Mastering Darkness

by Kate Wendley

  Poor Kaia and her long dead parents.

  She wiped a tear from her cheek. Dammit. She thought he was her friend, and she shared a lot of things with him over the years, personal things, but he never returned the favor. Guess he never really cared after all, and now for some reason he needed to be sure she wasn’t mad at him. Screw him.

  She wiped more tears away and got ready for bed. She locked her front door, turned out the lights in the living room, then brushed her teeth. After shedding her clothes because she didn’t like to sleep with anything on, she hesitated before getting in bed. Anthony had lain their tonight telling her he’d killed someone.

  In the dim light of her fake Tiffany bedside lamp, she stared at where Anthony had been and didn’t know what to think. Should she be horrified that he’d done that to a person? Relieved that he wasn’t a pushover? Sick to her stomach that she still wanted him?

  Over it all, she was confused about what she was doing with him. He was vampire and she was human. What kind of future would that be? Or was this just a dangerous love affair that would burn out just as quickly as it’d come to life? Like all her relationships, except this time the dangerous part was real, not just emotional.

  She woodenly got under the covers and turned her flower lamp off with a lump of guilt in her stomach for feeling so safe and good with Anthony. He made her feel like she could have a new life, the life she’d always imagined, with a man that cared deeply about her.

  But he’d killed someone. Maybe even more than one person, yet that thought didn’t horrify her. The fact that it didn’t was what worried her.

  **

  Kaia felt like she’d barely drifted off to sleep when she woke with a start. She’d been dreaming that her parents were dead and buried in the yard outside. In her dream she felt guilty that they were there, that her and Anthony both knew they were there, and that if anyone found out her parents were dead, she’d be unfairly blamed for it. She felt guilty and sick to her stomach in her dream, not liking that she had this huge, horrible secret.

  She freaked out as she sat up and shakily turned on her lamp. She’d dreamt about her real parents off and on over the years, but never a dream like this. And why so much lately? Did she secretly feel like she was to blame for their deaths? She didn’t remember ever thinking that, but could the fire that killed them have been her fault? As far as she knew it was caused by an old lamp with ancient wiring. The cloth covering on the cord had been frayed enough to cause a spark late one night. At least that was the story she’d heard once or twice when she was younger.

  She took a deep breath. How they died was only part of what bothered her right now. What upset her more was that Anthony was in her dream about her parents. He’d known about them being buried in the yard and didn’t seem all that stressed by it, and it made her feel confused. Was she a bad person for wanting to keep seeing him even though he’d admitted to… murder? Was it technically murder if Anthony was the judge, jury and executioner for his people?

  And did all vampires kill people? Had Ethan? She had so many questions…

  She looked randomly around her room, suddenly ashamed she had no pictures of her mother and father up. She’d put them in frames at one point, but they were strangers to her. No matter how badly she’d wanted to know them, it felt like a lie to see their smiling faces every day. Their pictures were instead buried deep in a drawer, just like they’d been when she’d stolen them from her uncle.

  She needed to go back to sleep. She’d spent her whole life grappling with the issue of her parent’s deaths and not being able to talk to anyone about it. Growing up, her uncle would get mad anytime her aunt brought it up, demanding they stop talking about it, sometimes violently so, so it’d always been this big, guilty secret. Because of that, she always felt like she was doing something wrong if she even thought about them. It made it near impossible to work through her feelings about the fact that they were dead and what her life might’ve been like if they’d lived.

  She had no idea what they were even like as individuals, or what the three of them had been like as a neat little family unit. She’d only found out they existed when she was seven, and saw pictures of them for the first time when she was twelve. On accident. She’d gotten a hard smack across the face from her uncle for that.

  Her wandering thoughts irritated her, so she turned off her lamp again and tried to get back to sleep. She could think about her parents and what her life could’ve been like if she’d been raised by people who loved her some other time. All it did was depress her.

  Chapter 24

  Kaia was in a strange mood today. Her and Anthony were getting along too well. It made her nervous.

  Something was bound to happen to ruin it all. And if it wasn’t such a serious subject, it’d be funny that him telling her he’d killed someone wasn’t what made her scared. It did make her scared, but in the context of things, it wasn’t enough to make her want to run away.

  No, what made her want to curl into a ball and hide in a corner was the in your face realization that he was being totally open and honest with her, but she didn’t want to tell him everything about herself. How could she? He was Master of this city. She’d seen the way those horrible waiters and hostesses paled when they realized who they’d just disrespected. And Patrick, following her on her date. She’d never seen him as nervous as he was that night.

  And then there was Ethan. He had an occasional temper that she was well aware of, and most people cowered from it. Not Anthony. Ethan didn’t like something about Anthony, but in the end, they all knew who was in charge. The Master of Atlanta.

  And the family whose finances Anthony oversaw? It was his family. And she was sure he didn’t just tutor people from time to time. He owned the businesses, told people what to do, hell, he probably ran half this city. With so many people knowing who Anthony was, would everyone need to know everything about her, too? How long would it take for them to dig up her past?

  Her head swam with the thought that her privacy would be exposed. That she’d have to talk about things she didn’t want to talk about with people she didn’t want to talk about it with. And what would Anthony think about her coming from the kind of shady, trashy family she’d grown up with? Would he think differently of her? Did he need someone more refined and normal for a girlfriend?

  Her heart raced and it was hard to breathe. She was having a panic attack. Great. This was the problem, after all. The pain and humiliations of her past were probably nothing compared to what Anthony had dealt with in his life, but to her, she couldn’t even function when she thought about them. So how would she deal with more important things if she was truly going to be Anthony’s?

  He’d realize it soon enough, that she wasn’t good enough for him. All men got wise to it eventually, some much sooner than others, and that’s why she’d always been alone. Even among people she’d thought were her friends.

  And it’s also why she couldn’t tell him about herself because if she did, then once he left, he’d have a little piece of her that she wouldn’t be able to take back. It felt like a violation that she’d given up some of those pieces to people that no longer cared about her, men that’d been so briefly in her life in her quest for love. Some knew small bits, some slightly larger bits, but none would have it all. Not until she was ready to give her heart wholly and completely to someone. Not until she was sure that person could handle everything about her, not just the parts that were fun.

  She’d been having a lot of fun with Anthony. Now it remained to be seen if he could handle the rest of her.

  **

  It was impossible to concentrate on work today. Kaia’s mind kept rehashing her conversation with Anthony last night. She felt like she wouldn’t be able to focus until she heard his voice again, so she decided to call and leave him a message. His line rang and she was startled when someone answered in a short, clipped tone.

  “Hello? This is Anthony’s phone. I’m Zach. What can I do for you?”


  “Um, sorry? Who is this?”

  The man snapped, “Zach. Who’s this?”

  “Maybe I have the wrong number. I was trying to reach Anthony, er, leave Anthony a message I mean.”

  “Who is this? This is Anthony’s phone. I can relay a message to him.”

  “Oh, uh, my name’s Kaia. I−”

  “Kaia? Anthony’s girl? Are you ok? Is something wrong? We’ll come out right now.”

  This man knew who she was? “Um no, I mean, what? No, I’m fine. I was just going to leave Anthony a message. I’ll call back later.”

  Zach sounded less harsh when he said, “Hey, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I thought you might be someone else and maybe something was wrong. I’m Anthony’s roommate. You’re ok?”

  “Yes, thank you. I’m fine. Thanks for your concern.”

  “You’re welcome. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call me or Sebastian during the day.”

  “Sebastian?”

  “He’s our other roommate.”

  “Oh.” Had Anthony told her about them? She didn’t remember him mentioning roommates, though their names rang a bell for some reason. “So you and Sebastian answer Anthony’s phone during the day? Do you check his messages, too?”

  “No! Hell no! I have no idea how to check his phone for messages, and wouldn’t even if I knew. I might be the curious one but I’m not suicidal. I know which bears not to poke. I was just up and heard it ringing. I thought I recognized the number and wanted to make sure whoever it was didn’t need help with something.”

  She reluctantly chuckled. “Do you guys get a lot of phone calls where someone needs help?”

  “Depends. Sometimes. You got a pen? Let me give you my number. And Sebastian’s, too. Call anytime you need something. Day or night.”

  She frowned as she stared at the door to her office. He was being too nice.

  “You still there? Kaia?”

  “Yeah. Sorry, I’m a little confused. You and your roommate are just going to come to my rescue if I need you to? Without even knowing me?”

  “Of course. You’re the girl my boy really, really likes. That makes you a very important person in our world. We’d rush out in a heartbeat so long as you keep a smile on Anthony’s face for us.”

  She felt a whoosh of emotion. What would it be like to be able to call on friends to help her if her scuzzy uncle or cousins ever showed up at her door? It was obvious now why she’d never quite felt Ethan would be one of those kinds of friends, even for as close as she’d thought they were. Vampires couldn’t go out during the day.

  “So you and Sebastian are my daytime knights in shining armor?”

  Zach slowly said, “Absolutely and without hesitation. Are you sure nothing’s going on right now? I can come get you.”

  She let out the breath she’d been holding. Anthony was a good guy with good friends, and she was just a screwed up, damaged goods woman that wasn’t in any way good enough for him. “I’m fine. Really. I, uh, need to get back to work.”

  “Anything I can tell Anthony for you?”

  “I’d rather call back and leave a message.”

  “Ok, but wait! Let me give you my number. I’m serious. And Sebastian’s, too. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

  She had no intention of pulling this guy into her world, even if she’d love to feel like she could trust and depend on other people in her life. But he was being nice, and he was Anthony’s friend, so she played along. “All right. If you’re sure.”

  He eagerly shot back, “I’m sure!”

  She wearily chuckled and took down their numbers.

  **

  Anthony woke, fed from Sebastian, then tensed when Zach entered the room. He was usually already upstairs on the nights he wasn’t Anthony’s volunteer.

  “Anthony, Kaia called today. She left you a message.”

  He lunged for his phone. Had she changed her mind about him already? He felt sick for telling her the truth last night about killing Jim. He never should’ve revealed that to her.

  His hand shook as he punched in his code to listen to his messages. He turned his back on Zach and Sebastian as they sat on his bed watching him, then put a sound barrier around himself as Kaia’s voice came on the line.

  “Hi Anthony. I’m just calling to say thank you for being honest with me last night. I’m not sure what to think about what you told me, but I want to talk more about it. Call me or feel free to come over when you’re up.”

  His tight shoulders relaxed as he turned back to the guys and weakly smiled. He pulled up Kaia’s contact number and called her, relieved to hear her sounding just as happy to talk to him as usual.

  “Hi Anthony.”

  “My sweet.”

  “I talked to your roommate today. Zach. He gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. He gave me Sebastian’s number, too.”

  He paced a little as he talked, walking in and out of the room for a time before taking his sound barrier down. “Zach said that to you? Well I shall thank him the very next time we speak.”

  “I’d feel weird calling either of them, though. I don’t even know them.”

  Anthony looked a question at Zach, knowing they could all hear Kaia’s end of the conversation. Shifter hearing was just as good, if not better than vampire hearing.

  Zach nodded encouragingly, so Anthony said, “Please, my sweet. I’ve never known Zach to offer anything he wasn’t willing to make good on.” He looked at Sebastian then. “And I’ll speak with Sebastian as well. If they’ve truly offered to be there in case of emergency…” he took a deep breath, then glanced away for a moment before looking back and forth between them and saying, “There are four people in this world that I trust implicitly. Zach and Sebastian are two of them. You’ll meet them someday. Please, if you ever need something during the day, don’t hesitate to call them.”

  They heard her let out a breath, then say, “Ok. Zach just kind of caught me off guard when I called earlier. I’d been thinking about our conversation last night…”

  He abruptly put a sound barrier around himself again and walked out of the room. He came back in after a couple minutes. “I’ll be going to Kaia’s tonight for a few hours. Thank you, Zach, for your offer to her today. Sebastian, I realize Zach offered you up so please don’t feel like you need to−”

  Sebastian cut him off and chuckled. “Give me some credit, man. Of course I’d help her out.”

  Anthony reluctantly smiled. “Thank you. She is…” He hesitated, anxious now that he’d admitted something out loud that he felt was very personal. Trusting others, and admitting that he trusted them felt like exposing a weakness. In his world, that could be dangerous. Still, these were his best friends and if he couldn’t trust them when he needed them most, then what kind of life was he living? “I care a great deal for her. And I’ve probably never spoken of it aloud, but it’s true that I trust you two completely. And I know that at least Zach will go crazy this evening if I don’t outright say who the other two are that I referred to.”

  He smirked and Sebastian chuckled under his breath. Zach grumbled anxiously while Anthony laughed more openly. “There are those here that I trust to varying degrees, but only four that I’d trust with my life, wholly and completely. Besides you two, the other two are Echo and Alistair.”

  Zach curiously asked, “Echo the vampire? Is Alistair vampire, too? I haven’t seen either of their names as being on the lists of those that are the most powerful in the family.”

  “They’re vampire, yes. Echo isn’t physically strong, and her particular power, well, it’s not either of their power levels that makes me trust them. I have my personal reasons for that. I just wanted you two to know, should you ever need to seek out someone for counsel in my absence, or just need to know who the friendly faces were in the crowd. I consider those two completely trustworthy. Echo’s unique power comes in handy at times as well.”

  Sebastian must have healed enough bec
ause he finally sat up on the bed. “I’m pretty sure I know which one Echo is, the one that can see the future or whatever, but I have no idea who Alistair is.”

  “Then I’d like to introduce you all to each other. They may not know much personally about you, either. Perhaps it’s a good time to make introductions.” He nodded to himself, then said, “I’ll arrange a meeting. And thank you both again. I appreciate you making Kaia feel welcome.”

  He turned towards the bathroom, then stopped. “I don’t know what’ll become of this relationship, and it appears she,” he cocked his head and frowned. “She’s taken a great many shocking things mostly in stride. I’ve never had a relationship with a human woman that was even able to get past the fact that I was vampire, let alone…”

  He looked more pointedly at them both. “I’m enjoying my time with her but I’m fully aware something else may be going on. The fact that she’s in Ethan’s family isn’t lost on me.”

  Anthony left them to go shower for the night with many worries still on his mind. One problem at a time.

  Chapter 25

  Anthony’s life was pure bliss as weeks went by and he got to know Kaia better. On weekends she’d stay up as late as she could in order to spend more time with him, and during the week they stuck to her schedule.

  They spent a lot of time ‘watching movies’ at her place, and other times he took her for drives around town, showing her his favorite spots and giving her a little history of the area. She seemed to enjoy hearing about that, or just liked to hear him talk. She insisted it was both. No matter what they did or where they went, he loved that he could actually relax and be himself with her.