I probably should've apologized, but bastard that I am I just left the room. I didn't like what the fuck was going on since I’d found them in that cabin yesterday. She wasn't acting anything like what I'd come to believe. And the things she kept saying just worked to confuse me even more.
I wandered into the nursery to look at my son, my love for him was complete, he was the only thing I was sure about in my crazy mixed up world. I knew I wasn't supposed to but I didn't really care I needed this right now, so I picked up his sleeping form out of his bed and cuddled him to my heart.
Whatever I did now would affect him as well. It wasn't just about me and Amber, he was more important than the two of us. What would he think of a father who’d destroyed his mother? How would I feel if I destroyed her? There was too much not fitting in my head. I had expected one thing and found another, but until I got to the bottom of this mess I was playing my cards close to my chest.
I think I preferred the days when I thought I hated her, at least then I was clear on where I stood, this not knowing, these doubts, were driving me insane. I wanted to believe that I'd been wrong about her; that there had been some kind of mistake, but I just couldn't see it. All the evidence I had pointed to her guilt, it's just seeing her in the flesh that dissuaded me from my oath to destroy her.
I didn't make the same mistake she had made earlier, I turned off the monitor in his room before sitting in the rocker with him cradled in my arms. It was the first time I'd really held him just to hold him. I kissed his crown, inhaling the sweet baby smell, loving the feel of him here. My beautiful son my boy.
"I promise to get to the bottom of this for your sake, if I'm wrong I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her. But if I’m not, if she's proven to be the manipulative schemer I've come to believe she is, then I will see to it that you never want for anything in this life, especially my love. But I will have to remove her from your life." I felt tears in my eyes at the thought of depriving my son of his mother, but if she were guilty then she wouldn't be worthy of that title. Not for any child, but especially not my son. I would destroy anything to keep him safe.
I sat there with him for I don't know how long before I returned him to his crib. I was sure Amber would be asleep by now, not that I'd been hiding out in hopes of that, at least that's what I told myself.
I returned to my room, she was in my bed rolled into a ball as if protecting herself from a blow. At first I thought maybe she was in pain, until I saw her face, and recognized the tracks of tears on her cheeks. Why had she cried herself to sleep? Was it because I had damn near molested her? Somehow I didn't think so; or could it be because I had rejected her?
My heart felt heavy and tired as I climbed into bed and drew her into my arms holding her as close as I possibly could.
"Colin." She sighed my name in her sleep.
The next day I woke up before her, I just lay there watching her. It was early still and the baby hadn't awakened as yet. He'd woken up for his three am feeding and I'd done my trick of putting him to her breast without waking her this time. I didn't know a body could be so tired as to sleep through that. It made me wonder how they got along for those first six weeks? It must've been hard.
I felt a pang of sadness, Amber was the same age as my little sister, whereas my sister was in college living happy and carefree from the many text I got, Amber had a baby. She also had no mother to guide her like Terry did; it hurt my heart to think of her all alone in that disgusting dump with my son. What if something had gone wrong? What if someone had...I cut my thoughts off; it didn't bear thinking. They were here now, safe. I had to get up and call Kurt, I needed something, this waiting was driving me crazy.
I gave her a soft kiss on her forehead, which made her sigh and cuddle closer. Why am I such a sap? Knowing everything I knew about her how could I want to lay here like this with her? I could feel my anger wanting to fight it's way to the surface, but my doubts were like a wall against it.
For just a moment I allowed myself to remember our time together, how much love there was, how I couldn't stand to have her out of my sight and vice versa. So why then had it been so easy for me to accept her guilt?
Because she'd run, why else would she run if she weren't guilty? And the evidence against her was overwhelming. I eased out of the bed taking care not to wake her. I took my shower quickly I didn't want Anthony to wake up while I was in there. I pulled on jeans and a tee shirt before heading out barefooted. I'd taken some time off and my brother was holding down the fort so I had no worries there. I would use this time to bond with my child.
Anthony was still out so I went to my office where the monitor I kept there would alert me when he awakened. It was still early but I called Kurt anyway.
He answered on the second ring. "Kurt it's me what do you have for me?" I had no doubt he would have something even if it wasn't much, at least it would be something.
"Yeah we went through cell phone records from the period she was here last, checked with the towers, lucky for us they're required by law to keep those things for a few years at least. You're not going to like what I found."
My gut tightened and I had to sit down, you expected this Colin pull yourself together.
"Give it to me straight."
"Nothing, we found absolutely nothing, all the places she went coincide with you or someone in your family, mostly Terry and you know where those towers are, all shopping areas.” He had a laugh in his voice. “Her phone stayed mostly quiet except for a once daily call to one Melissa Jones, other than that nothing."
"You sure about this Kurt? Be very sure, there's a lot riding on this."
"We were as thorough as can be, oh one more thing, I got in touch with the lady that owns the pawn shop. She wasn't there when we went last year and her new employee didn't know too much about the security cameras. Well apparently this old lady is a real stickler. She doesn't throw out her old tapes, she actually keeps them and have them burnt to disc in sequence. I'm seeing her later today, I'll let you know what we find."
"I want a copy of that disc, whatever it takes."
"I'll see what I can do."
"No Kurt, I want a copy of that disc." There was no give in me on this, one way or the other this was ending soon.
"You got it boss."
We rung off and I went to get the coffee started, it was going to be a long day and my mother was going to be here what I'm sure would be any minute. I'm surprised I was able to keep her away yesterday, but I wouldn't put it pass her to show up at the ass crack of dawn. Sarah Stewart waited for no one.
What did it mean, what Kurt had found? What could it possibly mean? And why hadn't I done this almost a year ago instead of flying off the handle and believing the worse? Because you were hurt, and you felt used and stupid not a good combo for a man with pride; and you have that in spades don't you?
How will you make it up to your son and his mother if you were wrong all along?
I couldn't even bring myself to think about that, the things I'd thought of her, the things I'd said, the things I wanted to do...I cut my thoughts off right there as I headed back up the stairs. Coffee could wait I needed her now.
Chapter 14
Amber
I awakened to hands on me; I would know those hands anywhere. I tensed at first, that had become my natural instinct where he was concerned, but there was no punishment in this touch. It was tender, soft, the way I remembered it. I opened my eyes to a new wonder. The look on his face so lost, so hopeful, and I could do nothing but open my arms in welcome. It was probably a mistake, he would probably go back to breathing fire again, but for now, in this moment I needed him, I missed him.
He played my body beautifully, awakening long dormant feelings of passion and lust. I touched every part of him I could reach. It was I who pulled his shirt off over his head, me who tugged at his jeans until he got the hint and took them off. It was nothing for him to remove my boy shorts and tank. His lips on my nipples felt amazing.
I felt a moment's embarrassment knowing that he would be able to taste my milk, but he didn't seem to mind.
He drew deep from my breast as if it was the fountain of youth.
"Better leave some for my son." He joked as he nibbled his way down my body. When his tongue touched my core I shot off the bed just my head and heels remained it was that good. I almost threw him off with my wild thrashing. He grabbed me around the hips and anchored me to the bed, while ravaging me with his wicked tongue. I thought I would pass out from the pleasure.
Colin
She tasted so fucking sweet I could eat her for the rest of the day. Only the thought of my mother showing up or my son awakening made me leave her sweet pussy. But not for long I surged into her, not stopping until I was in her to the hilt, eyes closed, head thrown back, I was in heaven. She felt like my every dream come true, like she belonged here in this time, with me, as one. She felt like love.
I held her gently to me as my lips found hers once more, our bodies moving in sync. I fought back the need to go faster, wanting this time together to last as long as it could before the real world intruded.
I fought back those three little words; words I always shared with her when we were intimate like this, words still etched on my heart. I felt her tears on my face and pulled back to look into her eyes, afraid for one fleeting moment that she didn't want this, but she just shook her head at the look of uncertainty on my face and drew me back to her lips.
I felt the need to fuck her hard and deep, to stamp my claim on her again, and to erase the last few months. Lifting her into my thrusts I plowed harder and harder her screams loud in my ears.
"Fuck you feel so fucking good, why? Why? Why?" I was lost, a madman.
I pulled her hair roughly as I fucked her, pulling her head back and looking into her eyes.
"What's my name?"
"Colin."
"Who owns you?"
She didn't answer but instead bit into her lip. I thrust harder while pulling her head back farther exposing her throat.
"I asked you a question answer me. Who the fuck do you belong to?" I needed to hear her say it, to have her admit it once and for all.
"You, I belong to you."
"Don't you forget it, if you ever leave me again I'll end you." I bit into her neck as I fucked her harder than ever before.
Her pussy clenched around me as her nails dug into my back, her heels bounced off my ass as I fucked her with everything I had. Ten and a half months of pent up lust was unleashed as I worked her on and off my cock.
It was a reconciling, a new awakening, dare I hope in this dare I believe again? What price would I be made to pay this time? The need to let go raced through my blood and I quickened the pace, playing with her clit driving a finger into her ass until I brought her to peak with me. It was beautiful it was life altering. It was careless I didn't use a condom.
Amber
Once again our son came to the rescue, so instead of an awkward moment following our heated encounter, there was laughter. No sooner had we both found fulfillment than he could be heard stirring through the monitor.
I kept my head down not in shame, but in fear of the moment being broken with harsh words, but my Colin seemed bent on surprises this morning, because instead of recriminations I got soft kisses and teasing.
"Our son has impeccable timing." He teased as he withdrew from my body to lay beside me, his arms still holding me close.
His wording was not lost on me either, whereas only yesterday he referred to our child as 'my son' he had called him ours, and my silly heart rejoiced at that one small thing.
I have no idea what's come over him, all I know is that I wish it never ends; I wish the dark cloud that's been hanging over us would disappear. I wanted so badly to broach the subject but was too afraid to rock the boat. Besides Anthony was beginning to do more than stir.
"I'd better get him before he screams the house down."
"Why don't you get cleaned up while I change him and bring him to you?" He actually kissed the top of my head and l wondered what was going on; what had happened between falling asleep and waking up in the morning?
Maybe he had an epiphany? And how long would my reprieve last? Will it hold until we hashed everything out in a rational manner? Or will it all come crumbling down around my ears?
I climbed out of my side of the bed as he did the same; it was only then as I felt the telltale signs of his pleasure running down my thighs that I realized how careless we had been. Shit, shit, shit.
Okay Amber don't panic, there's no reason to panic. I tried doing the math in my head but was too frazzled to figure it out, so I did some self taught exercises that had gotten me through the last ten months. Deep breath in, clear your thoughts, concentrate on what I can control, let everything else go. Breathe out.
As I felt the panic receding I ran to the bathroom and hurried through a quick cleanup. By the time I was through my boys were waiting for me. Colin had gotten our son to calm down somehow and wait for me.
I sat on the divan across from the bed as he handed the baby to me. Baring my breast I felt myself blush, Colin laughed as he easily read my thoughts. Little Anthony was ravenous this morning, latching on greedily. When Colin took one of his fingers and ran it from the baby's cheek to the top of my breast gently, it was one of the most intimate moments of my life.
I felt tears prickling at the edges of my eyes but fought against them. I had to be strong, if I wanted this, and oh how I wanted this, then I had to fight. It was more important now than it had been all those months ago, now there was a baby to consider, the one in my arms and...No better not borrow trouble. But somehow I was no longer afraid. The thought of having another baby didn't scare me, as it should; instead the image of Colin being there this time, throughout the whole thing filled me with warmth and happiness.
I looked up at him to find him looking at me with that worshipful look he always gave me before, but it was soon gone under my scrutiny. Not for the first time since he’d found us I wondered what the hell was going on?
"Are you okay?" I was at least brave enough to ask that.
Instead of an answer he leant over and kissed me, the sweetest of kisses, with one hand holding my head in place while the other held our son's head to my breast.
"I'll go make breakfast, come down when you're ready."
Chapter 15
Colin
I could see my behavior was confusing the hell out of her, well join the club princess. 'Princess' I haven't thought of her in that way for so long it was almost a jolt to the system to think it now after all this time. It was the name I had given her in those two weeks of bliss, she was my princess, the one woman I wanted to cherish above all else. The one I wished to shower with all that my money could buy.
Will I finally get the chance? By the end of this day would I finally get my life back or would it once again blow up in my face?
Mom showed up half an hour later with my dad in tow. I was so excited for her I had this big goofy grin on my face. Amber stayed back not sure of her welcome as I took the baby to my parents. Mom hogged him of course as my dad walked pass me to Amber. I kept an eye on him to make sure nothing was said to upset her, no one else was allowed to do that. I know the whole family felt the brunt of her defection, but in the end this was really between her and I. I should've known better than to doubt him though because all he did was hug her.
“Welcome home Amber."
I knew that shit was going to make her cry and I was right she bawled into his chest.
“ Thomas Stewart what did you say to my daughter in law to make her cry?"
Say what now? Since when does mom call Amber her daughter in law? Amber must've thought the same thing because I could hear her indrawn breath from where I stood.
"Sheath your claws woman all I did was welcome the girl home, you know how new mothers are they'd cry at anything."
“Oh, well, that's okay then. Look at my new grand baby he's too precious.
Colin he's the spitting image of you when you were his age. Oh I forgot the damn camera in the car."
"Watch your language grandma." I teased her with a grin.
"Oh hush you, you think I don't know better, between you men his first words would probably be the F bomb. Amber I 'm telling you, you have to put your foot down starting now, not that it did me any good. I 'll never forget the day I had to go pick Donald up from Pre-K when he told the teacher he wasn't taking any fucking nap." She rolled her eyes as dad and I cracked up. She was right though the men in our family did like to swear. Amber still hadn't said anything but she seemed a little less tense. My parents were professional diplomats, not one word was said about Amber's disappearance, it was as though they'd seen her the day before and was just picking up where they'd left off. I'm sure our son had a lot to do with that, especially for mom. In her world babies trumped everything else.
I was very proud of both of them, they made acceptance seem so fucking easy; I wish I could be the same. I hope Kurt gets here soon I want this shit over and done with. Dad of course put on his doctor's cap and checked our boy out while questioning Amber about her health. Making sure she was eating right and getting enough sleep.
"It's easy for young mothers to get run down easily, you have to pace yourself do only as much as you can when you can."
"Colin said he was hiring a nanny." Damn that sadness was back in her voice and she'd been starting to unwind too. I'd forgotten all about that that was before. When I thought I would be bringing my son home alone without a mother and later when I still believed I was going to have to separate them. I cleared my throat to apprise her of my change of heart where the nanny business was concerned, but hurricane Sarah beat me to it.
"Over my dead body. Not one of our kids were raised by nannies and I'd be damned if my grand baby would be, no way."
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