucking months and I’d been a total tit over the whole thing. I could have handled things so much better. He could have come up to stay with me here – I could have shown him how beautiful the city was and I could have come back for the weekends too... What the hell had I been thinking? Well, I’d clearly been afraid of having a relationship – it really was the only explanation...
Chapter 21 – Moving out...
Alfie
To begin with, Lionel was a great guy to hang out with. Or at least – I’d thought he was with my rose-tinted glasses firmly in place.
As it turned out, he wasn’t a great guy at all. He was a manipulative, clever liar that had one thing on his mind – controlling me.
It took me ages to realise it. For such a long time I thought he was just caring and trying to look after my interests – but he wasn’t. He was just telling me how to live my life.
He’d even somehow managed to turn me away from Mum and Dad – and George.
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