Mr. Always & Forever

by Ashlee Price

  “Just spit it out already.”

  “Well, I don’t know how to say this, but I saw Desiree.”

  The name made my head snap back. I could honestly say that I had not thought our conversation was going to go like this. I had thought of many scenarios in my head while we were waiting, but none of them had had to do with Desiree.

  “Where did you see her?”

  “Down on Hunter Street with her roommate. I guess they still live together.”

  I sat down in my chair and kind of looked off into the middle distance for a moment. She was still in the city. Something I hadn’t thought was likely. I had looked for her for months, but the girl had just disappeared into thin air.

  “Are you sure it was her?”

  Tommy nodded and sat down across from me. He must have gotten the feeling that the talk was going to take a bit longer than first anticipated. I had thought about Desiree a lot, but by this point I hadn’t thought I would find her again. I had come to the conclusion that she was gone for good, and I was trying to move on. So to hear that she was still in the city and so close felt like a punch in the gut.

  “I talked to her for a minute, but she looked like she wanted to get away from me. Like a little bird, she was.”

  The last comment threw me off, but I realized that it made sense. Desiree didn’t want to have anything to do with me. That was why she had left. While I’d tried to tell myself that something had happened to make her move – a good job offer in another city, maybe – in my heart, I had known all along that she just wanted to be away from me.

  “So how did she look?” I wanted to know that she was okay, and I knew that the empathetic Tommy was good at picking up on things like that. His eyes were as direct as they had been a moment before, and it made me worry that something was wrong.

  “Well, she looks different, Greg.”

  “How so?”

  I was trying to imagine what could be different than when I had met her. No change came to mind.

  “Okay, look, I’m just going to say it.”

  “Please do. Just spit it out.” I was getting exasperated, and I knew it was because of who we were talking about. I was never able to control myself and my emotions when it came to Desiree. That’s why I was getting bent out of shape so quickly.

  “She’s pregnant. Really pregnant, Greg. She looks like she’s about to pop any minute.”

  His eyes wouldn’t meet mine. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel about this. My Desiree was pregnant?

  “Did she have a ring on her finger?”

  Tommy looked at me a little strangely and just shook his head. He’d obviously been doing the math, and he was much better at it than I was. It hadn’t occurred to me yet that it could possibly be mine. All I was thinking about was that someone else had been with her and now she was no longer mine.

  “I don’t think she’s married, Greg. I think you’re not really thinking this through.”

  I still didn’t understand what he was saying, but Tommy gave me time. The smug look was back on his face, and it was that look that made me think outside of my current realm of possibilities. I tried to calculate how long it had been since I’d seen her. It must have been around five or six months. That still didn’t seem to add up to ‘about to pop’, as Tommy had so eloquently phrased it, so I thought farther back, to my very first time with her in the meadow. It was that night that had started it all, and it hit me like a ton of bricks what that could mean.

  “You think it’s mine?”

  He nodded his head that he did. I was sure that he was enjoying the expression on my face. Enjoying it a little too much, if you asked me. I felt like I’d been sucker punched in the stomach. I couldn’t breathe, and for a second I thought I might pass out.

  “How do you know it’s mine, Tommy?”

  “Well, she wasn’t the type to sleep around, the timing is about right, and when she saw me, I could tell that she was more than a little nervous. Desiree knew that I was going to tell you about it, and she didn’t like that idea at all.”

  His words should have made me happy. The woman I loved was still in the city and she was carrying my baby. But that still didn’t tell me why she’d left, why she’d kept her pregnancy from me, and why she was so worried that Tommy was going to rat her out. Why didn’t she want me to know?

  The questions and the answers I came up with didn’t sit well with me, but I had to keep my composure. Tommy already knew how I felt about her, but I didn’t want him to know how badly I missed her and wanted her back in my arms.

  “Do you know where she went?”

  “No, she watched me leave. I think she was making sure I wouldn’t know.”

  “So she doesn’t want me to know she’s still here?”

  He agreed, but I could tell he didn’t want to. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but it’s obvious that something happened. She was nervous about talking to me, and I know that it was because I work for you. She even asked if I still did.”

  “Did she ask about me?”

  “I think she wanted to, but once she found out that I was still working for you, the conversation was completely over.”

  I sat back and closed my eyes. I still wasn’t sure what it was that I had done wrong. There had to be a reason she was acting this way. Was it because she had gotten pregnant and didn’t want to tell me? But in that case I assumed she would have gotten rid of it. If she was heavily pregnant, that meant she was keeping the baby. She was going to keep my baby and never even tell me about it?

  The idea made me a little sick to my stomach, and the knotting in my chest was back. How could she do this to me? If Tommy hadn’t run into her, I would have never known. I didn’t like that feeling at all. I was filled with something akin to rage. “How could she do this to me?”

  “I don’t know, Greg, but now is not the time to get mad. She really looked like she was going to have the baby at any time. Now is not the time to go chasing her down. Whatever her reason, it will still be around once the baby is born.”

  I wasn’t feeling as calm about it as he was. “So you think that I should just leave her alone and let her have the baby? Without me?”

  Even saying the words hurt me a little, and when he agreed, I got that sinking feeling back. I didn’t want to let her go, let it go. Tommy had told me everything he knew, but it wasn’t nearly enough. I was going to have to wait for Desiree to come around to find out the rest.

  “I need to find her, Tommy. That is what I want you to do right now. That is your assignment. Find me Desiree and that week off is yours.”

  He smiled at me, no doubt already imagining a sybaritic trip to Vegas with his friends. He’d been giving me not so subtle hints about it for a couple of weeks now. I knew how much he wanted to go, and I was perfectly willing to live without him for a week if it meant that I would get Desiree back. She was all that I ever thought about anyway, and now that I knew she was carrying my baby I just had to find her again.

  “Fine, Greg, I’ll find her, but you have to give her some space. I liked Desiree, and I don’t want her being stressed out when she is pregnant. It’s not good for the baby.”

  I still wasn’t used to thinking about myself as a father, or her as a mother, but I got what he was saying. I was in new territory, and I was going to have to figure out a way to deal with it.

  Chapter 3 – Desiree

  I was getting close, so close that I had already packed a bag to take with me to the hospital. I wasn’t nervous anymore; I was just ready for it all to be done and over with. As I made my way to the doctor’s office, I was eager for him to tell me that it was almost time and the baby would be out soon.

  A few weeks before, I had finally learned that I was carrying Greg’s son. I don’t know why, but that seemed harder. I could imagine how our son would look just like him. A daughter might have been a little easier to deal with in that regard. I was convinced that Greg’s son would have his same green eyes and the s
ame half-grin that Greg would give me when he was pleased. It was just going to be a reminder of what we had had for a brief time – and what I had lost forever.

  Shaking off the melancholy mood that seemed to come with the last few weeks of pregnancy, I tried not to think about Greg. He came to mind more often than I was comfortable admitting, but I knew he was someone I could never forget. I was meant to be with him, and I would have thought about him for the rest of my days even if I wasn’t raising his child. Fran said I was just thinking crazy. I don’t know, maybe she was right, maybe it was all of the hormones.

  Parking by the door at the front of the doctor’s office, I noticed a sports car that reminded me of Greg. Well, just about everything reminded me of Greg, but he really liked fast cars and had been photographed recently in one just like it. It didn’t occur to me that it would actually be his; that would be just too incredible. So when I walked into the office and found him talking to my doctor, it was rather surreal.

  “Ah, there you are, Desiree. Your husband was just asking some questions and I didn’t think you would mind. I’m glad that he’s finally back from all of that travelling. I told you before that a father needs to be there for the birth, so I’m glad that you convinced him to come back in time.”

  I have to admit that I’d lied to the elderly doctor when he asked if I was married to the man whose child I was carrying. At least Greg didn’t look too mad about it. It was almost like he was amused. My husband?

  “Yes, I’m glad to see that he was able to get back as well.”

  I didn’t know what else to do but go along with it. Dr. Rosa didn’t seem to notice the tension that now filled the room. Was he just clueless, or was I the only one feeling hot all of a sudden? I wanted nothing more than to ask Greg what in God’s name he was doing there, but Dr. Rosa was already urging us back to one of the examination rooms. The waiting room was a thing of the past, and now Greg was going to be the one asking questions as we looked at our baby on the ultrasound.

  My mind went to Tommy while we walked down the short corridor. I knew he was the reason that Greg had suddenly showed up, and I wanted to wring his neck. As we walked, Greg pulled my hand and then my arm to him. I wasn’t sure why he was doing it. Maybe he was trying to put on a show for the doctor, or maybe he actually wanted to, but it felt good to be back in his arms, even if it was under a false pretense.

  When we got to the small examination room, I was hoping that Greg would stop the little game he was playing. “You can wait out front, sweetie. I’ll be back out in a few minutes.”

  He just shook his head, his eyes determined and his jaw set, and I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to budge without making a big scene, and I was just not in the mood for that. I had never wanted to argue with him; that had been the whole point of avoiding him all these months. So I just went with it and ignored the look from Dr. Rosa.

  The older man patted the bed and told me to get up there. I was nervous about everything already, and having Greg there was not calming me down. Just his presence had me tense.

  It was only when I saw the look on his face when he heard the beat of the baby’s heart that I knew that everything that I had thought was wrong. While he’d said he didn’t want a baby, there was a new light in his eyes as he looked at me and then to the screen where the baby was.

  “I can’t believe you’re pregnant.”

  I knew what he meant, but the doctor was a little puzzled by the comment. Dr. Rosa had enough tact not to say too much, but he was obviously curious about the man who’d just popped up. I could tell that the doctor had questions of his own, and I was sure he would ask them next time he had me alone. I wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

  But I had to focus on the now and the look on Greg’s face. It just made me love him even more. I still didn’t know whether everything would be okay between us, but from the way he looked at the screen and then back at me, it was impossible not to feel a little hope for our future and our son’s future.

  The doctor took a couple of pictures and gave them to Greg. I could see how moved he was, and just looking at him was bringing tears to my eyes. Had I really messed up by not telling him what was going on? I was starting to feel like a horrible person who had jumped to conclusions too quickly. Maybe he had just made the comment about not wanting babies offhandedly. It wasn’t like he’d known what was going on.

  It wasn’t too long before the doctor was done and I was wiping the clear gel off of my stomach. It felt strange to be so exposed in front of Greg, but he was still looking at the sonogram pictures in his hand. He was transfixed. If I had wanted him any way, it was the way he was acting right then.

  “Well, I think it’s safe to say that the baby will be here soon. I know that you don’t want to induce, so just listen to your body, Desiree, and when it’s time, I’ll be here to help you have your baby.”

  I thanked him and watched him walk out of the small room. I was trying to get off of the bed and hating that I wasn’t as limber as I had once been. It was only when Greg offered me a hand that I realized just how much trouble I was having. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but at the same time, I really needed some help getting down.

  When I fell into his arms, he held me for longer than he needed to and only let go when I pulled away slightly. There was no denying the way he looked at me, and there was no denying the way he made me feel with just one look.

  “Why don’t we get out of here? I think we have a lot to talk about, Desiree.”

  I nodded my head. What more could I say? His hands were still on me, and that was always one of my weaknesses. Greg had been one of my weaknesses since I had met him, and the last thing that I wanted to do was tell him no. That was why I had moved: so that I would never have to see him, because I knew that once he was in my eyes and I was in his arms, I would be lost forever. The thing that I had been so worried about him knowing, he now knew, so it didn’t seem to make much sense to worry any longer. It was finally time to put the truth out there and just see what happened.

  Following him out to the car, I waited for him to unlock it and open the door for me. Again I was reminded how much of a gentleman he was, and strangely, that made me even more nervous. Greg was always more than I could handle, and with the powerful engine and the fine man next to me, I was feeling more like my old self. I had to look down to remember that everything was different than it had been before. He was no longer my boss and this was no longer just some fun fling that we were having.

  Chapter 4 – Greg

  “You know, when Tommy told me that you were pregnant, I didn’t believe it.”

  “Yeah, I figured he was going to run to you and tell you.”

  I was trying to keep my temper. I actually had believed Tommy when he said she was pregnant, but somehow it hadn’t felt real until now. To actually see her pregnant and to hear and see the baby was something I wasn’t prepared for. I wasn’t prepared for the way she made me feel or the way I felt as I thought of being a father. It was not something that I had yearned for, but now it was something that I couldn’t imagine living without.

  “You should have told me. I shouldn’t have had to find out from my assistant, Desiree.”

  I heard her sigh and I looked over. She looked upset, and I scolded myself silently. Trying to keep my tone softer, I asked her why she hadn’t told me. I wasn’t trying to upset her, but I needed to know.

  “Because you said that you didn’t want a bunch of babies running around.”

  “That was just a joke. I had just realized that we hadn’t used protection, and I wanted to know if you were on anything. You said that it was not a problem, Desiree, remember?”

  “I was pregnant already. I had just found out, so it wasn’t like you could get me double pregnant. The damage was already done.”

  The way she said it, with her eyes staring into nothing out the window, told me that she was not happy to be pregnant. I started to think about what it w
ould be like for her. I didn’t like the idea of her going through it alone for all this time. She had been dealing with everything by herself. I took her hand and laced it into my own. I wanted her to know that I was there for her. I hadn’t been before because I didn’t know, but now that I knew, I wasn’t going anywhere.

  “You should have told me, Desiree. You shouldn’t have had to go through this alone. I would have been to all of your appointments, anything you needed.”

  We didn’t have a destination in mind. I still didn’t know where she lived, and Desiree didn’t seem to care where we were going. When I looked down at the time, my mind went back to a place we had been before. I didn’t have any of the trappings that I had at our last picnic, but I wanted her to remember, and the sun was going to be down in a little while. It seemed like the place to go while she decided what she was going to do. I knew what my plans were. If I had it my way, I would just take her home and be done with it, but I knew that I couldn’t do that with Desiree. With Desiree I was going to have to be careful what I did next.

  “I just didn’t think you would care or even want to know. If you would have gotten mad and been mean about it, I don’t think I would have been able to take that. If you would have asked me to get rid of the baby… I don’t know, Greg. I just couldn’t take that chance. I would rather have remembered our few moments together, than that.”

  I looked over at her, her hair down and covering the side of her face and her eyes. I wanted her to look at me, to see in my eyes that I was in love with her, but it wasn’t happening right then. My foot went down on the gas and I saw her hand reach up to grab the dashboard before I slowed back down and turned down the dirt road, where the bumps made me slow down even further.

  “I don’t know why you think that of me, Desiree. I would never do that to you. I would have never asked you to kill our baby. You should have told me.”