Full Steam Ahead

by Valerie Chase

  I feel myself flush. “Circumstances might’ve changed,” I say with a grin.

  “Hey, can I ask you a question?” Yasmin says to Elise. “How did you get your job on the ship?”

  “I guess I sort of fell into it. My friend’s aunt works as a headhunter for the Terra Azul cruise line, and …” Elise’s mouth twists. “All of my other options sort of fell through, so I figured why not?” One of her blonde brows quirks up. “Are you interested?”

  “Maybe,” Yasmin says. “Is it fun?”

  “Some days more than others. A lot depends on your contract and what sort of job you get.”

  They chat as Jacob finishes making the gin and tonics, but my mind starts to wander. Out in the surf, I spot Jace swimming amongst the waves, his arms pin-wheeling with muscular grace. I watch him happily until he swims the other way up the beach and out of view. I can’t wait to get back to him by those palm trees.

  I tune back into the conversation as Yasmin slips her phone from her wrap dress to plug in Elise’s email address so they can chat more about cruise jobs later. Then Elise gives us a wave and heads off with her iPad and a platter full of drinks.

  When she’s gone and we’ve thanked Jacob for our mimosas, I turn to Yasmin and say, “I’m really sorry that I didn’t realize you were having such a hard time last semester.”

  Yasmin sips the fizzy drink and crosses one slim muscled leg over the other. “You’ve been having your own hard times, sweetie. And I’ve been fine, as long as I didn’t stop too long.” Suddenly her frantic work pace this year, with so many clubs and Kappa charity events, make more sense. Guilt slides through me for not noticing until now that it wasn’t an attempt to shine up her grad-school application. “But now I’m not sure what I want to do,” she continues. “My sister thought I’d make a great photographer.”

  “Yeah?” Yasmin’s the go-to person in the sorority for fabulous photos for our house and materials during Rush Week and such, but … “You never seemed to want to make it a career before.”

  “That’s because photography was Sofia’s thing, and because she was sick I let her ‘have’ it, you know? But toward the end … You know how she loved doing those photo shoots?”

  “Yeah.” I met Sofia a few times, over breaks. She wasn’t ever in good enough health to take college classes, but she was a self-taught photographer who had learned to take magazine-ready photos of simple items. She had the lights and backdrop and everything. She could make household stuff like a clock or a stapler look like art. “She was talented.”

  Yasmin bites her lip, and nods. “Well, at the end, when she got too tired to do her photo shoots, she started asking me to help, to do them while she supervised. And she seemed to think I was really good. She even made me promise to take that photography class I signed up for next semester, because she said it would make her feel better to know that after she’s gone, I’m still taking pictures for her.”

  I wish I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own problems that I didn’t see hers. I wish I could be a better friend from this point on, help her figure out what to do next, but if I have to drop out when we get back, we won’t see each other much. Still, there’s email, and video chat. I vow to remember to be supportive no matter what crap I am dealing with.

  Yasmin glances at her phone. I want to ask her the time, because it has to be getting close to when I’m supposed to meet Jace, but I don’t say anything. I’m here for as long as Yasmin needs me, and I’m pretty sure Jace will understand. I can make it up to him very enthusiastically later.

  “Anyway, thanks for listening. I guess I’d bottled this stuff up during the semester so I could function, but I thought we’d have more time to chat on our vacation.” She bumps my shoulder with hers and winks. “And I didn’t think I’d have to compete with Jace for your attention.”

  “This from the girl who sexiled Parker?” I tease back.

  Yasmin grins, then glances at her phone again.

  “So don’t you have a hookup to get to?” At my surprise, Yasmin gives me a knowing look. “I totally heard you tell Jace you’d meet him behind those palm trees.” Now I’m mortified, and it must show on my face, because Yasmin laughs. “Get out of here—I want to grab a workout anyway. But later tonight I want to hear how it’s going. Got it?”

  “You’re the best,” I say. With a last hug, I abandon my empty glass and traipse off towards the trees.

  Jace. A tingle runs up and down my spine just thinking about him. He’s turned my life inside out, in the best way possible. He’s made me think that I can handle whatever life throws my way, without destroying myself like I nearly did. Amazingly, he has given me hope when I had all but given up on it.

  My happiness dims for a split-second, because I already know it’s going to suck like crazy once our trip ends. Jace might be into me now, but I can’t drag him down once we get home. He has plans for after college, and bright dreams that I don’t figure into. I won’t let my problems get in the way of what he has worked so hard to achieve.

  Don’t focus on that now, I tell myself. We still have the rest of the trip, and this might be my last chance at happiness for a while. I won’t bog it down with dread of the future. I’m going to live in the moment, savor every second that I have with Jace.

  Hurrying in my sequined flip-flops, I jog down the beach and head into the shade, hoping to beat Jace so I can strike a sultry pose. When I round the stand of palm trees, their trunks so close together that they shield the beach from view, I find that Jace has already arrived at our hiding spot. He’s the one who has struck the sexy stance, leaning back against the widest tree with his arms crossed against his bare chest. He wears a brooding expression, and something inside me turns over in anticipation. I can’t wait for his hands to be on me, can’t wait for his eyes to devour me whole.

  “Sorry about the wait,” I say with a cocky grin. “I’ll try and make it up to you.”

  “Stop,” Jace says, and puts up a hand. “We have to talk.”

  My brain catches up to me, and I realize he wasn’t striking a sexy pose—he’s angry. His shoulders are tense, and there’s a line to his brow that makes my stomach clench.

  “Talk about what?” I ask.

  “I bumped into Hunter. He seems to think there’s something big you haven’t told me.” Jace’s gaze flickers over me, his expression guarded. “Is there?”

  I don’t know what to say, so I only stand there, wide-eyed.

  “Look, Georgia, I get it,” Jace says. “We’re still new and everything. But you told me that Hunter dumped you over the money, and he said that isn’t the case. So I’m asking you straight up: what happened?”

  I go cold all over. Oh God, I’m going to have to tell him. And then Jace will leave me, like Hunter did.

  “So there is something,” Jace says softly, studying me. “What is it, Georgie?”

  I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. All I can think about is how Jace looked when he talked about his dad earlier. His father had messed up big time, and even though he might have changed, cleaned up his act, Jace wants nothing to do with him.

  He’s a criminal, Jace had said. I’ll never trust him.

  If I tell Jace what I did two years ago, how I’m a criminal, I’ll lose him. I won’t lie to him or insult him by pretending that it’s nothing, but I find I can’t get the words out of my mouth.

  “I can’t tell you,” I whisper instead.

  Jace’s expression hardens, closes. “After everything I told you?” His voice is quiet, but in it I hear a world of hurt and disappointment. Tears press hot against the backs of my eyes.

  “Jace, please,” I start, but he shakes his head.

  “I told you stuff I’ve never told anyone. And you can’t trust me with the truth about why you and Hunter broke up?”

  “That isn’t fair,” I say weakly. “He and I were together for a year and a half, and—“

  “What we’ve had together in three days is more than what you ever had with hi
m,” Jace says fiercely, his eyes blazing emerald green. “You know that as much as I do.”

  I do know it. I won’t deny it. “I just …” But there’s no way to finish this sentence that doesn’t cause Jace to walk away,

  “You know, I thought we really had something.” His tone is hard, and every word cuts me like a blade. “I’ve trusted you completely, but I guess you don’t feel the same way at all.”

  I’m reeling, trying to make sense of his words. This is all happening so fast.

  “What are you saying?” I ask hoarsely. “That we’re over?”

  “That’s up to you, Georgia.” We stare at each other, and he’s willing me with those green eyes to confide in him. If I don’t, he’ll walk away. But … I can’t. I managed to survive seeing Hunter’s affection for me turn to disgust, but watching that happen with Jace would kill me.

  “I’m sorry,” I choke out.

  “So am I,” Jace mutters, and strides off.

  Chapter 20

  Georgia

  I stumble back to the beach.

  “Georgia!” Chloe bounces over, not seeming to notice how I’ve shattered into a million pieces. “We need another person for volleyball. Come on!” She bounces away, but I ignore her waves and head for the boarding ramp to the boat.

  A few tears run down my cheeks, refusing to be held back any longer. I run up the ramp and into the boat, then squint through my tears at the deck map by the elevators until I figure out where the gym is. A couple other passengers get on and off, but I stare straight ahead, and they thankfully stay too wrapped up in their own conversations to notice me wiping my eyes.

  The ship’s gym, with floor-to-ceiling glass walls so exercisers can revel in the ocean view, is deserted except for a guy lifting weights, and Yasmin, who’s stretching beside a treadmill. She straightens when she spots me come in.

  “Georgia?” Her dark eyes run over my expression, and for once I don’t try to hide how wrecked I am. “What’s wrong?”

  I open my mouth, but nothing comes out; I only stand there trembling. Yasmin glances at the weights guy, then takes my shoulders and leads into a room off the side. It looks like they hold classes here, because balance balls fill one corner, while yoga mats are stacked in another. Yasmin rolls out a couple of mats for us, then grabs a clean hand towel from a stack on a table. We sit down against the mirrored wall.

  “What happened, sweetie?” she asks.

  “Jace and me.” I bite my lip to stem the tears. I don’t know if I can get through this without sobbing. “I think we’re over.”

  “What?” Fury flashes across her face. “I’m going to cut his balls off with a—”

  “No,” I interrupt. I lean my head back against the hard glass and gulp down air. “It’s my fault. There’s something awful that’s going on, something I haven’t told you, or anyone.”

  Yasmin hesitates, then says, “I know.”

  My head jerks up. “You know?”

  “Not what exactly it is, but …” The anger recedes from her eyes, replaced with worry. “I’ve known something must be bothering you. You haven’t been able to keep food down for months. But you didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and with all of my psychology classes, one thing I’ve learned is to respect boundaries. I didn’t want you to stop talking to me completely if I pushed, so I figured you’d tell me what was going on when you were ready.”

  I can only stare, stunned. I thought I had gotten so good at keeping my turmoil and despair under wraps. But Yasmin has been trying to be there for me in her own way—and I didn’t even realize it. I remember how annoyed I’ve been whenever she tried to make me eat something over the past few months.

  “I was so clueless,” I say, cringing. “Are you mad for lying to you?”

  “Of course I’m not mad at you.” Yasmin lets out a sigh. “I’m mad that I couldn’t seem to help you, and that I made myself too busy to try this year. But you’re one of my best friends, and whatever you need, I’m there for you.”

  “You’re too good for me.” My voice is choked up. Yasmin catches my gaze.

  “That’s not true. If Jace can’t handle the fact that everyone has stuff they don’t want to share, then he’s an asshole.”

  “No, it’s not like that. It’s … he’s different than I thought, than we thought. He told me all about his family, his dad being in jail, and—“

  “Wait, what? His dad’s in jail?” Yasmin’s whispering, but her eyes are wide. “I totally thought that was a rumor.”

  I mentally curse myself. “He told me that in confidence; I don’t think anyone else knows. Please, don’t tell anyone, okay?”

  “I won’t, I promise,” she says, and I relax a little.

  “Anyway, the point is that he told me all this stuff about him, and I … couldn’t tell him this big thing about me. So he’s really hurt, and thinks that I don’t really trust him.”

  Yasmin rubs my shoulders. “You and Jace … it’s more than a fling for you, huh?”

  “Yeah,” I say, almost a sob. Haltingly, I tell her everything that happened between Jace and me since the start of the trip. I don’t go into detail about what we did between the sheets, obviously, but I finish up by explaining how he asked me straight up to trust him, and I failed.

  I cry a little, almost literally on Yasmin’s shoulder, and she passes me the hand towel to mop up my tears. Even though my eyes are swollen and my nose is blocked and I must look awful, there’s a lightness in my chest, because just knowing I’m not alone is huge. It’s something I hadn’t realized I needed until I had it—and lost it—with Jace.

  We sit there a while, until finally I can raise my head and dry my eyes. Yasmin regards me with quiet sympathy.

  “Do you want to talk about it now?” she says. “Not Jace—the big thing, whatever it is.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t. If I do, I’ll probably throw up and I’m so tired of throwing up everything I eat.”

  “It’s okay. If you don’t want to talk about it, I’m still here for you, G.” My eyes fill with tears again, and Yasmin makes me look at her. “Are you in legal trouble or something? Because my dad’s best friend is a lawyer, and I’m not above throwing a tantrum to get you some free counsel.” She gives me a mock-solemn look. “And you know I can throw some epic tantrums when I want to.”

  That makes me laugh a little. I’m about to tell her that I’ll be okay, that I don’t need a lawyer—but that’s the thing. I’m not okay, and maybe I do need a lawyer. If I wind up not being able to pay my blackmailer … maybe it’s time for me to stop pretending, and start allowing people to help me.

  “I might need to take you up on that,” I say, then stop.

  It’s habit, to hide my problems, but keeping everything bottled up is killing me. I realize I should’ve told Jace the truth earlier, and left it up to him to decide whether he could be with me or not. Now I’ve burned that bridge—I was so afraid of losing him that I wrecked whatever we could have been anyway, with my secrets. But I won’t let them destroy me.

  Jace had to pretend he was stone to get through his childhood. If he can survive that, I can be strong too. I can be strong enough to trust.

  “I have to tell you something,” I’m finally able to whisper.

  “I’m here. Right here.” Yasmin waits quietly, patiently. How did I wind up with a friend like her?

  Taking a deep breath, I start at the beginning.

  Chapter 21

  Jace

  I am going to have to watch out for Yasmin, because she’s got her hand on a butter knife.

  The ship is docked at the private island for the night, and though there’s a bonfire party on the beach, tonight is a dressy night in the dining room. There are only two “Formal Nights” during the trip, and the majority of the Kappa girls decided that they weren’t wasting the chance to wear their New Year’s Eve attire again. Most of my frat brothers chose to pass on the formal wear and chill at the beach barbecue, where we’ll all meet up later,
but I wanted a nice steak after the day I’ve had.

  And honestly, I thought Georgia wouldn’t be here. After I threw on my suit and abandoned the room I figured she’d hole up there to avoid me for the evening, but at the last moment before our dining slot started, she turned up in her ice blue dress with Yasmin and Parker.

  They aren’t at my table, thankfully, but at the one next to mine. Yasmin keeps giving me the stink-eye, so Georgia must have told her about our fight. Wonderful. I decide to flag down a waiter and see if I can get my dinner delivered to my room.

  “Hey Jace! Are these seats taken?” says Samantha, who sits down next to me before I can say anything. She waves a couple of her Kappa sisters over to my table, and we’re joined by a couple of Alpha guys too. Guess I’m not the only one who couldn’t resist the call of a good steak.

  “Nah, go ahead,” I hear myself say. My hope for a quiet night is sinking like the Titanic. I’m hyper-aware of Georgia sitting only a few feet away, and tell myself to ignore her, but every time she moves, I hear her dress rustle, and my ears strain to hear her voice.

  We all order, and the waiters bring our drinks. I down half my beer in one gulp as Samantha sips at a glass of the house red wine.

  “I’m so happy we’re finally getting some time to hang out,” she says brightly. She’s been annoyed with me the last couple of days because I was with Georgia, but now she blasts me with a megawatt smile. “So what did you do this afternoon? I didn’t see you kayaking or parasailing.”

  “Hung out by the beach mostly.” Bared my heart to a girl who couldn’t do the same. Samantha chatters about the different sorts of fish she saw while snorkeling, and I listen to be polite. As she talks, leaning in close to me, she makes sure to “accidentally” brush her chest against my arm. Twice.

  The salad course arrives, and I try to talk to Dan, who’s on my other side, but Samantha keeps bringing my attention back to her.