Whizz for Atomms

by Ronald Searle

  ‘Nothink. i wasn’t looking – i was thinking.’ it’s ten to twelve, that’s all. Time i get up i’ll hav to come down. don’t seem any sense in it, really.’

  ‘Any other thorts?’

  ‘it’s hot-pot today. Always hot-pot at the canteen thursdays. ho well, i’ll get on down to the stores now – ’

  ‘waffor?’

  ‘draw a monkey. i can’t look at the job without a monkey now can i and if the creep is crabbing i’ll need a blower and talking of blowers – ’

  ‘i kno. 12 o’clock and hot-pot thursdays. The trubble with you, molesworth – ’

  Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..…!

  it is by such an example as i stand there like those other brave, clear-eyed workers in the documentary films that britain will win its export batle hem-hem i do not think. But you hav to be careful. you don’t want to do too well tho or you may become a manager and hav to recieve reports from head ofice e.g.

  Be careful or you may become a manager

  PRODUCTION: very disapointing. why?

  RAW MATERIALS: very disapointing. See tomkins.

  LABOUR POSITION: very disapointing.

  in fact it is just like a skool report or one of mine at any rate and it would seme that you go on having reports as well as exams all yore life. Wot an outlook, fancy giving us all that free milk and orange juice just for that. still if we all work hard enuff they are promising the workers automatick nuclear atommic factories which do all the work by themselves. cheers cheers. Then the problem is LEAISURE. cheers. Well, leaisure hav never been any problem to me – and now yore rolls-royce is at the machine shop door, mr molesworth. O.K. – and hav this precision tool gold-plated by the time i return tomorrow. Exit the wealthy worker 12345/C nye molesworth and all the machines go:

  A puff-a grab – sizzle – grunt – screee – ow – gosh – sizzle – screeeeee – ect.

  Produktivity in Skool

  The molesworth production line for latin sentences

  1 The raw sentence is fed into the sorter

  2 The words pass along an endless belt into the electronic dicker

  3 The dicker disgorges them as latin

  4 The assembler puts them together

  5 The boys take them to the ticking machine

  Snip! Snip! Snip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  At speshul sacrifice!!!!

  HEADMASTER FOR SALE

  Small, part used in fare condition considering. Mustache recently trimmed and shoes soled with ruber excelent for cobbing boys, miscreants ect.

  No maintenance. Can live on seaweed and thinks boys can, too.

  Handy, adjustable, can be used for any purpose. Cantilever movement.

  together with

  SET OF KANES (part-worn and frayed)

  price one d. or offer

  or

  would exchange for jumping flea