Full Figured 5

by Brenda Hampton

  “I don’t know why you can’t believe it. I came to get Chassidy. Please put on her coat so she can go.”

  “She’s asleep, Dez. I told you I would bring her home tomorrow. What in the hell is the big fuckin’ deal? Damn!”

  I darted my finger at him. “The deal is I asked you to bring her home. I didn’t want her coming over here. I don’t know what you have going on up in there, and from past experiences, it hasn’t been good.”

  Roc walked away from the door and I widened the screen door to follow him inside. He turned to face me, while holding out his arms. “Since you’re inside, why don’t you look around, Dez? If you look hard enough, maybe you’ll find my stash of cocaine or heroin needles somewhere. Maybe you’ll see loaded guns on my tables and buck-naked hoes with pussies on display. You damn sure gon’ find a bunch of lowlife niggas up in here parlayin’ around, and the ashtrays you see may be overflowin’ with smoked blunts. So,” he said, walking over to the horseshoe-shaped black leather sofa and taking a seat, “take your time, ma. Let me know what you find when you get finished. Then tell me if my place is anything like you imagined—or should I say suspected—it to be.”

  I stared at Roc without saying a word. I did, however, glance at two ashtrays that were on his end tables, but they were empty. As far as I could see, his house was spotless, creatively decorated with contemporary furniture, and quiet. I wasn’t going to leave the living room to check elsewhere, as all I’d come over for was to get my daughter.

  “If you wouldn’t mind going to get Chassidy for me, I would really appreciate it. I’m not here to argue with you, Roc. I just came to get my daughter.”

  He jumped up from the couch and charged toward me. Stopping right in front of me, he yelled out loudly and dotted my face with sprinkles of spit, as he darted his finger in anger. “She’s my fuckin’ daughter too! You didn’t make her by your damn self! My muthafuckin’ dick made her! Got it? You don’t control everything that she can and cannot do! What the hell is wrong with you? What you’re sayin’ to me . . . basically been sayin’ to me all along is the only thing I’m good for is stickin’ my dick in you and suckin’ yo’ pussy! I’m no good at bein’ a father, no damn good at shit I do, but when it comes to sex . . . I’m on fuckin’ fire, right!”

  I backed away from Roc. His face was twisted in pure, deep anger and his chest was heaving in and out. I hadn’t seen him this upset in a very long time, and I knew that taking myself to his level would only make matters worse. I wiped my face, trying to clear his sprinkles of spit. “I . . . I was just worried, that’s all. You don’t understand—”

  He quickly cut me off. “You damn right I don’t understand! I don’t understand why you think I’m some lowlife, low class ass nigga who can’t even take care of his kids. You treat me like your fuckin’ son, thinkin’ you can tell me how to walk, talk, eat . . . look. You complain about every goddamn thing, and I bet you that even when I shit, you gripe ’cause it don’t smell like roses! You fucked up in the head, Dez, and you ain’t the only one tired of this bullshit. I am too!”

  Roc stormed off into another room. A few minutes later, he came back with Chassidy sleeping on his shoulder. Her coat was already on, but it wasn’t zipped. Roc handed her over to me, then kissed her forehead. Without saying anything else, I walked to the door and left. Roc slammed the door so hard that it rattled the huge picture windows. I kept it moving, figuring that it would be awhile before Roc and I settled our differences.

  Chapter 7

  I was right. It had been two weeks since I’d talked to Roc, but he had spoken to Chassidy on several occasions. She had invited him and Lil Roc to come to her school play, which was on a Friday at four in the afternoon. The teachers had made a really big deal about the play, and so had I. Chassidy was going to be a talking sunflower, and we had worked hard at rehearsing her lines over and over again. Latrel was supposed to drive in to see her too, but at the last minute he told me something came up and he couldn’t make it.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked him over the phone, while changing into something more comfortable for the play. I had left work early, just so I could make it. I didn’t feel like being suited up, so I was dressed down in black pinstriped pants and a fuchsia cardigan sweater with ruffles.

  “Everything is going okay. I didn’t do so well on my finals last semester, so I have some catching up to do.”

  “Why didn’t you do well on your finals?”

  “I’m not sure. I guess I just didn’t make enough time to study. But I will this time around for sure.”

  “I hope so. And I hope being married isn’t too much. I still think you and Angelique rushed into this thing too quickly. I wish you would’ve waited until you graduated. That would’ve made much more sense to me.”

  “Well, it didn’t make sense to me. My marriage has nothing to do with my grades. I told you I hadn’t made time to study and that’s all there is to it.”

  Latrel’s tone had raised and I didn’t like it one bit. “Why every time I open my mouth to say something, everybody catches an attitude? Whether you realize it or not, marriage is a big responsibility. It takes time and effort. Time that could be put into you finishing school, and effort that you need to put forth to bring up your grades. That’s what’s important to me. I don’t want you flunking out your last year in school, so excuse me for caring so much.”

  “It’s the way you say things to people, Mama, and Roc is right. Your tone is shitty. You have a nasty attitude and you’re always trying to tell me what I should or could have done. I get that marriage is a big responsibility, and if I wasn’t ready to take on those responsibilities, I never would’ve gotten married. Just back off. You’ve been doing good for a while, but here you go, again, with a bunch of nonsense.”

  My eyes widened as he spoke. He must’ve been talking to Roc, because he sounded just like him. I was on the verge on telling Latrel off, but I decided against it. “Latrel, at the end of the day, I am your mother. I will always offer you advice, take it or leave it. When you get snippy with me, I have every right to get snippy with you. I have not told you to do anything, but now that you mentioned it, I am telling you this. I took out a twenty-five thousand dollar loan, just so you could have some extra things in college that your scholarships didn’t cover. My money will not be wasted, so you had better get your act together and get to studying for your finals. I love you and I will see you soon.”

  I ended our call, furious because everyone was trying to tell me that my attitude stunk. I guessed menopause would be the next excuse, or I was getting too old and didn’t understand “young” people like I should. I got it very well, and I also knew more about my son than he thought I knew. He and Angelique had been having some problems and he was unable to focus because of their middle-of-the-night arguments. Arguments about stupid stuff that newly married couples could find themselves in. It was hard living with someone, and since they had never lived together, the new experience was driving both of them nuts. She’d been complaining about him not cleaning up, and he’d been complaining about her not cooking. Their final year in school was already stressful enough, and what they did by getting married was add more burdens. I suspected that they would get over this hump, because at the end of the day, I knew they loved each other. Then again, loving each other wasn’t enough to make it work, so that’s why I was somewhat worried.

  My information about Latrel came straight from someone Latrel had trusted over the years, more than he’d trusted me. Someone who Latrel had counted on for every single thing, and felt his secrets were safe with: Reggie. Reggie told me what was going on, and while we didn’t converse on a regular basis, he felt it was important for me to know what was going on with our son. I was always thankful to Reggie for sharing.

  Chassidy’s play took place in North High School’s auditorium that was across the street from her preschool. School had already let out, but many of the students stayed to watch the play. I was so proud of my daughter. She
had been rehearsing her lines in the car and knew all of them like the back of her hand. The teacher had given her at least ten long sentences to practice. I kept my fingers crossed that she wouldn’t forget any.

  As the auditorium filled in with people, I wondered if Roc was still going to show. I’d saved seats for him and Lil Roc, because I wanted Chassidy to see us sitting together. But as my head was turned, watching the door, I got the shock of my life. Roc came into the door with a young lady trailing closely behind him. Not only was it disrespectful, but it was damn disrespectful. I bit down on my lip and quickly turned in my seat. I hoped that he hadn’t seen me, and I figured he wouldn’t have the nerve to come sit by me. I was wrong. He excused himself as he stepped over four people who were sitting in my row, and took a seat right next to me. The chick who was with him sat next to him.

  Roc leaned forward and removed his puffy cream-colored leather jacket with a hood. It looked like something a rapper would wear and so did his platinum chain. He laid the jacket across his lap, then turned his head toward me. “Dez, this is Raven,” he said and left it there. With her arms folded across her chest and her long dark chocolate legs crossed, she leaned slightly forward.

  “Hello,” she said with a forced smile.

  Trying to be polite, I spoke back. I swallowed the baseball-sized lump in my throat and kept my eyes on the burgundy curtains on stage, waiting for them to open. My thoughts, however, were all over the place. Roc had to know that this would infuriate me, but he obviously didn’t care. My blood was boiling over, and I’d be the first to admit that I was very, very jealous. Raven was an attractive and fit woman. In order to compete, I had to work out more often. She looked like a Victoria’s Secret model, yet had curves in all the right places. Her adorable, round eyes were hard to look into and she presented herself to be a classy young lady. Roc’s look was stellar too, even though I wasn’t down with the hip hop look. His cream cashmere sweater melted on his muscles and his black jeans went well with his leather Timberlands. There was a diamond ring that I had never seen on his finger, and the diamond in his earlobe was glistening too. His masculine cologne infused the space around us, but I could also smell Raven’s perfume. I kept envisioning their near-perfect chocolate bodies pressed together while having sex. The thought of it hurt me, but what else was I to do but sit there and pretend that it didn’t bother me?

  Roc looked at his watch. “I thought the play started at four?” he inquired.

  I was mad, so I didn’t respond. Raven looked at her watch, then lifted his wrist to look at his. “Now, you know you always set your watch ten minutes early. It’s only five minutes after four, and nothing that I have ever attended started on time.”

  Roc reached out to pat her leg; then he rubbed it. She put her hand over his, squeezing it together with hers. He turned his head to look at her, and that’s when she puckered for a kiss. He leaned in to peck her lips, then looked straight ahead at the curtains.

  Now, would I be wrong to get up and go sit somewhere else? Nope, that’s what Roc wanted me to do. He was trying to get underneath my skin, but I wouldn’t let it be known that he was. I sat there listening to them talk about going to dinner afterward and him staying the night with her. She giggled and he laughed. He touched her leg and she rubbed his. It was sickening. I was thankful when the curtains finally opened. Everybody clapped and so did we.

  The play took my mind off Roc and his woman. Chassidy, as well as the other preschoolers, put on quite a show. So many of them had forgotten their lines, even Chassidy. That’s what made it so much more entertaining. The audience laughed as one of the teachers whispered the lines to them, and the preschoolers yelled them out loudly. Chassidy had even scratched her head a few times, and walked over to the teacher so she could hear what she’d said. She bent down, trying to whisper to the teacher as if no one saw her. It was one of those memorable moments, and when I looked at Roc, he couldn’t stop smiling. I hadn’t seen him hold a smile on his face for this long in a very long time. I guess the same could be said for me.

  When the play was over, Chassidy and the other students ran to their parents. Chassidy ran right into Roc’s arms, and after not seeing him for the past two weeks, she was delighted.

  “Daddy!” she said as he picked her up, rocking her back and forth in his arms.

  “You did your thing, girl. And you made yo’ daddy real proud.”

  Chassidy was smiling hard. She reached out for me and I took her from Roc. “I forgot my lines, Mommy, but I remembered them after the teacher told me what they were.”

  “Yes, you did. And you couldn’t have done any better,” I said with enthusiasm. With Chassidy in my arms, we all moved toward the door to exit. Roc’s hand was on the small of Raven’s back and I couldn’t help but notice her perfect, heart-shaped butt. I heard her tell Roc that Chassidy was so cute, but when Chassidy knew Raven by her name, and thanked her for coming, I was taken aback. I wondered how Chassidy had known her and I didn’t.

  When we got outside, Roc told Raven that he was going to walk us to our car and go get his. In other words, stay put. She stood inside of the double doors, watching as we walked to my car together.

  “That was a nice play,” he said to Chassidy. “Thanks for invitin’ me. I want you to come to my truck with me, because I got somethin’ I want to give you.”

  Instead of going to my car, we went to his truck. There was a balloon inside, and a small brown teddy bear holding a red rose. Chassidy switched from my arms to his again. She was still smiling as Roc gave the balloon and teddy bear to her.

  “Thank you, Daddy. You rock!”

  He laughed and so did I. “I’d like to think so too,” he said. “If only some other people thought that way.”

  Doing the norm, I didn’t comment. Besides, I was still worked up from him coming to the play with Raven. Roc drove us to my car and told Chassidy he would see her soon. He then drove to pick Raven up at the door and they left.

  On the drive home, Chassidy sat in the back seat, playing with her teddy bear. I watched her through the rearview mirror. I had a lot on my mind . . . her play, my conversation with Latrel, and Roc and his woman. I turned down the music and asked Chassidy how she’d known Raven’s name.

  “She was with us at the movies that day. I remembered her name from then,” she said.

  “Did Daddy pick her up so she could go with you, or was that his first time meeting her at the movies?”

  Chassidy scratched her head. “I . . . I think she met us at the movies.”

  “Did she go to dinner with you all and was she at his house that night?”

  “No, but I think she’s his girlfriend, because they kissed. I thought you were his girlfriend, Mommy, because the two of you are always kissing each other too.”

  I didn’t know what to say. And shame on me for trying to pump information from my daughter. “He’s not my boyfriend. We were just a couple.”

  I was surprised when Chassidy took my comment further. “If he’s not your boyfriend then how did the two of you make me? I thought a girl had to have a boyfriend to make a baby.”

  Honestly, I got tongue-tied. Chassidy had been paying way more attention to us than I thought she was. I didn’t want her to believe that it was okay for boy- and girlfriends to make babies, nor that it was okay for a boy to have two girlfriends. But that’s how she viewed my situation with Roc. How was I to tell her that it really wasn’t the right way, even though I had been representing that it was? “Sweetheart, sometimes people have children out of wedlock, which me and your daddy did. Truth is, you should be married to a man before you have children with him and he shouldn’t be allowed to have two women. We’ll talk more about that as you get older, but right now, all I want you to think about is being in more awesome plays like you were just in, learning new things, and maybe even modeling again. You used to love having your picture taken and I couldn’t keep you away from the camera. What happened?”

  Chassidy shrugged her should
ers. “I broke my camera and didn’t want to tell you. I do like taking pictures and I want to be in more plays too!”

  I was glad the subject had changed. I guess my asking questions brought out something I hadn’t prepared myself for. It was a wake-up call that I had to be real careful about the messages I was sending to my daughter about relationships.

  That night, however, I tossed and turned, thinking about Roc and Raven. I couldn’t get the thoughts of what they were doing out of my head. Why did she have to be so pretty and petite? Tiara or Vanessa never made me feel this insecure. Even though I’d known how strongly Roc and Vanessa had bonded over the years, I’d never felt threatened by her. I knew he would always be searching for something better, and that’s why he’d kept coming back to me. But now, Raven appeared to have her stuff together. I didn’t know much about her, but I figured I would soon know more.

  The next day, Chassidy and I went to Monica’s house to spend the day with her. Chassidy was playing with Monica’s niece, Brea, and the two of them were in one of the guestrooms. We, however, were up to no good. I told Monica about Roc’s new chick, Raven, and after the description that I had given Monica, she was dying to see who had been getting a piece of the Roc. Those were her words.

  The one thing we could count on was Facebook. If Raven was on there, hopefully she wouldn’t have her privacy settings blocked where we couldn’t see her wall. I didn’t know her last name, but if Roc was on Facebook, I was sure she was one of his friends. Under my login, Monica went to Roc’s profile. Ninety-five percent of his friends were females, and you’d better believe they had been setting it out there for him. He hadn’t commented much, but he did have plenty of sexy pictures out there that showed his physique, tattoos, and charming smile.

  “Look at this hoochie here,” Monica said, reading a comment from a picture of a female who had her back turned. Most of her ass covered the photo. I could barely see her face, but she was definitely putting her assets on display. She told Roc to check his inbox and his reply was “got it.”