The Cow-Pie Chronicles

by James L. Butler

  “Niki Hiller.”

  “I know your name. I mean, why would you buy our cows?”

  “Didn’t you listen to my introduction? I live on East Dairy Farm #6, right across from the new high school.”

  Tim was stunned. He had never seen anyone who lived on a farm dress as nicely as her, even for school. “You live on a farm?”

  “That’s what I said. Was Patsy your 4-H calf?” Niki asked.

  Tim’s mind raced. What is she up to? Then he answered her. “She was supposed to be.”

  “Well, you took good care of her. I’m impressed.”

  She sounded sincere, but Tim was still suspicious some trick was lurking just around the corner. “How would you know?” he asked.

  “I won second prize in the county fair with her this summer.”

  Tim decided she really was trying to be nice to him after all. But in a way, he wished she were making fun of him. He was much better at being teased than complimented. “Good for you. I was supposed to take her there.”

  “Want to come see her?” Niki asked.

  Tim couldn’t believe his ears. “You mean come to your farm?”

  “Yes. Can you come Friday after school? I walk home instead of riding the bus on Fridays.”

  “Um, sure, I guess. But I need to ask my mom. I’ll let you know tomorrow, okay?” Tim asked.

  “Sure. I’ll ask my mom to call your mom tonight. I have to catch the bus. Bye.” Niki took off for the bus, leaving Tim standing alone. His teacher nearly ran into him outside the classroom door.

  “Something wrong?” she asked.

  “Everything’s great!” Tim said. He took off for home on a dead run.

  Covering the half mile in record time, Tim burst through the front door, barely out of breath. Dana walked out of the kitchen eating a grape-flavored Popsicle.

  “Somebody chasing you again?” she asked.

  “No! Where’s Mom?”

  Just then, Tim’s mom walked out with a Popsicle for him. He took it from her then quickly asked, “Can I go home with a friend after school on Friday?”

  Dana crinkled her nose at Tim. “You have a friend?”

  “Shut up, Dee-Dee.”

  “Ha, ha. That doesn’t bother me anymore,” Dana said.

  “Who is your new friend?” Mom asked.

  “Niki Hiller. She lives on the East Dairy Farm #6 and Patsy is her 4-H calf. She got second place at the fair showing Patsy,” Tim said.

  Dana asked, “Did you tell her you’re a Poop Slinger?”

  “Ha, ha. That doesn’t bother me anymore,” Tim said, copying Dana’s high-pitched voice. Dana stuck her now purple-dyed tongue out at him.

  “You want to see that cow you complained about endlessly when she was your responsibility?” Mom asked.

  “I just want to be back on a farm with farm kids around,” Tim said.

  “Yeah, where they like skunk perfume,” Dana said.

  “Smells better than the stuff you’re wearing,” Tim said.

  “What stuff?” Mom asked, confused.

  “I borrowed some of your perfume today,” Dana said.

  Mom’s eyes got as big as saucers. “What makes you think it’s okay for a nine-year-old girl to use perfume?”

  “My friend, Cindy, does,” Dana said.

  “But it doesn’t stink on you like it does on Dana, Mom,” Tim said.

  Tim’s mom grabbed Dana by the arm and began leading her out of the room for a talk about what little girls are, and are not, allowed to do. She stopped at the door for a moment. “Tim,” Mom said, “that place isn’t the kind of farm you lived on.”

  “It can’t be that different,” Tim said.

  “Go ahead. You won’t understand until you see it for yourself,” Mom said. She turned back to her daughter. “Dana, we need to talk about you ‘borrowing’ my things. Come with me, young lady.”

  Tim was confused by his mom’s warning. What is it I need to see for myself?

  * * *

  It took forever for Friday to arrive. Niki didn’t talk to Tim the rest of the days leading up to Friday, spending recess and lunch with her friends. All the boys hung out together, so Tim mostly wandered around the schoolyard by himself.

  Finally, the bell rang. The school week was over! Tim met Niki at the door.

  “Ready?” Niki asked.

  “You bet!” Tim said.

  They walked down the sidewalk for a bit then crossed over to a road and followed that one for a while.

  “Why do you walk home on Fridays?” Tim asked.

  “The East Dairy plant is on the way. They hand out free ice cream to the dairy family kids on Fridays.”

  “And their guests?” Tim asked.

  “Of course.”

  The sidewalk ended, so they walked in the gravel at the edge of the pavement. The houses got farther apart and fields began to appear on the other side of wire fences as they headed out of town.

  “Have you always lived on the East Dairy Farm?” Tim asked.

  “No. We moved here a couple of years ago,” Niki said. “Why did you sell your farm?”

  “Mom was pregnant and hurt herself. She had to stop working before my brother was born, and couldn’t work after that, either,” Tim said. “Dad said we couldn’t afford to hire someone and I wasn’t old enough to do the field work.”

  “I understand.”

  Tim looked at Niki—her smile had disappeared behind a sad face. “You do? Maybe you could explain it to me,” Tim said.

  “We moved here two years ago after selling our farm. It was a century farm,” Niki said.

  “What’s that mean?” Tim asked.

  Niki hung her head a little and let out a sigh. “It was in our family for more than 100 years.”

  Tim wasn’t sure he should say anything more about it, but he couldn’t let it go. “That’s sad. Do you miss it?”

  “Not as much as my brother does. He’s in seventh grade.”

  “At least you’re still on a farm.”

  “Not really. Look—there’s the dairy plant,” Niki said, pointing across the road at a cluster of several large buildings.

  Tim was a little surprised at Niki’s answer. How can East Dairy Farm #6 not really be a farm? he wondered as he followed Niki to a door that had “Employee Entrance” painted on the outside. They went inside and walked down a short hall to an open door that had “Lunch Room” painted on it.

  “Hi, Niki. Have a guest today?” a man behind a counter asked.

  “Tim Slinger,” Niki said.

  “Yes, I know his father,” the man said. He then asked Tim, “How’s your dad doing?”

  “Fine, I guess,” Tim said.

  “I have something special for you today,” the man said.

  Tim and Niki sat down at a counter and watched as the man walked back to the freezer, opened it, took out two small plates with slices of ice cream on them and brought them back to the counter. The vanilla ice cream slices were about the size of a slice of bread, but twice as thick. And printed in the middle of each slice was a pair of blue ice-cream bells.

  “What are the bells for?” Niki asked.

  “A special batch we made for a wedding this weekend. I kept a couple of slices for you.”

  “Looks good,” Tim said. He and Niki finished off the ice cream quickly. It was so good, Tim secretly hoped for seconds, but didn’t ask.

  Getting up to leave, Tim thanked the man, as did Niki.

  “You know you’re always welcome,” the man said. “Tim, let your dad know that Ken said ‘hi.’ ”

  “I will,” Tim said.

  Instead of leaving the way they came in, the two went through a door that led to the plant.

  Back to Table of Contents

  Chapter 20

  Niki led Tim through a maze of pipes, steam, whining motors and steel tanks and Tim was in absolute awe over all the equipment. He wanted to just stand still and take it all in—it was unlike anything he had ever seen before.


  “Come on, let’s go,” Niki said, pulling him through a door that led outside.

  Adjusting their eyes to the bright sunlight, the two stood at the edge of a large hay field with a dirt trail running across the middle. On the other side of the field were more farm buildings. “Short cut,” Niki said.

  Tim instantly felt at home in the field of waist-high alfalfa. Bees hovered over the purple blossoms dotting the tall green plants and sparrows occasionally darted out on the trail in front of them. A gentle wind tilted the tops of the plants in sweeping waves across the large field.

  When they got closer to the farm buildings, Tim spotted a huge herd of cattle surrounded by an electric fence. “How many cows do you have?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure. Four or five hundred,” Niki said.

  “Wow, we only had 40 milking cows on our farm,” Tim said.

  “Same with us when we had our farm,” Niki said.

  Niki led Tim to a white, single-level, wooden farmhouse and they went inside. A woman was inside, working in the kitchen.

  “Mom, this is Tim.”

  “Hi, Tim. Would you like to stay for supper?” Mrs. Hiller asked.

  “Um, sure,” Tim said. He thanked her for her kindness.

  “Niki, I need some greens from the garden,” her mom said.

  Niki’s brother walked in from another room, nearly bumping into Tim.

  “Who’s this?” asked Frank Hiller.

  “Tim Slinger. The dairy bought their cows when they lost their farm,” Niki told her brother. Frank shook his head, understanding what she was saying. “Take him to see Patsy while I help Mom.”

  “Sure,” he said to his sister. He extended his hand to Tim and the two shook. “Hi, I’m Frank. Come on.”

  The two boys walked down a gravel lane toward a large pole barn. Inside were cattle pens.

  “When did you move here?” Frank asked.

  “Beginning of summer.”

  “Must’ve been a long summer,” Frank said.

  “You have no idea.”

  They stopped next to a pen with one young cow in it.

  “This one’s Patsy,” Frank said

  “Are you sure?” Tim asked. He stared at the well-groomed cow. She was three times bigger than the last time Tim had seen her.

  “Yep. There’s her ribbon from the fair hanging on the wall,” Frank said, pointing to the back of the pen.

  “She sure looks great!” Tim said.

  “Yeah, I still can’t believe Niki worked so hard on her. She never wanted to go near any of the animals around this place until she saw Patsy being sold at your auction.”

  “Why would she care about a calf East Dairy bought at our auction?” Tim asked.

  “East Dairy didn’t buy Patsy. When Niki saw her being auctioned, she made Dad buy it for her,” Frank said.

  “I don’t understand,” Tim said.

  “She said Patsy wasn’t supposed to be just another cow in the herd. Dad thinks it was because it made her feel like we were still on our own farm,” Frank said.

  “I don’t understand. Isn’t this a farm?” Tim asked.

  “This isn’t a farm. It’s a milk factory. Come on, I’ll show you.”

  Frank led the way across the huge barnyard to the milking parlor. They walked most of the way through foot-deep dirt, with the last part being cement.

  “Wow, this would be a great place for cow skiing,” Tim said.

  Frank stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Tim. “Did I say something wrong?” Tim asked.

  “I’ve never met anyone else who has tried cow skiing. I thought I was the only one!” Frank said. “Seriously, you cow ski?”

  “Yeah. But I haven’t done it in a long time.”

  “Ever try a double?” Frank asked.

  “What’s a double?”

  “You hold on to two cow tails at the same time. It’s like riding in a Roman chariot.”

  “Awesome!” Tim said. He could hardly believe he was having this conversation.

  “Yeah, until the cows go on opposite sides of a tree,” Frank said. “Ouch!”

  “Try landing in a rock pile. I can still feel where that boulder bruised my ribs.” Tim said. Then he asked, “How are you able to get away with cow skiing around here? My dad said he’d kill me the next time he caught me doing it.”

  Frank shook his head sadly and looked down at the ground. “I don’t. I got hurt real bad once and had to quit.”

  “What happened?” Tim asked.

  “Dad caught me and beat the heck out of me,” Frank said.

  “Sounds familiar,” Tim nodded.

  They continued their walk to the milking parlor. Pointing to a huge field of alfalfa, Tim asked Frank, “How much of that belongs to East Dairy?”

  “East Dairy owns all of it now, as far as you can see. It used to belong to four different families. A couple of the families now rent the two farmhouses on the side closest to town, but the farmhouse on the far side is an empty wreck. On cold days, I use it to get out of the wind when I’m hunting.”

  “It must take forever to harvest all of that,” Tim said.

  “No time at all. They hire a harvesting company that has a bunch of machines, and they roll right through it,” Frank said.

  Tim was beginning to understand why Frank and Niki said they didn’t live on a farm. “So all you guys do is take care of the cows?” Tim asked.

  “We only milk them,” Frank said. “Here’s the milking parlor. Come on in.”

  They entered a large, building made from cinder block and stopped a few feet inside the large doorway. Tim stood and gawked. The room in front of him had pipes, black hoses and clear tubes running all over the ceiling and down to each of the 40 milking machines hanging on poles behind the rails that held the cows. In the center of the room was a concrete trench deep enough so the person attaching the milking machines to the cows didn’t have to bend over. And the gutters where the cow poop fell had water lines that automatically washed the gook out into a holding tank.

  “Whoa. This is nothing like our farm,” Tim said.

  “Like I said, this is a big milk factory and we’re the hired help.”

  Tim looked around at all the equipment as he thought about what Frank had said, about being the hired help. Frank still lived and worked on a farm, and Tim never wanted to leave. “Still beats playing in Little League any day,” Tim said.

  “Got that right. Hey, wanna spend the night? I’ll bet cow skiing isn’t the only thing we have in common.”

  “Yeah! Let’s go call my mom!”

  Back to Table of Contents

  Chapter 21

  Tim got to spend the night at the Hiller’s house and had a great day on Saturday, exploring the land owned by East Dairy with his new friends. He even helped them with some of their chores, which brought back memories of doing his own farm chores.

  Much later that day, as the sun was beginning to lower in the western sky, Tim frowned. He knew it was time to go. “I better get home before Mom starts to worry,” Tim said.

  “Okay. We had a great time! See you in school,” Frank and Niki said, waving goodbye.

  Tim took off running along the road leading into town. He ran part of the way then slowed to a walk—it only took him 30 minutes to get home. While Tim was anxious to tell his mom what a wonderful time he had with his new friends, he wasn’t sure how she would feel about him being around the dangers of a farm again.

  He went inside to find her, but found Dana first.

  “Have fun being a Poop Slinger again?” Dana asked.

  “More fun than you, Dee-Dee.”

  Dana tossed her hair back. “How would you know how much fun I’m having?”

  “Who cares? Where’s Mom?” Tim asked.

  “Fixing supper,” Dana said.

  Mom walked in from the kitchen. “About time you got home,” she said.

  “I had a great time. Frank is really cool!”

  Dana squeezed her eyebrows together,
not sure she heard Tim correctly. “Frank? I thought you went to see your girlfriend?”

  “Niki isn’t my girlfriend. She’s a friend who lives on a farm. Frank is her brother,” Tim said.

  “So you stayed all night with your boyfriend?” Dana asked.

  “Stop it, you two. The yard needs mowing and there’re dishes to wash,” Mom said. Tim headed for the back door and Dana sulked as she walked into the kitchen.

  * * *

  The rest of the weekend seemed to drag on forever. Tim looked forward to getting back to school so he could hang out with his new friends. And deep down inside, he tried to convince himself he was excited because he could talk to Frank at lunchtime, but there was no hiding his excitement about seeing Niki again, too.

  That Monday morning, Tim got up an hour earlier than normal so he could pick out the best-looking clothes he had to wear. It didn’t take long, as he only had one really nice outfit, which was usually reserved for special occasions. This will have to do, he said to himself as he got dressed.

  He walked into the kitchen trying to act like everything was normal. Dana was sitting at the table while their mom cooked breakfast. Mom turned her head to say good morning, but did a double take before saying anything.

  “Is it school picture day or something?” Mom asked.

  “No. I felt like dressing nice for no reason,” Tim said.

  “Why?” Mom asked. “I usually have to force you into that outfit.”

  “He wants to impress his girlfriend,” Dana said.

  Tim clenched his fists and glared at Dana. “Do not!”

  “My friend, Cindy, has a sister in sixth grade and I told her you have a girlfriend who likes cows,” Dana said.

  Tim ran around the table, ready for a fight. “Shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you!”

  Dana screamed then ducked under the table as Mom grabbed Tim by his arm. “Stop that! Sit down and be quiet, both of you!” Mom said. “Dana, you better keep your mouth shut now or you’ll regret it later. Trust me. Don’t you dare do or say anything to embarrass your brother at school.”