667 Ways to F*ck Up My Life
Page 28
I fist-pumped. “Yes!”
“But don’t screw him in the copy room. You’ll always be the girl who screwed a guy in the copy room. Remember poor Mary Lou and the supply closet?”
“That nickname was just evil. How come the men never get vile rhymes made up about them?”
Ellen was indeed wise. A few months ago, she’d sold a book—an awesome young adult novel about the zombie apocalypse starring a lesbian heroine named Samantha. Oh, yeah, I would forever be personified as the tough, yet sensitive saviour of humankind with a penchant for both justice and redheads.
“Where you gonna do it?” she asked.
“Oliver’s office.”
“Nope.”
“Why? It’s deserted. Oliver fled his unwashed minions an hour ago.”
She opened her mouth and closed it again, but the furrow between her eyebrows remained.
“Besides, he has couches.” I hoisted my boobs farther up in my push-up bra. Almost time for my pretties to shine!
“Do not have sex with that man in your boss’s office! You’d always be—”
“Yes, yes, I know. Besides, it would be slutty.”
Ellen pulled my sweater down so it stretched over my cleavage more. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Ellen was indeed wise.
“What’s going on with your boob there?” She pointed just as some guy passed by. He snickered and moved on. Now those gay rumours would circulate again. When they resurfaced I got hit on more by skeevy vice presidents who dreamed of getting to watch. I didn’t know if Ellen minded. She was a lesbian, so she didn’t care about that part. But perhaps she hated that people thought I was her main squeeze. She dated taller and cooler than me. Her words.
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About the Author
Lucy Woodhull has always loved le steamy romance. And laughing. And both things at the same time, although that can get awkward. Her motto is “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you'll short-circuit your Kindle.”
That’s why she writes funny books, because goodness knows we all need to escape the real world once in a while.
She believes in red lipstick, equality, and the interrobang. Lucy daydreams in Los Angeles with her husband and a very fat cat who doesn’t like you.
Email: lucywoodhull@gmail.com
Lucy loves to hear from readers. You can find her contact information, website and author biography at http://www.totallybound.com.
Also by Lucy Woodhull
Samantha Lytton: The Dimple of Doom
Samantha Lytton: The Dimple Strikes Back
Samantha Lytton: The Wrath of Dimple