Stockholm

by Leigh Lennon

  At those times, Mikayla stood next to him; she was always the one Blake let in before anyone else, and she realized that her son was in very bad shape without his little sister.

  In retrospect, she reflected on the pride she felt knowing two of her children were inseparable. Not only that, but Mikayla was also able to make Blake’s life make sense again.

  Now, Blake seemed like a lost soul. She never understood how close they truly were. Blake was so upset the night that Mikayla was reported missing; she really thought he might hurt someone. His room had holes in the walls where he’d let his frustration out. She had never seen a temper like this in him before, but these circumstances were certainly not normal.

  He hadn’t left the house in days, and one day, when Libby tried to offer him some sort of comfort, he snapped at her. “What the fuck, Mom? Just leave me be. I am not like you and Jenna. I don’t have to talk about everything under the sun.” He knew better to have treated her with such disrespect in front of Adam, and she turned a blind eye to his uncalled-for reaction. After all, everyone was in horrific pain.

  Taylor

  She didn’t even pretend she was upset about Phillip. She had changed completely in the four weeks since the abduction of Mikayla Miller; she grew tired of explaining herself to everyone. Why wasn’t anyone else concerned about this girl who could have been anyone of us? Then in her own rationalization, she’d told herself, most things in life don’t make sense, and I am tired of explaining. It was then that she no longer felt the need to justify the weird connection. It was what it was, and it wouldn’t change anytime soon.

  With the case completely stalled, Taylor never believed Mikayla left of her own accord.

  She was walking out of her room one morning and almost hit her sister head-on as Alyssa exited the bathroom while she entered. “Tay, are you wearing that today?” Alyssa asked as she watched her sister pick up her toothbrush and toothpaste.

  She examined herself in the mirror. “Yes, what’s wrong with it?”

  Alyssa looked her sister up and down, and Taylor could feel the self-consciousness descend on her. “You used to dress cute and wear makeup,” Alyssa said as she casually walked away.

  It was true, she’d taken on a more natural look, not wearing a smidge of makeup with bell-bottom jeans and an array of neutral colored shirts with Birkenstocks. It was her hippy, “I’m going to Woodstock” look. She had changed; no longer caring about the frivolities of life. Two-hundred-dollar shoes and designer jeans didn’t make sense anymore. This was what she wanted. Couldn’t anyone see this?

  In Taylor’s mind, this radical change made perfect sense, but she couldn’t quite explain the reason. She could identify with the concerns of her parents and her sister, but it didn’t make her want to halt her metamorphosis. She liked the new person she was transforming into. She was going from a caterpillar to a butterfly, and in the alteration, she recognized the beauty and loved it.

  10

  Present

  Within the first month of the letter

  Libby

  Being sick for an entire week, Libby could barely get out of bed. The doctor couldn’t find any sign of what was ailing her, but everyone knew grief was gripping her from the inside just as it had twelve years ago. Jenna came by every day with her girls after dropping her son, Trent, off at school to help cheer her mother up with child cuteness.

  It wasn’t long before Jenna had enough of her mother’s moping. “Mom,” she said, holding Anna in her arms in the doorway of their downstairs bedroom, “enough is enough. We all want Mikayla back, but you can’t ignore the other people in your life because you miss one person.” Jenna was not going to allow her mom to sulk anymore. After a shower, Jenna suggested a little exercise might do Libby some good. On the way from the house, Libby checked the mail.

  Jenna screamed, “Mikayla, it’s Mikayla. I would recognize her sloppy left-handed scribble anywhere.”

  Jenna waited patiently as her mother read it for what seemed to be too long, but then she handed it over to her daughter. Jenna started to recite it out loud, giving her mother another way to understand Mikayla’s words.

  Mom,

  I understand my last letter gave you false hope, and I know this comes as a shock to you. I’m very happy, and I know love, real love. The love like you and Dad share. The kind of love that you sacrifice everything for. You might not understand it, but I knew you would never approve, and I chose love over my family for that reason. Please know that I’ve battled that decision for years, but I love him more than anything, and not a day goes by that I wish I couldn’t have both my love and my family, but I can’t. I live a good life with a good man who has never hurt me. It may be hard to understand but when you find love that doesn’t make sense, it actually does because love never makes sense.

  For instance, I never understood the love you had for Jenna, Blake, and myself. I appreciate it now. Believe me, I know the love you have for me. Sometimes, motherly love doesn’t make sense, but then again, it does. You gain weight you can never lose, you deal with a lot less sleep than you could ever imagine, and your demands and savings account plummets, yet you would do it all over again.

  Maybe in that weird analogy, you might comprehend why I would leave my family for a man I knew you never could like. I’m not sure if I’ll make contact again but know I love you more than ice cream and cherry pies.

  Mikayla

  Jenna stood speechless as her mother said, “There wasn’t anything in this world she loved more than cherry pie and ice cream. It was her; I can tell from the spirit of the letter. It was how Mikayla talks. And if I had to guess, she has kids, my grandkids.”

  Jenna started to speak, but the words didn’t come out at first. “Did she say what I think she said?”

  “She stayed willingly. She went willingly. My own life has been taken from me because of her.” The gravity of the words couldn’t quite work their way into her mind, and she fell to the ground as tears and wails escaped her.

  “Mom, let me get you back to bed.” Jenna tried to get her mother up, but her weight was too much for Jenna to bear, and soon, Anna and Emmy had joined the heap, crying with their grammy.

  Taylor

  Looking in the mirror at the large bruise cascading down her arm, she attempted to find something that would cover the discoloration because she had plans with her sister. The last thing she needed was the strong-willed Alyssa to know what went on in her marriage.

  While she tried to dress Dexter for the afternoon out with his beloved auntie Alyssa, she stood in awe of her immaculate house, admiring the home she’d spent the past three hours scouring. In her mind, maybe Blake’s outburst would be less if she put more effort into those areas of life that were important to him, like the house.

  Lifting Dexter was getting harder as her stomach grew each day bigger and bigger with her little girl. Grabbing her keys, she was startled by the ring of her cell phone when she saw Jenna’s name on the screen. They’d never been very close, but, she answered, expecting an emergency.

  Hearing the normally cool Jenna right away in her wild and animated voice, Taylor put Dexter down, barely able to understand Jenna’s jumbled words. She made her way to the door, grabbing Dexter’s tiny fingers. Putting him in her car, she reversed quickly out of their drive to get to Libby as quickly as she could.

  Jenna met her outside when she pulled up to her in-laws’ house where police cars lined the street. Immediately, she left for the park with the three demanding toddlers. Everyone she loved was hurting so much, and she didn’t know how to help them. In her thoughts, though, she wondered how she could help those hurting around her when she couldn’t even help herself.

  Colette

  Whenever David made love to her, she never questioned her decision to choose him. David was a tender lover, always had been, in the midst of the hatred that plagued her early on in their relationship. Though he was dominant when she first met him, he gave into her so much more as Colette becaus
e she chose him in the end.

  He only cared about her happiness, in every facet of their life together, and their sex life was no different. Waking up to an empty house, since Maribel had taken their kids the previous night, she found David between her legs, which was a perfect way to start the morning. One more suckle of her clit and she was a goner as her orgasm raged through her. Satisfied he knew how to make his woman come, he popped his head up with the same cocky smile he had in the farmhouse.

  “Now that is what I call a wake-up call.” Colette said, pulling him into a kiss. She loved his taste, especially when she could taste herself on him.

  “I love you. I want to start every morning buried in your pussy!” As he settled by her side, he played with her nipple, hinting he still was a bit frisky.

  “Babe, I want to hide from the real world today, believe me!” she said, sliding her hands down to his erection and stroking it lightly. “But…”

  “No buts, Cole. Right now, the universe consists of you and me.” They were both aware that the letter Lucas had mailed from Florida last week should have made its way to the Miller family house.

  He’d memorized Colette’s body over the years, so it was effortless when he hovered above her, pushing slightly, entering her with both emotion and passion. Her words, “I choose you, I choose you—always,” were what David waited for. Locking their eyes together, as well as their soul, he increased his speed, pushing her over the edge.

  She moaned while he came inside her. Pulling out, he trailed kisses down her thighs, then worked toward her core, sucking up every little bit of cum from her. Looking at her from her pussy, he smiled. “Like I was saying, Cole, we need this time, just the two of us.”

  There would be another moment to talk about the next stage of their plan, one they hadn’t quite figured out yet. But right now, David worshipped her body, kissing her mouth again so she could taste herself on him.

  Colette was ten when it all began. She never knew it had a name. It lasted for the next five years, but then it ended with his departure. She had decided to live at home while attending Western Washington in her hometown, which was when the plans changed. She couldn’t; no, she wouldn’t live at home with him, so she scrambled last minute to share a room with Jill, her best friend.

  Now, she would redeem herself. She owed it to the ones she left. No one understood fully what she fled from. Well, maybe, just maybe one person would.

  11

  12 Years Ago

  A month in captivity

  Mikayla

  Nolan still insisted on daily walks with Mikayla, and it let her scope out the land, though all she could see for miles was snow and wilderness. All the damn white terrain was driving her crazy. It was not a large leap in logic to understand she couldn’t survive long in the cold.

  As if insisting on these walks wasn’t bad enough, he also probed into her life. “I want to understand you, that is all, Mikayla.”

  “Understand me very clearly. For starters, I want you locked up for years for this.” It would only take a light spark to ignite her temper into a full out explosion at having her choices stripped from her. But with his mind games came the ability to take away her power to fight as she warred within herself to loathe this man.

  “Seriously, sweetness, can you work with me?” His pet name for her was one of the many things that caused her so much confusion. She loved the attention, but in her mind, she tried to detest it. She’d been caught more than once admiring his body, and it was certainly firm. Every time his shirt rode up on his waist or he had a short-sleeved top on, she could see the definition of muscles that had her eyes wandering to take in more.

  She acted as if she hated the term of endearment, sweetness, but after a couple of weeks, she understood it was his way to treasure her. She hadn’t felt respected or wanted in years. Well, there was Ethan, but Nolan’s affection took her to a new level altogether.

  “You know the saying, if you love it set it free, if it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was?” she asked.

  “I do, sweetness. I know where you are going with this, but when you lose something as deeply as I have, then you are afraid to lose again. It’s in that pain that people, well, me, make errors in judgment, and that is how I justify holding you against your will.”

  Sleep had been a problem since she’d been at the cabin, but on one particular night, it had been harder than the rest. Having never asked Nolan how long she’d been there, she calculated it was three to four weeks in her mind.

  When it was obvious she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, but knowing it was too early for her door to be unlocked, she started to read a book. She tried to avoid any of his gifts because accepting them would bring him too much pleasure. Looking at her options, she picked up two books, skimming over the synopsis of These Lovely Bones. It was too fucking freaky of a book to read while she was being held hostage. She then decided for a lighter read, Nights in Rodanthe. She was well into chapter six when she heard him unlock the door. He never woke her up in the morning, nor did he ever just barge into her room. Before she heard his footsteps walking away, she called out. “Nolan, I’m awake. You can come in.”

  He opened the door carefully, peeking in on her. “Good morning, sweetness. What are you doing up so early?”

  “I couldn’t sleep. I decided to read one of the many books you got for me. But I have a question for you.”

  “What is it?” he asked, drumming one foot against the floor.

  She grabbed the book she was not going to read while in his care and threw it at his head. “What the hell, Mikayla?” he yelled, and she’d never heard this tone unleashed on her. As he rubbed his head where the book had slammed into his temple, Nolan only stared at her.

  Screaming, Mikayla’s voice sounded hoarse. “Look at that book. Look at the back cover and the synopsis. Why the fuck would you get that book for me?”

  He read the synopsis out loud. “The Lovely Bones is the story of a family devastated by a gruesome murder—a murder recounted by the teenage victim. Upsetting, you say?” He stopped and looked at Mikayla. “Sorry, but I swear I’m not going to kill you, Mikayla. I care for you, more than I should. And even though I see the way you look at me, I realize the chances of you ever returning those feelings are slim.”

  “You got that fucking straight.” Mikayla’s tone betrayed her when the words packed a punch but not in the pitch she’d meant to deliver them.

  “Could we stop with the profanity? Okay, I’m a horrible person. I get that. I don’t deserve a woman as special as you. It’s why I try everything; the food, the room, the books, movies. Anything you want, I will give you because I care for you, and you deserve better than the way you are treated by those who should love you.”

  “I can tell you now I don’t want any of the shit you get me. I need to go home,” she cried.

  “Mikayla, you aren’t even trying.”

  Standing from her bed, she yelled, “Try? Are you for fucking real? You take me away from my family, and you want me to try?”

  He stood there as if he wanted to tell her something important but was chewing over his options. “Can I come sit with you for a moment?”

  “It’s your house,” she retorted, not meeting him in the eyes as he still rubbed his temple. One look and she could tell she clocked him good. Part of her was pleased, but the other part was sick that his handsome face would bear a bruise.

  “But it’s your room,” he replied.

  In her mind, she asked, why does he have to be such a gentleman at times? Can’t he just stay in dick mode?

  “I’m starving.” It was what she could say to make sure he knew she didn’t want him near her.

  Standing at the doorframe, he was about to justify his actions. “Listen, the night we met, I wasn’t honest. You reminded me of someone I knew who needed saving. In your car, I watched every little grimace reflected on your beautiful face, but before that, I saw the confrontation, when he was yelling a
nd pulling at your arms. Then, you continued to sit in your car before heading to the library. In my mind, I had vowed to protect a stranger because I couldn’t protect the woman I adored as if she were my sister. Yes, I freakishly watched you and then followed you. But this was not premeditated or rehearsed, and we were able to forge a quick bond between us. You opened up to me and told me about the person hurting you, and I let my emotions take hold of me. I am a man of science and research, but with you, I threw it out the window for what we’d shared in a brief amount of time. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but I needed to save you because I didn’t save someone who really needed help.”

  “Why would I ever open up to you about the person who hurts me when I’ve never told anyone, not my best friend, my boyfriend, my sister or my mom?”

  “You just answered your question, you see? It’s because I’m not close to the situation.” Pointing at the bed, he asked for permission to sit, and she nodded. Sitting with his leg crossed over his knee, he sat silently with her for a moment, then clearing his voice, he finally spoke. “Mikayla, my best friend, Evangeline, had a father who was abusive to her. The story does not have a happy ending for Evangeline. I wanted to make sure it was a happy ending for you.”

  Mikayla’s eyes widened, and her green eyes grew with hatred. “And you think you can play God?”

  “It’s when you have lost those closest to you that you enter a time in your life when your choices don’t make sense.”

  “This is how you justify it. And how would Evangeline feel, knowing you did this? Have you thought of her?” She stood close to him, both with compassion for his pain and righteous anger for his decision to take her away from those she loved.