Dexter watched the news and I made a big salad. I had fruit and carrots, which are supposed to stimulate you too. I had shrimp, clams, and lobsters. I could feel myself becoming aroused already.
“Dexter, please freshen up and come into the dining room.” I decided to serve in that room because I wanted everything pretty and perfect with my best china.
As Dexter and I ate, we chatted. “How was your day?”
“I had a good day. I got a lot of contracts completed and made a lot of customers happy.”
“That’s good. I know you were concerned about meeting your timelines.”
“How was your day? Why the big meal? Today is not Sunday.”
I broke out laughing. “That’s funny! I cook nice dinners for you during the week.”
“I know, but a four-course? What’s the occasion?”
“You are the occasion. I just want to please my man.”
“I see with all this food that stimulates sex. You know me, I don’t need no help.”
We both started laughing.
“Thank you, Malika. This is nice.”
“You’re welcome.”
With that, Dexter gave me the biggest smile ever. After we finished eating, we got up and he kissed me on the cheek and retreated to the TV room. I cleaned the kitchen and went to join him.
We watched a couple of TV shows while he read his e-mail. Finally, we went upstairs.
“Let’s take a shower together,” I requested as I began to strip out of my clothes.
“We haven’t done that in years,” he said.
I walked up to him and kissed him fully on his lips and rubbed his penis softly. It jumped to attention. I wanted to soap him and rub him down.
I turned the shower on and stepped in when the water was warm enough. “Dexter, the water is great!” I called out as I began to soak my body with the strawberry body wash he liked to smell on me.
He joined me and I took his towel and washed his body. I took good care to wash his private area.
As I soaped him up, his penis stood erect. Suddenly, I had the desire to put it in my mouth. I wanted to please him. I took the shower head and directed it to his penis to rinse all the suds off. While I sprayed him off, he gently cleaned my private area. There was a place in our shower to sit down. I took the seat, which put me in direct line to face to his penis. I took his love tool and sucked him. He was moaning and gently pumping into my mouth. It felt good to please him. He was so aroused that he pulled me off the seat and began to kiss me with so much passion I nearly lost my balance. Then he turned me around and entered me from the back. I was bent over, holding onto the seat of the shower as he thrust himself deep within me. He was so into what he was doing. He was rubbing my back and massaging my shoulders. It was feeling so good that my legs began to shake as I began to feel trembles starting from my feet. “Oh, Dexter, that feels so good. Hit it hard,” I pleaded. He did.
“Malika, damn, girl, you feel so good,” he said as he pumped hard in me. Suddenly, my legs started to give out on me as the strongest orgasm I’d had in a while shot off. I began to pump into Dexter harder and faster and he returned the favor. He was holding my waist and hitting my love spot so hard, yet gentle, when he groaned and squeezed my waist as he came inside of me.
He held me in that position as both of our bodies settled down.
Finally, I stood up and turned to face him. “That was so damn good,” I said as I tilted my head up and kissed him. We finished washing each other, dried off, and took act two to the bed.
Chapter 24
Changing for the Better
The third Monday in May, I called a meeting with my staff. I had to tell them I had accepted another job. My passion was gone. Even though I was getting better, I sometimes thought of him. Habits are so hard to break. I wanted to call and say the computer was down. But I knew he could check that anywhere. So rather than lie, I walked the office floors and stared out the windows. I was a mess. I missed Samantha so much that sometimes I couldn’t determine if I was hurting because I missed her. If any of my staff noticed I had changed, they had not said anything. They worked harder to make our program stronger. Plus, they were still grieving over the loss of Samantha too.
Samantha’s death had left a gaping hole in all of our hearts. I believed we were all in mourning, except I was mourning for two. Leaving had been my only option, even though my sister said I should stay and face my demons. I just couldn’t. My strength to fight was gone. Plus, twice during the week I had pulled over while driving and begged God to tell me why this had happened. I asked Him to heal my heart. I wanted to stop hurting so badly.
I was tired of crying and feeling bad. I wanted my husband to be my one and only and I never dreamed that I would fall for someone else. I was broken and feeling exposed. I had always been professional. Never crossing the line, never cursing out a worker (until Sarah) because I never had to, but this thing with Travis had brought me to another level; one I wasn’t proud of. It made perfect sense for me to leave, to abandon that which I loved dearly to save myself, to save my soul. I was lusting all over the place—in meetings, church, restaurants, and anytime I had a minute of silence. My mind craved to be stimulated the way Travis did to me.
I had tried to make Dexter understand my need, but he was at a comfortable stage in his life. He thought I should be satisfied he was providing for me and our son, and that he was with us. I found that even though I was satisfied and loved my husband, I wanted him to give to me what I felt Travis gave me. As I stood here, looking out the second-floor window, I saw all the lessons I had learned from my experiences at this company. I learned if I wanted something to happen, I had to make it happen.
I was going to make sure Dexter loved me mentally as much as he did physically. He was going to talk to me and I was going to make sure he did. I had to fight for happiness, and I was going to do that. Li’l Dexter was a happy child and I intended for him to stay that way. Dexter and I had a good solid foundation and I wasn’t going to allow anything to crumble it. So I had to shape up or ship out, but I had the courage to do it.
I also learned that friends came and went, but real friends stayed and fought for you. Like Zandra and Pamela did. My girls knew I was going through a rough period. We had worked hard for our friendship and they were not willing to let me do something that they felt was out of character for me. They didn’t badger me. Well, maybe a little bit, but I understood why. Marriages like mine were hard to find and keep, and we were all trying to keep our families intact. I appreciated Pamela and Zandra for sticking by me and making sure I made the right decisions.
I also learned there was always a reason for people to hurt you if you just looked. Karen loved me, but she had to remove those bad feelings about me from our childhood. My parents never favored me. Karen forgot she never showed love for school and my parents were focused on providing for those children who wanted an education. She just needed to be reminded, that was all.
Mostly, I learned God really did put people in my life for a reason. Brenda was a woman I respected both professionally as well as personally. She was also spiritual. Her conversations were important to me. Samantha was there to remind me how quickly my life could end and how I had to keep everything in check. She taught me how to see things with a clearer mind. In Travis’s case, she picked up immediately on his feelings for me and warned me to be careful. I appreciated how she didn’t make me feel guilty about Travis. Her approach wasn’t like my former employee who seemed to harass me to find out information. I was very uncomfortable with Sarah, whom I felt I couldn’t trust. But Samantha was careful and knew how to handle sensitive subjects. Had I listened, I wouldn’t have such a heavy heart now. But mainly, I learned that time was so short and I couldn’t stand around moaning and crying about things. You changed, you grew, and you went on. That was why I decided to leave. I could no longer grow at this company. It was time to go and I was about to meet with my staff to say good-bye.
Chapter
25
Don’t Want To Go, But Have To
The staff was sick about my leaving. They were hurt, but after I explained why I was leaving and the opportunities that awaited me, Felicia supported me. Once she did, others did too. We shared so much at this company and all of us had grown, Frances probably the most. We had shared birthdays, weddings, baby showers, new cars, new homes, a college graduation, and so much more. So leaving was really hard.
On the last Friday in June, I walked into the office for the last time. I had already met with the board and completed my exit interview. They were devastated about my leaving, but could not match the additional $20,000 I was receiving on the new job. They gave me a crystal picture frame and a gold-plated business card holder for services rendered.
As I prepared to say good-bye, Felicia grabbed my hand and pulled me into the large conference room.
“Malika, we want to talk to you,” she said as she pulled me toward the room.
Once she opened the door, the staff shouted, “Surprise!”
I really was surprised. There were balloons everywhere, gifts on a table in a far corner, food for days, and Travis. He stood tall in the corner with a huge smile on his face. I was shocked to see him.
“Malika, I invited Travis,” Felicia whispered to me. “He stopped by to say good-bye. He can’t stay long. But first we want to talk to you.” I walked to the conference room table and sat down.
“Malika,” Frances said, “I want you to know that you have really been a great boss. There was never a day I didn’t want to come to work. You made our office exciting, happy, and stress-free. I want to tell you that you are a strong, talented black woman and I am proud to have worked for you. You are who I strive to be. So many women who make it don’t know how to be humble and pull others along the way, but you had that down pat. You are unique, beautiful and I love you. Don’t be a stranger, I want to keep in touch with you.”
I stood and hugged her tightly. Felicia sat there crying. Finally, she said, “I love you, Malika. You are the best,” she said as her tears rolled down her face. It got so emotional with them crying that I dropped some tears. Travis walked over, shook my hand, and said he was going to call me for lunch. It got to be too much in that room for him. I felt like he had abandoned me again. I remembered his tall, sleek body and I could feel his robust arms around my waist. I could feel his soft kisses on my face and neck. I felt like it was a love that could have been, but wasn’t and would never be. I felt hurt that a man who had sat with me for months, held my hand, caressed my arm, shared himself with me couldn’t stay for my entire party before saying good-bye to me forever. I cried for what I had with him, a good friendship, and I cried for the conversations I was missing. But I also knew that I needed to treat this as a growing experience and, like him, I simply needed to let go and continue to grow and sprout my wings. For the lessons I learned, I was so grateful. When he walked out I was so glad I hadn’t given myself to him. I knew that had I not been so resistant to quick sex, or acted so spacey about us, we would have had sex and still lost each other.
After all the testimonies, good-byes, and good food, we all did a huge group hug and they all helped to take the gifts to my car. I hugged the staff again and waved to them as I drove off. We had planned to have lunch the following week. For us, it wasn’t good-bye, I could truly feel that. I knew I would definitely have positive contact with all of them.
It was going to be a new day. Although Travis ran out of my going-away party, I understood. It was awkward with him being there. I was going to miss all the things that happened in that second-floor office, both real and unreal. But for the better, I learned I had real needs and I was going to make sure they were being met.
Although I wasn’t over Travis, I was getting stronger and realized that nothing good came without pain. In life, you take the good and make it better, and also, you take the bad with the good. That’s what I planned to do.
Chapter 26
Face to Face with My Past
“Ms. Williamson, you have a call on line three.” It was my new secretary, Maria.
“Thank you,” I said as I picked up the phone. “Hi, this is Ms. Williamson, how may I help you?”
“Hey, Malika, this is Felicia. How are you?”
“I am fine. How are you, girl?”
“I’m doing good, but I called to tell you about Sarah Lee Gee. She filed an appeal with the company because she was turned down for unemployment. They said she acted a fool on that phone. She was cursing and saying you were cursing her out on the job and that you had fired her. She accused you of all kinds of things. But the new supervisor told her it seemed as if she was the problem and since they had recorded her conversation, the employment counselor told her the same thing. They rejected her appeal because they had documentation that she resigned, while you were trying to help her keep her job.”
“Wow,” I said. “I guess she couldn’t even keep her attitude in check long enough to get her money, and that is such a shame.”
“She acts like she has some mental issues.”
“Felicia, let’s not spend our time discussing her. How is the rest of the staff?” Felicia told me five people resigned within two months of my leaving.
“The office changed,” she said. “You know when you were here, we were all happy, but the new supervisor doesn’t have the same passion to help folks as you did. The staff picked up on that and many of them are leaving.”
“That’s too bad,” I stated. We chatted for about twenty minutes until my secretary notified me of another call.
After hanging up line three, I picked up the next line. “Hello?”
“Please go to lunch with me.” Travis surprised me. I paused. I couldn’t breathe. Why is he doing this to me? What does he want? I didn’t know how to act. Oh, God, I can’t go through this anymore. I laid my head on the desk. I’m just getting over him. I just can’t do this anymore.
“Malika, are you there?”
“Travis, how are you?”
“I guess I am fine. How’s the new job?”
“Everything is fine here.”
“Go to lunch with me. I want to see you and I am not taking no for an answer.”
“Maybe next time.”
“No, this time or I am coming there.”
“Travis. I can’t do this. Please!”
“Malika, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m okay.”
“That’s great! But I still want to see you.”
I hesitated again as I wondered if I was strong enough. Finally, I said okay. “When?”
“Today. Meet me at Friday’s.”
I met Travis shortly after 12:00. When I walked through the door, my heart started beating rapidly. He was standing there, waiting for me. He walked up to me and we hugged. Then the hostess seated us.
Our lunch that day was awkward. It was obvious that whatever we had was still there. But things had changed. We were reluctant to say too much, not knowing what the other was thinking or feeling. I could tell this was the real good-bye.
We laughed a lot about nothing. Then it was time to go. We never broached questions about feelings or about our families. I thought he just wanted to be with me. It was nice, but it was time to say good-bye. I still had those same feelings about him though. They were much more controlled now.
As we both prepared to leave, he grabbed my hand. “Malika, if things were different—”
“You don’t have to say anything. I already know.”
“I really miss our talks.”
“Me, too.”
We smiled and stood up to leave. He left a tip on the table and we walked out. He walked me to my car and we hugged one last time. It felt so good in his arms, but so wrong. We would have had a powerful love, hot sex, and passionate kisses. I could feel it in the heat of his hands. But things that were not meant to be were simply not meant to be.
I drove back to the office and before getting out of my car, I c
ried. I cried for the pure love I could have had that may not have taken as much work as I was going to have to put into making my marriage solid. I cried because I missed my friend. I cried because I really did love him. For the first time, I could say that I, Malika Williamson, fell deeply in love with Travis Ingram. Though, if he had returned those same feelings, I was sure it would have caused big problems in our marriages.
What we shared on the second floor strengthened me. I was a better person and much more sensitive. I was much more observant. Mostly, I was more professional and stronger because I did not cross that line. What happened on the second floor, in my past, was over and done. It was for the best.
I picked up my cell phone and pressed the Google application. I typed Dr. Hosea Penelton, a marriage counselor who was on the office resource list, retrieved the phone number, and pressed call. The phone rang twice and a woman answered.
“Hi, this is Malika Williamson. I would like to make an appointment for my husband, Dexter, and me. We need marriage counseling.”
Two weeks later, after my lunch with Travis, I was requested by the company’s owners to sit in on a meeting with two board members. As the executive director, they wanted my opinion on a new computer center that they were building in our building. Apparently, they had written a proposal and received a grant for five million to teach low-income people computer skills. They wanted me to meet the new contractors and offer my opinion, because I had worked in vocational training before.
As I walked into the conference room, I heard the receptionist whisper to my secretary that the owner of the company was a fine, pretty-ass brother. They were giggling like little girls who had just noticed they had a crush on a little boy. As I walked past, they stopped talking.
I walked up to the door and as I entered, the owner, Mr. Jerome Hathaway, smiled and turned my way. He was talking to someone, but I could not see his face. As I walked closer, Mr. Hathaway said, “Hi, Malika, please come here and meet the new contractor.”
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