Every time I thought of doing something that was unbecoming of me, I thought about my family. My friends, Zandra and Pamela, said that was why I couldn’t get Travis out of my mind. They were the only ones I told what was happening with me. They never judged me. They just listened, though I could tell by their words they didn’t want me to have an affair. Even though I believed that they both had had affairs. But as usual, I was the one who should stay faithful. Living up to everyone’s expectations was too difficult. I wanted to venture out and do things that I had never done before. I wanted to experience life to the fullest. But if I continued to live my life for others, I knew I was going to die a lonely, miserable death. Zandra told me the other day that I was an undercover freak. One thing about it though, only one man besides my husband could blow my cover, if only he tried.
Chapter 4
The Eyes Are the Windows to Your Soul
One week after I overheard Sarah dissing me, she appeared in my office, wanting to chat. I guessed she thought I was a Sammy Sausage Head or something. She thought she was so smooth. But I knew her like I knew the back of my hand. She wasn’t the only woman who was jealous of me for whatever reason. I had been in this situation before at another job. The difference was it didn’t go this far with negative words or insults being slung around the place.
The last person who tried to accuse me of having an affair actually came to me after finding out I was happily married and apologized to me. Initially, she had told all my employees that I was having sex with a worker whom she had a serious crush on. After weeks of rolling her eyes at me and going through a performance plan I had prepared for her to work on, she called a truce. I was actually preparing to fire her, because her work was suffering and she was spending all her time trying to tear my reputation down.
Gail walked into my office and told me she was totally jealous of me. She said she had graduated from high school with me and I acted like I didn’t know her. I told her I didn’t remember her. She said she had six children, no husband, and working for me as a recruiter was not exactly paying her bills. She told me I made her sick because I had made it and she didn’t. It took me weeks to counsel her and convince her she was worthy and all she had to do was to go back to school. She finally enrolled in the local community college and ended up doing much better, but she was the only woman who actually told me to my face that she envied me.
Sarah wanted to chat. “Chat about what?” I asked her, while looking into her eyes suspiciously.
“Well, we haven’t talked in a while.”
She was smiling sweetly and her eyes had that happy glow. They were wide open and her pupils danced around. If you knew what I knew about her, you would know that this act was another one of her smokescreens. Her eyes looked like the devil was inside of them. They were actually glaring and shining.
“If you can remember we spoke last week about making assumptions,” I stated.
“You are right. I didn’t mean any harm when I said Travis was attracted to you. Really, everyone can tell that he likes you more than as a boss. But as I said, I’m sorry for bringing his name to you like that.”
Putting my guard down slightly, and I mean slightly, I looked at that bitch because that was what she was and reminded her of the program goals. She had the nerve to raise her voice to me. “I know what our goals are! You act like you can’t talk to me on a personal level!”
I was sitting there thinking how easy it would be for me to cuss her ass out since I didn’t have any witnesses, when she had the audacity to ask me, “Are you okay? Because it seems as if you are ignoring me.”
“I often ignore people when they try to get in my personal business. For you, I just expect you to do what I hired you to do. Nothing else,” I elaborated. I was not going to let this girl, who thought she was smarter than me, get into my business and try to use it against me later. I had to remain cool, calm, and collected. This heifer was actually testing me to see how far she could go.
“So did you and Travis go to lunch when you left earlier?”
I wanted to make her more envious. “Yes, we did and we had a great time. You know Travis is a very successful businessman.” I leaned closer to whisper, so she would think I was confiding in only her. “He is also very rich.” Pushing a newspaper to her, I said, “Read this article about him. It should answer all the questions you want to know.”
As she read the article with deep interest, I saw her smile fade and wrinkles appear on her forehead. “This article says he received eight million dollars in contracts last year. That’s good,” she said. She dragged her raggedy, chewed-off nails across my desk and bounced her skinny legs up and down. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or what because so much was happening with her facial and body movements.
“That’s damn good!” I replied. Now I was egging her on. “Can you imagine being so young and so talented with the world in your hands and everybody wanting you, but even though you are so successful, you only want one thing and you can’t have it? All the money in the world and you can’t touch it.”
“So what are you saying, that he can’t have you?”
“Well, in your mind you think that’s what he wants, but I’m not for sale.”
“You’re crazy, Malika. That man is fine and everyone knows he likes you.”
“Sorry to disappoint you. Mr. Ingram is here to do a job and that is all. Now I have work to do. I can’t entertain this mess any longer.”
Looking deep into my eyes, she said, “If you don’t want him, someone else will.”
“Good luck taking him from his family. Oh, by the way, I’m sure he is not worrying about anyone from here taking him. See, men like him are not looking for someone who is beautiful and super skinny to hold on to. They are looking for someone who can enhance them, bring something to their lives like smarts, opinions, and bold ideas. You know what I mean? Travis needs not only someone who is accomplished, has skills and experience and who could run his company if need be, but smart enough not to want to because they have their own goals and desires.”
“That’s what you think. Men like him want sex.”
“I’m sure he does. But when it’s over he is going right back home to his wife and children. Anybody can be a whore.”
That heifer jumped up and said she had work to do. I was feeling too good. I had just called her a whore and sister girl knew it, but couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Today was going to be a good day because I was on a roll.
It didn’t take long for someone else to come along and try to ruin my mood. I was working hard on the budget when I heard some commotion. I got up and went to the area that the noise was coming from. Felicia and Sarah were arguing.
Felicia’s voice was raised and the tone was harsh. I could tell she was angry because her face was scrunched up and she displayed that look I’d seen before when she was in an argument. “I didn’t say anything to her,” I heard her say.
“The bitch was acting like she had a chip on her shoulder. She acts like she wants to fuck him.”
I rushed over to their cubicles. “Excuse me,” I asked, “what seems to be the problem?”
“Nothing,” Felicia said.
“No!” I said. “Something is wrong. Who are we talking about, me?”
Sarah quickly said, “We were talking about one of my clients. She is messing around with a married man and I told her she shouldn’t do that. I was asking Felicia her opinion and we disagreed with each other.”
“Well, I suggest that you two get back to work and if you want to discuss a client’s business do so with your supervisor.” I knew she was lying. She was on that Travis stuff again. Travis was going to give either her or me some dick or all hell was going to break loose on the second floor. As it was, he was causing a serious disruption in my office. I couldn’t keep dealing with my staff having arguments and disagreements on who was fucking him. Quiet as it was kept, any woman in her right mind would’ve wanted to, but only those with class would resist hi
m with every fiber of their beings. I should have known because I was wishing he would walk through that door. Wishes must come true because when I turned, I bumped into him. Looking up into those beautiful light hazel eyes, I smiled. “I’m sorry,” I cooed.
“No problem. How are you, Malika?” he inquired.
“I’m fine.”
“I know that,” he said, “but how is the rest of your day going?”
I was staring dead into that man’s eyes. I wanted him to kiss my lips or something. I needed to touch him. So I took his hand and pulled him toward the computer. “Something is wrong with the computer,” I said.
“What is it doing?” he asked. He held my hand tightly.
“We seem to be offline,” I said as I removed my hand from his and walked to the network area.
“Let me check it out.”
I walked back to my desk, where I had a bird’s eye view of him working. As I worked on the budget, I felt his piercing eyes. When I looked up, he was looking at me, smiling. Maybe he was attracted to me after all.
As I sat there working, he walked into my office and asked if he could check something on my computer. I said yes and attempted to move. “You’re okay, baby.” As he leaned over me, I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I felt comfortable and safe near him. He was standing behind my desk chair, leaning over my shoulders.
Suddenly, my mind went totally freaky. I imagined he had sat down on my desk with his front directly in line with my mouth. I was sitting there in the chair. I unzipped his pants and pulled his penis out. Bending down, I kissed and licked the bead of moisture from the tip of the head of his penis. It was so beautiful to me. Finally, I put his throbbing dick in my mouth and sucked it like it was a baby’s bottle. The poor man was moaning and rubbing my head as it went up and down his shaft. I could tell he had never had anything like this done to him before because he was actually shaking. He probably thought someone was going to walk in on us, but I didn’t care. Like I said, I wanted that dick by any means necessary and this was one way to get it.
I licked and sucked him until he couldn’t take it anymore. He started shaking and trying to push his dick down my throat. When I felt him beginning to release I pushed him away and grabbed some Kleenex. I helped him come in the Kleenex. He lifted my head up and put his tongue into my mouth as I zipped up his zipper.
Travis asked, “Malika, what are you thinking about?”
“You don’t want to know,” I said. I realized that I was holding his arm that was hanging over my shoulder.
“Tell me about it.”
“I wasn’t thinking about much of anything.”
“Something had you going. I called your name, but you were in a trance or something.” He stood up and slowly massaged my shoulders.
“I was just thinking about all the work I have to complete today.”
He kneeled and pressed on all my pressure points. “Relax, baby. Your neck has knots in it.”
“I have a lot of work to do.” I took his hands and removed them from my shoulders and hopped out of my seat.
“Is that all? Are you sure?”
Now we stood toe to toe, with our faces inches from each other. I looked this man in his eyes and you know what I saw? I saw the truth. He was attracted to me. Was it because of my position? A woman knows when a man is smitten and he really was. His eyes told me so. Eyes are the windows to one’s soul. Eyes don’t lie. I hoped he could see in my eyes what I saw in his. I wanted to fuck him and lie in bed next to those long legs, and I wanted him to want me too. I wanted to see if he was as good in bed as he looked and if he was, I wouldn’t mind having mind-blowing sex every now and then.
“Travis, really, I’m okay.”
He knew that there was more to what I was thinking. But I was afraid to share what I was feeling for two reasons. First, I thought he would reject me. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any self-confidence, because I did. I worked in a building where many handsome men, in all types of occupations, worked or visited every day to go to the doctor or the pharmacy. In one year, more than ten men, both young and old, had asked me out. I always turned them down, but I knew that I was attractive even though I was overweight.
I was afraid he would think I was too old because I was almost eleven years older than him. Initially, I never looked his way, but because of the office banter and chattering, I became drawn to him. After I noticed how fine and attractive he was, I began to find it difficult to be around him without thinking about sexing him. I never expected to have a close relationship with him. We could talk about anything. That’s how I fell for him; he was a breath of fresh air. When I went home in the evening, I couldn’t talk to my own husband, so I told Travis everything about my dreams and my goals. He even listened to my job issues. Dexter wasn’t interested in office politics. He often reminded me he didn’t want to hear about my job.
Secondly, I was scared to come clean with him because people were lawsuit happy. They would sue you for anything. Just the other day, I took my Pekingese outside to tend to her personal needs. Every morning for over six months we would go outside and I would wait until she did her business before going back into the house. A week ago, a new family moved into our neighborhood with two full-grown mutts. Since they had moved into the neighborhood, I noticed that they kept their dogs in the house, because we never saw them outside.
On this particular morning, I took Missy outside to walk her. She immediately walked toward the back of our house. I started calling her. “Missy, get back around here!” She turned to run to me and just as she did, the two huge mutts charged her. They were on long chains, but one broke. I was so scared. I ran, screaming, “Run, Missy, run!” One of the dogs was running so fast that his long legs outran my eight-pound dog, leaving Missy a brief moment to escape. In the process of screaming for her to run, I turned, twisted my ankle, and had to crawl up on the porch. I was wearing high-heeled boots and a business suit. I could not move. My ankle was throbbing and I was crying. Grabbing the front door, I pulled it open and screamed for Missy to run. She turned, jumped over me, and then ran into the house. The large mutt tried to catch her, so much so that when I slammed the door to secure her on the inside, the mutt stood there watching me. I screamed, “Get away!” and he did.
Granted, I left myself vulnerable to possibly being mauled to death, but my baby girl was safe. After I crawled into the house, I called my husband, crying. He said, “Call the police.”
I called the office and told one of the supervisors what had happened and that I may not be in. She told me to go next door and let my neighbors know what happened. Then she told me to go to the hospital, so I could file a police report; then I could file a lawsuit.
Three weeks later, even after I was no longer limping due to a sprained ankle, people kept telling me to sue when they heard what had happened. I had no intention of suing those people. They had lived in Missouri for one week after moving from Florida when this occurred. There was no way I was going to welcome a new family into the neighborhood with a lawsuit. However, another neighbor had already told them they had sought an attorney and had filed to sue them because their dog had dug huge holes in their lawn. I also knew that on Zandra’s job a supervisor was being sued by a worker for touching her and making her feel uncomfortable. Although there were many who would sue people in a New York minute, I wasn’t a person looking to do that for trivial matters.
Here I was, falling for a person I hired as a contractor and all I was thinking about was him suing me. I didn’t want to be sued for sexual harassment, a serious workplace issue, even though I had enough witnesses to support me. I mean, everyone was telling me that he was pursuing me.
Case in point, my supervisor, Samantha, came to visit from one of our satellite locations and saw that Travis was working on the computer. She briefly spoke to him. We worked together for several hours that day, giving her an opportunity to view the people in the office as well as Travis. She eventually asked me if Travis and I were messi
ng around.
“Malika, can I ask you something personal?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Are you and Travis messing around?” She dropped her bombshell just like that.
“Why would you think that?” I asked.
“It’s obvious. He looks at you as if he’s attracted to you. He smiles a lot while staring at you even when someone else is talking to him.”
“I have never noticed that. He and I work well together,” I replied nonchalantly.
“I bet. Look at him. He keeps staring at you.”
“Samantha, he has never approached me in any way except professionally. He’s a nice person, very professional, and I must be honest, he is fine.”
“Malika, he is very handsome. But you guys be careful. If I can read his feelings so easily, others can too.”
“He’s never made a pass at me or done anything inappropriate to me.”
“Malika, mark my words, he will. He is trying to gauge you first. You know, figure out the best approach. But eventually, he will let you know his feelings.”
“I don’t think so. We are just professional friends who can talk to each other.”
“Just be careful, okay?”
“I will. You don’t have to worry,” I reassured Samantha. That was how it was. Others thought they could see his feelings. I felt his desires, though it was hard to admit it. But I could’ve been wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong about something.
Why did others think they could see the attraction? Or why hadn’t he approached me? What was he afraid of? Was he afraid I might cancel his contract? If only Travis knew how infatuated I was.
I was beginning to see him in my mind. His body, his eyes, and now I could almost feel his hands roaming over my body. Why was I becoming so obsessed with having sex with him? It wasn’t like I didn’t get mine. My husband, Dexter, reached for me at least five nights out of the week. My shit was magic or potent or something. Dexter couldn’t stay away from me. He was also good in bed, but maybe I was getting bored. After all, Dexter was so routine and most of the time I knew he used sex to make him fall asleep.
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