The Sleepover Club Bridesmaids

by Angie Bates

  “Good point,” agreed Kenny.

  “Oh, well, if you’re sure.” Mum flew upstairs to fetch the dresses. She called down to us from the landing: “Shut your eyes, girls!”

  “Mu-um!” I moaned. “We’re not five years old.”

  We shut our eyes all the same. There was loads of mysterious rustling as Mum came back downstairs. Suddenly I got this wildly excited feeling, like you do just before you open your eyes on Christmas morning.

  “You can look now,” said Mum, sounding breathless.

  She had draped the dresses over the sofa, so we could see them properly. We gasped.

  “Oh, they are so-o gorgeous,” breathed Rosie.

  The last time I’d seen the fabric, Mum was struggling to cut out gazillions of fiddly little pattern pieces on our living-room floor. So I was every bit as dazzled as the others.

  “We’re going to look like fairy-tale princesses,” whispered Lyndz.

  “Some of us, maybe,” muttered Kenny. “The rest of us will look like total—”

  “You first, Kenny dear,” said Mum brightly.

  Good ole Kenny! We could tell she was absolutely freaking out inside, but she stood there like a docile little lamb and let Mum slip her rustly satin dress over her head. Though it was just as well Mum was concentrating on Kenny’s hemline, because Kenny’s face was a total picture.

  The minute Mum disappeared to hunt for a tape measure, Kenny clenched her fists. “Don’t any of you say a WORD,” she hissed. “I KNEW I’d look like a meringue.”

  Frankie frowned. “Actually,” she said, “you look really pretty.”

  “Pretty!” Kenny snarled. “Huh! Don’t make me laugh!”

  Honestly, I wish you could have seen that girl, pulling hideous troll faces at us in her frothy peachy bridesmaid’s dress. We all cracked up.

  Naturally, Kenny thought we were laughing because she looked awful in the dress. She clawed at it furiously, trying to get it off, but Mum had pinned the material at the back, so she was basically trapped.

  Luckily, just then Mum walked back in and said a totally perfect thing.

  “Oh, Kenny,” she said softly. “You make that dress look so special.”

  We could see Kenny struggling to figure out if “special” was some kind of polite adult code for “weird”. Then she gave my mum a shy little grin.

  “Hey, thanks Mrs Sidebotham,” she said. “Erm – about that snack?”

  Did I tell you we’d planned to hold our next sleepover the following Saturday? In other words, immediately AFTER the wedding?

  Don’t laugh, but for some reason I felt completely unhinged every time I heard myself say those three little words.

  After the wedding. After the wedding. After the…

  It was like I couldn’t imagine it. As if the wedding was making HUGE quantities of fog, and I couldn’t see anything beyond it.

  I’d known about Mum and Andy getting married since New Year, yet I still couldn’t quite believe it was going to happen. I think Mum felt that way too. She’d been really stressed out the last few days. In fact, on Friday night she went to bed practically the same time I did!

  When I woke up on Saturday morning I snuggled under my duvet, picturing how thrilled Mum would be with me for tracking down her lucky somethings all by myself. Obviously I didn’t plan to spoil my good deed by mentioning the evil ladder spell. Besides, if Kenny was right, that stupid ladder didn’t have a chance against my four magical gifts.

  I chanted the rhyme softly under my quilt. “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.”

  Suddenly I sat up, totally freaked out. Yikes! I had exactly one week left to get my act together!! Not to mention that I still hadn’t figured out what my brother and I were giving Mum and Andy for a wedding present…

  “Oh well,” I sighed. “I’ve got all today to crack that one.”

  But as it turned out, I was totally wrong about this.

  When I went downstairs, Mum and Andy were rushing round like maniacs, cleaning the house.

  “What’s up, you two? Is the Queen Mum dropping by?” I joked.

  My mother gave me a funny look, scurried off with the vacuum cleaner and started blasting the hall with Shake ’n Vac.

  Andy looked surprised. “Didn’t Nikky tell you my mother’s coming to stay?” he said.

  “Uh-uh,” I said.

  “She probably forgot,” said Andy. He lowered his voice. “It’s not surprising. Your mum’s got a lot on her mind.”

  “Tell me about it,” I sighed. I filled a bowl with my favourite strawberry cereal and joined Callum in front of Live & Kicking.

  “Hey, shorty!” I hissed. “What can I get Mum that’s like, old? Oh, I also need something blue?”

  My brother frowned. “Andy’s got some stinky old cheese in the fridge,” he suggested. “That’s quite blue.” He suddenly remembered something. “You probably shouldn’t give it to Mum though. I heard her tell Andy to put it in the bin. She said it made her want to throw up, big time.”

  I sighed. Looks like you’re on your own with this one Fliss, I told myself.

  Andy popped his head round the door. “I’m just going to fetch my mum from the station. Anyone want to come?”

  “ME ME ME!” yelled Callum, jumping up and down.

  “How about you, Fliss?” Andy asked.

  I pointed to my pink baby doll pyjamas. “I don’t think so, Andy,” I giggled.

  Mum came scurrying back with the vacuum cleaner. She stared at me. “Why aren’t you dressed?”

  “Duh! It’s Saturday,” I said. Then I saw what she was doing. “Mum, are you nuts? You vacuumed in here three minutes ago.”

  Mum seemed amazed. “Are you sure?”

  “Totally.”

  Mum giggled. “Oops,” she said. “Look, Fliss, get a move on, there’s a love. Patsy will be here in half an hour.” She looked as if the very idea of meeting her future mother-in-law made her want to faint.

  “I’m going, I’m going,” I grumbled. “You’re not the only person with stuff to do, you know,” I added mysteriously.

  Personally I thought Patsy was an incredibly sad name for an adult, but apart from that, I was looking forward to meeting Andy’s mum. Maybe she could help me out with my four somethings. Plus, she’d probably bring us cool presents. After all, she was kind of our grandma.

  Andy never talked much about his family. But it was obvious he totally worshipped his mum. Andy’s dad died when Andy was really little, so his mum brought him up by herself.

  After my shower, I tried on practically everything in my wardrobe. In the end I decided to put on this new summer dress Mum got me in Leicester. I expect you can guess what colour it was!

  Actually this particular dress is a really delicious pink, that delicate sugar-mouse colour which looks really perfect with blonde hair. Then I brushed my hair and fastened it back with some sweet little slides.

  “Why haven’t we met Patsy before?” I asked, as Mum and I waited for everyone to arrive. “I mean, you and Andy have been together for AGES.”

  But at that moment Mum vanished rather suddenly into the downstairs loo, so I never heard the answer to my question.

  By the time she came out again, Andy’s car was pulling up outside. Then his mum got out (Durn durn DURN!) and I figured it out for myself in ten seconds flat.

  I’d have probably figured it out sooner, but I was distracted by Patsy’s clothes at first. They were gorgeous – well, you know, for an old person. But then I got a good look at Patsy herself, and my heart sank.

  You know how some people have naturally friendly faces? Well, Patsy Proudlove has a naturally UNfriendly face.

  Mum rushed out and gave her a big hug. Patsy forced a smile, but you could see hugging wasn’t her favourite activity.

  “And this is Fliss,” said Mum brightly.

  “So I see,” said Patsy, as if she’d been spying on me by satellite and wasn’t too impressed.

  “We�
�ve all been dying to meet you, Patsy,” said Mum.

  Then we all stood around like a game of statues, and it was glaringly obvious that no-one could think of ANYTHING to say!

  Andy rubbed his hands together, something I never ever saw him do before. “Well, isn’t this, er – great!” he beamed. “Shall we go into the living room, and catch up with everyone’s news?”

  “I’d rather see my room first, if you don’t mind, dear,” said Patsy in a brisk voice. “And perhaps someone would show me where I can wash my hands. You wouldn’t believe the state of those trains.” And she said it as if the state of Britain’s trains was our fault!

  Andy carried Patsy’s stuff up to the spare room. Patsy followed stiffly in her gorgeous clothes.

  What’s her problem, I thought.

  Without looking at me, Mum crossed the hall and moved a harmless little vase for absolutely no reason. “Erm, did you put out those guest towels like I asked you?” she said. She sounded really uptight.

  I was getting that churning feeling. The one I get when Mum’s stressing about something and I don’t know what to do about it.

  “Mum,” I whispered. “Is Patsy going to be staying here all week? You know, until the wedding?”

  Mum looked shocked. “Where else would she stay? She is Andy’s mother. It’s really good of her to offer to lend us a hand.”

  “Mmn,” I said in a neutral kind of voice. But what I was thinking was EEK! I’d rather win a night out with Darth Maul!!

  Anyway, I won’t go into too many lurid details about our first day with Andy’s mum. All you need to know is that it was deeply depressing.

  Patsy was the kind of person who has strong views on everything. Pop music, TV soaps, dog poo, you name it. And once she got started she just kept on and on, battering away at Mum like a bulldozer. And Mum just sat there, smiling bravely, and totally letting herself be bulldozed!

  I kept expecting Andy to tell his mum where to get off, but it was like he didn’t even notice! And all at once these scary new thoughts came slithering into my mind like poisonous snakes. Like, what if Andy didn’t really love us after all?

  I felt like I was seeing a totally different side of my almost-step-dad. I got the definite feeling that if you asked Andy to choose between us and his sour-puss mother, he’d root for her every time.

  After lunch, I escaped into the kitchen to make tea for everyone. And can you believe Patsy had the nerve to follow me!

  “No, no dear,” she said impatiently. “You’ve put enough water in that kettle to sink the Titanic. Do you think your stepfather’s made of money?”

  That was the last straw. And the minute Patsy left the kitchen, I made a sneaky phone call to Rosie.

  “Can I come over?” I hissed. “It’s an emergency.”

  “Sure,” she said. “I’ll tell the others.”

  I popped my head round the living-room door. “Erm, I’ve just remembered I was meant to meet up with my friends today,” I fibbed. “I won’t be long. See you later everyone.” Then I grabbed my jacket and slammed out of the house.

  I stormed along, getting to Rosie’s house in record time.

  Luckily Rosie let me in and we went straight up to her room, so I didn’t even have to be polite to her mum or anything.

  I paced up and down Rosie’s bedroom until the others turned up, and then I just splurted out the whole story.

  “Since I walked under that ladder, everything’s fallen apart,” I ranted. “Mum’s gone totally wobbly. Andy’s mother is this like, nightmare person! And Andy’s not even trying to stop her.”

  Kenny rolled her eyes. “I already told you how to cancel the ladder spell. You were meant to get cracking on those somethings today.”

  “How could I? I haven’t had a minute to myself,” I fumed. “How was I supposed to know Patsy Proudlove was coming? No-one ever tells me anything!”

  Lyndz grinned. “You make Andy’s Mum sound like one of those huge thingummies!”

  We stared at her.

  “You know,” she said. “The things that flatten towns and stir up tidal waves.”

  “What, like a hurricane?” asked Kenny.

  Lyndz nodded, her eyes glinting wickedly. The others cracked up.

  “Yikes! Hurricane Patsy’s coming. Everyone down into the cellar!” cackled Frankie.

  But I couldn’t even raise a smile. “It’s so unfair,” I moaned. “She’s spoiling everything. And Mum’s just letting her.” I slumped to the floor. “And I STILL don’t know what to get them for a wedding present.”

  “Well, we can’t do much about Hurricane Patsy, but we could give you some prezzie ideas,” suggested Rosie. “That might take some of the pressure off.”

  “Thanks, Rosie Posie,” I croaked. “That would be great.”

  Rosie tore some pages out of a notebook and handed them round, along with various-sized bits of pencil.

  “The thing is, it’s got to be really unusual,” I explained. “But it can’t cost too much. And it can’t be something they’ve got already.”

  Honestly, my friends are so sweet! They came up with masses of things, from parrots to peg bags. Actually, I was really into the parrot idea until Kenny pointed out that they cost thousands of pounds.

  “Plus they poo everywhere from a great height,” giggled Lyndz. “I don’t think Fliss’s mum would be too happy about that.”

  “It was just an idea,” said Frankie huffily. “Fliss said she wanted something unusual.”

  “Parrot poo is unusual all right,” spluttered Lyndz.

  And you can guess what happened then, can’t you? Yep, Lyndz had one of her famous hiccup attacks.

  By the time she’d recovered, I wasn’t just confused. I also felt guilty. My friends were knocking themselves out trying to cheer me up. So why was I still so depressed?

  Finally we all went downstairs and Rosie made us drinks. She wanted us to try her new craze – something called a smoothy. Basically, you put fruit and natural yoghurt in the blender and whizz it till it’s (surprise surprise) SMOOTH!

  This time, Rosie whizzed raspberries, bananas and mango with yoghurt, and it was totally velvety and delicious.

  “Know what I wish?” I said suddenly. “I wish this whole stupid wedding business was over. Then everything could just go back to how it was.”

  Frankie sighed. “Dream on, Flissy,” she said. “Because that’s never going to happen. I mean, when it’s over Andy’s going to be your official step-dad. That’s big!”

  The others nodded. Kenny looked serious. “Everything’s going to change, Fliss,” she said. “Everything.”

  After I switched off my lamp that night, Kenny’s words came back to me. Everything’s going to change. Everything.

  “What if it’s a bad change?” I whispered to myself. “What if this whole wedding idea is a big mistake, and none of us is ever happy again?” And I had a scared little sniffle into my pillow.

  Just as I was finally dozing off, the phone rang downstairs. Who on earth could it be? It was practically midnight!

  Andy took the call, then yelled for Mum. Then next minute Mum totally screamed her head off. My heart started to race. Something terrible must have happened. I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs.

  “Mum! Mum! What’s wrong?”

  Mum waved at me to keep quiet. “You’re actually here at Heathrow!” she shrieked into the phone, beaming all over her face. “So how come you kept me in the dark all this time? Oh, it’s a surprise all right! Oh, Jilly, you’ve completely made my day. Wait till I tell Fliss!”

  I sat on the stairs with a bump. Jilly lived in the United States. She was Mum’s oldest and most unpredictable friend. Mum had been really disappointed when Jilly wrote to say she couldn’t make it to the wedding. And now she’d turned up in the UK, just like that!

  “Wait till you tell Fliss what?” I asked as Mum put down the phone.

  Mum grabbed me and twirled me round. “Jilly’s daughter came over with her. Isn’t that grea
t? You two are almost exactly the same age. Oh, Flissy, you two are going to have such fun, just like Jilly and I used to. And you’re going to meet her tomorrow!”

  I went back to bed in a happy daze. Jilly doesn’t just live in the USA. She actually lives in Los Angeles, where the film stars hang out. That practically made Jilly and her daughter film stars too.

  I stretched out under my quilt, and grinned to myself in the dark. I was going to be best friends with a film star! I could hardly believe my luck!

  It’s going to be all right, I thought. Everything is going to be ALL RIGHT.

  Suddenly I was so happy that even though Andy’s mum was in the next room, rattling the wardrobe with her juicy snores, I didn’t give a hoot!

  Next morning, I rushed downstairs, dying to tell the others my news. But the instant I picked up the phone, Mum flew out of the kitchen, hissing like an angry swan. “SSSH! You’ll wake Patsy. She’ll be wanting a nice Sunday lie-in!”

  “Fat chance in this house,” grinned Andy.

  But as it turned out, all this tiptoeing around was a total waste of time. About half an hour later, Andy took his mum up a cup of tea and found her sitting on the edge of her bed in her Sunday best, waiting for us to tell her it was OK to come down!

  Patsy didn’t actually say, but it was obvious this was a major black mark against Mum for not making her feel more welcome.

  “I’m sure I don’t want to get in anyone’s way,” she sniffed, as she poured herself a bowl of branflakes.

  I sidled up to Andy. “Now can I use the phone?” I whispered.

  Patsy overheard. “Use the PHONE!” she said, horrified. “She’s just a child! She might ring Australia by mistake!”

  “Oh, Fliss wouldn’t do anything like that,” said Mum quickly. “She’s far too sensible.”

  I thought Mum still looked horribly pale. This wedding business is wearing her out, I thought.

  “Thanks, Mum, you’re a star,” I whispered in her ear as I went past. And I grabbed the phone and escaped upstairs to my room.