Red

by Kim Jones

  “So, I see you and my brother are getting along,” Regg says, a smile forming on his tired face as he enters the room. Dark bags hang under his eyes, and his body moves slow with exhaustion. He throws his cap on the pool table as he walks up to me. Wrapping his arm around my waist, he takes me with him to the couch. Positioning us so that we’re on our sides, he tucks me under him. He smells like sawdust, sweat and Regg. It’s delicious. I love the smell of a working man.

  “He has a ball game tomorrow. Did you know that?” I ask, feeling him bury his face in my hair. He inhales and the gesture gives me goosebumps.

  “I did.” His answer is short, and I dig deep to find the courage to ask him to go. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. Fear of rejection comes to mind. What if he doesn’t want me to meet his family? I’m sure they will all be there.

  “Um, are you gonna go?” ‘You.’ Not ‘we.’ Maybe he will invite me to go with him.

  “Do you wanna go?”

  “Yes.” That was too fast, Red. Dammit. Why did I have to sound so desperate? I feel his body shake with laughter.

  “Okay, then. We’ll go. But right now, I need some sleep.” I smile, thinking of surprising him with supper while he sleeps. I move to get up, but he holds me tighter. “You stay with me. Watch T.V., sleep, read…whatever. But, I want you in my arms. It’s been too long.” It has been too long. I haven’t slept in Regg’s arms in three nights. I am overdue for some much needed body to body with him. Too bad we have on clothes. I start to ask him to take off his shirt, but he’s already snoring in my ears.

  I turn on the T.V., finding an old rerun of Saved by the Bell. By the time the first commercial break is over, I’m snoring too.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Friday Night Strobe Lights

  It takes me three hours to find something to wear to Todd’s football game. Regg’s aunt and uncle will be there, as will his cousin and some of his old high school friends. Girlfriends too, I’m sure. I finally decide on dark wash skinny jeans, knee high brown riding boots, a cream-colored, turtleneck sweater and my brown leather jacket. I leave my hair down, teasing it slightly at the scalp before positioning it over my left shoulder. By the time I run my hands through it a hundred times, it will look messy-just how I like it. I don’t go overboard on the makeup, but I make sure I have enough eyeliner and mascara to make my hazel eyes pop.

  I meet Regg downstairs, who’s dressed in jeans and a multi-colored button down shirt consisting of brown and orange hues. We match perfectly and I demand we take a picture together. Since I don’t have a camera, we use his. It’s a deer camera and it takes us a few tries before we’re sure the picture is taken, but the flash finally comes on.

  I smoke light a freight train on the way to the game. I’m a huge bundle of excitement and nerves by the time we arrive. Not wanting to smell like an ashtray, I soak myself in body spray, causing Regg to choke, before popping a piece of spearmint gum in my mouth. We walk hand in hand to the gate, and the huge lights illuminating the field have me nearly dragging Regg to the stands so I can get the full effect.

  “Do you want some nachos or something?” he asks, tightening his grip on my hand to slow me down. I shake my head, too excited to eat. “You that happy?” I’ve been smiling since we got out of the truck, and I guess he’s just now noticing.

  “I am. It’s nice to get out of the house.” It is, but that isn’t the reason for my happiness. As a teenager, I went to all of Luke’s football games. Sometimes, I went as far as painting myself blue and white or wearing a shirt with his name spray painted on it. Some people thought it was stupid, but Luke always looked for me in the stands before he took to the field. Dressing in something crazy made me easier to locate. He liked it, so what other people thought didn’t matter.

  We stop to talk to a few people. Regg just introduces me as ‘Red.’ He never says ‘this is my friend,’ or ‘this is my girlfriend.’ I guess he just lets people assume whatever in the hell they want to. We finally make it to the stands and I let Regg pull me across the metal bleachers as I take in the fresh cut grass, bright lights and people on the sidelines.

  “Red,” he says, pulling on my hand until I turn to him. “This is my Aunt Kathy and my Uncle Roland.” I smile down at the couple, who refuse my hand and instead stand to give me a hug. Even though I just met them, like Regg, I feel like I’ve known them for years. We take a seat next to them, Regg positioning me between him and his aunt.

  “It’s cold out here, sista,” she says, pulling her blanket tighter around her.

  “Ahh. Quit your fussin’,” Uncle Roland jokes, but I watch as he pushes his body closer to hers to keep her warm. They’re the epitome of a happy couple and it gives me a sense of peace knowing that Todd lives in a home with such a loving family.

  The announcer comes over the loud speaker, and I watch as the Tigers storm through the paper banner. Everyone is on their feet cheering, including me. Once the ball is kicked off, we spend more time standing than we do sitting.

  Todd plays an exceptional game, not allowing a single quarter-back sack. According to Aunt Kathy, it says a lot. Apparently, the Bulldog defense is rated number one in the state. Pride swells in my chest each time Todd makes a block, and my smile widens each time Regg yells out something encouraging to him. Before I know it, halftime is here and the band takes the field as the players run off. Todd chances a look in the stands, giving us all a confident smirk. But, when he points a finger gun and shoots, I know it’s meant for me.

  “Who the hell is he shootin’ at? I know he ain’t shootin’ at me.” I laugh at Aunt Kathy, taking time to tell her about the video game and the motive for Todd’s actions. Uncle Roland chimes in, letting me know that he’s a gamer too and another challenge is offered and accepted. I have a feeling I won’t be letting him win.

  I feel hot air on my fingers and turn to Regg, finding my hand cupped in his as he warms it. “How ‘bout them nachos?” I ask, thinking a coke, some peanuts and a pickle wasn’t a bad idea either. He leads me down the bleachers and towards the concession stand. The night has been perfect. Then, I see a familiar face making her way towards us. Taylor-Regg’s date from a few months ago. I feel my body stiffen, but if Regg notices, he doesn’t say anything.

  “Regg!” she calls, all smiles, sunshine and fucking rainbows. The bitch looks great, better than I remember.

  “Hey, Taylor.” Regg’s words are cautious, and I wonder if he’s trying to hide something. “You remember Red?”

  She gives me a quick once over before forcing a smile. “Of course. Good to see you again. You look great.” I smile, not sure how to respond to that. If she was expecting me to say the same, we’ll grow old and die right here before I would. “I’ll see you around?” She asks, looking back at Regg. I almost laugh at how desperate she looks. Not that I can blame her.

  “Yeah, babe.” Babe. Not darlin’. And definitely not beautiful. I’d set the whole damn stadium on fire if he called her beautiful. That was my name. He’d be better off calling her ‘Red.’

  We walk away, and I decide to keep my mouth shut about the whole scene. It wouldn’t do any good anyway, and I wasn’t going to let one girl spoil my night.

  “Regg!” I look up to see a heavy-set blonde approaching. She’s beautiful. Like breathtakingly beautiful. I imagine she is some sort of model. I’m too awestruck by her beauty to take in the fact that she is wrapping her arms around Regg’s neck.

  “Sabrina, this is Red,” Regg says, explaining who I am and what we’ve been doing with a hint of a marriage proposal and the possibility of fifteen kids in only four words. If she didn’t get the picture, she was nothing more than a stunningly gorgeous face.

  “Oh,” her face falls, but she recovers quickly. “Nice to meet you, Red.” I smile, not offering her my hand. Judging by the look in her eye, she would likely jerk it from my wrist. “Great seeing you again.” The dreamy look in her eyes doesn’t go unnoticed by me. I raise my eyebrow, and watch Regg’s face turn red.
His embarrassment is almost worth the interruption.

  Again, I choose to not say anything. We almost make it to the concession stand when I hear his name being called from behind us by another female voice.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Are you shitting me?” I turn to him, having had my fill of ex-lovers for the evening. I’m just about to smack the shit outta whoever is behind us when I look down to see a cute, blonde haired girl who couldn’t be over ten. This time, Regg lets go of my hand to pick the girl up in his arms.

  I stand there for a good minute feeling like an idiot for almost hitting a ten year old before Regg sheds mercy on me. “Red, this is Sara. My cousin.” He draws out the last words and I shoot him the finger. I realize my actions and immediately try to play it off, by throwing up my index finger to give him the peace sign. Sara, returns my warm welcome by giving me the middle finger too. Before Regg can say anything, she completes the peace sign with an innocent smile.

  “Sara. That’s my favorite name. Did you know that?” Forgetting that a ten year old is ten and not three is a mistake. So, when Sara throws her hand on her hip and says ‘I do now,’ the remark is well-deserved on my behalf. She joins us at the concession stand, and I’m thankful that the kid is here to potentially stop anymore advancing women. For all they know, Regg and I are happily married and Sara is our child. If we run into another ex, I’ll be sure to tell them that. Considering little Sara is a smart ass like me, I’m sure she’ll be on board.

  Nachos, two hamburgers, four cokes, one dill pickle, two bags of peanuts and a pack of sour straws later, we finally head back to our seats. No sooner than we’re seated, we’re back on our feet, cheering for the boys as they take the field for the second half. Through time-outs and a few injuries on the field, I learn that Sara is the daughter of Regg’s mother’s sister who’d died during childbirth. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Roland have had her since she was born. Regg, Todd and Sara were all like children to their aunt and uncle who were never able to have kids of their own. I guess God had a plan for everyone.

  The Tiger’s take home a victory that night, with a score of 36-6. They are now the district champs and playoffs begin next week. I’ve already decided that even if Regg doesn’t want to go, I am. We meet Todd outside the locker room before saying bye to the family. Somehow, I feel like they are my family too.

  The ride home is silent. I curl up next to Regg, taking advantage of the middle seat. He rides home with one arm around me and one on the wheel, making me feel like a teenager who’s just left her own high school football game. We don’t turn down the driveway, instead, Regg takes the road that leads to the farm. I don’t care. I’d gather chicken shit in my hands tonight if he asked me to, just to repay him for such an amazing night out.

  It was things like this that I’d missed out on in life. My boyfriends were all a bunch of guys who thought it was cool to hate their family. I’d never been around anyone who had a normal life. It made me feel better about my own, I guess. Regg’s family didn’t make me feel like an outsider. They made me feel like I was part of the team.

  Shit.

  I was turning into a love struck, Susie-homemaker pussy. Before long, I’d be up at dawn cookin’ up some breakfast for auntie and uncle. I’d be doing math homework with Sara and helping Todd with girl problems. Hell, I might start knitting and watching soap operas. The thought is sobering. I am losing who I was and becoming someone I don’t want to be. How was Regg able to be a biker and a big brother? How was he able to be such a badass at times, yet have the patience to teach a ten year old how to tie her shoes? He was amazing. That’s how. Me? I wasn’t amazing. I was a stripper stuck in rural hell. Yet, I liked it.

  I’m lost in my thoughts. I don’t know who I am. I’ve forgotten who I am and who I’m destined to become scares the shit outta me. I light a cigarette, but when I try to roll down the window, I can’t. I look up to find that we have stopped. We’re not at the farm, but at the lake. I can see the moon reflecting off the water, and the only thought that comes to mind is fishing for supper and running around barefoot. I have to get the hell outta here. I reach for the door handle, but Regg grabs my arm, stopping me.

  “Do you realize how transparent you are?” He’s smiling. I’m shaking my head, contemplating jumping into the freezing lake to snap some sense back into me. “You’re scared to death of a family. This,” he says, motioning between the two of us. “It feels right to you. Being with my family, that feels right too. But, you’re so scared of losing who you think you are, that you’re ready to run from something good out of fear.” Was I that transparent? No fucking way. I must have said all the shit I was thinking out loud.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say, laughing nervously. It’s the only defense I have in this moment. I’ll just laugh it off.

  “Red, you don’t have to change who you are for people to love you. They love you because of who you are.” I’ve heard that line. He stole it from someone famous. I am sure of it. “Come on, I want to show you something.” He gets out of the truck, and it takes me three deep breaths before I can find the courage to follow. I take a pull from my cigarette, letting him lead me near the boathouse at the edge of the lake. We stop just outside the door and he takes the cigarette from my hand, throwing it down before placing his hands on either side of my neck.

  “I fell for you, Red. You. I told you that I’d do everything in my power to find that girl again. I have a feeling that tonight, I’ll get her back.” He rubs his thumbs over my jaw before releasing me to open the door to the boathouse. It’s warm when we walk inside, not at all what I was expecting. I push the door closed behind me, staring into the dark. Regg flips a switch and a strobe light illuminates the room. Within seconds, I know Regg’s words to be true. Tonight, he would get that girl back, and I would find myself once again.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Finding Red, Losing Battles

  The boat house has been completely transformed into a dance studio. Thick, acrylic floors cover the space that was once used for boat docking. A tall, shiny pole centers the floor, reaching all the way up into the second story of the house. A massive strobe light hangs above my head, just off the front of the stage. Speakers are placed in the corners of the room, and a stereo has been built into one of the walls. One chair is positioned in front of the stage, next to a mini bar offering an array of vodkas. Ropes of black lights line the room, making everything glow brighter.

  “You did this for me?” I ask, still unable to take it all in. Was this where he’d been all day yesterday? How did he manage to pull this off?

  “I might have done it for me too.” I turn to look at him, watching as his eyes go half mast. He slowly unzips my jacket, his eyes following the path of my zipper. “I want you to dance, Red,” he says, his voice low and husky. “But, I only want you to dance for me.” I nod, unsure of how to answer him. I can’t think of anyone else I want to dance for. His eyes are the only ones I want to see me, and from now on, they are the only ones that will.

  I strip in front of him until I’m wearing nothing but a white lace bra and matching panties. The black lights illuminating the stage make my underwear glow and my skin look darker than what it really is. Regg backs away, pouring himself a drink before taking the only seat at the stage. Nervously, I cross the floor to where the entertainment center is set up.

  “Hit play on the first CD,” I hear him tell me. I locate the power button, bringing the stereo to life before hitting play. Blue on Black by the Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band booms through the speakers, and I feel like it’s a perfect fit.

  It doesn’t matter how much I try to change who I am. I’ll always be me- Red. Trying to change that would be like trying to cover black with blue. It’s pointless. I let the lyrics and the moment take me away, finding myself again on the tall, shiny pole centering the room. I don’t stop when the song ends and another begins, I just keep dancing. The CD is filled with music ranging from country to pop, and I tell the story of
each one with my movements.

  I’ve forgotten Regg. I can feel his presence, but I don’t look at him. I know he’s watching me. I can feel his eyes on me, possessing what belongs to him. When Closer by Nine Inch Nails sounds around me, the sexual tension in the room rises. I chance a look at Regg, noticing that his shirt has been unbuttoned at the collar and his sleeves are rolled up. His hat is turned backwards, displaying DFFD stitched in orange. Devil’s Forever Forever Devil’s. Even dressed like this, without a stitch of leather in sight, he still makes it known where his loyalties lie.

  He takes a sip of his drink, peering over the top of his glass at me with eyes full of feral need. They pull me to him. When I’m straddling his legs, he drops the glass, not at all bothered by its shattering. His hands grab my ass, squeezing hard as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. Moving my hips, I give Regg the show I’m famous for. I feel him harden between my legs as I role my body against him, working him in all the right spots.

  I reach behind my back, unclasping my bra and letting it fall to the floor. Leaning back, I let him hold me by my waist as I bend, my hair dragging across the broken glass as I massage my breasts, letting him watch me pleasure myself. I sit up, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands slide down to grip the back of my thighs before standing with me in his arms. Pushing me against the wall, I fumble with his jeans as he claims my mouth, kissing me hard. Freeing him, I moan at the long, heavy cock in my hand, desperate for it to be inside me. Pulling a condom from his pocket, he sucks the sensitive flesh of my neck, distracting me while he rolls it on.

  Pushing my panties out of his way, he powers into me, showing no mercy as he fucks me hard against the wall. The music screams loud in my ears, drowning out the sound of my own screams as I cry out with pleasure. His fingers dig into the cheeks of my ass while my nails claw at the skin of his back. The moment is powerful, earth shattering and we’re savage beasts, fucking the hell out of one another.