Every Breath You Take

by Chris Marie Green

Kalli laughed, just like she was used to this kind of bozo question.

  “Do you cast spells?” Twyla again.

  I almost cringed, except for the fact that this question was actually a good one. What if Amanda Lee could use somebody like Kalli as a mentor and learn a Wiccan spell that’d send my killer back through his portal?

  Was this what she’d foreseen in this house?

  Old Seth leaned by the wall, his hands on his hips. “Kalli’s educated me enough so that I can even answer that one.”

  “Pussy whipped,” Twyla coughed.

  And maybe he was. Old Seth sure seemed to be incredibly open-minded today.

  In his verve, he didn’t hear Twyla. “She doesn’t have her magickal tools on this plane, so she can’t cast spells.”

  Kalli took up where he left off. “There’s also the tiny fact that, even if I had my tools, it seems a ghost can’t cast spells. Not as far as I’ve tried. Then again, I was the new witch in the other dimension, so maybe I hadn’t learned enough for magick to work well for me here. I haven’t found any other ghost Wiccans to talk to about that, either.” Kalli turned to Twyla. “But here’s a question for you and your friends. You asked me about spells as if you have a problem that needs solving. Do you?”

  “We totally do.”

  Kalli’s smile dimmed, and she seemed sincerely apologetic. “I’m so sorry to disappoint you, then. But even if I could cast spells on this plane, it’s only after we’ve used all our nonmagickal means that we turn to magick.”

  Twyla let loose with a string of curses, but stopped short at the truly shocked look on Kalli’s face.

  “Like, sorry,” she said instead.

  “It’s all right.” Now Kalli looked at me, and I had the feeling that she was still assessing what my deal was. “If you were human, I could guide you in protecting or healing yourself, but . . .”

  “I wish it was that simple,” I said. “The psycho who killed me is haunting me in this dimension.”

  “Oh my.”

  Marg sighed. “It’s good to know you can possibly help Amanda Lee, but there’s really nothing you can do for Jensen? Because she’s trying to act for the good of all by righting wrongs in this dimension and yours, and that’s what Wiccans believe in, isn’t it? Acting for the good of all?”

  Kalli held up her hands. “If Jensen were human . . .”

  “If, if, if,” I said, that anger coming back to me. But now that I knew it was there, because the dark spirit had put it in me, I fought harder against it.

  I straightened out my voice. “The thing that’s haunting me is evil, through and through. There’s nothing you or any earthbound friends would be able to do about him?”

  She hesitated, then said, “Well, I don’t believe that evil is inborn. I don’t even believe in Satan. But maybe there would be a way for someone human to turn his negativity into good . . .”

  “Maybe,” I said, “there’d be a way to ask one of your humans that you’re guiding to help out? Or to train Amanda Lee?”

  “Truthfully, we’ve never tried to protect a ghost before. I’m wondering if that’s even possible.” She frowned. “In the year I’ve been in Boo World, I’ve stayed away from negative forces.”

  Frustration ground at me. It seemed like every ray of hope we met sputtered out. This witch wasn’t prepared for the type of evil my killer brought. Wendy wasn’t prepared, either. Neither was her mentor. So who was prepared besides exorcists or high-level cleaners who might want to exterminate me, too?

  “So,” Twyla said, almost like she was reading my mind, “what you’re saying is that you’re kind of useless in Boo World.”

  Marg shushed her.

  But I was still deep in thought. If Amanda Lee had gotten a psychic vibe about bringing me to the happy house and Kalli was the reason, why wasn’t she offering any solutions, except for maybe the possibility of networking with some Wiccans on the earthly plane?

  There had to be something big here, a ghost lesson that I still had to learn, just like my killer had obviously learned from some other entity out there.

  I floated to a resting spot near the floor, and the whole group followed my lead, knowing we’d be here for a while.

  “If you don’t mind,” I said to Kalli, “I’d love to know everything you can tell me about spells and healing and protection, even if you think they don’t apply to ghosts.”

  Because sudden hope told me that maybe there would be a way.

  12

  So Kalli went on to tell us about casting spells in the real world: how she used to concentrate, gather the energy in and around her, then send that energy at the object of the spell by pointing a finger. She told us about how Wiccans were in harmony with nature, and how everything you did would come back at you threefold, including what you did with spells.

  Most important, she told us that if Amanda Lee did try to connect with a Wiccan on the earthly plane, it’d have to be for the right reason, for the good of all.

  During the conversation, Marg had meandered toward a window down the hall, staring out of it while she listened. And surprise! Twyla had followed.

  Just as Kalli finished giving us an example about a health spell she’d done on one of the elderly, suffering arthritic women she’d known in a retirement home, Marg spoke.

  “Amanda Lee has gotten out of her car and she’s looking at the house as if she wants to find you, Jensen.”

  “She’s not comfortable coming in here,” I said, “not with so many ghosts pulling at her energy. Maybe I should go to her and see what she needs.” But I was getting a lot out of listening to Kalli, and I didn’t want to put the kibosh on our flow of discussion.

  Marg nodded, still staring out the window, the X on her chest dark against the white of her bathing suit cover-up as sunlight twisted through her.

  I spoke to Kalli. “I think ghosts drain Amanda Lee more than she lets on. She might not see or hear every one of us, but our energy affects her all the same.”

  “I can talk to her about how to live with that,” Kalli said, perking up. “There’re ways to lead her in a more positive, stronger direction. I was trying to get through to McGlinn, too, but . . .”

  “Stoned out of his gourd,” I said. “We know.”

  Next to her, Old Seth looked very pleased at the helpfulness of his woman. Or whatever she was to him. It was actually none of my beeswax.

  Marg pulled away from the window down the hall. “What if Amanda Lee can’t understand Kalli?”

  Twyla had her hands on her hips. “Way to sit around talking about Amanda Lee. What if she got some scoop from Wendy or Ruben, and we’re in here, just vomiting words? Let’s get truckin’ already.”

  I was torn. Part of me wanted to go down there and see what was up with Amanda Lee, but part of me still needed to pick Kalli’s brain.

  Marg was as perceptive as always. She headed toward the stairs. “I’m going to check in with her. If she needs Jensen, then we’ll come back.”

  I agreed, but then paranoia crept up on me again.

  Don’t leave Marg alone. What if the dark spirit is watching, waiting, hoping for one of us to veer off from the crowd so he can pounce on us and steal our essences, ghost by ghost?

  Even in a house of possibly friendly shades, I couldn’t help thinking my killer would find a way to get all of us.

  “Twyla,” I said. “Will you go with Marg?”

  “Whatever.” She zipped over to her buddy by the stairs, and I could tell that she was secretly thrilled to get a move on again. Even tubular witches could become boring when you had a heavy case of Ghost ADD.

  Marg gave me a look of total understanding, then motioned for Twyla to follow her downstairs. I could tell when they arrived on the first floor, because the music changed from Mozart to the Cure, just like Twyla wanted everyone to know she was there before going outs
ide.

  Old Seth shifted next to Kalli. I thought he wanted to be alone with her and he’d had no idea what sort of can of worms he’d opened by wanting to introduce me to her. Kalli winked at him, and he aw-shucksed in that silent way he had.

  I glanced toward the window where Marg had been.

  Kalli said, “You want to make sure they get to Amanda Lee safely, don’t you?”

  I’d told her all about my killer, so she wasn’t exactly being a major psychic with that guess.

  “Yeah, so I’m just gonna sit where I can see her,” I said.

  “Sure.”

  I floated down the hall and toward the window, while Kalli and Old Seth stayed by Uncle Kevin’s door. Even in the dimness, I could see their faint outlines, plus Kalli’s stark white bike helmet.

  When I returned my attention to Amanda Lee outside, Marg and Twyla were approaching her. Even if she was a sensitive, she was looking around her blindly, like she knew ghosts were close but she wasn’t sure who they were or exactly where they were. When Marg started a discussion, Amanda Lee relaxed, turning toward her voice.

  Kalli broke in to my thoughts. “You have more questions for me?”

  “An unending supply.” Since everything was normal outside, I looked at Kalli again. “I’ve been thinking about what you said about how you witches do good for all. So does that mean you could ask your human friends to protect human victims from my killer? Like, what if he starts to haunt the families of the other missing girls with images of their blond daughters dying?”

  “I don’t see why I wouldn’t be able to guide someone in defending them,” Kalli said.

  Good. Because there was a lot of psychological damage my killer could do to more than just me. What would it be like to wake up in the middle of the night, seeing the image of your blond daughter or sister getting scalped or cut up by an ax?

  Damned monster.

  My voice was flat. “You know, I think my killer has a mentor somewhere in Boo World. Something more powerful than any of us, and it’s been teaching him some very bad things.”

  “That wouldn’t surprise me,” Kalli said. “We’re surrounded by power.”

  “Like the Force.” Couldn’t help it.

  “Yes, something like that.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “What exactly is it that gives Wiccans the power to cast spells and work with nature, anyway?” Maybe if I knew, I could get to the bottom of my killer’s strengths.

  “People call it different things,” Kalli said. “Once I heard someone talk about the Tao in Buddhism being similar. Then there’s Old Seth here, who still believes in God and all His powers.”

  “Amen,” Seth said.

  “But,” Kalli said, glowing even more now, “my friends and I called it the All. I still do, as a matter of fact. Before anything, the All existed. She was composed of silence, stillness, and knowing.”

  “She?”

  “The All was a female spirit who created her counterpart—a he. They came together and forged two parts of one whole. And as two parts of a whole, together they made the universe. They made everything.”

  “Even Boo World?”

  “Now that I’m here to see this dimension, yes, it seems to me they even made Boo World.”

  Seth spoke. “Don’t forget heaven and hell.”

  Okay. I hadn’t exactly been a church girl in life. I didn’t know the difference between dogma and catma, but when I’d been on the beach or in the water, under the endless sky, I’d known there was something out there besides just us. I was cool with every name people called it, too. I’d never gotten around to discovering what it was, though. Looked like I was still far from it.

  Kalli continued. “The God and Goddess chose symbols to represent themselves—he wanted the Sun and she the Moon. One symbol burns hot; the other is cool. They balance. That’s what I’ve always strived for in my life, too. Balance. And I center everything I do around paying homage to the Lord and Lady. I feel more of a kinship with the Goddess, though. There’s something about her nurturing essence that always soothes me.”

  Old Seth floated to his feet and then traveled over to me. Interesting. Maybe he hadn’t come to terms with this part of their relationship yet. He stood in front of the window by me, his hands on his gun belt as he watched Amanda Lee, Marg, and Twyla talking by the car.

  Kalli didn’t seem to mind his sudden distance. “To make a long story short, the Goddess is everywhere, in everything. She’s the female part of the All, just as much as the God is the male part.” She laughed softly. “Seth, are you ready to hear what comes next?”

  “Always.”

  Kalli laughed again. “Ever since he met me, he’s gotten good at opening himself up to new experiences, but he gets jittery when I get this spiritual.”

  Seth shrugged. “It’s just that I’ve spent years doing my own kind of believing, even in Boo World. Never met anyone like you, though, talking about pagan worship and some such.”

  Now Kalli sighed, and it spiraled down the hall. “What he’s trying to say is that he doesn’t like how the All includes the old deities.”

  He glanced down at me. “Pagan was never a good word in my experience. But Kalli and me’ve had a few chitchats about this.”

  “And,” Kalli said, “every time I tell him pagan only means that I believe there’re many gods. It’s not a satanic term.”

  From the way Seth barred his arms over his chest, I wondered if he was set on someday changing her mind over to his way of thinking, no matter how strongly she felt. But I could tell that she was just as set on changing him over.

  He grumbled to me. “She says she feels an affinity for Hindu gods and goddesses.”

  “Huh,” I said, wanting to stay out of this disagreement between them as much as I could. Still, I was pretty surprised at Seth. He’d always been stuck in his ways, but sometimes, when you met someone who colored your world, you suddenly became willing to look at what composed their points of view. He was there.

  I shut myself off to thinking about anyone who’d ever done that to me. No time for Gavin, the real Dean . . . even the possibility of what I’d had with fake Dean.

  Kalli ignored Seth’s man bitching and talked to me. “I work with Sarasvati most of the time. She’s the goddess of wisdom and language in the Hindu pantheon. Wiccans call on gods and goddesses, depending on what they want to achieve.”

  Whoa. They called on them? As in, Ring-ring! Hey, Sarasvati! How’s life? Did you catch the latest Tom Cruise flick? Say, I’ve got this favor to ask you . . .

  This was a trip. I mean, I’d never known that ghosts were real before I’d become one. None of us had even gotten out of this corner of Boo World into the big, bad reaches of the beyond, so what did we know about what was really out there?

  Then the most terrible thought jarred me. “Do you think my dark spirit is actually calling on gods or goddesses that have negative qualities?”

  Kalli paused, then said, “Anything is possible. There’s black magick just as well as white.”

  It wasn’t a good enough answer. But why did I get the feeling there would be no answers, just like with everything else?

  Dead ends. Roads to nowhere. Story of my life and death.

  Then I had a most most terrible thought.

  Fake Dean. He isn’t a normal spirit. Is it totally out of the question to think that . . . ?

  No way. If he was some kind of higher deity, why was he so powerless to do things like telling me the future or helping me right the wrongs of mortals?

  Quietly freaking, I looked out the window, where Amanda Lee was standing right next to Marg, their heads together like two peas in a pod as they talked about whatever Amanda Lee had found out during all the phone calls she’d been making.

  And as they tried to keep me from being a true dead end.

 
* * *

  After I finished with Kalli, I thanked her and Old Seth. She went back to meditating in front of Uncle Kevin’s door, while Seth soundlessly float-paced the hall.

  I went downstairs, surrounding myself with all the ghosts there, looking around one more time before I left.

  A dark feeling was dogging me. More than usual, too. Was my killer in here? And was his name Franklin Anson Bruckner, an average Joe, a possibly warped creep who’d dropped by a possible victim’s search party in Texas once upon time, just for kicks? Was he doing the same thing here in Boo World, except at an innocent ghost party, where he could get his jollies from knowing that he could move around freely, undetected? Was he smiling inside and reliving my kill, hearing me scream all over again as he watched me drift toward the door?

  I glanced at McGlinn’s grandparents sitting next to each other on the couch, smiling at me so sweetly; Feng, Lee, and Yul kicking back in the corner and hovering just above the ground, their eyes closed as they listened to the lounge-lizard music someone had conjured; Daniel on the couch, flirting with the pioneer woman Penelope. Then there were all the new ghosts who’d trickled in from the graveyard underneath this house while I’d been upstairs.

  All of them strangers right now. All of them suspects.

  Paranoia, right?

  Then, within one eerie tilt of a second, every single ghost in the room seemed to turn their gazes on me, smiling, their teeth bared like they’d read my fearful thoughts.

  I didn’t move. Not until I shuddered and closed my eyes without meaning to. If I opened them, would they still be leering at me? If I ran, would the smiles ever stop?

  The cool air shivered around me, and I made myself look again. But no one was watching me. They were all doing their own things, totally clueless to my drama.

  I blinked, swearing that I still felt my killer’s gaze on me, maybe from a dark corner of the room. Maybe from nowhere at all.

  What remained of my nerves wouldn’t let me stay, so I left the house on another raging tremble, slipping out the gapped door, then stopping just in front of the Bentley outside, where Amanda Lee and Marg were . . .