by Aria Sparke
‘Scary isn’t it?’
‘You too?’ I sighed. ‘My brain’s not cooperating lately—too many distractions.’
Flynn nodded sympathetically.
I was grateful he didn’t probe. ‘I need good grades to get into medicine.’ Stop now. Too much sharing and rambling. Maybe it was stress. It was as though someone had plunged a tap into my head and I was gushing like a geyser.
‘What’s the worst thing that can happen?’
‘Failing.’
He laughed before walking me up the drive to the front steps where he rested his hand in the small of my back to guide me as though he worried I might topple from my head injury. Although it was only the touch of a hand, it was warm and comforting.
Should I invite him in for coffee or a soda? I’d have to explain to my mother. Not a good idea. Anyway, I didn’t need complications.
Flynn glanced at his watch.
Had he read my mind?
‘I’ve got to get home, so I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Are you sure you’ll be okay? I’d be happy to take you to the hospital.’
‘Thanks, but I’ll be fine.’ Fine—what a wishy-washy, nothing word.
He looked disappointed. ‘Would you be interested in doing some study together?’
‘Yes that would be great.’ Why had I blurted that out? I wasn’t being me, or perhaps I’d damaged my brain in the fall. The distance between me responding to his invitation expanded in space and time. Under the porch light I liked what I saw—he was clearly handsome, relaxed and warm.
‘Great.’ He smiled as though our conversation was the most normal he’d ever had. ‘How about we meet tomorrow afternoon? I’ll talk to you at school and we can sort it out.’
After Flynn left, I locked the door and checked the windows before going to the kitchen to start dinner. My heart was still racing from the chase, fall and Flynn’s invitation. Is this how normal people interacted? If I had to talk to boys and accept dates every day, it would kill me.
While my mother slept in front of the television, I showered before cooking dinner. She woke when I brought her dinner on a tray but only picked at the pasta meal I’d made. By the time I’d finished eating, she was snoring lightly. I cleared the dishes and retreated to my room to study but a few hours later took a break to find she was awake and watching the local news.
‘Did you see that? A woman was murdered here tonight,’ she said in a flat tone, as though the news confirmed her bleak view of the world.
I felt my blood run icy. ‘Where?’
‘The park near the mall on the north side of Wicklow.’ For the first time in weeks she sounded animated. ‘Please be careful when you run, Lily. I don’t want anything bad happening to you. Promise me, Lily, you’ll be safe.’
But my mind had already raced several steps ahead. From now on I’d only run in daylight hours and I’d stick to the streets. ‘Of course I will.’
* * *
CHAPTER 2
Wicklow High
A buzzing fly woke me the next morning releasing me from a nightmare where I was still running in the woods from a lanky guy in a white suit. Where was Flynn Cooper when you needed him? The thought made me smile; something I’d need to practice more if I was going to get over my craziness. The sun had finally cracked the clouds for the first time in a week allowing Wicklow to breathe fresh air and feel sunshine. I threw my comforter aside and climbed out of bed to follow the aroma of cooking bacon wafting through the house.
‘I hope you’re hungry?’ Elise called from the kitchen. Wearing an olive-toned dress that clung to her petite figure, she had brushed her dark brown hair off her face and applied eye-liner and brown eye shadow to complement her hazel eyes along with a dash of coral lipstick. The makeup and outfit hid the fact she was tired and unwell.
‘It smells fantastic. I could eat a horse, or should I say a pig?’
She stared at the green, floral wallpaper peeling off the kitchen wall where it revealed an uglier claret-red and gray pattern. ‘Do you ever wonder how deep these layers of wallpaper go?’
‘Not really, but I suppose it keeps the place insulated.’
‘I’m going to paint this weekend. What color? Yellow?’
‘Bright, sunny, great choice, but we’re going to have to peel the layers back—like an archaeological dig.’
Elise fidgeted with the settings on the table. ‘I’ve an appointment at the job center this morning and a shift at the library this afternoon.’
‘Wow, that’s amazing. Are you sure you’re up to it?’ To an outsider she might have sounded hyper, but this was more like my old mother, juggling projects, perpetually flitting and always happy. Or perhaps I needed to believe everything was okay.
After Dad died, Mom had been trying hard to keep it together by working at the local library shelving books although the shifts were few and far between. Sometimes I’d pop into the library after school and catch her sitting between the stacks staring at a book cover as though unable to make sense of the title or miles away in some daydream.
‘Don’t worry, I’m fine.’ She smiled convincingly. ‘I can drop you off at school this morning.’
‘That’d be great, thanks.’ How could this be the same person who hadn’t got out of her bathrobe for a week? ‘Keep your fingers crossed for a writing job. How good would that be?’
‘We’ll see.’ Elise slid the bacon from the pan beside the buttered toast sitting on two plates. ‘Last night I had a great idea for a new novel.’ She was speaking like the old Elise.
My spirits soared. ‘That’s great, Mom.’
‘It’s an idea for a romantic fantasy.’
Usually I would’ve groaned at this point because fantasy books made me snore, but today I was thrilled with her new enthusiasm.
‘I’ll tell you about it after the interview.’
‘I’d love that, but I might be late this afternoon because I’m meeting a friend to study for finals.’ Although I was exaggerating, it felt so good to say friend as I’d made none since I arrived last semester.
She grinned broadly. ‘That’s great, Lil.’
Lil? Too much. Something was off like a commercial where life was too sparkly and shiny, but I ignored it.
The counselor at my previous school had tried to get me socializing again, but when I couldn’t he said it was okay and that it might take time. At Wicklow High I usually walked to the library in breaks and studied. After Dad died and we moved, I’d lost the urge to mix or make conversation. Instead, I threw myself into study and reasoned I would make friends once I got into college and began my real life.
Even before Dad died, I’d never really had time for boyfriends because I had a grand plan and maybe I was a little scared of boys and the whole relationship business. The plan, my tomorrow career always felt solid and possible. Boys are unpredictable and foreign. I wanted to know them but didn’t know how. Once I started college, I’d figure it out.
Although Flynn wasn’t an actual friend, perhaps if I said it aloud, it would be so. ‘Do you want me to pick up a pizza for dinner?’
My mother sat across the table. ‘To celebrate?’
‘Of course. Got to be positive.’ Today was shaping up to be a bright day. Please, it had to be.
She beamed. ‘That’s great, Lily. Life is looking up for both of us, isn’t it?’ Her optimism was so infectious I wanted to hug her.
As we drove to school, I was surprised how bubbly and talkative she was before dropping me at the front gates of Wicklow High an hour later.
‘If I get a job, we’ll go to the coast for the weekend. Stay at a fancy hotel on the beach, eat fish and fries and feed the sea gulls.’
I could almost feel the sun on my face and smell the fries. ‘Sure, I’d love to go to the beach.’ I couldn’t afford to think too deeply or want it in case it never happened. I shoved any negative thoughts deep down as I climbed out of the car.
Laughing and calling out to each other, students with backpacks hurr
ied through the front doors to classes as the bell rang. I rushed to chemistry and made it seconds before Mr Drake slammed the door shut. He was an interesting case. From under his shiny black toupee, he delivered lessons in a dry monotone that gave chemistry teachers a bad name. I suspected he loved organic chemistry with a passion yet had difficulty connecting to us the reasons. We all have our problems.
After finding a seat near the window, I settled back to locate Flynn yet flinched when I spotted him only three desks away. Leaning forward, I tried to catch his eye, but he was talking to a willowy blond girl in front of him. He seemed taller and rangier than I remembered from last night. When he turned and caught my eye, I grinned and waved discreetly. But he frowned and turned as if he thought I was signaling someone behind him. The desks and aisles were empty on the other side, so he shrugged at the beautifully-blond, willowy female as though he thought I was strange.
Another girl sitting between, who must have caught the whole embarrassing exchange, whispered in a sympathetic tone, ‘Ignore him, we all do.’
What was his problem? Humiliated and annoyed, I struggled to keep up with the organic chem problems for the rest of the class and ignored the carbon diagrams Mr Drake was drawing on the whiteboard. Instead, I gazed out the window lost in thought.
After the chemistry lesson, I ambled to history class on the other side of the campus.
‘Do you mind if I walk with you?’ said the blue-eyed girl with the chalk skin and graceful neck who had spoken to me in chemistry. ‘You’re going to history, aren’t you?’ With her long legs, she loped along, forcing me into a trot.
She was obviously clairvoyant.
‘My name’s Anya.’
‘Hi, I’m Lily.’ Although average height, I had to tilt my head to talk to her because she towered another half foot above me.
‘Don’t pay that idiot Cooper any attention. If you do, his head will explode.’ She talked quickly, her words almost running up against each other as though she was tense or highly strung.
Embarrassed she’d noticed, I nodded.
‘Girls are only sport to him.’ I couldn’t read her expression drifting somewhere between guarded and anxious.
‘It’s just that I met him running last night and he seemed a nice guy.’
‘Running?’ She laughed, her darkly elegant eyebrows rising high on her pale forehead.
‘What is it?’
‘I think you might have the wrong Cooper.’
Now completely confused, I said, ‘There’s more than one?’
‘Yeah. The guy who gave you the ugly face is Martin, and I don’t think he’s run a step in his life. Basically he’s bone lazy.’
‘He said his name was Flynn.’
‘Yes, he’s Martin’s brother. I don’t think Martin’s ever played sport, but Flynn’s on the track team.’
‘Have you seen Flynn today?’
‘No.’ She frowned. ‘I think he must be away.’
‘They look so similar.’
‘Martin’s taller by an inch or so and has a fawning girlfriend for every day of the week. Watch him. You’ll see. I don’t want you to get hurt.’ She sounded bitter.
We walked across the open lawn between the main building and the south wing. Kids were scrambling in all directions to get to classes. Clouds had drifted over Wicklow and it was drizzling again.
‘So how are you settling in?’
‘Fine, thanks,’ I lied, surprised she’d noticed I was a newbie.
‘Where are you from?’
‘Florida. All that sun and warmth was getting to us.’
Anya frowned. ‘You’re not serious?’ She was intense.
‘Only joking. Mom got a new job here.’ Well, that was semi-true. Anya didn’t need to hear the rest although half of me wanted to spill my secrets, so I could have a girlfriend to confide everything. Although I knew it was foolish to rush friendships and closeness no matter how much I needed them. ‘Are you a local?’
Anya nodded and smiled. ‘I’ve lived here with my family for a few years.’
‘Where did you live before?’
She waved her hand. ‘Near the east coast, but we’ve moved a lot over the years because of my dad’s business.’
‘Do you like Wicklow?’
She shrugged. ‘You get used to it.’
‘I haven’t had much of a chance to explore the place—other than school or home.’
‘I could take you on a guided tour.’
‘Thanks, I’d love to see the place properly.’
‘Basically there’s upper and lower Wicklow. The rich live in classy homes on the western slope with the three ugly churches, the upmarket shops, and the bed and breakfasts. That’s God’s side of town.’
‘What about the rest?’
‘The plebs?’
‘Yes.’
‘They endure in the valley on the other side of the city center. Most slave and sweat in the plastics factory or the mill.’
‘Ah, I guess that makes me a pleb.’ Curious, about her, I wanted to ask lots of questions yet didn’t want to frighten her away.
‘Just cause God favors upper Wicklow, doesn’t mean the people there are any holier.’
The conversation was getting strange.
‘How about we meet at the cafeteria at lunch?’ Anya suggested. ‘I can introduce you to some of my friends.’
‘Thanks, I’d like that.’ Did I sound desperate? Finally, I was cracking through Wicklow High’s impervious shell or rather, I was letting myself try.
By the time I’d sat through history and a double math class, my brain was imploding. I practically staggered to the cafeteria and looked forward to meeting up with Anya. Maybe I’d finally have someone I could talk to other than my mother. After picking up a tray, I surveyed the offerings and chose a chocolate chip muffin and chocolate milk. When I lined up to pay the cashier, I checked the tables to see if Anya had arrived. Wicklow High attracted students from surrounding towns, so it was large, maybe 1500 students, and I think they were all in the hall today. Greasy food and body odors had sucked the fresh air from the hall. Like prison inmates, kids wore black sweaters branded with the white Wicklow High insignia and dark pants or jeans. Crammed inside because of the crappy weather, they laughed, talked and yelled, lifting the roof and vibrating the floor. While navigating to the edge of the seething sea of students, I reminded myself to breathe. After fifteen minutes and no sign of Anya, I gave up waiting. Outside the drizzle had turned to rain.
It was a lengthy run through the rain from the cafeteria to the library, but I didn’t care. Holding a book over my head to avoid getting my hair wet, I sprinted out the doorway only to crash into the chest of a tall boy with broad shoulders. I looked up and realized instantly I’d collided with Martin Cooper.
‘Sorry, I wasn’t looking,’ I said.
Bending down, he picked up the book I’d dropped. As he straightened I could see he was a good two inches taller than Flynn and scrawnier. Up close, there were other subtle differences. Martin’s eyes were a paler shade of blue and he had a gap between his slightly crooked front teeth. So far I hadn’t noticed a dimple in his cheek either, but he wasn’t smiling to reveal one. He was definitely an inferior version.
‘About earlier in class, um, I mistook you for Flynn.’
‘I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.’ He waved at the golden girl on the far side of the cafeteria. ‘Do I know you?’
‘Lily Winter.’ My face burned.
‘You’d better be careful next time.’ Before walking away, he thrust the book into my hands and stared at me with a cold and menacing intensity making it so easy to dislike him.
Yes, well, goodbye to you too, Martin Cooper, you bizarre creature. Was he on drugs or just plain rude? Although exhausted by Wicklow High, I didn’t care because school would be behind me forever in a few weeks.
After the last bell rang for the day, I longed to get home. When the school bus dropped me in the street before mine, it was g
loomy and still drizzling. As soon as I earned enough as a doctor, I’d buy a new house for Mom and me, close to a quiet sunny beach far away from Wicklow. My mind drifted to that perfect world. I could already hear the waves lapping, feel the sun on my skin and breathe the salty air.
Turning the corner, I saw red flashing lights reflected in the puddles from an ambulance at the end of the street. As I approached, I realized it was close to our house, so I ran. A gray dream lit by red flashes became my reality. With rising panic, I struggled to breathe while choking on the smell of rain and wet leaves.
When I reached the house, a man in a navy uniform was leaning into an ambulance hauling out equipment.
‘What’s happening?’ I asked in a breathy voice.
He gave me an earnest look. ‘Do you live here?’
I wheezed and nodded.
‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, is my mother okay?’
‘Come inside, please.’
Although I didn’t want to, I followed him up the steps into the living room where two paramedics were hooking my mother up to a drip. Lying on a gurney, she was white and her eyes were closed. An icy wave flowed from my chest through my limbs. I tried to hide a gasp. Was she dead? No one pulled a sheet over her head, so I reasoned she had to be alive. After rushing to her side, I grasped her hand, which was cold and limp.
‘Mom, I’m here.’
She didn’t respond.
‘We think she may have taken these.’ The man in the blue uniform who had walked in with me held up a bottle and shook it.
Slowly and surreally, time and the background floated. I stepped away from the gurney until I touched a wall and leant on it, terrified I’d drift away if I let go.
‘Are you okay?’ the blue-uniformed man asked with a concerned expression.
‘I’m fine.’
‘According to the print on the bottle she only got the meds today, but the bottle’s half empty.’
Covering my mouth as the air left my lungs; I swore the room was rocking. ‘She overdosed?’ I eventually managed to say.