Bella wasn’t sure how long the kiss lasted. It could have been seconds or a lifetime for all she knew. She was trembling when they finally broke apart, but so was Mac. He ran the pad of his thumb over her swollen lips and his eyes were alight with a tenderness that filled her with warmth. It was obvious that she wasn’t the only one to have been so deeply moved by what had happened.
‘I didn’t plan this, Bella, but I’m not sorry it happened and I hope you aren’t either?’
His voice was low, deep, and she shivered when she heard the desire it held. She had done this to him, she thought in amazement. She had aroused his passion and it was a revelation to realise that she was capable of making him want her this much.
‘I’m not. I’m not sorry at all,’ she said in a husky little voice that made his eyes darken. When he reached out and pulled her back into his arms, she knew what was going to happen. Maybe they hadn’t planned it, but there was no point pretending. They had both thought about it—thought about how it would feel to lie in each other’s arms and make love. And tonight it was going to happen.
When he swung her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, she didn’t protest. Why would she when it was what she wanted so much? He laid her down on the huge bed and sat down beside her, his hand trembling just a little as he cupped her cheek.
‘Are you sure, Bella? Absolutely certain this is what you want?’
‘Yes.’ She captured his hand, gently biting the pad of flesh at the base of his thumb, and didn’t even feel shocked by her own temerity. This was Mac and whatever happened between them tonight felt right. ‘I’m sure, Mac. Completely and utterly sure.’
He made a sound deep in his throat as he stood up and started to strip off his clothes. His body was lean and fit, the muscles in his chest flexing as he dragged his T-shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor. Bella’s eyes ran over him, greedily drinking in the sight of his body, so beautiful in its masculinity. She bit her lip as her gaze came to rest on his erection because there was little doubt about how much he wanted her. Her eyes rose to his and she realised that she must be blushing when he laughed softly and tenderly.
‘It’s hard for a man to hide how he feels. When he wants a woman as much as I want you, Bella, then it’s pretty obvious, I’m afraid.’
‘Don’t apologise,’ she said with a bravado that would have shocked her once upon a time but felt completely natural now. She laughed up at him. ‘It’s good to know that it isn’t all one-sided.’
‘Oh, it most definitely isn’t!’ He lay down on the bed and gathered her into his arms while he kissed her with a passion that made her tingle both inside and out. Propping himself up on his elbow, he smiled into her eyes. ‘You’re a great kisser, Bella English. I have no complaints on that score.’
‘Thank you,’ she retorted. ‘I hope you don’t have any complaints on any other score, either.’
‘Maybe just one.’ He kissed the tip of her nose and grinned at her. ‘You’re decidedly overdressed for what I have in mind. Still, it shouldn’t take long to resolve the problem.’
His hands went to the buttons on her shirt and Bella sighed. Her lack of experience hadn’t prepared her for his relaxed approach to lovemaking. Passion was tempered by humour and, amazingly, that only seemed to heighten her desire for him. By the time he reached the final button, she was trembling with need but it was obvious that he didn’t intend to rush things.
He parted the edges of her shirt with exquisite slowness and stared down at her breasts, barely concealed by the lacy white bra she was wearing. His eyes were filled with so many emotions when he looked up that her heart overflowed. Was this how it should be? she wondered giddily. Was this what she had missed, having a man look at her as though she was the most wonderful sight he had ever seen? She had no idea what the answer was but she knew that she would remember this moment for the rest of her life—the moment when she discovered how it really felt to be a woman.
‘You’re so beautiful, Bella. So very, very beautiful...’
The rest of the words were swallowed up as he bent and drew her nipple into his mouth. Bella cried out at the explosion of sensations that erupted inside her. The moist heat of his tongue, the erotic stimulation of the damp lace against her flesh, the sensual whisper of his breath as he raised his head and blew gently on the hard nub made her tremble with longing. When he turned his attention to her other breast, lavishing it with the same attention, she wasn’t sure if she could bear it. She could feel her passion mounting, feel her desire growing more and more urgent with every delicate stroke of his tongue. Lacing her fingers through his hair, she raised his head, uncaring if he could tell how much she needed him.
‘Mac, I don’t know if I can take much more of this,’ she whispered hoarsely.
‘Sweetheart!’ He kissed her hard and hungrily, then stripped off the rest of her clothes until she was naked to his gaze. His eyes grazed over her and she shivered when she saw the desire they held as he raised his head. ‘Tonight is going to be special, Bella. I promise you that. Just give me a second.’
He slid off the bed and, picking up his trousers, took out his wallet and removed a condom from it. Bella closed her eyes as he lay down beside her again and took her in his arms, shuddering as he entered her. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he was right. Tonight was going to be special. For both of them.
* * *
Mac lay on his back, one arm resting across his eyes. It was almost midnight and the daylight had disappeared a long time ago, but they hadn’t switched on the lamps. Maybe they had both felt a need to preserve the status quo. Casting light onto the scene might spoil things; it might make them question the wisdom of what they had done. He didn’t want to do that and he sensed that Bella didn’t want to do it either.
He sighed softly. He was still finding it difficult to accept how quickly his feelings had changed. The anger he had felt about the way Bella had treated Tim seemed to have melted away. Finding out that his friend had had an affair had been a shock but it wasn’t only that which had made him see that he had been unfair to her. Holding her in his arms, being close to her had done more than merely satisfy his desire for her. It had made him remember exactly who she was, and that certainly wasn’t the sort of woman who would turn her back on someone in need. No, Bella had been forced into ending her marriage by Tim’s appalling behaviour and it made him feel incredibly guilty to know how badly he had misjudged her. Now he could only pray that he hadn’t made her life even more difficult by what they had done.
‘Penny for them, Dr MacIntyre.’
Her voice was low but Mac heard the uncertainty it held and lowered his arm. Rolling onto his side, he pulled her to him and kissed her softly on the lips. Maybe he did have doubts, but he intended to keep them to himself. He didn’t want her worrying unnecessarily.
‘I’m not sure they’re worth as much as a penny,’ he countered, clamping down on the rush of desire that flooded through him. They had made love not once but twice and he really shouldn’t be feeling this need again, he told himself sternly, but to very little effect. ‘I was just letting my mind drift rather than thinking actual thoughts.’
‘So you weren’t regretting what we’ve done?’ She looked steadily into his eyes and he sighed, unable to lie to her.
‘No. I don’t regret it, but I do wonder if it was right. I...well, I don’t want it to affect our friendship, Bella, and make life even more complicated for you.’
‘Neither do I.’
She smiled but there was something about her expression that made him wonder if he had phrased that badly. Getting into a discussion about the problems it could cause if they had an affair didn’t seem right, but maybe he should have made his feelings clearer? However, before he could try to make amends, she tossed back the quilt and stood up. Mac gulped as he was treated to a tantalising glimpse of her beaut
iful body before she pulled on a robe.
‘I’ll have a shower then make us some coffee. There’s a second bathroom along the corridor if you want to use that,’ she told him briskly.
‘Thanks.’
Mac stayed where he was until she had disappeared into the en-suite bathroom. Getting out of bed, he gathered up his clothes and made his way to the bathroom. There was a heavy feeling in his heart, a suspicion that he had upset her, and he hated to think that his clumsiness had caused her any pain, but what should he do? Sit her down and explain how awkward he felt about encroaching on Tim’s territory?
Although Bella had claimed that there was no chance of her and Tim getting back together, she could change her mind. He had seen it happen to other couples, watched as time had softened the bad memories and brought the good ones into focus. He wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that happening. Neither would he want to be left with a broken heart if it did. If Bella did rediscover her love for Tim then how would it affect him?
Once again the fear of finding himself rejected reared its ugly head. As Mac got dressed, he tried his best to rationalise it away. He was a grown man, after all, not a scared seven-year-old child, and if anything happened he would deal with it. However, no matter how he tried to reason the fear away, it wouldn’t budge. In all those dark places he didn’t visit very often, he knew that losing Bella would be far worse than anything that had happened to him before. Once he had allowed himself to fall in love with her, his heart would no longer be his. It would belong exclusively to her.
* * *
Bella had the coffee ready by the time Mac appeared. She loaded everything on to a tray and carried it through to the sitting room. He was standing by the window, ostensibly enjoying the view, but she sensed that his thoughts were far removed from the charms of the moonlit scene. Was he afraid that he had allowed his judgement to be swayed by passion? Was he worried in case she had used sex as a means to convince him of her innocence? That thought stung more than any other could have done. The only reason she had slept with him was because she had wanted to!
She plonked the tray on the table with a thud that made him swing round and she felt her heart scrunch up in her chest when she saw the strain on his face. Whatever thoughts he was harbouring obviously weren’t pleasant ones. Picking up the pot, she poured coffee into the mugs, wishing that some passing genie would spirit her away. She wasn’t up to this! She couldn’t face the thought of explaining why she had slept with him when it was obvious that her reasons were a world removed from his. Oh, so maybe he had wanted her; she’d seen definite proof of that! However, it meant nothing if he now regretted what they had done.
Bella’s hand shook as she put the pot back on the tray. She couldn’t believe how painful it was to know that Mac wished tonight had never happened. It felt like another rejection, just like the way Tim had rejected her when he’d had that affair. What was wrong with her? Was it her inability to show her emotions that drove men away?
That was what Tim had said during one of those terrible rows they’d had. He had accused her of being so cold that she had driven him into the arms of another woman. He had even blamed her coldness for his drug addiction and, although Bella knew that he had been trying to excuse his behaviour by blaming her, the words had stuck in her mind. Now they rose to the surface again to taunt her.
She was incapable of showing her true emotions because there was something missing from her make-up, some vital element she was lacking. No wonder Mac was having second thoughts about what had happened tonight. After all, what man would want to get involved with someone like her? Someone who wasn’t a real woman.
* * *
Mac drank his coffee as quickly as he could. It was scalding hot but, he gulped it down anyway, uncaring if it burnt his tongue. He needed to get away and the sooner the better, preferably. He had never gone in for the wham, bam, thank you, ma’am routine; he’d had far too much respect for the women he had slept with to treat them that way. However, he would have given his right arm to simply cut and run without offering up any explanations. If he started to explain to Bella why he wanted to leave so desperately, who knew what he’d end up admitting? The thought of laying his soul bare gave him hot and cold chills and he stood up abruptly. He had to leave. Right now, this very second. No matter what Bella thought of him!
‘I have to go.’
He headed for the door, hating himself for leaving her like this, yet unable to do anything about it. He knew that he was within a hair’s breadth of falling in love with her and the thought scared him witless. It was all very well telling himself that he could cope with anything that happened, but could he if it involved losing Bella? Could he honestly see himself carrying on if he loved and subsequently lost her? Just the thought made his head spin, round and round, faster and faster, until it felt as though his thoughts were swirling on a merry-go-round. Losing Bella would be the one thing he couldn’t handle, the thing that would bring him down, and he couldn’t take that risk.
He stopped when he reached the front door, forcing himself to smile as he turned to her. His heart stuttered to a halt when he saw the pain in her eyes but he had to be strong, had to do what was right for her as well as right for him. It wasn’t just himself he had to think about, after all. How Bella was going to feel was even more important. He couldn’t bear to think that she would be consumed by guilt about what they had done if she did decide to go back to Tim.
‘I know we crossed a lot of boundaries tonight, Bella,’ he said gruffly, trying to batten down the thought of how he would feel if that happened. ‘But there’s no need to feel...well, awkward about what’s happened. We’ve always been friends and I hope that we can still be friends from now on too.’
‘If that’s what you want.’
Her voice echoed with scepticism and Mac grimaced, understanding completely why she had difficulty believing him. Friends didn’t usually make mad passionate love, did they? They definitely didn’t cross that boundary! The thought of how hard it was going to be to think of her as a friend after tonight was too much to handle and he shrugged, opting for the easier route, a half-truth.
‘It is. I value our friendship, Bella. I always have.’ Bending, he dropped what he hoped was a friendly kiss on her cheek, drawing back when he felt his body immediately respond. So much for friendship, he thought wryly as he opened the door. All it took was one chaste little kiss and he was up and running again!
He made his way to the lift, pausing briefly to wave before he stepped inside. He heard the apartment door close as the lift set off and sighed. If only that was the end of the matter, but there was no point kidding himself: tonight was going to have far-reaching consequences for both of them. He and Bella had slept together and even if they ignored what had happened, it wouldn’t go away. It would be like the proverbial elephant in the room whenever they were together, always there but never acknowledged.
He groaned. What in heaven’s name had he done?
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE DAYS FLEW PAST. With the schools breaking up for the long summer holiday, there were a lot of visitors in the area and that meant they were busier than ever in the paediatric A&E unit. Bella started early and finished late but she didn’t complain. It was easier when she was working. It was when she was on her own that it became a problem. With nothing to distract her, her mind kept returning to what had happened that night in her apartment. She and Mac had made love and whilst she knew that a lot of women would have taken it in their stride, she couldn’t do that. That night had been a turning point for her. She had not only discovered how it felt to be a real woman but she had also realised how inadequately suited she was to the role. It was much easier not to have to think about it.
It was a Saturday evening, three weeks after that fateful night, when Bella found herself working with Mac. Up till then their paths had crossed only fleetingly; i
f she’d been working days, he had been working nights. However, that night they were both rostered to work and she knew that she would have to deal with it. He was already there when she arrived, standing by the desk, laughing at something Laura Watson was saying to him. Bella felt her heart jolt as the memories came flooding back. Mac had looked like that when they had made love. His expression had been softened then by pleasure. If she lived to be a hundred, she would never forget that night, no matter how hard she tried.
He suddenly glanced round and she took a steadying breath as his gaze landed on her. Although neither of them had said anything, they were both aware of the rules. If they were to continue behaving as friends then there must be no harking back to what had happened. They must focus on the here and now, not on what they had done that night.
‘It sounds as though you two are having fun,’ she said lightly, going over to the desk to sign in.
‘Laura was just telling me about one of the children she saw this morning,’ Mac explained. He stepped back, ostensibly to give Bella some room, although she suspected that in reality he was trying to avoid touching her. A spurt of anger suddenly shot through her. He had been more than eager to touch her that night, hadn’t he?
‘Oh, yes?’ She smiled up at him, her green eyes holding a hint of challenge. Maybe they had agreed to behave as though nothing had happened, but it wasn’t true. They had made love and not once either, but twice. Whether he liked the idea or not, he couldn’t just ignore what they had done. ‘So what happened?’
‘Oh, nothing much. The kid just got a bit confused, that’s all.’ He glanced round when the phone rang. ‘I’ll get that.’
He headed to the phone, leaving Bella seething even though she wasn’t sure why exactly. After all, it made far more sense to pretend that nothing had happened, especially when there was no chance of there being a repeat. She snorted in disgust as the thought slid into her head. There definitely wasn’t going to be a repeat. One night in Mac’s arms had caused enough upheaval in her life!
Best Friend to Perfect Bride (Contemporary Medical Romance) Page 8