I nodded, trying my best to hold it all together. I was glad I hadn’t had to see what Alfie had been put through but it didn’t change the fact that he’d been put through utter hell by that bastard and what made it even more painful was that he’d been a virgin when they’d met, too. I imagine a good proportion of the boys who he’d been keeping prisoner had been the same way – he’d have picked them well. He needed to go down for a very long time... “Will Alfie and the other guys have to testify?”
He nodded, “It would be better if they would, yeah – an account of how he picks his prey would be helpful to build his profile.”
I nodded, “I’ll speak to him.” I promised, “he’s at his GP right now with his mum getting his PEP medication...” I trailed off. I didn’t want to even begin to think about how I would cope if he’d contracted HIV... But that was selfish. I’d do whatever it took to make him feel better but he had to start actually talking to me first and right now he didn’t even want to look at me...
Alfie
Mum was doing her best at being a total rock. She was clearly feeling guilty for not protecting her youngest son from the relationship from hell and was being totally overbearing if I’m gonna be completely honest. Dad had gone totally the other way – he didn’t even know how to talk to me about it and we therefore just weren’t speaking at all, which was just totally depressing. I couldn’t even begin to apologise for the way I’d been because when I’d tried he just cried and disappeared off into his shed. Dad always escaped to the shed when he couldn’t handle stuff...
George was a little more understanding and therefore far less overbearing and it was quite a relief to be around him. He was, however, completely mystified as to why I was pushing Harley away...
“What do you mean you don’t want to see him? I thought you totally adored the guy,” he looked at me like I was mad, and well, you know – he could well be right, “and I know he adores you right back. What the fuck, man?”
It was a good point and I had no answers for him. “I know...” I let out a huge sigh.
“He loves you, Alfie,” he said quietly, “Try not to push him away.”
I shook my head, “I’ve already ruined everything.” I mumbled, “How could he possibly want to have a relationship with me now after everything that’s happened?”
George frowned, “Alfie,” he said sternly, “you did nothing wrong, Hessey did.”
I sighed and nodded. Intellectually, yes of course I knew that it was Hessey who was in the wrong. He was a perverted creep that had groomed me with a view to selling me to the highest bidder... But I felt so damned stupid for getting myself into that position and I felt so dirty to have been repeatedly involved in his sick sexual perversions. And then drugged and raped... It just went on and on and I wanted to die sometimes rather than try to move past it. The weight of the burden was too much to bear...
George touched my arm, “I know you said you didn’t want any help but I can see what this is doing to you and you need to talk to someone – before you do something stupid that will destroy all of us.” He went a little pink as my jaw dropped. How the fuck did he know I felt like that? “I took the liberty of booking you an appointment.” He said. At the look on my face he was quick to reassure me, “I’ll come with you – or I can call Harley and get him to come along too.”
Now I was torn. I was dying to see Harley again – and maybe if it was just for support I could handle it... “Would you call him?” I whispered.
He nodded, the smallest of smiles on his lips, “Of course I’ll call him. I’ll call him right now.” He said.
Chapter 32 – Sunday...
Harley
It was Sunday. I was, as ever, at my mother’s house and it was the whole fucking clan. Needless to say, I was skulking in my old room and Sabine had come to find me...
“So, let me get this straight in my head – you went to Newcastle and basically dumped this guy you were seeing – and now he’s got to go to a counsellor because he got in with a bad crowd and ended up on drugs and in a sex ring?” She looked at me in horror, “Dude,” she said disparagingly, “Find someone else – he’s a lost cause.”
My heart started to thump so loudly in my chest that it was roaring in my ears. Anger like I’d never felt before erupted inside me and I stood up and glared at her, “Don’t EVER talk about Alfie like that!” I yelled at her, “He’s the sweetest fucking soul that ever walked this planet. It was my fault. All of it. I let him down. He’d have never met that twisted, perverted bastard if I’d not left him. I fucked up, not him. Me!” My chest was heaving by the time I’d finished my tirade and I felt very hot – and rather embarrassed actually...
She stared at me with her mouth open, “Alright, bro’,” she said, blinking at my utter ferocity, “Jeez, chill out, will you?”
I shook my head, “I can’t chill out about it,” I said brokenly, “He was raped, Sabine. Repeatedly. He was drugged, battered into submission and then raped.”
She gasped, Ohhh, fuck.” She breathed, “What the hell happened?”
I closed the bedroom door tight and leaned against it. It was a little like shutting the gate after the horse had already bolted, I grant you but still... “You can’t tell Mum – or any of the others.”
She nodded, “I promise – I’ll only tell Wesley.”
I shrugged and nodded. Wesley was her husband. I couldn’t very well expect her to keep it from him.
I told her everything.
After I finished she looked up at me – I’d been pacing the whole time. “So he wants you to go with him to the counsellor?”
I sighed and nodded, “Yeah.”
She smiled at me, “Well, that’s promising, isn’t it?” she asked.
I shrugged, “I guess.” It was promising but I’d kind of thought that it was just wishful thinking on my part. The fact that Sabine thought the same gave me encouragement.
She squeezed my arm, “Come on, Harley – try looking on the bright side for a change.”
I grinned ruefully at her, “Okay.” I said, “I’ll do my best.”
Chapter 33 – Court Case...
Alfie
I never wore suits. They really weren’t me. But today I was wearing one – it was borrowed. It was one of River’s. Well, actually it was River’s only suit – a really stylish grey one and I’ve gotta tell you I looked pretty fucking hot even if I do say so myself.
I had a white shirt and a navy blue tie. The shirt was actually my own but I’d borrowed the tie off George.
George was going to be in the gallery with Edward. I’d told Mum to stay away. I really didn’t need her to hear all the sordid, mortifying details of what had happened to me. Bad enough that George would hear.
I wondered if Harley would turn up. I half hoped he wouldn’t but that was just stupid. He knew everything already... Fuck. He’d rescued me – he’d seen the room I was in and the state I was in. He’d probably be giving evidence anyway – of course he was going to be there.
The one person I wanted to face was Hessey himself. I wanted to watch his face fall when he was sent down for years and years and years...
I was one of fifteen young men giving evidence – and he’d treated the lot of us like animals. Fucking bastard.
My solicitor had advised me to just stick to the facts that I could truly remember. He said the recordings would speak for themselves and that it was quite clear that I was a victim and not taking part in his sick games voluntarily. I wasn’t exactly happy to have the horrors I’d endured to be played to a courtroom full of people – but I needed to do this to have that sick bastard put away so no other young men had to endure what I’d endured.
And it helped in a strange sort of way that I’d not endured it alone. To know that I was one of fifteen actually made it slightly easier to live with...
“Mr Hanson.”
I swallowed and looked up into the eyes of what I can only describe as a land shark... This was the defence lawyer for
Hessey. He was going to give me a hard time and I knew that I had to hold my nerve. “Yes,” I replied.
“You started dating Mr Hessey when you were working as a go-go dancer in a gay night club?”
I nodded, swallowing hard I answered him as clearly and as loudly as I could manage, “It’s a little old-fashioned to call what I do go-go dancing, but yes, essentially I dance for money at a gay club.”
He looked at me as if I was dirt on the bottom of his shoe and I wanted the floor to swallow me up but I had to stay strong. There was nothing wrong with what I did for a living. “Do you strip for money, Mr Hanson?”
I looked him straight in the eye, “No, I do not.” I replied calmly.
He sneered at me as he asked his next question, “Do you have sex in the bathrooms with patrons of the nightclub?”
I was very firm with my answer. I’d never done that. “No. I have never had sex with a patron in the bathroom. I was a virgin when I first met Mr Hessey.”
He looked at me in total disbelief and carried on with the next question. The questioning went on an on with a fair few, “Your honour! The counsel is leading the witness!” from the prosecution.
I was finally allowed back to my seat and I went with shaking legs back to George and Edward who both hugged me and told me how well I’d done.
I scanned the faces in the gallery for Harley but I didn’t see him.
I was a little shocked, therefore to see him striding up to the dock when his name was called as a witness for the prosecution later on in the afternoon. He looked directly at me and winked.
My heart took off at a gallop and I was instantly completely absorbed.
He was amazing with his answers. He was so confident and so totally in control of the whole thing.
The lawyer looked at him and smiled, “I understand you were in a relationship with one of the boys Hessey had working for him.”
Harley’s jaw twitched, “I was – and still am – good friends with one of the guys that was duped by Mr Hessey.” He said, “And I was very concerned that his health was deteriorating while he was with him. He confided in me that he wanted to end things with Mr Hessey and I got increasingly concerned when he failed to return from his apartment after he went there to break things off with him.”
Of course the defence team had to have their go at him as well. It was the land shark’s turn again and he wasn’t giving him an easy time of it either, “You say that Alfie failed to return after going to break things off with Mr Hessey but that’s just your opinion – he could have simply decided that he didn’t want to break things off with him.” He looked around at the jury with an incredulous sneer.
Harley nodded, “That went through my mind, but the fact that he was losing weight, looking tired, was generally beaten down with life and had bruises that he’d never had before he met him, concerned me. I wanted to look out for my friend so I went to the apartment with a couple of Alfie’s other friends from Studs – that’s where he works as a dancer – and we found that it was actually more of a sex factory than a home.”
The questioning went on an on. It was absolutely exhausting and when Lionel himself took the stand and was annihilated by the prosecution I found myself believing that it was a foregone conclusion... if only...
*
Harley
“What do you mean the jury’s still out?” Alfie asked, his massive eyes filling with tears and his chin wobbling.
I rolled my eyes, “One of the women and two of the men believe Hessey.” I said, “So they’ve got to thrash it out a little longer. Don’t worry – this sort of thing happens all of the time.”
I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and hug away all of his anxieties but I knew it was never going to be that easy. He slumped down on the bench and covered his face with his hands. I sat down next to him and put my arm behind his back on the bench – not touching – just there for support if he needed me.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, we were all called back in.
We sat with our hearts in our mouths as the verdict was finally reached.
“Do you find the defendant guilty, or not guilty?”
“Guilty.”
Thank God for that...
He got eighteen years. That was a result in anyone’s book...
Chapter 34 – Massage...
Harley
It was going to be a long time before Alfie got over the emotional damage inflicted on him by Lionel – but physically at least he was healed now – and the best news was that he was clean. He’d not been infected with any STD’s.
I had no idea how to reach out to him. Since George had called and invited me along to join them at the counsellor’s appointment we’d rekindled our friendship and to my absolute delight and relief he was happy to be around me again. Romantically, however, we were going absolutely nowhere.
I didn’t know what to do about that. I’d told him in no uncertain terms that I was absolutely in love with him but it just didn’t seem to make any difference to him and I had no idea how to move things forward – and no idea if things would ever get any better between us.
I didn’t want to push him but I was beginning to lose my shit over the whole thing. Something that Kody was beginning to notice, since we’d been thrown together quite a lot following the court case.
Kody must have said something to Peyton about it, because he turned up on my doorstep one Sunday afternoon when neither of us was on duty. He knew he wouldn’t find Alfie at mine, because he’d never made it back to my house since the night we discussed him breaking things off with Lionel and that was the last time he’d ever set foot in my home.
“Hi.” I said glumly, “What brings you here?”
He shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, “I, uh, was kind of sent by Peyton to see how you were.”
“I’m fucking fantastic.” I said sarcastically, “The guy I love lost all hope that I felt the same way about him and got involved with some fucking psycho that pimped him out to his friends for kicks and finally kidnapped him and was about to ship him abroad when I finally rescued him. Now he barely looks at me. How do you think I should feel?”
He winced. “Yeah,” he agreed, “That was kind of what I expected you to say.”
I could feel my eyes getting hot, “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I asked helplessly, “He doesn’t want to know me. He probably expects me to want to just abuse him like everyone else has – I don’t. I wouldn’t fucking care if we never did anything remotely sexual ever again. I just want him to believe me when I tell him I love him.”
He nodded, a small smile on his face, “Thought that was what you’d say – so tell him that, then.” He said, “He’s outside.”
I blinked, “What?”
He nodded, “He asked me to come here with him. He wanted to gauge your mood before he came in – I think you’re both ready to start talking.”
I nodded eagerly. He was outside? What a breakthrough! This was fucking amazing!
He opened the door and there was Alfie, looking more beautiful than he’d ever looked before.
He didn’t say anything. He just walked in and straight over to me. He stood there looking at me for a good minute before he opened his mouth and spoke to me. When he did, I could have sobbed... “I’m so sorry for pushing you away.” He said, his voice thick with emotion, “I just couldn’t handle it. Not straight away...”
I stepped forward and tentatively wrapped my arms around him. When he didn’t resist me I just held him in my arms and I felt like the balance of my world had been restored. “It’s okay, baby.” I whispered, “I get it.”
He let out a long shuddery sigh and then looked up at me, “I want everything with you again,” he said, his massive blue eyes gazing into mine, “– everything that we had and so much more.”
The tears were running down my face freely and I’d almost forgotten that Kody was still stood there, in tears too. “I want that to but only when you’re ready, baby but I’ll nev
er push you, Alfie – never. You do know that, right?”
He snuggled closer to me and nodded. I wrapped my arms around him, enveloping him into me and trying to convey that I would protect him with my life always.
He relaxed against me.
“Massage.” Kody mumbled, “Apparently it’s a great healer.”
I blinked. Massage? I knew nothing about it. “But I don’t know anything about massage.” I said.
He shrugged, “I don’t think you have to be an expert or anything.” He said, “It just has to be healing – I think if it’s done with love – that’s healing in itself.”
I nodded. I could do that. I could definitely do that...
Alfie smiled up at me, “That sounds really nice,” he said.
Well. That was it, then. Massage it was...
*
“Uh, if you’d, uh, like to lie down, maybe...” I was so fucking nervous it was ridiculous. I was terrified of inadvertently transporting him back to a bad place in his mind.
He grabbed my hand in his and looked me straight in the eye, “I won’t break.” He said, “I promise.”
I nodded, “I’m sorry.” I whispered, “I’m just so scared of hurting you. You’ve been through enough and I don’t want to make you suffer any more.”
He nodded, “I know – and I won’t – not with you. Never with you.”
Alfie Abused Page 12