Chapter 8
I’m not going to bore you with the details of how uncomfortable the remainder of the trip was. All I did the rest of the time was look out the window, and think of how I was going to handle this situation.
Now that we’re back in Reykjavík, I don’t feel like I am any closer to figuring it out. I’m not one to take threats and bullying very well, and I am struggling with myself to keep the dark side from completely taking over.
Pulling my suitcase out of the trunk of the car, and waving goodbye to Gunnar, I head toward the door that leads to Emilia’s flat. Ari and Lára are behind me and I’m just in a hurry to get out of their immediate company.
I push the button that notifies Emilia that we’ve arrived. I hear the buzzing that indicates the door downstairs is unlocked, so we can head inside. I make quick work of the stairs since Emilia is waiting for us in her entryway.
I rush toward her, and give her a warm, solid hug. The sincerity of our friendship causes my throat to tighten. I haven’t been able to share anything regarding Ari with her, because she is so close with Lára. I haven’t been able to speak with a single person about it, except for the threats that Lára laid on me.
“It’s so good to see you again. How are you feeling?” I give her a smile that reflects how relieved I am to be around someone who appreciates my company.
“I’m feeling much better now, thanks for asking. How was the weekend?” I can see the concern in her eyes, and I know she can read that I’m struggling with something.
“We’ll have a chat about it after I unpack. I’ll be down in a bit.” I slide my sneakers off, putting them on the shoe rack, and head up the stairs to my room. I don’t say anything to Ari or Lára as I go.
Dropping my suitcase onto the bed, I unzip it and begin to pull my toiletries out. Lára and Emilia are talking, and I hear Emilia say goodbye to Ari. He must be going down to his car to wait for Lára.
I push aside my suitcase and lay down stomach first on the bed. I pull my laptop over and sign on to fiddle with the internet. I can still hear Emilia and Lára chatting downstairs, while I begin to search for airfare home.
“Lára, you have to tell him. That’s unacceptable. If you don’t, I will.” I can hear Emilia’s voice rising as she becomes agitated. Whatever it is, it must be important. They must be talking about Ari.
“You don’t understand!” Lára voice is full of frustration and anger.
“Well, then you better explain it to me. Right now.”
“I can’t yet. I will soon, though. I promise. I have to go now.” Their voices become quieter and harder to hear. The front door opens and closes and I know that Lára has left.
At once I head downstairs to catch up with Emilia. Valur isn’t here. He’s probably out playing football with his friends. Emilia is in the kitchen, cleaning the countertops, and I lean my shoulder against the refrigerator and watch silently.
She looks over to where I’m standing with a wry smile on her face. She continues to wipe the counter with her rag while contemplating what to say next.
“Was your weekend terrible? Was it very awkward between all three of you?” She finally asks. I’m a bit surprised that she’s acknowledging the situation out loud. I had been so afraid to mention it and stir up trouble. Even though we’ve been friends for years, this is a matter I didn’t know how to deal with.
“I think that’s an understatement. Thanks for asking, though. I haven’t really known if I could talk to you about this or not.” I felt a bit nervous actually voicing some of this out loud.
The amount of loneliness I’ve endured since I’ve arrived has been so much, even though I hadn’t even noticed it until now. I’ve always been an independent person, and it’s been good for me. I doubt that anyone in the States, besides my parents, even know that I had been talking to Ari at all. I just tend to keep things to myself. I’ve learned that relying on yourself is what you need to do in life. I can’t help who I am.
Emilia is nodding thoughtfully, and we just stand for a moment, looking at each other in understanding.
“Lára doesn’t always handle things in the best ways. We all have our issues. I’m not sure who I should be supporting in all of this, since I love each and every one of you.” I don’t say anything, as I’m not sure what I would say.
“I’ve watched all sides, you know? I’ve seen Ari and you become close, listened while you both told me about each other over the years. I’ve watched as Lára and Ari became closer. I feel like my hands are tied as to what I am supposed to do. But….” She turns to a cabinet above the sink, pulls out two coffee cups, and sets them on the counter. Filling up a water heater, she plugs it into the wall and turns it on. She continues to prepare for us to have a cup of tea while she speaks.
“Lára is making some very strange choices, and I fear they could affect more than one important person in my life. I feel like I hold the key to someone’s happiness in my hands, and that I’m not allowed to use it for fear of it exploding in my face.”
I pull a small bowl of sugar out of a drawer and some spoons to help prepare my cup.
“That doesn’t sound like a very fun position to be in, Em.” I joke lightly because I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to say yet. She just nods and smiles while pouring the now-hot water into both of our cups.
“No, you’re right. It fucking sucks. In all seriousness, you do whatever it is you need to, in order to be happy. I won’t think less of you.”
She pegs me with those big blue eyes and I can see the sincerity in them. I feel like I’ve been given permission to do something. I am a bit stunned as I consider what she is saying.
Is she talking about Ari? Is she giving me her blessing to pursue him, even though he is still with Lára? What else could she possibly be talking about? Whatever conversation I heard earlier must be about this.
“Thanks, I think.” What else can I say? I grab my cup from the counter, to pour in a little bit of milk and honey. Blowing across the top of my hot tea, I sip lightly. Moving to the living room, I sit down on the couch. The news is playing on the television, and I can’t understand any of it.
I believe Emilia is giving me the green light to pursue Ari in this cryptic way because she knows something I don’t. My heart is thudding with excitement at the possibilities this opens up. I really hope I’m not wrong.
I know I need to help Ari realize that I’m the one for him and that I could be by his side if only he asked. I cannot hang around and linger here waiting for him while he is with another woman.
Maybe he’ll do the rest on his own if I can open his eyes to how amazing this thing between us really is. I just don’t know how to do that yet. This doesn’t mean I’m going to try to get him to have sex with me while he is still with Lára. I still have some integrity and morals. Lára better hope that I do.
I like to think that my awesome personality and sparkling charisma can do the trick, if he just has more time to be around me. You know, because I rock like that.
“I’ll be gone tomorrow night, by the way,” Emilia calls to me from the kitchen. “Valur and I are going to stay the night in a summerhouse with his parents. Do you think you’ll be ok without us for an evening?”
Uh. Hell yeah, I’ll be fine without them. The perfect timing for an amazing ‘Blow Ari away’ plan? No, I don’t mean a blow job, you dirty-minded person. All of that comes later. At least I hope it does. The Universe is shining down on me with gifts, suddenly! Yes please, and thank you very much. I owe you one.
“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. You know I can handle myself.” My brain is rapidly concocting several different schemes on how I can get Ari to be alone with me for several hours.
My dark side is frolicking through grass meadows, tossing flowers to and fro in absolute joy at the prospect of a chance to finally take what I want. Talk about tables turning in my favor!
After preparing for bed a few hours later, I head upstairs and settle next to my laptop to see
if Ari is online. He is, much to my delight. I open the chat box, and prepare to send him a message. My fingers hover over the keys, while I think about what I’m going to say.
It’s amazing how lighthearted and carefree I feel now that Emilia has given me her blessing. I hope that Ari will sense that and be more willing to see me tomorrow. This is my only really chance. If I can’t convince him that it’s me he wants, then I’ll be heading back to the States very soon after. Seems like a solid plan, right?
I decide to just go for it. I’ll jump in with both feet and see where this road leads me. I can never know if I never try. I begin to type.
salemsme: Hey, are you around?
I hit ‘send’ and a little butterfly of excitement flutters through me.
marxist: Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?
Oh god, now I have to actually say something. Try for cool, Brooke.
salemsme: Are you working or anything tomorrow?
marxist: No work, I’m on summer holiday here. We get a month of paid time off in the summer.
salemsme: Are you shitting me? That’s fucking awesome. Everyone gets that here?
marxist: For the most part, yeah. What did you have in mind for tomorrow?
salemsme: Well, Emilia is heading out to the countryside with Valur and his parents tomorrow, so I was wondering if it was possible for you to keep me company. Maybe we could grab a bite to eat or watch a movie?
marxist: I think I’d like that. Should I call you in the morning so we can figure out the details?
salemsme: Sounds like a plan, talk to you tomorrow.
marxist: Night.
******
I wake up bright-eyed and bushy tailed the next morning. I’m ready to begin with this awesome day. Emilia and Valur are awake and downstairs eating bowls of cereal for breakfast.
I plop down into an open seat at the dining table and bite into an apple I grabbed from the basket on the counter to my left. Emilia is watching me with some amusement.
“Why are you so glowy this morning? Yesterday you were such a downer. I could just see it on your face.” She takes another bite of her cereal. Valur isn’t paying attention. He’s watching the news while shoveling his food into his mouth.
“I guess I just realized that I need to be positive so that the Universe can work with me, rather than against me. I’m going to do what it takes to be happy, like you said.” I lift the apple toward her and she toasts me with her spoon.
Nodding, Emilia smiles a bit into her bowl. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was hoping that Ari and I would get together. The realization that I might have someone in my corner really helps take some of the weight off my shoulders. Part of me even wonders if she planned this trip to the countryside on purpose. Maybe that’s silly though. Not everything is about you, Brooke.
“Well, good for you. I hope you manage to have fun while I’m gone. I know how much fun I am to have around. The party begins and ends when I enter or leave a room.”
I roll my eyes at Emilia and take a bite of my apple. She just laughs at herself. She thinks she is so damned funny.
I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude that she is my friend that I lean forward and give her a big, wet, apple flavored kiss on her cheek. I’m really very lucky.
“Hurry up and leave already so I can get down to business.” Sticking my tongue out at her, I stand up and head back up the stairs with my apple to check my computer for any messages from Ari. I see that there is one from a little earlier.
marxist: I’ll be there around three. We’ll figure out what we are going to do when I get there.
marxist has signed off.
I feel like I’m getting ready to go on a date or something. Yeah right; a date with a guy who is already taken. I seem to be getting a bit carried away with myself. I need to remember to remain realistic as to what could possibly happen. First, though, I have to start off by taking a shower.
******
Ari
I’m really nervous. My palms are clammy and I can’t keep my hands still. I want nothing more than to spend the day with Brooke and I’m honestly worried about my self-control. I know I just want to be as close to her as possible.
These days, she is all I can think about. I don’t know why it isn’t easier to make a decision like this. I think in part, I feel guilty because I’m realizing that I probably never gave all of myself to Lára during this last year, because I was so in love with Brooke.
I’m shocked stupid for a moment. Am I in love with Brooke? Is this more than just a crush, or infatuation? Part of me had mostly assumed that it was simply lust for what we’d teased each other with for so long.
I’m at Gunnar’s place again. I had to see him before tonight happened. I know he’ll point me in a direction that I need to go. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
Rubbing my hand over my cheek and chin, I realize I have forgotten to shave this morning, and now am scruffy. I need to pull myself together so I don’t screw this up. I think I remember Brooke telling me she liked guys with scruff, so I probably shouldn’t worry.
I’m standing in front of a full length mirror in Gunnar’s entryway. He’s standing in the kitchen door frame, leaning against it on his shoulder while he watches me. Arms crossed over his chest, he ponders my choice in outfit.
“Yeah, I think she’ll like this. You look good, man. Stop worrying.” He shakes his head, I hear him mumble something about an idiot, and turn around to go inside the kitchen.
Maybe I am being an idiot. I’m not going on a date with her; I’m just spending some of my day with a good friend. There’s nothing else to it, no matter what my high levels of anxiety and anticipation says.
I have thirty minutes before I need to pick Brooke up. Walking into the living room, I sit in my usual place on the couch. I take a few deep breaths to settle down. I’ll just focus on where I’d like to take Brooke. There are so many great places I can show her, it’s hard to narrow it down.
The fact that Lára has to work today seems like sheer luck. Normally all three of the girls work the same shifts, so it’s a bit unusual for Emilia to have scheduled it differently. Even the fact that Lára has to baby-sit until late in the evening makes me happy.
I would figure that I should feel guiltier for being happy that my current girlfriend has to be gone all night, so that I can have private time with another girl who I’m crazy about. I don’t, though. I am simply filled with pre-date jitters and excitement to spend another day with Brooke.
Things didn’t end on the best note last time we had a moment alone, and I need to be able to be her friend even if I’m not available to date her. I still need her in my life. I am overjoyed that she’s even here. The sheer fact that she finally made it to see me, it overwhelms me.
If Brooke and I really click today, maybe it’ll be a big sign to me that Lára isn’t the right girl for me. It’s one thing to be so close with the safety of a monitor and a keyboard, and maybe we don’t actually click in person. We haven’t given ourselves a chance, because we’ve been so damned scared of everyone else.
On the other hand, even if I decide that Brooke is the one for me, does that mean we would have to pursue a long distance relationship? I don’t think I could suffer that, after having met her. Would she be willing to change her whole life just to date me?
How could she give up her whole life in the States just for me? She hardly knows the real me, right? I’m only freaking myself out, so I stand up and head to the kitchen to see what Gunnar is doing.
“Uh oh. I can see that look in your eye. Do you need to sit down and put your head between your knees?” I realize that my anxiety must be showing on my face, when Gunnar comes and pats me on the shoulder in sympathy.
“You’ve got this, Ari. This girl is absolutely crazy about you. I can see it, everyone can see it. Just relax and be yourself. You two are just friends. There is no pressure to impress her. You aren’t going on a date. You are two people just hanging out, shoot
ing the breeze.” I nod along with his words because he’s right.
“Thanks Gunnar. You’re absolutely right.” I’m going to jump in with both feet and see what happens.
“I’m going to head out, and pick her up. I’ll call you later?” I turn and grab my jacket off of the coat hanger, slide my shoes on, and head out the door.
Chapter 9
Ari
I’m waiting for Brooke to buzz the door downstairs, so I can head up to Emilia’s apartment. My whole body is pumping adrenaline and my limbs feel a bit jerky.
Hearing the buzz, I push open the door and start heading up the two sets of stairs to their floor. I can see Brooke is standing in the doorway, waiting for me.
My breath catches in my throat when I see her. I slow down for the last few steps so I have an excuse to really look at her. God, she’s beautiful.
Brooke’s hair is half pulled back, showing off her beautiful face, while leaving the length to tumble down her back and shoulders. I just want to run my fingers through the gorgeous chocolate colored locks, they look so silky.
She’s wearing a tan colored skirt that goes down to her knees, and is a bit floaty looking. Her light pink and white striped tank top with a low scoop neck is tucked into her skirt, and a honey colored belt completes the picture. Her breasts are really sexy in this top.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Brooke in a skirt before. I rather like it. Just imagine how quickly I could get between her legs and slide my fingers into—No! I can’t do that! Focus, Ari!
Her face is lit up with a genuine, happy smile and beautiful teeth. Her blue eyes sparkle down at me. She’s practically glowing and it’s because of me. She’s happy to spend time with me. This realization hits me in the chest like a brick.
I make it up the last few steps and she doesn’t move out of the frame for a moment. Instead she just looks me over and darts her little pink tongue out to lick her lips. I can see a sheen of moisture that it leaves behind, and I just want to feast on her plump bottom lip.
Across the Ocean Page 12