I sighed and shook my head, “I’m fucking clueless here, Alfie.” I said, “I’ve got no idea what I’m doing but I’ve been looking up massage techniques on the internet – and I got us some oils and stuff.”
He smiled, his beautiful big blue eyes lighting up, “Ooh, cool – that sounds really nice.”
I swallowed, “I’ve got lavender – it’s supposed to be the best one for relaxation.”
He nodded, “I’d heard that – let’s see.” He took the bottle from my hand and unscrewed the lid. He took a big sniff of the bottle, “Wow!” he said looking up at me and almost stopping my heart with how absolutely stunning his eyes were. I would never get used to those eyes... never.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s powerful!”
I chuckled, “Yeah – it has to be mixed with the oil first. Take your shirt off and we’ll have a go, huh?”
His smile started to make things a little further south take an interest. I ignored it. This wasn’t about sex, it was all about making him feel relaxed enough around me to start staying over again. But only with his mother’s permission, that was. She’d turned into quite a fierce mama-bear since Alfie had been hurt. I couldn’t blame her – I was pretty damned fiercely protective of him too.
I started to massage his shoulders and neck. I hadn’t really got any idea of what I was doing. All I knew was that he kept making little noises that sounded as if he was enjoying it and when I asked him if he liked it, he groaned a ‘yes’ into the pillow that made me instantly hard. I figured I was doing okay...
My hands were all greasy from the massage oil and his skin was glistening in the light coming in through the window. He looked utterly delicious and he smelled divine – the lavender scent was everywhere, but his own unique scent was still apparent and it was that I was more attuned to. It was everything I wanted. Alfie was everything I’d ever wanted. I really didn’t want to fuck things up.
“Lower.” Alfie murmured, turning his head to the side, “Go lower.”
I froze. What exactly did he mean by that?
“I don’t....” I started.
“I won’t break.” He whispered, “Please – go and wash your hands and then, uh, you know, get the lube.”
My dick immediately started to take an interest. Fuck. He wanted me to touch him... properly.
I shot out of bed and washed the greasy lavender oil off my hands. Grabbing the lube from the bedside drawer I slid back under the sheets and snuggled up against him, “You smell delicious.’ I murmured. “What do you want me to do?”
He blinked and looked at me with his enormous blue eyes, so trusting and yet still a little scared. “I don’t know.” He whispered, “When you were massaging my shoulders and my neck... It made me feel things that I thought had been taken from me...”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. That bastard. If I could tear him limb from fucking limb, I swear to God, I would do it with absolute relish... “Nothing’s been taken, baby.” I said softly. “Everything is still right where it’s always been. We’ll go at your pace – okay?”
He nodded. “I want to be able to look at you while we...” He started and then he bit his lip, “I mean – I uh, I don’t want you to take me from behind...”
I nodded, “I’d much prefer it if we were facing each other too.’ I said, “Because I like to be able to see you enjoying yourself. I want to see your beautiful face when I make you come.”
He smiled nervously and raised his eyebrows at me. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he said, “I haven’t managed to get...” he broke off, going red... “You know,” his eyes flicked downwards and then back up to mine, “– since...”
I nodded, trying to keep my face neutral even though I was really angry with Hessey again. He’d almost destroyed my beautiful guy... “It’s cool – like I said – we’ll do everything at your pace.”
He nodded, “Thank you.”
Alfie
I wanted everything to be the way it was before Hessey ruined my life.
I would never had have sex with anyone else if it hadn’t been for Hessey getting me onto drugs. I could blame everything on him. I could blame everything on Harley for that matter – for leaving me without even saying goodbye in the flesh but that was just stupid. I wasn’t a kid who couldn’t function without his boyfriend. I was able to do that. I’d chosen badly in Hessey – and I couldn’t deny that I’d willingly gone along with his soft drugs.
I’ll grant you the rest of what happened to me was non-consensual but I’d get over that too in time. With a patient, loving partner like Harley at my side, I was sure that would be sooner rather than later.
And at least I was clean. I was terrified that I’d contracted something from the men that Hessey had forced me to have sex with – but thankfully, I’d not caught anything from any of them – and I was eternally grateful for that.
I was heartbroken that I was no longer a virgin like Harley – but I wasn’t going to beat myself up about it. My therapist had told me that I had to let those feelings go and I was really trying hard to do that.
All I wanted was to be able to feel that having sex with the man I truly loved was a beautiful thing – not a terrifying and degrading thing – and I was sure it would be wonderful with Harley.
I wanted him to top me the first time we did it. I’d never topped and I was nervous enough – there was no way I’d be able to get it up the first time ever...
Better that I got to watch everything that he was doing to me instead...
I could see that Harley was unbearably nervous but he was manning up to the job quite magnificently.
He sat up next to me and then crawled over me. He slid my boxers down and then once I’d kicked them off my feet he pushed my legs apart gently and settled himself between them. Taking a deep, calming breath, which just proved to me how nervous he was, he leaned down and kissed me tenderly, “I’m not gonna rush you.” He whispered, “If all we do is kiss tonight, I’m good with that.”
I pulled away from him slightly and smiled up at him. I didn’t want to freak him out, but I wasn’t actually good with that. I wanted him – entirely. “I want more.” I said as firmly as I could. I totally appreciated his desire to make me as comfortable as possible – but that massage had woken parts of me that I’d thought had been permanently killed off and had re-awakened all sorts of feelings in me – and I really wanted to explore those feelings with Harley. I was ready to give things a go with the man I loved – and I wanted to try things now.
Harley had obviously seen the look on my face. He smiled at me, “Am I sensing that I’m taking things too slowly for you?”
I nodded, “A little, maybe.” I said, feeling my face heating up. I might have been through hell and back but on the inside, I was still the virginal guy that had met Harley and I still felt slightly embarrassed to tell him what I wanted. I was sure, though, that we’d manage to work things out...
Harley kissed me again, “What do you want me to do first?” he asked.
I sighed. He was totally in tune with me. It was like he could read my mind.
“Fingers.” I said, “But only if you want to.”
He nodded, “Fingers is good, what about my tongue” Would that be okay?”
My dick twitched as if to say ‘Fuck yeah!’ I nodded, “Sounds amazing.” I said.
Harley nodded, “Cool,’ he said, “Because I’ve been dying to do that for ages.”
I sighed with pleasure and settled back into the pillows. I hadn’t realised that I’d tensed up until he started to trail kisses down my chest and stomach towards his goal. My belly quivered and my cock filled with blood. Wow. It felt so damned good to have an erection again after so long.
He curled his hand around my shaft and licked his tongue around the tip of me. I groaned with the sheer pleasure of it. This was what it was supposed to be like – sensual and loving. I felt loved with Harley – hell, I felt worshipped, never mind loved – and safe, so ver
y safe. Harley would never hurt me. Hell, I think he’d have killed Hessey for what he’d done if he could have... I was perfectly safe with Harley. Perfectly safe.
“I want you inside me,” I whispered. I was ready to try it but I didn’t know if Harley was yet. I had been the victim of Hessey’s crimes – along with all of the other young guys – and we’d been forced to do stuff that was both degrading and painful. But Harley was still a virgin and I wondered if he felt awkward about that – particularly since I wanted him to top me...
Hell, that bastard Hessey had made us all victims one way or the other – everyone had been affected by his actions.
Harley looked at me and smiled, stroking my hair away from my forehead, “And I so want to be inside you, too baby.” He said, leaning in and kissing me tenderly, “Let me just get the lube and the condoms.”
I nodded, “Sure.” I agreed. I watched him as he crossed the room and pulled a drawer open. “Here we are.” He said as he came back over to me.
I smiled up at him. He was still wearing his shirt and jeans, “Shall we get these clothes off you, then?” I asked, reaching up and pinging the waistband on his jeans. The look on his face was worth a million smiles. He wanted this every bit as much as I did...
It occurred to me that Harley needed to see that I was actually fully on board with getting him as naked as I was and making love... If I didn’t take the lead in this, he would put it off forever. Not because he didn’t want me – but because he was so afraid of hurting me or reminding me of something that I’d rather forget. The fact that I was getting therapy – therapy that made me talk about everything I’d been through and therefore stopping me from bottling stuff up – made it easier for me than him. Maybe he should come to therapy with me – to talk out some of his demons, too.
I knelt up and started to pull his shirt out of his jeans. He sighed and smiled at me as I started unbuttoning his shirt, “I love you.” I murmured as I pushed his shirt down off his shoulders and kissed his tattoos. I did love him and I wasn’t afraid to tell him. What the fuck was there to be afraid of? He’d told me he loved me but even if he didn’t feel the same way anymore –and I was quite sure he did, but even so – if he’d changed his mind, so fucking what? Nothing that could happen to me now was worse than I’d already been through... although the idea of him not actually loving me back was pretty awful.
His answering groan therefore was very welcome. “Oh, God, Alfie...” he gasped, “I love you too. So much. So damned much...”
I smiled and then trailed kisses up his beautifully sculpted chest to his neck where I sucked on him hard to mark him as mine.
God I’d missed this colourful boy so much. He was so fucking beautiful. I traced the rose on his shoulder with the tip of my tongue and watched in fascination as his nipples hardened. He moaned as I lowered my mouth and sucked on first one and then the other nipple, “That feels so good.”
I nodded, “You feel amazing.” I murmured.
Harley pulled me up to kissed me hard on my mouth, which flooded my whole body with endorphins. I felt great...
“Harley,” I murmured, “I want you so badly – make love to me, baby – own me. Make me yours.”
Yeah it was cheesy – but I didn’t care. I wanted him. I didn’t want to use the crass, disgusting language that Hessey had used when he was treating me as less than a human. I wanted him to make love to me. I didn’t want it to be referred to as fucking ever again. I wasn’t a commodity. I was a person, with feelings. I wanted to be loved. I deserved to be loved...
Harley
My eyes filled with tears at his words. He loved me. He’d just said so – and I knew he did anyway and I loved him just as fiercely.
“Harley,” he murmured my name as I kissed him, “Make me yours.”
My dick hardened. I really wanted to make him mine. I was terrified that I’d let him down... What if I brought some hideous memory back with my awkwardness...? Or worse – what if I hurt him?
“Just do it.” He whispered, “I’ll tell you if you do anything wrong.”
I nodded. That was good, “Promise?” I asked.
He looked me in the eye. His massive blue eyes gazing into mine, “I will never lie to you Harley.” He said firmly.
I nodded. That was good enough for me, “Okay.” I agreed. “I need to get a condom on.”
He shrugged, “If you feel the need.” He muttered.
I faltered. What did he mean? I for one would never be looking for another guy for as long as I lived. For me, Alfie was it. I knew he was clean. The hospital had confirmed it and I was happy to go bareback... What did he mean by that though... “I don’t have to...” I hedged. “What would you prefer, baby?”
He looked up at me. His beautiful blue eyes gazing into mine. “I will never want anyone else for as long as I live, Harley. I don’t need you to put a condom on but if you do – wear one. I’m happy either way but I would love to feel you on me, just skin against skin.”
I nodded. Fuck wearing a condom then – it was bound to feel better without one... “I will never want anyone else either, baby – you’re it for me.”
He nodded, “Let’s do it, then.”
I grabbed the lube and sat back on my heels between Alfie’s wide-open legs. His cock was semi-hard – which was incredible to see since he’d told me that he hadn’t had an erection for months. I was in two minds as to whether he’d like me to finger him and lick him out or whether to just do as he kept hinting at and to just go the whole hog and get my cock inside him...
“Make love to me, Harley.” He murmured as his hand found my cock and he started to stroke me with his hand.
I nodded and dribbled the lube down his crease before working it into him with my fingers. Fuck, he felt good. I slid two fingers into his entrance and was rewarded with a deep groan, “Oh, God.” He murmured, “That’s amazing.”
I smiled. He’d loved it when I’d done this to him a few months back. “Does that feel good?” I asked.
He nodded, “Feels brilliant.” He breathed.
“Do you want my tongue next?” I asked, “Or my cock?”
“Cock.” He said on a sigh that made me harden even more.
“Right.” I said. This was it then – no turning back. No more over-thinking it. I was going to put my cock inside my boyfriend...
I lined myself up...
Ten minutes later...
“Baby,” I said miserably, feeling as thought I’d totally let him down, “I can’t get it in.”
Alfie let out the most miserable sigh in the world and I felt my erection start to wilt. I was useless. Fucking useless...
“I’m really sorry...” I started.
He shook his head, “No, don’t apologise – it’s me...”
I got down beside him and wrapped my arms around him, ‘Baby,” I whispered, “We’ve got all night. Hell, we’ve got forever together, Alfie.”
He smiled at me, “You’re right.” He said, “And it isn’t just about having you inside me – or even about me getting inside you – it’s about what we feel about each other in here.” He patted his chest and my heart melted.
I smiled at him. I had been trying to tell him that for ages... “You’re absolutely right,” I agreed, “That’s exactly what it’s about.”
He slid his arms around my neck and pressed himself against me so we were touching all the way down from head to toe. His cock was lined up, right against mine perfectly, and he felt deliciously firm against me. His amazing body was just as hard as ever – all over. Fantastic.
“I love you, Harley.” He said softly, feathering little kisses all over my face, “I fell in love with you that first night we met.”
I swallowed hard, “Yeah,” I agreed, “Me too – I’m so sorry I was such a fucking dick about it. I was too scared to admit my feelings. I’m sorry it took so long to get my head in the game – it’s not like I had any doubts as to my feelings for you – I guess they were just overwhelming... I didn�
�t know what to do with them.”
He stroked the back of my neck with his fingertips, making my already hard cock get even harder. “Well, better late than never.” He whispered, rubbing his nose against mine and smiling sweetly at me.
I nodded.
He started to move against me, sliding his cock against mine. I gasped at the sensation, “Alfie,” I breathed, leaning in and kissing him on the end of the nose, “Have I ever told you that you are the sexiest guy on the planet?”
He chuckled, “No, I’m not.” He said, “You’re biased because I’m your boyfriend.”
I nodded, “Yeah, that must be what it is.” My cock was painfully hard again and with his hand wrapped around the both of us, and working our cocks together, I was getting pretty damned close to coming, “Would you like me to try again?” I whispered.
His massive blue eyes were kind of glazed over with passion. He nodded slowly and then, closing his eyes, he pulled me on top of him and kissed me. It was all tongues and teeth and heavy breathing, both of us lost in the moment.
Alfie shifted his position slightly and spread his legs wide, “Come on, baby,” he whispered, “Try again.”
I didn’t need any further encouragement. I was so turned on. I got on my knees and lined myself up. All that kissing had really gotten us both to relax and we were rewarded when I managed to slide the tip of my cock inside him. I stopped moving for a moment to let him get used to the stretch, “Are you okay, Alfie?” I asked.
He looked up at me and nodded, “Yeah,” he said, “Keep going.”
I nodded. This was incredible. I’d never felt such intense heat or pressure. It was mind-blowing.
“You feel so good, Alfie,” I breathed, “So tight.”
He nodded, “You feel amazing too – I feel so full.”
I slid in a little further, inching my way inside his incredible heat until I was fully inside him. I almost felt as if we were one – as if I’d become a part of him and he was a part of me. It was absolutely amazing.
I leaned into him and kissed him, teasing his lips apart with my tongue and running the tip of my tongue along the underside of his top lip. He groaned with pleasure, “Harley,” he murmured, “make love to me.”
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