He’d turned everything I ever said about them into something it wasn’t and convinced me in the end that they were the bad guys, that they were trying to control me. I ended up having the worst argument with Mum and Dad and I’m ashamed to say that I told Dad that he wasn’t my real father and he couldn’t tell me what to do, which I know was probably one of the most hurtful things I’d ever said to him and I never expected him to forgive me for it.
When Mum intervened, I went off on one at her too and told her to do one. I then promptly left home and went to live with Lionel – probably the worst mistake of my life...
It had started with little comments. He seemed to manage to take everything they said and did as offensive to me.
“Why did she have to say that to you?” He asked one day when I’d had what I thought was just a normal conversation with Mum.
“What?” I asked.
“That bitchy little comment about your hair.”
I frowned, “I haven’t got the foggiest idea of what you’re talking about.”
He banged on and on about a daft little comment she’d made, but the more he made of it, the more I started to wonder if she was picking at me and I ended up bringing it up again with Mum later on in the day. Well, all hell broke loose...
“Lionel thought you were being funny with me this morning – about my hair.”
Mum looked at me blankly, “You what?”
I took a deep breath, “Yeah,” I said, nodding and beginning to get annoyed that she was pretending not to know what I was talking about, “He thinks you belittle me.”
Her jaw dropped and she went red. “And what do you think?” she asked.
I shrugged, “I wasn’t all that bothered at the time...”
She raised an eyebrow, “But now that he’s been dripping poison in your ear about me, you’ve had a re-think and you think I’m the bad guy?”
I shrugged again. I was beginning to think she had a point but then she started to have a go about Lionel...
“Let me tell you something about that guy,” she said, “He’s bad news and he’s taking advantage of you – you’d be as well to break things off with him. Harley might have been moved with his job and went about telling you badly but he’s a damned sight better human being than that big-headed creep.”
Well, that was it. Now I was annoyed. She clearly didn’t think I could choose a decent guy and was actually championing the one that had buggered off and left me without a backwards glance... Thanks Mum. Thanks a lot...
“Well, thanks Mum.” I snapped, “Just tell me that you think I’m a crap judge of character!”
She shook her head and sighed, “I didn’t say that....”
“I’m going out.” I shouted, “I’ll see you later.” I flounced out of the door.
When I told Lionel later tearfully, he seemed almost smug about it, “Oh, babe.” He said, gathering me to him before swiftly letting go again and leaving me feeling unwanted, “She’s not worth your tears.”
Not worth it? She was my mother. I loved her... I immediately felt wrong-footed. I didn’t know what to think.
Lionel wasn’t letting it bother him in the slightest. He was already onto the next thing he wanted to tell me to do. “I want you to get dressed up tonight – we’re going to a party.”
I brightened, “Ooh,” I said brightly, “I love parties.”
He chuckled, “I’m sure you’ll really love this one – it’ll be right up your street.”
I smiled. Mum was wrong about him. He really was a really lovely guy...
Chapter 22 – Back to Studs and Steel...
Harley
“Hey! Harley!” Buzz called out delightedly and grinning all over his face at me as I approached the door. I could hear the low thump of the music even from the outside and a shiver of anticipation went through me to see Alfie on his podium, dancing and spinning around his pole. I could not wait...
I grinned back at him, “Hey, Buzz, long time no see.” I grabbed his offered hand and pulled him in for a one-armed hug, “I hear it all went tits up after I got sent away?” I’d been desperate to come back and I’d called the station to check up on everyone at the club. They’d confirmed that Alfie was perfectly fine and hadn’t even been in the club that night but as much as I tried my hardest to persuade the chief that I might be more useful back here, I hadn’t been allowed to come back. It had apparently been at a critical part of the investigation in Newcastle – not that I ever really saw any of the action.
Buzz rolled his eyes but I could see that the memory of the night that Callum McKenzie got into the club and started taking pot shots at the clientele still disturbed him some, “Yeah,” he said darkly, “that was one surreal night.”
We stood in silence for a moment as he reflected on the events of that night. No one had been seriously hurt – thankfully – but it had put the club in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons and it was obviously still kind of raw. Well, that was understandable – it really hadn’t been all that long ago...
Buzz stood up a little straighter and shook himself, “What have you been doing with yourself?” he asked, “It’s been weeks since I saw you.”
I nodded, “I was sent to cover another station for a few weeks – how are things?” What I really meant was, ‘how’s Alfie?’ but I wasn’t actually brave enough to put it out there that I had feelings for him – what with my crippling case of being a closet gay...
He seemed to know what I meant though, “Everything’s fine...” he said, biting his lip he added, “except...”
I frowned, “Except what?”
“It’s Alfie.” He said, making my heart start to beat a little faster.
“What about Alfie?” I asked.
He sighed and shook his head, “Hopefully nothing but he’s gotten himself involved with this older guy. I don’t like the dude. I’ve had to ask him to leave before – I can’t prove it, but I think he was snorting coke in the toilets. We don’t need that sort of shit going on around here. Peyton has a zero tolerance for it.”
My jaw dropped, “What the fuck’s he doing with him?” I asked indignantly. Fuck. I know I didn’t really have any claim on him – particularly since I’d never actually tried calling again even though I could have done – but in my defence I had been busy... Not that busy my nagging little inner voice of reason bitched at me. No, I could have called – and by the sounds of it – should have called...
Buzz shook his head, “I don’t know.” He said, “But he’s been calling in sick, turning up late and looking bloody awful. He definitely had a black eye last week and he wouldn’t talk to anyone about it. I don’t want to say that the guy’s treating him badly... but I’m not coming up with any better explanation.”
“Fuck.” I muttered, feeling terrible that I’d failed to keep in touch with him. This could all have been avoided. Well, maybe... “I’ll talk to him.”
Buzz nodded, “Please do.” He said.
I pushed the door open and went inside. I spotted River almost immediately. He was on his podium, dancing and looking absolutely adorable, as usual. He spotted me and saluted as he twirled around his pole as part of his flawless routine.
I couldn’t see Alfie anywhere. I went over to Seth, “Hey, Seth.” I said, “Where’s Alfie?”
He frowned, “I think he’s still in the back getting ready. He was, uh, not quite himself when he arrived.”
I looked at him, my heart starting to beat with trepidation, “Not quite himself?” I asked, frowning, “In what way?”
He shook his head and bit his lip. “I think he’s on something...”
“Where can I find him?” I asked. If he was on drugs, then he had to be getting them from somewhere – and if this new guy in his life was the one providing him with drugs – I wanted to know all about him.
Seth opened the bar and I shot inside. He pushed the door marked “PRIVATE” open and directed me to the guys’ dressing rooms.
I knocked on the door tha
t had Alfie’s name on it and waited for him to answer. When he didn’t, I started to get a little worried.
I tried the door and found it was open. I poked my head inside and found myself looking into his beautiful blue eyes – only they didn’t look the same as they had only a couple of months ago. “Alfie?” I asked, trying not to look horrified at his rather ravaged appearance, “What’s up, dude?”
He blinked and seemed to take an age to focus on me, “Harley?” He asked, his eyes filling with tears, “What are you doing here?”
I stepped into the room and knelt down in front of him, “I just got back. My secondment up in Newcastle finished early. What’s been happening around here?”
He shook his head and his tears spilled down his cheeks, “All sorts of things.” He muttered, “Not all good, though.”
I took his hands in mine. They felt cold and clammy, “What sort of things?” I asked gently.
He looked at my hand around his and started to cry, “Don’t touch me,” he said, “I’m not worthy of your touch.”
I frowned, fear clutching at my heart. “Why?” I asked.
He shook his head, “I fucked up.” He said, “No, that’s not even right. I am fucked up.”
I shook my head, “No, you’re not.” I said gently, “Why do you say that?”
He shrugged, “I can’t do anything right,” he mumbled, “ask anyone.”
I looked at him with narrowed eyes, “Like whom?” I asked. As far as I could see, Buzz, River and Seth all thought the world of him; they were worried about him and wanted him to get through whatever it was he was going through.
He looked at me, “My boyfriend....”
My heart lurched. I didn’t want him having a boyfriend. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I’d never felt so helpless about anything in my whole life. Why had I allowed him to slip through my fingers? Even worse, I’d let him slip through my fingers and into the hands of someone like this guy... “And why on earth would your boyfriend say something like that about you?” I asked indignantly, “Your boyfriend is a very lucky man to have you.”
He snorted and shook his head, “No,” he said, “I have no class and I don’t dress right... and I don’t like stuff...”
Alarm bells were going off in my head, deafening me on the inside. This guy wasn’t treating him right at all... “Have you taken something tonight?”
He sighed and wouldn’t look at me, “I just needed a pick-me-up.”
I resisted the urge to swear. “And how long have you been needing a pick-me-up?” I asked sharply, “Were you on drugs when I first met you?” I honestly didn’t think he had been.
He shook his head, “No.” he said, “I’d never taken anything before I met Lionel...”
I was starting to feel really fucking angry with this Lionel guy but I knew if I showed my anger to Alfie that I’d lose his tentative trust in me. “So why do you feel as though you need them now?” I asked, going back to the gentle tone I’d used earlier.
He just shook his head and wouldn’t tell me. He got up. He looked thinner than I remembered – and a little wobbly on his legs. “I need to get to work.” He said with a sigh, “While I’ve still got a job.”
I nodded, “Go on then,” I said, forcing a bright smile that I really wasn’t feeling. “I’ll be waiting for you at the bar – I’d really like to talk to you later.”
He nodded, sighing, “Fine.” He said.
Chapter 23 – What could have been...
Alfie
Oh, my God. That was the last thing I needed. Harley being back and making me see what sort of a guy I could have been with... How my life could have turned out.
And I didn’t want to talk to him. If Lionel or one of his mates saw me talking to Harley they would find a way for me to pay for it...
Things had started off quite well with Lionel. He’d taken me out for dinner for our first date and we’d chatted about this and that. Looking back, he’d done a lot of questioning of me – and had given away absolutely nothing about himself.
I hadn’t really thought anything about it at the time. I was just pleased that he was showing such an interest in me. My confidence had taken a bit of a battering when Harley had just upped and left me, so when Lionel showed an interest in me I jumped at the chance to be seen as attractive again. What a classic fool I’d been...
He’d insisted on paying for the meal and had promised to take me shopping at the weekend for a party he’d been invited to – one that he’d absolutely insisted on me joining him to.
I shuddered now when I thought back to that party. It wasn’t the sort of party I’d ever been to before – and would never wish to go to again but I had absolutely no idea at the time. I went along, feeling great in my new tight fitting shirt and black jeans with my biker boots – feeling all kinds of sexy.
As soon as I got inside the door of the apartment I knew it wasn’t anything like my scene and these were most definitely not my kind of people. The music was loud and the lighting was low, which was fine – not a whole lot different from being at work but that was really where the similarities ended. Studs and Steel might have its dark corners and the sofas might be occupied with guys getting a little over friendly with each other from time to time but it was kept an eye on most of the time to comply with public decency laws and they were either asked to leave – or to at least go to the bathroom if they started getting indecent. That was most certainly not the case here. There were men in threes, which was something that I didn’t even really like looking at on Tumblr – sure it was kind of a turn on but I’d always assumed they were actors and that they were all short clips from porn movies.
I turned to look at Lionel for some sort of an explanation, but he was watching three guys fucking with a hungry look on his face and was already touching himself. Oh, fuck. My blood ran cold in my veins. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I took an instinctive step backwards but Lionel’s hand was immediately at the small of my back bringing me back into line with him.
It suddenly occurred to me that he must have thought I was into this sort of stuff because I danced in a sexy nightclub – and because I imitated sexual positions with River on the podium. I closed my eyes briefly to try to gather myself. Could he really not tell the difference?
He looked at me with a grin, “Fancy joining in?” he asked.
I laughed and shook my head, “Not really my thing.” I said, “Let’s just get ourselves a drink from the bar and go back to your place.”
His smile disappeared in an instant, “Do you know how much it cost me to get us an in here?” he snapped, “Or how hard it is to get invited to any sorts of places like this? This is the one of the best in the country, Alfie – so show a little fucking respect will you?” he glared at me without a hint of smile on his face, his eyes blazing with fury, “I could have brought any number of guys with me – I picked you because I thought you were special – I thought you were different.”
I nodded, “Oh, okay...” Fuck. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Should I just run?
Yes. On reflection, I should totally have just run but I didn’t. I foolishly thought that we could have a couple of drinks and then I’d be able to persuade him to leave. But Lionel was single-minded to the point of controlling – and he wasn’t in the mood to leave.
He passed me my second drink. I’d watched the guys on the beds around the room until my stomach was turning. How many cocks could one guy suck in an hour for fuck’s sake? He’d have to be sick for all the spunk he’d swallowed, surely?
It wasn’t sexy at all – it was actually just fucking disgusting. All I wanted to do was to go home and pretend I’d never witnessed such a thing... but this was only the beginning of my nightmarish ordeal.
I knocked the drink back in the hope that it would at least take the edge off the horror of the whole episode. “Are we going?” I asked, standing up.
He shook his head, “Not yet.” He said, “I haven’t had what I came here for yet
.”
I went to sit back down but the room was suddenly spinning so badly I almost missed my chair, “Oh, God.” I mumbled, “I don’t feel so good, Lionel.”
He wrapped his arms around me, “Maybe you’d better lie down.” He crooned.
I nodded, “Yeah, maybe I should...”
*
It was hours later when I woke up. I don’t know what had been put in my drink but I can only assume that it was Rohipnol or something like it because I couldn’t actually remember what had happened to me – only that I was quite sure I hadn’t taken my own clothes off.
I looked around me. We were definitely not at the party any more. But neither were we at Lionel’s house. Fuck. Was Lionel actually here with me or had something happened to him, too? Fear gripped me. What the fuck had I done last night? I didn’t feel as if I’d had sex – but how was it supposed to feel? I’d heard that first time anal sex was supposed to make you feel pretty uncomfortable for a couple of days. I squeezed my butt cheeks together. No, nothing down there felt any different than it usually did, so I guessed I hadn’t been drugged and raped... but I’d definitely been drugged. The question was, therefore, why? And where the fuck was I now?
I sat up. My head felt clear. I looked around the room. It was completely empty except the bed I was lying on. Where the hell were my clothes? This was weird. Weird and creepy and I was beginning to freak out.
I got off the bed and went over to the door. Even before I tried the handle, something deep inside told me it was going to be locked. Holy shit. I was a prisoner. I’d never felt so fucking helpless or so terrified in my whole life. What the fuck was going on?
I looked around the room. Okay, breathe and think... think! There was a window but I had no idea if I was on the ground floor or what. Still, it was worth a look. I shot across to the window. Ground floor. Brilliant.
I looked back at the bed. I could definitely fashion myself a toga out of that sheet. I dragged it off the bed and wrapped it around me. Thank God for being the total queen of toga parties at college...
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