She stared back at him, wondering if he would believe her. Maybe he would and maybe he wouldn’t, but she intended to tell him the truth. What he made of it was up to him. ‘I refused point-blank and I don’t give a damn if you think I was wrong to do so. There was no way that I was prepared to have a baby just to try and save our marriage. That was well and truly over, believe me!’
She swung round, ignoring Mac’s demands for her to stop. Walking over to her car, she got in and drove out of the car park without a backward glance. She wasn’t sure how she felt, if she was honest, whether she was more angry than hurt by his continued refusal to believe that she wasn’t solely to blame. However, what she did know was that she wouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that he was on her side ever again. Maybe it had appeared that way last night but it wasn’t true. Mac’s loyalties didn’t lie with her but with Tim. It just proved how little he really cared about her, despite his claims to the contrary.
* * *
Mac felt absolutely dreadful for the rest of the day. He couldn’t rid himself of the memory of how hurt Bella had looked as she had driven away. By the time his shift ended, he knew that he couldn’t leave things the way they were. He had to see her and clear the air. If he could.
He collected his motorbike and headed into the town centre. He had got Bella’s address from the staff files and knew that she lived in one of the new apartments that had been built on the site of the old brewery. He’d heard that the cost of renting an apartment there was extremely steep, not that it would worry Bella, of course. She was in the fortunate position of having a private income and it was yet another reminder of why he needed to quash any fanciful thoughts he might be harbouring. Although he earned a decent salary, he wasn’t in Bella’s league!
Mac parked the motorbike and walked to the entrance. There was an intercom system so he pressed the bell, steeling himself when he heard her voice coming through the speaker. He wouldn’t blame her if she refused to see him, but he really and truly needed to sort this out.
‘Bella, it’s me—Mac. I need a word with you.’
‘I’m afraid now isn’t a good time,’ she began, but he didn’t let her finish. He had a nasty feeling that if he didn’t resolve this issue tonight, he might never be able to do so. If Tim had lied to him then he needed to know.
‘I understand that you’re angry but we need to sort this out, Bella, once and for all.’
‘Why?’ She gave a harsh little laugh and his insides twisted when he heard the pain in her voice. ‘What difference will it make to you if Tim was spinning you a line? You’re still going to take his side, aren’t you, still going to blame me for ending our marriage? As far as you’re concerned, Mac, I should have stuck with him come hell or high water, so what’s the point of talking about it?’
‘The point is that I need to know the truth.’ Mac took a deep breath, aware that he was stepping into dangerous territory, yet how could he avoid it? Bella deserved to be given a fair hearing and that was what he intended to do. If she would agree. ‘I know it’s asking a lot but, please, Bella, let me in so we can talk this all through.’
He held his breath, hoping against hope that he had managed to persuade her. When he heard the door lock being released, he almost shouted out loud in relief. He hurried inside and made straight for the lift, half afraid that she would change her mind. Her apartment was on the fifth floor and he tapped his foot in impatience as the lift carried him upwards. He wasn’t sure how he was going to set about this; maybe it would be simpler just to wait and see how it panned out? If he started asking questions, there was always a chance that he would say something to alienate her. He sighed as the lift came to a halt. Normally, he wouldn’t have given it a second thought; he would have simply asked Bella what had gone on and that would have been it. But this wasn’t a normal situation, was it? Someone was lying and he needed to find out who it was.
Bella must have heard the lift stop because she opened the door. She didn’t say a word, however, as she led the way inside the apartment. Mac placed his motorbike helmet on the console table in the foyer then followed her into the living room, stopping abruptly when he was greeted by the most spectacular sight. One whole wall was made of glass and the view of the mountains that surrounded the town was stupendous.
‘What a fabulous view!’ He went over to the window and stood there for a moment, drinking it in. It was only when he became aware of the silence that he remembered why he had come. He turned slowly around, his heart aching when he saw how distant Bella looked. She had always had a tendency to withdraw into herself if something had upset her and it was obvious that was happening now.
‘Thank you for letting me in,’ Mac said quietly, trying to rein in the guilt he felt. It didn’t make him feel good to know that he had upset her, even though it hadn’t been intentional. He sighed, aware that he could make the situation worse if he continued probing, but what choice did he have? He needed to get at the truth.
‘What you told me before about Tim not wanting a child until you asked him for a divorce—was it true?’ he said before his courage deserted him.
‘Yes. Not that I expect you to believe me.’
Mac heard the challenge in her voice but it didn’t disguise the pain it held as well and his heart ached all the more. That she was loath to discuss what had gone on was obvious and in other circumstances he wouldn’t have pushed her. However, making sure that he could trust her was even more important than finding out if Tim had lied to him.
The thought stunned him because it aroused feelings that he’d believed he had conquered many years before. After his mother had left, he had found it impossible to trust anyone. He had been only seven when Laura MacIntyre had walked out of their home but he could still remember how terrified he had been in case his father had left him as well.
Was that why he had avoided commitment? he wondered suddenly. Was it the reason why he always called time on a relationship before it became too serious? He was afraid of letting himself fall in love in case he was let down. His breath caught as one thought led to another: was it also the reason why it was so important that he made sure he could trust Bella?
Mac felt panic assail him when he realised just how complicated the situation actually was. His feelings for Bella weren’t nearly as clear-cut as he had believed. They seemed to be changing on a daily basis, in fact. He had started out feeling disillusioned, angry even about the way she had behaved, yet he couldn’t put his hand on his heart and swear that was how he felt now.
A trickle of sweat ran down his back as he looked at her and remembered how he had felt the night before, how he had ached to touch her, kiss her, feel her body, warm and responsive under his. It certainly hadn’t been anger or disillusionment he had felt then!
* * *
Bella wasn’t sure what Mac was thinking but there was something about the way he was looking at her that made her heart start to race. She bit her lip, determined that she was going to keep a lid on her emotions. If they were to sort this out then she had to remain detached. She had told Mac her version of what had happened, the true version, and now it was up to him to decide if he believed her. The one thing she mustn’t do was get emotionally involved. Something warned her that would be a mistake of gigantic proportions.
Turning, she went over to the drinks trolley and poured a little brandy into a couple of crystal glasses. Although she rarely drank spirits, she felt in need of some Dutch courage to see her through the next few minutes. Walking over to one of the huge black leather sofas, she sat down, placing the drinks on the glass-and-steel coffee table. She had rented the apartment fully furnished and hadn’t made any changes to it. It was merely a place to eat and sleep when she got back from work, yet all of a sudden she found herself wondering what Mac would make of it. Having experienced the welcoming warmth of his boat, she couldn’t imagine that it would appeal to him on an
y level.
For some reason she found the idea upsetting but she refused to dwell on it. It wasn’t her taste in furnishings that Mac was interested in but her honesty! Anger rippled through her as she picked up a glass and took a sip of the brandy. She had done nothing wrong and the sooner he accepted that the better.
‘So, seeing as you’ve seen fit to come here to talk to me, I suggest you get on with it.’ Bella stared at him over the rim of the glass, wanting to make it clear that she didn’t intend to allow this to drag on. She had been genuinely upset when she had got home but she’d had time to calm down now and she had no intention of getting upset again, no matter what he thought. She knew she was telling the truth and that was what mattered, wasn’t it?
She clamped down on the tiny flicker of doubt, knowing how quickly it could turn into something much bigger. Mac came and sat down opposite her, although he didn’t make any attempt to pick up his glass. He stared down at the floor for a moment and her heart surged when she saw how grim he looked when he finally raised his head.
‘Why would Tim lie to me, though? That’s what I don’t understand.’ He pinned her with a look of such intensity that she was hard-pressed not to look away, but somehow she managed to hold his gaze.
‘You’ll have to ask him that.’
‘But doesn’t it make you angry that he’s blaming you for everything that happened?’ he retorted.
‘Yes, it does.’ Bella managed to suppress a shiver when she heard the anger in his voice. Was he angry because Tim had lied to him or because he didn’t believe her? She had no idea but she couldn’t afford to let it worry her, certainly couldn’t allow it to unleash all the emotions that were churning around inside her.
‘Then how can you sit there so calmly? Surely, you want to do something to address the situation, Bella.’
‘What do you suggest? That I contact everyone I know and tell them that Tim is lying?’ She gave a bitter little laugh. ‘Maybe some people will believe me, but not very many, I’m afraid. Most will take Tim’s side simply because he’s always been far more outgoing than me. I have a tendency to keep myself to myself, and that doesn’t help if you’re trying to get people on your side. I mean, even you aren’t sure who to believe, are you, Mac? And you know me better than anyone else does.’
CHAPTER SIX
MAC FELT HIS blood pressure rocket skywards. Bella thought that he knew her better than anyone else? Coming on top of everything that had happened recently, it was almost too much to take in and yet he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t experience a rush of pleasure at the idea. Knowing Bella, inside and out, was his dearest wish.
‘Which is why I want to get to the bottom of this.’ He cleared his throat when he realised how uptight he sounded. Until he was sure who was telling the truth, he needed to remain impartial. The thought of how easily he could be swayed by all the emotions rampaging around inside him was sobering. Mac deliberately cleared his head of everything else while he focused on the reason why he had come to see her.
‘So you’re just going to leave things the way they are and not try to defend yourself?’
‘Basically, yes.’ She sighed. ‘I can’t see any point in making a fuss, if I’m honest. Tim obviously has his reasons for blaming me and, quite frankly, I don’t intend to end up having a public slanging match with him to clear my name. I know what really happened and that’s what matters most of all.’
‘So what you’re saying is that you don’t care what anyone else thinks,’ Mac said slowly. He shook his head. ‘That doesn’t seem fair to me. I mean, why should everyone believe you’re to blame when it wasn’t your fault?’
* * *
‘It’s just the way things are.’ Bella shrugged, trying not to get too hung up on the thought that Mac must care if he was so keen to straighten things out. She’d been down that route last night and she wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. Maybe Mac did care but out of a sense of justice: it wasn’t personal.
‘Maybe Tim finds it easier to deal with what’s happened by blaming me,’ she said flatly, not wanting to dwell on the thought when it evoked so many mixed feelings. She and Mac had never been more than friends and it would be stupid to think that their relationship had changed. ‘After all, he’s been through a very difficult time. Dealing with his addiction can’t have been easy for him. You know as well as I do how hard it is for an addict to get clean and stay off the drugs.’
‘Yes, I do.’ His tone was flat. ‘I grew up in an area where drugs were part of everyday life, so I understand the damage they cause. That Tim managed to overcome his addiction is to his credit but it still doesn’t excuse what he’s doing, going around telling everyone a pack of lies. He needs to accept responsibility for his actions. Then maybe there’s a chance that you two can get back together.’
‘That isn’t going to happen,’ Bella said quietly. ‘Our marriage is over and there’s no chance of us trying again.’
‘But you must still have feelings for him. Oh, I know it’s been tough, Bella. Probably tougher for you than it was for Tim, in fact, because he was more concerned about where his next fix was coming from.’ He leant forward and she could see the urgency in his eyes. ‘But you loved him once, otherwise you wouldn’t have married him, would you? So why not give it another shot?’
‘As I said, it isn’t going to happen.’
She stood up, wanting to make it clear that she didn’t intend to discuss the matter any further. She and Tim were never getting back together for one simple reason: she didn’t love him and she never had loved him either.
The thought was incredibly painful as it seemed to highlight how out of touch she was with her own emotions. As she led the way to the door, Bella felt a wave of despair wash over her. How could she ever trust her own judgement again? How could she be sure if she did fall in love that it was the real thing this time? The thought of living out her life in a state of lonely uncertainty was more than she could bear, especially with Mac there—Mac, who always seemed so sure of himself, so confident about what he wanted. She couldn’t imagine Mac experiencing all these crippling doubts!
Bella opened the door, her heart aching as she fixed a smile to her lips. ‘Thank you for coming. I’ll see you in work, I expect.’
‘So that’s it, is it? I’ve said my piece and you’ve said yours and that’s the end of the matter?’ His dark brows drew together as he glowered down at her.
‘I can’t think of anything else that we need to say.’ She gave a little shrug, aiming for a nonchalance she wished she felt. Maybe it was silly, but she had always dreamt of finding the right man and falling in love. However, it seemed unlikely that it would happen now. ‘I’ve told you my side of the story and now it’s up to you to decide who you believe.’
‘In other words, you don’t give a damn if I think you’re lying.’ He laughed harshly, so harshly that she flinched. ‘I have to hand it to you, Bella. Your self-confidence is amazing!’
‘You’re wrong. I don’t feel confident at all,’ she shot back. ‘I have no idea if you believe me, Mac, but what can I do about it? Should I try to convince you by telling you about all the horrible things Tim said to me or all the lies he told? Should I tell you about his affair to try and gain your sympathy?’ She shook her head. ‘Sorry, but it isn’t going to happen. Either you believe me or you don’t—it’s as simple as that.’
‘Affair? What do you mean? What affair?’
The shock in his voice cut through her anger. Bella bit her lip, wishing she hadn’t told him that. It hadn’t been intentional, but the words had somehow slipped out.
‘It doesn’t matter...’ she began.
‘Of course it matters!’ He gripped hold of her by the shoulders as he bent to look into her eyes, and maybe it was the fact that she was feeling so wrung out, but all of a sudden she couldn’t contain her feelings any
longer. Tears began to pour down her face and she heard him groan.
‘Oh, Bella, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you.’ He drew her to him, cradling her against the solid strength of his body, and she cried all the harder. It had been such a long time since anyone had held her like this, since anyone had cared.
‘Shh. It’s OK, sweetheart. Don’t cry. Everything’s going to be fine, I promise you.’
He drew her closer, running his hand down her back in a gesture that was meant simply to comfort, and she sighed. She could feel his fingers gliding down her spine, warm and wonderfully soothing as they traced the delicate column of bones. His hand reached the curve of her buttocks and stopped. Bella could feel the heat of his fingers burning through her clothing and shuddered. All of a sudden the air seemed thick with tension, filled with a sense of anticipation that immediately dried her tears. She realised that she was holding her breath as she waited to see what would happen...
His hand slid back up, following the route it had already travelled. When it reached the nape of her neck it stopped again, resting lightly beneath the heavy knot of her hair. Bella bit her lip, suddenly unsure about what she should do. Should she break the contact, step away from him and make it clear that she didn’t welcome this kind of intimacy? But surely that would be a lie? Having Mac hold her, caress her, make her feel all these things was what she wanted.
Desperately.
Helplessly, her eyes rose to his and she felt her heart lurch when she saw the awareness on his face. She knew in that moment that Mac understood how confused she felt because he felt the same. Maybe it was that thought, that single mind-blowing thought, that unlocked all her reservations, but she didn’t pause to consider what she was doing as she reached up and drew his head down. Their mouths met, clung, and it was like nothing she had experienced before. There was desire, yes, but there was so much more to the kiss than passion. The feel of Mac’s mouth on hers made her feel safe, secure, protected. It was as though she had found her way back home after a long and exhausting journey.
Best Friend to Perfect Bride (Contemporary Medical Romance) Page 7