Manage Me: A Vagabond Romance

by J. D. Fox

  "I don't even know why I've been crying so much," I said as I wiped my eyes again.

  ​"You're crying because someone cares about you, and you're not used to that, so you did what you always do when someone tries to show you affection, and you pushed it away. And he pushed back because he cares. Granted, there were better things he could've said, but you weren't exactly being an angel."

  I opened my mouth to refute her statement and promptly shut it when I realized that I had no argument. Staring at my best friend, I was abruptly taken back to meeting her on move-in day at college. She'd been so intimidatingly tall and beautiful, and I'd felt like the frumpy scholarship kid. I judged her for modeling through college and spending so much money on a theater degree, so I'd been monosyllabic for the first few weeks. But Lauren had pushed, seeing through my grumpy tendencies and leaving me the occasional scone cranberry scone from the mess hall. Eventually, she'd yelled at me that she didn't understand how someone smart enough to go to our school on a full ride was too stupid to see when someone was trying to be my friend.

  I'd handwritten her a long-form letter of apology, and she'd been simultaneously so entertained and moved by it that she'd had it framed and put it on the wall to remind me to be nice. After that, she'd occasionally complained that it worked too well and that being nice didn't mean being a doormat.

  "I don't know what do, Lo. I wasn't even close to this upset over Cody."

  "Well, you were, but for a different reason. Regardless, Cody's an asshole and doesn't deserve your tears, and you're so well-rid of him. But as for what you should do, that's easy. You should talk to Ryan."

  "Do you think he'd listen."

  "D, he told you he was there to listen when you wanted to talk."

  True enough, he had said that. We cleaned up and walked back to the hostel. I felt well-equipped with best-friend wisdom, a plan, and beignets, and I knew that I'd be able to handle anything. On walking inside, I looked for Ryan, but when I saw that he wasn't there, I made my way toward his room, determined to have an uncomfortable conversation.

  "Hey, Dakota." I paused at Drake's greeting, and he beckoned me forward to the desk. "Ryan had to leave this morning for an emergency in Big Sur, but he left this for you." He slid an envelope with my name on it toward me, and I grabbed it, opening it with shaking hands.

  D,

  I know I came down hard, and I'm sorry. I promise I didn't leave because of you. There was an emergency at our Big Sur location. I meant what I said. I'd like to try something with you, but I can't be with someone who refuses to open up to me. I'm here when you want to talk. It's beautiful down there if you feel like having a conversation.

  -R

  Tears pricked the back of my eyes yet again, and I couldn't tell if it was because the note made me feel so hurt or so grateful. I went over to Lauren and put the note into her hands. She read it quickly.

  "Oh, Dakota." She wrapped her arms around me. "We'll think of something.”

  ***

  "Okay, I think we should go."

  I looked up from my journal at Lauren, who was tapping her pen against the table with her face in her hands. "What?"

  "He didn't move to Mars; he's just at Big Sur, and he invited us down there. Jacob said he'd come with us since he wants to check out the new resort. So why don't we finish our everything we wanted to do here and go down next week?"

  For two days my emotions had been up and down like a seesaw. In the three days we'd spent together, I'd become so attached to Ryan that when he'd left for a work emergency, I was pining after him like a teenager after her first breakup.

  After leaving Cody, I hadn't been as upset as I'd thought I was going to be, so I started thinking back over the years I'd spent with him, and I started remembering the condescension, the dismissal, the sarcasm about his career versus mine and how having gone to law school made him better than me. I'd spent three days with a guy I'd just met, and I'd felt more deeply for him than my ex of six years.

  At the same time, I couldn't be that girl who ran after Ryan when he didn't really want me to. We hadn't even had a real face-to-face goodbye; there was no way for me to know what he wanted.

  Lauren could sense my hesitation, and I saw her exchange a look with Amelia, who'd been spending a lot of her time with us since Ryan had gone. "Dakota, he wants to see you. He even texted Jacob asking about how you are."

  I couldn't think about that.

  "Why don't we just keep driving north? We can keep going toward Vancouver, and we can hit Portland?"

  "Stop playing that avoidance card. You've been talking about going to Big Sur since college, and Jacob said they would put us up in a nice room. Wouldn't it be nice to sleep in a big comfy bed and take advantage of a huge bathtub?"

  "Are you seriously bribing me with soft linens and bubble baths?" I couldn't help laughing a little bit.

  "Yes. Yes, I am. I think Ryan really does want you to see him. It sounds like he had to leave suddenly before you could resolve anything, and I think he's really stressed with the whole thing. I don't think he would have randomly changed his mind about how he felt."

  Lauren wasn't there, though, when Ryan had walked away from me after our fight. It was cold, distant. It was a complete one-eighty from the way he'd been with me before. Maybe Lauren was right, but I still didn't feel like Ryan wanted me to run off to his new job.

  "How much is that hotel room going to set us back?"

  "Jacob said that since it's a new resort, as long as we fill out comment cards every day, they'll give us a free hotel room."

  "I'm so confused by all this. Jacob doesn't even work in hotels, and he doesn't work with Ryan. How are they able to offer us these free rooms?"

  Amelia and Lauren exchange a look, seeming to come to a mutual decision at the same time.

  "D, Ryan, and Jacob are Baxters. As in Baxter Holdings. Ryan's not just the manager down there; he owns that resort."

  My mouth dropped. I'd figured Ryan had money if he'd been able to spearhead owning his own hostel, but the Baxters were another level of wealth, and I never would've known from how he dressed and acted. He'd never put on airs, marking yet another difference between him and Cody, who couldn't help flashing his platinum credit card everywhere we went.

  "I don't know, Lauren. He didn't tell me about this part of himself."

  "And you didn't tell him anything about your recent past. I guess you're even."

  Fair enough. We spent the next hour sipping our coffee and discussing the pros and cons of going to Big Sur. Lauren knew she had me, but I was intimidated by how much I liked him. If I didn't have feelings for him, I wouldn't have cared what he thought, and we could have gone to the hotel without any further discussion.

  But I did care. I really worried that running off to Big Sur to see Ryan was going to make me look desperate and weak, and I was neither of those things. I was fine without him. We hardly knew each other.

  We continued to talk through the possibility of going down as the room filled with all the travelers coming and going for their morning. It didn't feel the same sitting in the lobby without Ryan being there. His energy had changed the place. The mood was different. Or maybe it was just me, feeling a little empty in a way I hadn't felt in seventeen years.

  If left up to me I would have continued heading north and tried to forget all about what had happened with Ryan in those amazing days we had together.

  "I don't know what to do."

  "Well, I do, and I think we're going to go."

  I sighed, knowing that I was stuck and that she'd probably keep talking about this for months if we didn't go down there.

  "Fine, but not until next week. We can't look eager."

  "Deal. We'll keep exploring the city for a few days and then follow Jacob down to the resort. This is going to be amazing!"

  "I'm sure it'll be pretty there," I said, trying to match her excitement and failing.

  Part 2: A Reunion

  Chapter 15

  D
akota

  The rest of the week flew by, and before I knew it, we had seen all the tourist attractions and window-shopped everywhere we could. It was funny that we'd already spent several days in town and really hadn't managed to see much. Both of us had been a little caught up with the men in our lives.

  "I liked hanging out with Ryan, and I'm excited for your thing with Jacob, but it was nice spending a few days just the two of us," I said as we loaded up the car and got ready to hit the road.

  "Yeah; we'll focus on spending more quality time together."

  Lauren had barely managed to get the words out before her phone pinged with a message from Jacob. The two of them were hitting it off so well that she lit up every time his name popped up on her phone. She'd gone all in with Jacob, and it was great seeing her so lit up. Usually, as soon as a guy she was dating showed a single flaw, she became dismissive. This was different. "What? Don't look at me like that. I can't help it," she said after seeing me watching her.

  I raised my hands in surrender. "Hey, no judgments. I'm glad you've found someone to connect with."

  "You really did seem to connect with Ryan a lot. I saw the two of you heading to his room the other night. He's a good distraction, Dakota. Let it be fun. Let it just be fun. Don't worry about what he thinks because we are going to see him. He invited us. It's a nice resort. Jacob says we can stay for free. That's the end of it, don't read more into it at all. We are two traveling girls who want to save money, and this is an opportunity to do that and experience an amazing location. Nothing more than that," she said as if I could shut off all my worries about this trip.

  The drive down to Big Sur was more beautiful than I could've imagined. Lauren was one of the worst drivers I'd ever met, though, and her constant quick swerves made me feel like she was going to miss a turn and drive us off a cliff. I even made a point of texting my mom to tell her where I was heading and that I would check in later that night, just in case Lauren's driving ended in disaster, and she had to send out search crews.

  Pulling up to the resort was surreal; it was a different world from where we'd been over the last two weeks. The tall, pillared entrance stood in front of a building that was all red brick and glass; the perfect combination of classic and modern, and the large, curving driveway had room for at least a dozen cars to pull up in front of the building. There was a labeled Mercedes SUV with a picture of the resort logo on it parked to the side, and a few other high-end cars parked in front, probably belonging to other guests. Lauren's old SUV felt dumpy by comparison.

  "Hello, and welcome to Redwoods Inn," a young man said in an embroidered polo shirt had popped up at Lauren's door.

  "Where did he come from?" I laughed as he held the door open for Lauren and took her key.

  "Will you be checking in with us today?"

  "Yes indeed!" Lauren said excitedly as he gave us a ticket.

  We looked out of place as we strolled into the large lobby in our casual clothes. The couple standing in line were wearing high-end jeans and jackets and looked straight out of a camping magazine. The woman's hair was perfectly styled, with an impeccable French manicure and $400 boots on her feet. This apparently was the kind of resort that rich people came to when they wanted to pretend like they were roughing it.

  "I can't believe we get to stay here for free," Lauren whispered in my ear.

  "I can't believe we're staying here at all."

  "Hey guys," came a voice from behind us as Jacob swept Lauren into his arms. "I'm glad you made it."

  He had on a fancy dark suit, and his hair was impeccably styled. He looked like he had just walked off the set of a GQ photo shoot, so he'd probably come from a breakfast meeting. Not exactly the right feel for this resort.

  "Well, don't you look handsome," Lauren said as she turned around and the two of them started to kiss like there was no one else in the room.

  I dutifully turned away and got out my phone to give them a modicum of privacy. When my screen lit up, though, I was surprised to see a text from Ryan.

  Ryan: FYI, the resort restaurant does great fish and chips. And breakfast sandwiches. Just thought you should know.

  Dakota: Thanks. Do you think they'd know to put bacon on it?

  Ryan: You tell me.

  "Excuse me, Miss."

  I turned around to see a young woman in a standard black waitressing outfit. She was holding a covered plate.

  "Are you Dakota?"

  "Yes," I said warily.

  "I was asked to bring this to you." She handed me the plate and took the metal lid away with a smile.

  "Enjoy!" She called as she walked away. On the plate was an impeccably-made turkey and bacon sandwich with french fries that were still piping hot. My mouth started to water at the smells of salt and oil. I turned to see Lauren and Jacob grinning at me.

  "I got your room key for you," Jacob said, holding out the card. "Ryan is crazy busy right now, but I'll show you guys where to go."

  "Thank you," I said, eager to take a long bath and a nap before I saw Ryan.

  "Sounds good!" Lauren said excitedly and looped her arm through Jacob's.

  The valet guy had already unloaded our actual luggage and was standing at the back of the SUV trying to decide how much of the other stuff we might actually want from the car. We had all of our camping gear strewn throughout the vehicle, and it was a little embarrassing to see our sleeping area still halfway set up in the back of the vehicle.

  "It's okay, that's all we'll need," Lauren grabbed one of her bags and handed the young man the key.

  "I've got it," Jacob said, taking her suitcase.

  "I'll get this one," another man said behind me, grabbing my bag before I could upset the plate I was still carrying. "It's so good to see you here," he whispered into my ear.

  I froze as I recognized his voice, but my brain froze up in shock, and it took a minute before I realized that it was Ryan.

  "You shaved," I sputtered.

  It was more than just a shave, though. Ryan was standing in front of me looking like his own version of a GQ model; something like GQ Goes to the Wilderness. His beard was gone and his hair cut short with a plaid shirt under a perfectly tailored suit that looked custom-made.

  The Ryan I'd gotten to know wore flip-flops and shorts, but this Ryan looked a CEO, but he smiled the same smile at me that I'd gotten to know.

  "Yeah, I have to look a little different when I'm working here that at the hostel. Do you mind?"

  "Of course not," I replied breathlessly as I reached up to touch his face. "I'm going to miss the beard, though."

  He smiled. "Me too," he said and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

  There were things that were different that went beyond the physical, though. He had been chill and relaxed at the hostel, but here he seemed to be filled with fulfillment and purpose that he hadn't gotten there. It seemed like he was finally in a place where the environment was moving at his pace, and not the other way around.

  It was a relief to see that he wasn't weird about us showing up, though. The whole ride there I'd been fighting off thoughts that maybe he wouldn't actually want us to stay. I found myself ruminating about the idea that I could have totally thought he asked us to come out, but he really didn't.

  Your mind plays a lot of tricks on you when you're unsure of things.

  "It's good to see you," I said after we had all loaded into the elevator.

  "So do you have a room too?" Lauren asked Jacob with a look on her face that could only have been described as adoring.

  "I stayed with Ryan last night, but I have to head back into the city this evening. I'm sorry, babe. I just got a meeting that I've been trying to schedule for a month."

  "Oh, okay. When do you leave?" Lauren said, her face falling.

  "I'll need to leave right after dinner."

  "Then let me drop my stuff off in my room, and we can spend some time together," Lauren said with a meaningful look on her face.

  Ryan and I shared an amused glance
at what we knew to be the meaning behind what was really going to be happening while they "spent time together."

  The elevator door opened and we all got off on the top floor of the resort. Even the hallways smelled like luxury as we walked down the plush carpet to a room at the end of a long corridor.

  "Your room, my ladies," Jacob said as he pulled the key from his pocket with a flourish and opened the suite to the left.

  It wasn't a standard hotel room. This was a giant condo-style suite with one bedroom on either side of a large central living room. There was a small kitchen area with a refrigerator, a dining table, and a microwave. The whole space was done in luxurious golds and navies.

  "Oh my GOD," I squeaked excitedly and ran to find the bathroom.

  "There are two shower heads, and the bathtub has jacuzzi jets," Ryan said as he followed me. "I hope you'll find it adequate."

  "Adequate! What the heck is going on here? This isn't a shower. This is like its own freaking castle. Why would anyone need a shower this big?" I asked, and then noticed the look in his eye and knew exactly what he was thinking; he was remembering his shower back at the hostel, and the slightly cramped but amazing sex we'd had in it.

  My anxiety at what Ryan would think when I showed up when I saw Ryan how happy he seemed to have me there. The look on his face whenever I looked at him filled me with feelings of warmth and welcome.

  It was weird, though; there was a different sort of anxiety around Ryan now. This was more intimidation and nothing like what I'd felt around him at the hostel. Somehow, this Ryan seemed out of my league now that I saw him being fully himself as a Baxter. He felt like a stranger, and it was as if we had to get to know each other all over again.

  "We'll see you two later," Lauren yelled from the other room, and we heard the door shut as she and Jacob left.

  "Those two are definitely not subtle," Ryan said, grinning.

  "Yes, I think it is safe to say that you shouldn't go to your room anytime soon. But we could check out this shower if you're feeling up to it." I opened the shower door and walked into the large glass enclosure to hide my nervous flirting.