Going Nowhere: A BAMF Team Novel

by Abbie Zanders

  I needed time to think, to come up with a sound, logical, workable plan. And I couldn’t do that with my unconscious mate half-naked in my arms. I needed to put some distance between us.

  I thought briefly about taking her back to her place but decided against it. She was safer here.

  I tucked a blanket around her, then kissed her forehead and slipped out the back. I jogged around the far side of the house, away from prying eyes, and allowed my wolf to take over. I shifted into my animal form and took off into the woods.

  The air was brisk and refreshing; the snow was cold and soft beneath my paws. The storm had finally moved on, and now the sky was an inky blue-black canvas, layered with stars.

  I ran until my muscles ached and my lungs burned. Eventually, I had to admit there were no good answers. I had really fucked up by marking Alyx like that. I had lost myself in the heat of the moment and changed the game for both of us, except she had no idea. Lost in sleep, she did not realize that what I had done had been the first step in the mating process. I initiated a change at the cellular level, one that would be completed if she claimed me as well. My bite, combined with my seed and my blood, would alter her, allow her to live as long as I would, to bear my young. No other man’s scent would arouse or comfort her the way mine would, and no other would be able to satisfy her like I could.

  The good news, if it could be called that, was that while I marked her, she hadn’t marked me, so the cycle hadn’t been completed. Because I had bitten her, she was now a permanent part of me. Since she hadn’t bitten me in return, I was not yet a permanent part of her, and eventually, her body chemistry would return to normal if we parted ways. It was nature’s way of ensuring that matings were only valid if both parties were equally willing.

  I should walk away. I should leave her alone, allow my mark to fade. She could go on with her life, and I could go on with mine, doing what I do best. I could hope she would eventually find happiness.

  I lifted my head and howled out in despair at the thought of never seeing Alyx again.

  Tell her the truth. Let the choice be hers, my wolf pleaded.

  The truth? I barked out a humorless laugh. She’d either hate me or be terrified of me, and I couldn’t bear either one.

  She’s our mate. She will accept us.

  I wished I could believe that. Even if I did tell Alyx the truth and she didn’t freak out, there was still the issue of my job. She would be left alone more often than not, never knowing when, or if, I was going to come home.

  Humans who serve have mates.

  What I did wasn’t exactly standard maneuvers. Mine was a high-risk job, founded primarily on the fact that I had nothing to lose. As my mate, she would be a weakness.

  She’s already our weakness.

  * * *

  Alyx

  I woke up alone on Reid’s sofa, feeling achy and sore all over. Understandably, some of it was centered between my legs, but for some reason, my shoulder was throbbing like crazy.

  I shuffled into the bathroom, squinting against the bright light over the sink.

  Were those teeth marks?

  I turned my head to the side to get a better look in the mirror, wincing when the twinge zinged right down into my core. Just like that, my mind flashed back to the feel of Reid clamping down there, breaking through my skin as he exploded inside me.

  Heat flowed through my body, a scorching wave of lust so powerful my knees weakened. If I closed my eyes, I could still feel him. In those perfect moments, I had felt everything. The rasp of coarse hair over my skin. The weight of his hips as he fought to go even deeper. The powerful pulse of each jet filling me up ...

  I shivered, my skin both fevered and chilled. If I were normal, I would think I was coming down with the flu. But I wasn’t normal, and I couldn’t get sick. It was probably just a case of trying to do too much. I had been expending a lot of energy lately.

  I found my clothes and dressed quickly. The house was quiet, lit only by a few small, low-light lamps. Reid was nowhere to be found.

  I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I wasn’t sure what to make of anything, really. We had done the intimacy equivalent of going from zero to sixty in a heartbeat; from barely acknowledging each other to passionate lovers.

  My face flamed as I recalled how he had propped me up on the counter and made me his own personal breakfast buffet. No wonder I was feeling breathless and off-kilter.

  I grabbed my coat and left before he returned from wherever he was, thankfully avoiding what could be a very awkward post moment. Neither one of us was looking for anything beyond the now, but in the last eight hours or so, something had changed, at least for me. I was pretty sure that if I allowed it, Reid MacIntyre could own my heart the way he had owned my body.

  A hot shower and two cups of industrial-strength java later, I felt a little better, but I was still lethargic.

  I forced myself to get dressed for my shift, promising myself that I would keep it to twelve hours or under today. Clearly, the hectic pace of the last couple of weeks had finally caught up to me. Healing took a lot of energy, and I wouldn’t be doing anyone any favors if I let myself get too run down.

  “How are you?” Gram enveloped me in a hug the moment I entered her kitchen. “You look tired.”

  “I am,” I agreed.

  I broke away, accepting her offer of a plate of chicken pot pie. I was starving, and since Gram’s answer to all the world’s ills was food, it was a win-win.

  Her eyes twinkled as I attacked the plate with unusual vigor. “I suppose spending all morning with a man like Reid MacIntyre builds up an appetite.”

  Of course she wouldn’t have missed that.

  Her blue eyes were bright and searching, blossoming with hope. No doubt she knew very well where I had spent a good part of the day, but there was no way I was getting into that. She meant well, but her wish for Reid and me to get together beyond a brief hookup just wasn’t going to happen. I had known all along that anything between us would end this way, with each of us going back to our own lives. The only difference was, now the thought depressed me.

  I said nothing, shoveling a forkful of pot pie into my mouth instead. The perfect mix of tender chicken, veggies, and creamy, buttery sauce wasn’t as good as sex with Reid, but it was as close as food could get.

  “He cares for you, Alyx. Give him a chance.”

  I shook my head. No matter how good the sex was, Reid wasn’t the type of man who did relationships. He was married to his job, and I bet he was damn good at it, too. Besides, I had my own baggage that needed to be sorted out.

  “I have to go. I’m going to be late.” I pushed away from the table, barely resisting the urge to lick the plate clean. “Thanks for the pot pie, Gram.”

  I made it outside before she could protest, then went back to my place to grab my coat and bike.

  It looked as if Reid hadn’t returned yet. His house was dark, except for a small light over the kitchen window. I couldn’t help wondering where he had gone. Then I reminded myself that it was none of my business. I had been getting along just fine before he had come along, and I would do just fine now.

  The phone rang as I was about to leave. I hated that part of me lit up, thinking it was Reid. That maybe he had seen my lights on and had called. Did I dare answer it?

  My feet hesitated as I counted the rings. After the fourth, the machine clicked and the robotic voice instructed the caller to leave a message.

  I held my breath for several long seconds, but all I heard was static before a click and dial tone.

  A shiver went down my spine. I tried to shake it off. It could have been the hospital. Or a wrong number. Or one of those auto-dialing telemarketers. That was probably all it was.

  I knew better.

  I hurried out the door, stopping in my tracks when I caught sight of someone at the edge of the woods behind Reid’s house. The nearly full moon shone down on the blanket of fresh snow, reflecting enough light to make whoever it was
visible. I immediately reached for my gun, then exhaled when I realized it wasn’t a who, but a what.

  Based on size, my initial impression was that it was a bear, but it moved like a dog, or maybe a coyote.

  Remaining still with one hand on the door and the other on my gun, I released the breath I had been holding when it was gone as quickly as it had come. I made a mental note to tell Gram about it later and to remind her not to leave any kind of food scraps in the outside garbage until pickup day.

  “Alyx.” Reid appeared suddenly out of the shadows.

  Just that quickly, my lethargic body fired back to life.

  “Reid! You startled me.”

  He glanced down at the hand that held the small handgun, his brow creasing. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I told him, tucking the piece away. “Thought I saw something in the woods.”

  The furrows in his forehead deepened. “What? What did you see?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Some kind of animal. It’s gone now.” As I looked back toward the woods, I noticed his house was still dark, and his garage hadn’t opened or closed. Where had he come from?

  “Are you feeling all right?” Reid asked warily, studying me closely beneath the glow of the dusk-to-night light.

  I figured it was his way of testing the waters, so to speak, to see how I was handling what had happened earlier. Maybe he was used to women following him around after a hookup, hoping for an encore. Having experienced his skills firsthand, I could see it. Yeah, sex with Reid was that good. I wasn’t a normal girl, though, and I had my pride.

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  He didn’t answer, glancing toward my bike. “You’re not going to take that to work tonight,” he said, following that up with, “Let me give you a ride to the hospital.”

  “No, I’m good.”

  “Please, Alyx. We need to talk.”

  While I didn’t really feel up to having the kind of conversation that could put such a somber expression on his face, he was right. We did need to talk before things went any further. Plus, I had to admit, the thought of riding in a nice, warm Jeep instead of freezing my ass off on my bike held a certain practical appeal.

  “All right, thanks.”

  A few minutes later, we were in his Jeep, navigating the roads to the hospital. They had been plowed, but there were spots where the wind had almost blown portions of the road shut. I would never have made it on my bike and was glad I hadn’t tried.

  I cast a glance Reid’s way. His eyes were on the road, and he gripped the wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

  We were halfway there when he finally broke the silence.

  “Alyx, I like you.”

  Hands folded carefully in my lap, I stared out the window and waited. He was choosing his words carefully, but the heaviness in the air told me what was coming long before he did.

  “The thing is, my life isn’t really suited to a committed relationship. I’m gone a lot, often for weeks or months at a time, and I have to stay dark.” He paused, taking a breath. “I can’t afford any distractions. I need to stay focused. In control.”

  Even though I had known it was coming, it was surprising how much hearing that hurt. I hid it well, though. One of the benefits, if you could call it that, of working with seriously ill children was that I had learned to hide my emotions better than most.

  “Okay.”

  His head whipped in my direction.

  Well, what else was I supposed to say? Was he expecting some drama, maybe a tear or two?

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay. We’re on the same page. You’re not suited to a committed relationship, and I’m not looking for one.”

  He pulled up to the loading and unloading zone at the main entrance and looked at me as if I had grown a big horn between my eyes. “You’re not? You’re not feeling, uh, invested?”

  I forced a smile at his odd choice of wording and met his gaze. “Nope. So, no worries. It was ... nice.” I opened the door and slid down until my feet hit the walk. “Thanks for the ride.”

  “What time will you be done? I’ll come pick you up.”

  “Thanks, but no thanks.”

  “Alyx.”

  “Goodbye, Reid.” I shut the door and walked inside before I heard whatever else he was going to say.

  * * *

  Reid

  Nice? It was nice?

  Stunned, I watched her until her small form disappeared through the glass doors. Then I pulled away when hospital security started waving at me to move on. I had half a mind to park, march inside, and show her nice.

  My wolf was pissed, and I wasn’t too thrilled, either. I was just about to pull into the parking garage when I jerked the wheel the other way. What the hell was I doing? This was what I wanted, right? To walk away. Alone. Right?

  I shifted up and pressed the pedal down, heading toward the main road.

  Her ready acceptance had thrown me. After what we had shared, after the way she had held on to me, I had expected her to at least be a little disappointed. And I had marked her, too. Her body should be craving mine right now.

  Maybe whatever allowed her to heal also kept my bite from taking hold. Maybe her body viewed it the same way it would a bug or a virus and eliminated it before it could take hold.

  That chafed. I didn’t like the thought of her rejecting me on any level, even a cellular one.

  I cursed, slamming my fist against the reinforced dash. It had to be this way. I was doing the right thing, goddammit.

  Then, why did it feel so intrinsically wrong?

  I made it back to my place without giving in to the urge to turn around, throw her over my shoulder, and keep her in my bed until she marked me, too.

  As I drove down the driveway, I saw Grace watching me from her kitchen window. She waved me over, but I just gave a half-hearted wave in return and pulled into my garage. I jabbed the remote, closing the bay door behind me, then went inside and made a beeline for my basement. Not only was it where I had constructed a secure safe room, it was also where I had set up a bunch of fitness equipment.

  After ten miles on the treadmill at top speed, I didn’t feel any better. Worse, actually, because I shouldn’t even be able to walk ten miles, let alone sprint full-out. But I could, because of Alyx. Because she had healed me.

  I went a few rounds with the heavy bag until I knocked it right off the beam and into the wall. Then I ran through a few intense and physically demanding katas. Nothing helped. The harder I tried, the worse I felt.

  Eventually, I gave up. My arms and legs felt like jelly as I made my way back upstairs. I took a shower, my mind going back to showering with Alyx. Shampooing her hair and running my soapy hands all over those luscious curves. Seeing her lift her ass to me, silently begging for what I had been only too glad to give her.

  Growling, I rinsed off and went into my bedroom. The bed was still rumpled from earlier, the pillow and sheets still held her scent. I couldn’t even look at the counter in my kitchen without envisioning the bliss of burying my face and cock in that sweet pussy while she screamed out my name.

  Staying away from Alyx was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done. I wasn’t even sure I could. I sure as hell knew I didn’t want to.

  For the last decade, my job had defined my life: who I was, where I went, what I did. It had been enough. But now ...

  A knock at the door wrenched me away from those thoughts. I glanced up at the clock and frowned. Alyx shouldn’t be done with her shift for another couple hours. Unless she was sick. Maybe my mating bite had finally taken hold, and she had come home early.

  It wasn’t Alyx, though. It was Grace, shivering on my porch despite the heavy coat she wore. I invited her inside, out of the cold. I knew I should have offered her a cup of coffee or something, but my desire to be sociable was nonexistent at that moment.

  “Is Alyx here?” she asked hopefully.

  “No,” I told her irritabl
y. “I took her to work hours ago.”

  Her frown lines deepened. “I was afraid of that.”

  “What are you talking about, Grace?”

  She turned her worried eyes up at me. “Oh, Reid. Alyx went on her dinner break ... and didn’t come back.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Alyx

  I glared at Roger as we drove away from the hospital, my hopes fading fast. No one had given us a second look. The few people milling about the entrance had been too concerned with their own lives to give any more than a cursory glance at the expensive black sedan with the tinted windows. They had no idea I had been coerced. Taken against my will.

  I couldn’t count on anyone calling the cops until someone realized I was missing. By then, it would be too late.

  Looking back, I tried to imagine what I might have done differently and came up with nothing.

  A man had approached me as I waited for the elevator to go down to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat. I hadn’t thought twice about it since I had seen him several times over the last couple of weeks and thought he was one of the parents of the kids on my floor.

  Apparently not.

  One minute he was nodding in greeting, the next, the guy had a handgun pressed into my side, threatening to shoot anyone in our path if I so much as uttered a word.

  It pissed me off.

  “Threatening sick kids and their families? This is a new low, even for you.”

  Roger Chamberlain gave me a small smile that didn’t reach his cold, dark eyes. “I would not have been forced to extreme measures if you had just agreed to see me, Alyxandra.”

  I used my anger to shore up my courage. Show no fear. “Well, I’m here now. What do you want?”

  “You know what I want.”

  “No, I really don’t.”

  “You, Alyxandra. I want you.” The conviction in his voice was chilling.

  I pulled my arms tighter across my chest, as if that would keep him at bay. “But, why? Surely you don’t expect me to believe you are so in love with me that you can’t bear to let me go.”