by Zeenat Mahal
Zoella needed her best friend. She headed straight to Swaba’s room.
“Hey, listen Ess, I need advice.”
“Ah, remembered me, have you?”
“Shut up and listen. I’ve been offered a job. It’s very exciting. It’s a new TV channel and they wanted a female anchor and I saw the advertisement and I went. Guess who was there?”
“Brad Pitt?”
“Professor Ghani! He’s been hired as their manager or something. He recognized me and he recommended me and I got the job!”
Swaba was suddenly wide-eyed and disbelieving.
“You’re kidding me? Wow! Zee, that’s great. You’ll be on T.V.? What do you need advice for? Go grab it.”
Zoella gave a long sigh, “Yeah?”
“It’s your dream,” reminded Swaba.
Zoella nodded, saying, “Imagine Professor Ghani being there. It’s like providence.”
“Yeah. Or, you actually deserve it.”
“But, do you think I’ll be able to handle it?” asked Zoella wistfully.
Swaba raised an eyebrow. “You? You might not be able to handle it? The one who landed the coveted internship with the legendary Professor Ghani? You are having doubts about yourself? However…” she paused looking calculatingly at her best friend, and continued doubtfully, “I do see your point—there’s your hair for one thing. What have you been doing to yourself? Or rather, what have you not been doing?”
Swaba circled around Zoella and then said with a disgusted face, “Tsk. Wasted potential.”
Zoella said sheepishly, “The people at the studio did say something about a make-over too. But they were quite happy with the screen tests. We had several and they made a tape or something. It was all so exciting. I really want to rock this job.”
“What you need is a make-over. And I know just the place. Come on, let’s go get you sorted out! Oooh, I’m so excited. That hair color has to go too. Oh God, where have you been? The hundred acre wood?”
“A makeover?”
“Yep.”
“What I really need is a ‘do-over’ not a make-over.”
“Zee?”
“Yeah?”
“Do me a favor and just shut up, and let me straighten you out? Okay? Your hair’s a mess, your skin looks parched. Your—”
“Thanks Ess, what every friend needs to hear! I feel so great. You’re the best!”
“I am, Zee. I am,” said Swaba ignoring Zoella’s sarcasm. “Well then, what’s stopping you? Let’s go.”
Relieved that Swaba didn’t know yet about her disintegrating marriage, Zoella said with enthusiasm, “Okay then. Here I come, new me.”
Zoella spent the day being primped and pampered. It was a chance at a new life she told herself. This was the first step towards independence. She felt that with every step she was getting farther away from Fardeen and towards being a stronger woman. Only she didn’t want his sister to know that that was what she was doing.
It was horrible not telling Swaba. It was horrible not being able to talk with her. What else was Fardeen going to deprive her of, she wondered? Or was it she who was depriving herself? Should she have let him show her his gratitude? Should she have accepted that as a simulacrum of love and been content?
Swaba stared at Zoella open-mouthed when she was done.
“Zee!” Swaba exclaimed enraptured. “You were always beautiful but now you look like a sexpot. You look amazing.”
Zoella laughed and said, “God, I missed you!”
“Didn’t say that to me after my ten months of absence, and Him you miss?”
“Shut up, you irreverent fool. And thanks, Ess. You were right. I have to reclaim myself and my life. I want to look and feel young again, not like somebody’s favorite punching bag.”
It was true. She did feel more powerful. She felt liberated. She was not some spineless woman Fardeen could mistreat and abuse emotionally. She was not going to be that woman. She was a woman with a plan, a job, and a new haircut.
Swaba looked at her friend and said hesitantly, “Zee, please, Fardeen Bhai’s not like that. He doesn’t think of you like that.
Zoella laughed. “Swaba, it’s okay. He never cared for me, and he still doesn’t.”
“How can you say that? Zee, you love him and he’s your husband. I know that he cares for you.”
“Loved, past tense and I was a child with a crush for heaven’s sake. What do we know about love? If there’s one person I’m going to love now, that’s me. And he doesn’t care for me, believe me.”
“Ooh! I like this new Zee, even though you just told me you no longer love my brother, who may have mentioned that he feels guilty because he was unfair to you.”
“Oh, well, that I know already. He does feel guilty and grateful and he doesn’t have to, you know? Anyway, what does it matter? Forget it. I’m about to start a new job that I always wanted. So, yay me!”
Zoella grinned at Swaba like she used to before she married her brother and became this ghost-like version of herself. Swaba couldn’t help thinking her friend was still the same after all, doing so much for others and not thinking about it. What she’d done for Fardeen was out of deep love, not a crush, but Swaba didn’t say anything. She laughed with Zoella, who looked more determined to be happy than actually being so. Swaba wasn’t going to tell her that now of all times, when she was looking livelier than she had ever seen her since her return.
***
Fardeen was out of sorts.
He couldn’t concentrate on his work. He kept thinking about his conversation with Zoella. He realized that she had been right in a way. She was courageous and strong enough to face reality and embrace it. He had been shocked at having to face it, shocked and ashamed. Of course that was why his parents had agreed to this marriage. He’d been quite happy to use Zoella too, hadn’t he? First as a smokescreen and then as a crutch. He’d been absolutely sure of her devotion. He’d been so sure that all he would have to do was snap his fingers and she’d come running to his aid, to fulfill his whims, to his bed. Then he’d been angry at her for not behaving the way he had anticipated.
She’d looked so calm and collected asking for a divorce, as if it didn’t matter to her one way or another. It made no sense. Why was she doing this? Why now? When he had just realized what she meant to him? Didn’t she care for him at all, anymore?
She didn’t know he loved her. Would that have changed her mind?
Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his hair. How could he have told her then, after all that she’d said? She wanted a divorce. Fardeen got up and paced his office. He was not going to let her do this to them. She loved him, but in her hurt and anger she was going to destroy them. He had to talk to her again. He needed to make up to her for his past behavior and he was going to do anything it took to win her back. He’d have to earn her forgiveness. He had to buy time to be able to do that. He sat back down on his chair and stared ahead, unseeing.
The only thing to do was to appeal to her generous nature. She had healed him in every way. It was his turn to do the healing now. Especially since he was the one who had inflicted the wounds. She had to have loved him to go through everything with him the way she had.
Fardeen remembered and his heart clenched. He’d made it so hard for her to love him. And she had made it so easy for him. His resolve hardened. He wasn’t going to let her do this to them. She loved him too. He vowed to do everything he could to win her over. Fardeen sprang up with new purpose and headed home with a proposition for Zoella.
Swaba was sitting in the lounge with a friend of hers. He groaned. He was in no mood to socialize. Absentmindedly, he nodded and smiled in their general direction. He went upstairs to his room. Zoella wasn’t there. He checked in the bathroom and then somewhat panic-stricken he bounded down the stairs and asked his sister, “Where’s my wife?”
“How many wives do you have because one of them is sitting right here.”
Taken aback, Fardeen swung his head around to
look at Swaba’s companion. Zoella was sitting there shelling peanuts, popping them in her mouth most provocatively, he thought. She looked different, younger, freer.
“What have you done to yourself?” he asked in sheer confusion.
“Nothing much. What have you done to yourself?”
Fardeen grinned despite himself. She looked livelier than she had in a while and that pale look had disappeared. He was unable to look away. It felt good to see her looking like herself again. Even more than before, he realized how much she’d suffered during his surgeries and recuperation.
“You’ve had a productive day, I see?” he said smiling with sheer joy at the possibility of winning her over. And at seeing her looking so lovely.
“It was great actually, thanks for asking.”
“I’m glad. I’m going to take this as a sign that SS Sanity has returned to the mother-ship?”
He kept his eyes on her but she had no intention of giving up her pursuit of peanuts or glancing his way. There was a time when she couldn’t stop looking at him. Puppy-dog eyes and all. He smiled at the recollection.
He quipped, “Is this new do in celebration of our upcoming wedding anniversary? Or our divorce?”
Swaba choked on a peanut.
Thumping her on the back he said, “Oh, so your best friend didn’t tell you? Yeah, Zee’s swinging for a divorce.”
That he’d remembered their wedding anniversary, and that he could be so glib about their divorce in the same sentence, ended up making Zoella feel even more off-balance.
“How presumptuous of you to think that my every action involves you. What did you think, that the sun rises and sets with you?”
Touché. Grinning, he said, “Something like that.”
“I’m sure you can deal with your disappointment somewhere else.”
Fardeen laughed.
“D…divorce?” Swaba finally managed to splutter. Then she swung her head around and wailed, “Amiiiii!”
“Shut up!” both Zoella and Fardeen hissed. Swaba glared at them both.
“Swaba, please,” whispered Zoella.
“He’s lying isn’t he? He’s messing with me? You wouldn’t do that to him? To me?” Swaba demanded of Zoella.
“To you? What are you in this equation, Miss Piggy?” Then realizing it was to his advantage he added, “She’s obviously not thinking of you, Swaba. Not a very good friend is she? Take her to task while I go take a shower.”
Zoella threw Fardeen a dirty look.
He yawned.
“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”
Fardeen left, throwing Zoella another smile. Where had this sexy little vixen emerged from? His heart was still beating a little too hard for comfort. The rules of the game had changed again apparently. Already, he was looking forward to her next move.
After he’d made his, of course.
The next move was his.
SIXTEEN
Zoella entered and her eyes went cold when they landed on him. He deserved nothing better, he admitted to himself silently. He’d brought her to this point. Resolve hardening, Fardeen smiled and said, “Zoella, can we talk?”
“If we must.”
He let that one slide and said, “What you said yesterday may have been true at one time but it isn’t any more. We haven’t really given this marriage a chance. I mean, we’ve been living like strangers. I know I haven’t been a good husband. I know. And I would like us to start over, Zoella, before we take any rash decisions.”
“Why?” she asked softly.
This was more difficult than he’d thought. He wanted to take her in his arms and make her believe he loved her right now. His heart soared at the thought. This was nothing like he’d felt before. The warm glow, this deep longing and the strange vulnerability he had with her, had been missing with every woman he’d ever been with before. Apparently he’d never fallen so badly. Or was it that he’d never experienced love before? All those times when he’d lusted and wooed and pursued—nothing had ever felt like this.
But this wasn’t the time. She wasn’t ready. She was still watching him with a closed expression, eyes almost blank. He had to be worthy of her forgiveness. She needed time. “Give us a chance, Zoella. Please,” he said quietly, looking fixedly at her.
What a terrific bastard he was, he thought as he looked at her. That inner glow and brightness that she had always carried within her was lost, extinguished. She was beautiful still, but there was an aura of sadness around her. He had done it with his callousness and his disregard. She’d loved him once. Maybe she wasn’t that girl any more but then he wasn’t the same man either. He had changed too with the accident and the truths it had revealed about himself. The one person who’d made him feel whole and undamaged during that time had been Zoella. He had to make up to her for all his past behavior.
Determined, he tried to talk her into it, “Zoella if you still feel the same after a few months as you did yesterday then I’ll do as you ask. But please, just this once, try to forget about the past and give this marriage a chance.”
They looked at each other in silence. Zoella with bitter rage and hurt, Fardeen in guilty understanding.
Eyes burning with unshed tears, Zoella thought, forget? How easy it was to say it. Forget that I destroyed you, forget I don’t love you, forget I never will, forget the humiliation I put you through. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t forget.
Again he insisted, “Zoella, give me a few months to change your mind about me—us.”
She let out a small sigh. The fact was she needed time to plan. She had no idea where she’d go after the divorce so this was a good chance to save her pride and get some time to make future plans. She didn’t have much choice. Her mother had already told her she would not be welcomed back. Neither did she want to go back to that house.
Making up her mind she said, “Okay then, two months?” Her voice sounded cool and business-like. She was sure that the moment Neha made a claim on his life she would be forgotten like old news. She couldn’t open her heart again, it had died a slow death in this mockery of a marriage.
“Pragmatism, I like that. Always an asset,” he said with a charming smile, sure that she’d be head over heels in love with him by the end of the month.
Zoella gazed at his handsome face, his dark eyes, bold and whole again, the planes of his face unblemished. How long and how sweetly she had loved him. But there were no fairy tales in real life. He’d taught her that. She’d learnt that at last.
Zoella shrugged. It didn’t really matter but she wasn’t going to let him use her ever again.
“Okay. But a few rules. We will continue to live as we do now. There will be no physical relationship for the duration of this period.”
Fardeen’s handsome face broke into a roguish smile and he couldn’t help teasing, “Why is sex the first thing on your mind when it comes to me?”
She turned beetroot red and hissed, “It’s just something I wished to make clear. Now moving on…”
“Hold it, Miss Sunshine, I don’t agree to those terms.”
Zoella stared at him angrily. What did he think, that he’d demand she forget what he’d said and it would be done? Nothing would undo the damage he’d wreaked on her and their fledgling relationship. She was just taking his suggestion as a chance to salvage her pride while she used him for a change. No way was he getting anything more from her.
Firmly she said, “Then no deal. I don’t owe you anything. I’ll just file for divorce.”
Heart sinking at her words, Fardeen watched her and weighed the situation. She wasn’t going to budge, he could see. After all that had happened, maybe it was a good idea not to press the point. If she wanted to prove something to him, it was her prerogative. He’d have to give in if he wanted to win her. In any case, she’d be won over soon enough, he was sure, so no harm done.
“Fine,” he agreed.
“If you breach this understanding, you’ll not only stand aside, you’ll help me get the divorce
as soon as possible.”
He raised an eyebrow and said sweetly, “Why don’t I throw in cutting off my hands and feet as well? Perhaps even my…”
“Do we have a deal?” she interrupted loudly.
He stared at her and then his face broke into a smile.
“And if you break that rule? What if you can’t keep your hands off me? Then you never mention divorce again. Agreed?”
She didn’t bother to answer and taking that as acquiescence he got up to leave. With a charming smile, he said, “Well, that’s it then. We begin our life together, again.”
Fardeen was sure of one thing: she wasn’t going anywhere. She belonged with him, and more importantly, he did with her.
***
The next day, when Zoella walked in from the main door, Fardeen was waiting for her.
“Where are you coming from at this hour? It’s barely ten. When I woke up you’d already left. What was the emergency? Where did you go?”
He’d been calling her mobile phone for the last two hours. He’d never felt so unsure of himself in his life. Not even when he’d been scarred. Then he’d had Zoella. Now he was in danger of losing her.
Archly, she replied, “Real people start their day much earlier than ten.”
“Real people? And what am I, Pinocchio now?” he joked. Now that she was back, he was back to being normal.
She looked better. Almost triumphant.
“Today was my first day at my new job,” Zoella said, as if she couldn’t help herself.
Like she’d used to before. Unable, to help herself. Full of energy. He smiled.
“Really? You’ve started working? That’s great. Why didn’t you tell me? How did it go? Where is it?”
Proud and thrilled, she answered, “Well, I just started today. So, let’s see.”
He smiled and said, “That’s wonderful. What’s the job? Why’re you back so soon then? What kind of job is it?”
Zoella’s eyes flickered, as if she’d remembered who she was with. She closed up. Shrugged and said off-handedly, “Nothing much. Just a job. It offers flexible hours. I have to go back in the afternoon.”