by Ashlee Price
“I can’t marry her. My family would never agree and I would be disinherited.” It wasn’t the idea of being penniless that bothered me, but the idea that my younger and less competent brother would be left in charge of the family castle and wealth. I was sure he would quickly lose it all to gambling and women in the taverns. It would quickly be gone, the family legacy and I couldn’t see that happen.
But she was having my child. We were going to have a child together and I couldn’t think straight. Could this really be? Could I really be a father?
“Well, that is up to you, Damien. I am only telling you what I have heard, like you asked. I never said that you were going to like what I had to say.”
“No, thank you. I have not gotten the same information. Is it really that common of knowledge?”
He shook his head that it wasn’t, but there were rumors and sometimes that was all it took was a few busybodies to come to assumptions and then it was soon talked about as if it were fact. I didn’t like to think about how it had affected Harriet. If it was true, she must be furious with me for leaving. Did she not think that I would come back, that I would break my promise? I wasn’t sure, but I knew then that I had to find her even more than before. There was nothing I could do until I seen her again and then what?
“So tell me you know where she is.”
He nodded and then shrugged a little. “I had to work hard for that information, but from what I hear, she was sent to her aunt’s house in the countryside to have the baby.”
I did the math in my head. It meant that soon she would be having our child and if I didn’t hurry, I was never going to find her. I was given the name of a town to try to find her at and when I left, I had a feeling that I was about to change the course of both of our lives. In the end, I didn’t really care what happened, as long as it somehow ended with Harriet in my arms at the end of it.
***
It took only a matter of a couple of days to find myself in the very village that Harriet was supposed to be in. I had ridden hard most of the time and I had to hand it to her parents, they had certainly gone out of their way to save their own reputation, if not for their daughter. What I couldn’t believe was that I was so close and still did not know what I was going to say to her. She was carrying my bastard child and I couldn’t marry her. What did I have to offer her, a house to raise our son or daughter? And if it was my son, then how could I not let him inherit all I had to give? I was torn in too many directions and even as I signaled the man driving the horses to stop them, I still was unsure what was going to happen next.
I didn’t like feeling that way, not knowing. The unknown was never something that I favored. I had to be in control, things had to go the way I needed them to go, but what was the end result for this? Was I going to marry her or was I going to try to make her my mistress? The idea of asking her to be my mistress didn’t sit well and for one reason, I didn’t think she would be so swept off her feet from the suggestion.
Nervously, I walked into the local tavern and ordered a drink. It was the perfect place to get some information about Harriet if I could and it was also the place to get something to calm my nerves. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time. I was trapped wanting her and I had to see her again, if only to remind myself that she wasn’t the one for me. But I knew she was and I knew in the end I was going to have to ask her to marry me. It was what I wanted to do and it would make it so my son, my heir, wasn’t born a bastard.
I had to hurry though. The baby would be coming any time and I still was not exactly sure where she was. Setting the drink down that I now saw the bottom of, I got up and went back out where I came. I had asked around, but still didn’t find an answer. I was standing there, looking up one side of the street to the other and then I noticed a woman passing not too far away from me.
There was nothing spectacular about the woman to cause such a stare, but it was the small necklace around her neck that made me look again. I would know that piece of jewelry anywhere and I knew it was the very one that I had given Harriet. It had to be because I made sure that it was designed just for her and there was not another one like it.
I couldn’t stop her then or grab for the necklace like I wanted to, but I did want to see where she was going. I hoped that the woman would lead me to Harriet and if not that, maybe I could find out some information before I was too late. I followed the woman a few paces behind her, trying not to startle her by getting too close. She had to lead me to Harriet; I was just so sure of it that it just had to be.
Chapter 5 – Harriet
I could hear him whispering in my ear, asking if I was still awake. I had been waiting for him, but he was late. After falling asleep, my body was still warm from my slumber. Stretching I turned towards him and wrapped myself around him slightly.
“You are late.”
Pushing the hair back from my face he nodded. “I didn’t mean to be.”
“I waited for you. I had something that I wanted to give you.”
His eyebrow went up like he was interested in knowing what the surprise was, but I was still angry with him for making me wait. Bending down, he kissed me again and before I knew it, my anger had dissipated and I was yearning for more. Lying on my back, Damien pushed his body against mine and I could feel every bit of him pressing into me. It was hard to deny the way I felt underneath him or the way my body responded to the hardness pressing against the most sensitive part of me.
I heard him groan and then there were his calloused hands moving up my leg under my dress. It was all happening too fast, his mouth covering up my soft mewls of pleasure as he touched me there. Just the touch, slowly and gently made my body excite and soon I was yearning for something more. I felt empty, hallow and needed Damien to fill me up. I knew he was the only one that could, the only one that could truly give me what I really wanted.
“Please, Damien. I want to be yours.”
“You are mine, Harriet.”
“I want to be yours in every way.”
His eyes darkened and he asked me if I was sure. I wasn’t, but I nodded my head that I was. I knew that if I didn’t have him that very night, I would not want to go on. He was leaving in the morning and I would never see him again. I knew the risks but I didn’t care. I would never love anyone the way that I loved Damien and I needed him.
Damien didn’t ask if I was sure again, instead he sat up and quickly dispatched with his clothes. I waited for him, my eyes almost slits, and his hand was back between my legs to make sure that my mind didn’t change. How could it? All he was to me was pleasure, every touch awakening my body to what it should feel like, what love felt like.
I couldn’t wait any longer and then he was over me, pushing against me and then a sudden feeling of being stuffed full of him. I gasped and then moaned his name slowly.
Waking up suddenly, I could still feel the throb of need that I had felt in that moment. But I was alone, in the small room in the attic of my aunt’s house. Damien was not there to save me and take me away from anything. He was gone and even though I had awoken from that dream more times than I cared to admit, it hurt the same every time. Every time I woke up alone, it was like losing him all over again. Over and over again I lost him and that morning I could feel that hot result of that unfulfilled need on my cheeks.
Getting up, I tried to get myself together, but my hands still trembled from the memories and I could still feel the tingling sensation of him inside of me. I felt hollow again, utterly empty without him and knowing that his child grew larger inside of me was of no real comfort to me. I was going to be alone and without him and that hit me harder than my aunt’s constant jabs.
I had to push him out of my mind or I was going to drive myself crazy. There was nothing that I could do really. He was gone and that was that. I wished for many things, but I had not wished and prayed for nothing as much as I had for Damien. To keep him safe in the war and to maybe one day bring him back to me. I knew it was a long shot, but I sent ano
ther wishful prayer up for him, that maybe one day we could be together again. I knew it was impossible to have him like I wanted, but I knew then that if I could have him in any way, it would be better than nothing at all.
***
“I have been waiting for you for a while, Harriet. I was starting to wonder if you were going to get up at all. This is no time to be lazy child, there is so much that needs to be done. Don’t think that I am going to do everything around here while you lay about. I told your mother I would watch over you, but never did I say I would be your servant.”
I sighed to myself and sat down at the table in front of a plate of cold potatoes and some kind of meat. She never splurged on anything that was too costly, so I knew that it was whatever the butcher had for little at the time. The smell of it was making me realize that I wasn’t so hungry anymore, but after more of her prodding, I managed to put down half of a small potato before I pushed the plate away.
“What is it that we have to prepare for?” I still had no idea what she was talking about from before.
“Why, for the baby of course. There are several families that we are going to meet with and I need you to look your best. No one will want your child if you look as you do now, dirty and your hair in disarray.”
I looked down at my clothes and they were stained, but it was only because I only had two dresses there. When I was made to leave in the middle of the night, my things were already in the carriage waiting and I was not able to get anything else. When I mentioned that to her, she made a sound and then told me that I would have to go down to the shops and see if there was something that wouldn’t need too many alterations.
“I doubt we will find anything as large as you are now.” She tsked and looked off for a time. “I don’t want them to see you like this, so we will have to find something. Go down there and see if there is anything suitable.”
She handed me some money and I looked at it. She made mention that she wanted anything that was left over and I nodded that I would. What I was really thinking of though, was how much it was when added with my own. There was not much else I could do if she was already planning to sell my baby or give it away to strangers. There was no way that I was going to let that happen, so I knew that now was the time. If I was going to go, really going to leave, I had to do it now because after the baby was born was going to be too late. There was much apprehension in having a child without a doctor or something of the like around, no one to help me, but I knew that I didn’t have a choice.
She was not going to let me keep my baby and I could never go home with him, so I had to leave.
“I have to change my shoes and I will go right away Aunt Lea.”
Looking at me suspiciously, I smiled back at her and she looked at me sharply. Toning down the look, I tried to keep my apprehension and excitement to myself. I didn’t know what would happen next, but I knew that almost anything had to be better than staying there and listening to her. My aunt had a way of breaking one’s spirit and mine had been broken enough. There was nothing more that I wanted to do then, but leave and never look back. My mind was a long way from the man that kept me company at night.
Chapter 6 – Damien
“Is Harriet here?”
The older woman shook her head, the dark curls falling across her face with the movement.
“I know that she is and I would like to see her.”
She stood in front of the door and made it clear that I would not be passing. I didn’t understand why she insisted on being difficult and lying to me. I was told by several people in the village that Harriet was staying there with her aunt.
“Harriet is here. Everyone in towns knows that she is here, so why won’t you move aside so I can see her.”
“I don’t know who you think you are….”
“You know exactly who I am and if I have to get someone to come in there and get her I will.”
She blanched at the threat and then sighed. “She really isn’t here. I sent her this morning to get a dress and she hasn’t come back yet with my money.”
“Are you sure she is okay?” I was less worried about her money and more worried about the woman carrying my child. With her so close to when the baby would be due, I knew that some women had complications. I couldn’t even think about what would happen if something happened to her. I knew that I would lose myself and the puckered face woman in front of me was what was standing in my way. I leveled a dark look at her and she flushed more from the intensity of it.
“I think she is fine. She probably went and spent it on something frivolous. Who knows with her?”
I could tell that I wasn’t going to get anything from her, but I wanted to make sure that she wasn’t lying. “Take me to her room.”
The woman was going to say no, I could see her lips forming to the answer, but she must have seen in my eyes that that answer was not going to be taken. I was going to have her and there was nothing that anyone was going to do about it.
She finally moved aside and directed me up a small flight of stairs that were hidden from my view at first. “She has been staying up here?”
With a nod of the head, I could tell that Harriet had more than likely ran away from that woman. She was mean and malicious, which was clear from being around her for more than a few minutes. No one could miss the spirit of the woman that was around her for too long.
The room was tiny and I couldn’t even stand up in it. I imagined Harriet in a place such as this and it made me angry that she had been tossed up there as if she were a servant. I knew that this was her aunt’s place, but it didn’t seem that she was cared for very well there.
There were only a few things that I recognized as hers and one of them was a dress that had once been beautiful, I could still see her in it, but it was now soiled and stained. The more I saw, the angrier I became. It was not the sort of place for the woman I loved and I hoped that she had left. I knew then though, that I was going to find her and make sure that she never had to live like this again.
About to leave, I stopped when I saw a piece of scrap paper with her writing on it. I would recognize it anywhere, still possessing several letters that she had written me. They had kept me going the long nights that I was fighting away from home. I picked up the small piece of paper and read it out loud. “Oliver Damien Cross.”
I liked the name and I liked the fact that she felt like our child was a boy. I had this hope in my heart that it would be a boy, but I felt like all men had desire. If she felt the same way, I knew then more than ever that the feeling I had was true. She was going to have my son soon and I had to get to her.
Walking back down the stairs I almost stopped to say something, but knew that it would just be a waste of breath on someone like her. She would not see what she had done as anything wrong, but I knew in my heart that she would pay for what she had done to Harriet. Just to treat her to such a place when there were obviously other empty rooms was bad enough.
“If you find her, make sure she gets back here. We have people to meet or they are not going to take the baby.”
I turned around and moved till I was right in front of her. “You are going to do no such thing. That is my baby and Harriet is going to be my wife. You will have nothing to do with either one of them again you old crone.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but I think the look in my eyes was enough for her to stop. I left finally and I was glad to see the back of the place. Just being around the woman had put me in a foul mood. I had to find my wife.
I really liked the sound of that.
***
“You were impossible to find.”
She smiled at me and smiled down at the bundle in her hands. “Do you want to meet your son?”
I was nervous to hold such a small creature, but the boy had my eyes and his mother’s smile. When he smiled up at me, I was in love twofold. There was nothing I could do but cradle him against me and look down at her.
“How did you find me?�
�
“I kept asking around and I followed a blacksmith’s wife home and got information from her. Then I met your aunt and you were gone. So there were only a couple of places you could have gone.”
I was proud of my investigation skills, but I was too late.
“What is the matter, Damien?”
“I wanted to do this right, to ask you to marry me before…”
“You were going to ask me to marry you?”
“I am. Harriet, I need you in my life and I want you to be my wife. For us to be a family. You are all I have thought about since I left and I don’t ever want to be without you again. I love you, Harriet.”
Her eyes started to well up as I came towards her. Kissing her, I asked her for an answer and she just smiled up at me. “How could it be anything but yes, Damien?”
***
I watched her put the baby down in the small bassinet and watched her fuss over him for a few minutes before I called her to bed.
“He is not the only one that needs some attention wife.”
She smiled and I was taken aback by her beauty once again. When she smiled at me like that, it was hard to breathe sometimes. As she came towards the bed, her eyes had a glint in them that I hadn’t seen in a long time and my body started to respond before she had done anything.
“Why are you not next to me?”
“You are impatient.”
“I have waited a long time, Harriet. I can no longer be patient.”
“What is it that you want my husband?”
I liked the sound of it and I pointed at her. “Me?”
Shaking my head, I tried to reach for her, but she back stepped out of my reach. Growling I was about to get up when she shook her finger at me and told me to stay. My eyes watched her move a little closer, but still out of my reach and then move her hands up to the top of her dress. Pulling it down her arms, her body was slowly revealed for every curve that I had missed so much. Taking a deep breath, I tried to contain myself, but I hadn’t seen the perfection in full for such a long time. My mind went to the time when I had and I grew larger by the second.