Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series)

by Keahey, Robin

  “Now, you’re going to go in that bathroom, take a shower, and get dressed. Then I’ll take you to Seth. Last time I saw him, he was kissing a very cute cheerleader,” he said.

  I slowly got up and did exactly what he said, while he watched me the entire time. I think shock must have set in, because I no longer felt anything- not scared or angry, just nothing. I was numb.

  When I was finally ready, he leaned down and gently kissed my lips. I didn’t move. I didn’t even breathe. “You are going to go back in there and act normal. You will never tell Seth or anyone else about tonight. Are we clear?”

  “Yes,” I whispered and followed him back to the living room. He led me to the couch where I spotted Seth passed out, that same cheerleader he’d been talking to at school sitting in his lap. She locked eyes with JT and immediately hopped off Seth’s lap and walked away.

  He pushed me down on the couch next to Seth before picking up a glass of what looked like water from the table in front of us. He smiled at me and threw the contents into Seth’s face. “Wake up. It’s almost midnight,” he shouted.

  I looked up at him in shock. It’s almost midnight? That meant I’d been out of it for almost four hours. What had JT put in that cup besides alcohol and worse yet, what did he do to me all that time? I felt panic trying to bubble up again, but one hard look from JT squashed the feeling.

  Seth came to and was furious. He clenched his teeth, the vein in his temple throbbing. “What the heck,” he yelled, wiping the water from his face before finally noticing me beside him. “Where have you been? I came back and you were gone. I waited but when you didn’t come back, I went and hung out by the keg.”

  I glanced up at JT. What was I supposed to say? Your best friend was raping me for the last several hours. I wanted to and started to open my mouth to tell him just that, but JT spoke first, “Bro, your girl can’t hold her liquor. She got sick, so I helped her clean up but then she was all over me. I had to push her away several times. Man, you need to keep her on a shorter leash.” Horrified, I stared at him and knew this was not going to end well for me. As if sensing my fear, JT added, “But hey, don’t be too hard on her. She was drunk, so maybe she was just confused.”

  I was floored by his nerve. Did he seriously think he did me a favor by throwing in that last part? I watched as a proud smile broke out on his face. He was completely twisted. I planned to keep my mouth shut and stay far away from him.

  I peered at Seth, afraid to see how much damage JT had done. He studied my face intently. “I’ll take you home,” he said, his voice was calm, but his eyes betrayed him.

  I stood up and winced at the pain, but Seth didn’t seem to notice. JT did though and gave me a wink before walking away. Seth grabbed my hand, squeezing it hard, and led me outside to his jeep. He didn’t speak and kept his eyes straight ahead. I knew I needed to calm him down before things got worse. I reached over and tried to take his hand, but he jerked it away. He looked into my eyes with a piercing gaze and growled out, “What did you do? Did you throw yourself at him?”

  I shook my head violently. “No. I would never do that. You know me, and I’m not like that.”

  My words did nothing to calm him, and I watched as rage slowly overtook him. His hands clenched at his sides and his eyes clouded over. “Are you calling him a liar?” he asked. I knew this was a loaded question. He was fiercely loyal to JT, but not to me. There was no right way for me to answer this question, so I didn’t say anything. I continued to meet his gaze, knowing he saw the fear in my eyes as I tried to brace myself for what was coming.

  “Are you ignoring me?” he asked, poking me hard in the chest.

  This is bad. I have to answer him. I racked my brain for the words to say that would cause me the least physical pain and finally found them. “No. He’s not a liar. I did try to kiss him, but I was so drunk I thought he was you. I’m so sorry, Seth. I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said tearfully, feeling myself die inside as I covered up what JT did. I wanted the truth to come out but my fear of JT kept it locked inside me.

  Seth grabbed me, digging his fingers into the flesh of my upper arms. I whimpered and looked down at his hands, he gripped me so hard they shook from the effort. Tears fell from my eyes as I looked back at his face. Gone was the Seth I once knew and in his place, was the real him. His beautiful green eyes I had loved so much were now filled with rage directed only at me. “You are mine. Do you understand me? No one else gets what’s mine,” he yelled in my face, the sound ringing in my ears.

  “Pl-please let go. You’re hurting me,” I stammered out.

  He squeezed even harder, and I cried out from the pain. It felt like he was squeezing my bones. Just as I thought I could take no more, he released me and the excruciating pressure on my arms was replaced by a dull throb.

  I heard a sob as he pulled me to his chest, and I realized it was coming from him- not me. “I’m so sorry. I’m just so scared I’m going to lose you, and I can’t handle that. Please don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry I hurt you. I lost control thinking of your lips on JT. I love you,” he choked out between sobs before grabbing my face and softly putting his lips to mine. I tasted the salty tears, his and mine. It broke my heart, but I knew it was over. We were finished, but I couldn’t let it show.

  “It’s okay, Seth. I love you and we’ll be okay. I’m not going to leave you.”

  “You promise?” he asked in a wavering voice.

  I answered with what I knew was a lie, “Yes. I promise.”

  Chapter Nine

  When Seth dropped me off at home, I rushed upstairs to the safety of my room. Thank goodness my parents are already in bed and don’t see how much of a mess I am. I felt chilled, and it was the kind that went to the bone. As I softly closed the door behind me, the reality of what happened hit me, and I slid to the floor and fell apart. I screamed into my arm trying to muffle the sounds. I beat my other hand on the carpet and rocked my body back and forth.

  I didn’t stop screaming until my throat was raw. I slowly stood up and ripped my shirt from my body before kicking off my pants. I switched on the light and studied myself in the mirror. I stared at the hand print bruises on both of my upper arms, where unmarked skin had been just hours earlier. I studied my face. Who is this girl covered in bruises looking back at me? Stupid girl, she deserves to suffer.

  I grabbed a chunk of hair and yanked at it hard, but that didn’t cause enough pain, so I clenched my hand into a tight fist, reared back, and punched the mirror. It shattered into pieces as I screamed at the top of my lungs. Blood poured from my sliced knuckles, but I didn’t even notice.

  My bedroom door flew open and Dad stumbled into the room, with Mom close on his heels. They froze when they saw me covered in blood and bruises, mirror pieces surrounding my feet. Mom screamed and collapsed into a ball on the floor and the anguished yell that came from Dad was like no sound I’d ever heard before.

  He rushed to me, not caring about the shattered glass, and stripped off his t-shirt. He checked my hand for glass shards before wrapping it up in his shirt. I collapsed against him, my breathing ragged. I began to sob as he carefully led me to the bed. He sat down on the edge, steadying me in front of him. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gently ran his hands over the fresh bruises on my arms. His eyes quickly darted to the faded one on my shoulder before he turned me around. I heard him gasp and felt him touch the large bruise I knew went across my back. I hung my head in shame. I don’t know how it ever got this far. What happened to the girl I use to be?

  He turned me to face him. “Did he do this to you? Seth? I know he did,” Dad croaked out.

  All I could do was nod my head before leaning over and vomiting all over the floor. Mom pulled herself together and ran out of the room. I wore only my bra and panties, so Dad grabbed the comforter off my bed and wrapped it around me. He eased me onto the bed and smoothed the hair from my face. Mom came back in and threw a towel down to cover the vomit before sitting down beside me. With a wet r
ag in her shaking hand, she wiped my face. I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t bear to look either of them in the eye. I didn’t want to see their anger directed at me for being so stupid.

  Dad leaned down and spoke softly. “Open your eyes.” I did as I was told. “You did nothing wrong, honey. This is not your fault. We aren’t mad at you. We are mad at him.”

  I almost laughed at his words. They had no idea of all the wrong I had done, how far gone I was from the girl they raised. I looked over at Mom; she was weeping. My tears already dry, the numbness settled in. Once again, I felt no emotion. My parents didn’t speak as I lay there with my eyes closed. The only sound in the room, besides our breathing, came from the crinkling of the comforter as Dad’s gentle hand swirled over my back, as if he were trying to erase the bruise there. The question of what all JT did during those four hours haunted me. The rape was enough but as other frightening thoughts began to unfold in my mind, I knew I had to stop them before they tore me apart.

  I reached up, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes and screamed, trying to make it all go away. Dad pried my hands away and began to pray over me. I listened to his pleading for God to take away my pain. I wished I could pray too, but I just didn’t have it in me anymore. After Dad’s prayer was finished, Mom reached over and took my hurt hand and un-wrapped it. I noticed several cuts on my knuckles but they weren’t very deep. She cleaned them before wrapping my hand in gauze. I tensed as Dad settled closer and opened his mouth. I knew what was coming, but I wasn’t ready for questions just yet.

  “Katie, how long has Seth been doing this to you?” he asked, his voice strained.

  I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I simply stared at what was left of my mirror. It was in too many pieces to be put back together, just like me.

  “We need to take pictures of what he did,” I heard Dad say as I closed my eyes, letting the numbness find me again.

  ***

  I woke up screaming in the dark. JT had been chasing me with a knife as Seth stood by laughing. I sat up gasping, unable to breathe or swallow. I began to choke and grabbed at my throat. I could hear my parents screaming my name, but I couldn’t focus on their voices. I was lost and fear consumed me. I felt like I was dying as silent tears ran down my face. I couldn’t get a sound to escape my closed throat. I thrashed against Dad, but he held me tight, keeping my hands away from my neck. The feeling was pure torture, and it didn’t stop until I finally passed out from exhaustion.

  ***

  The next day, I didn’t move or speak. I stayed in bed staring at the wall for hours on end. My parents panicked and called the pediatrician. He recommended Dr. Baird, a psychiatrist that specialized in children’s mental health. Mom made me an appointment for that day and along with Dad, led me inside his office. Dr. Baird looked nothing like I expected. Instead of the studious, pipe-smoking image I had in my mind for a shrink, he looked more like a grandpa. I kept expecting him to try to give me a quarter or a peppermint from his pocket. He didn’t, but he did give me a reassuring smile.

  Dad showed him all the bruises on my body, before leaving me alone with him. He told me that everything I said was confidential, even from my parents. I didn’t believe him, so I decided not to say anything about what JT had done to me. The first question he asked was how I got my bruises. I told him from my ex-boyfriend. He then proceeded to ask me lots of other questions; some I answered and some I didn’t, especially not the ones about my nightmares.

  Once we were finished talking, he brought my parents in and asked me to wait in the hall. They never would tell me what Dr. Baird said to them alone in that room, so I eventually stopped asking. I was put on several prescriptions and after a few days, I began to feel better. I stopped having nightmares every night, which helped to stop the panic attacks. I saw Dr. Baird again at the end of the week and he was glad that I’d improved, but insisted I still had to see him every two weeks for therapy sessions.

  ***

  I only missed a week of school. My parents told me if anyone asked, I’d had the flu. It was going around town, so that was believable. I looked pale and felt tired from all the sleepless nights, so it looked believable too.

  Hallie was already at our locker with a somber look on her face. “Katie, I’m so sorry about what has happened. My mom told me your parents made you break up with Seth. I’m glad they did, but I know it still hurts.”

  I ignored her sympathetic words as I gathered my books. It was my fault. I kept taking what Seth dished out, hoping he would change. This was about more than Seth anyway, not that I could tell anyone though. I was on my own with this secret.

  We started towards class when I spotted Seth. He was headed straight for me. “Just ignore him,” Hallie whispered. I had planned on it.

  He called out my name, dodging other kids as he ran to me. I flinched when he stopped right in front of me, blocking my path.

  “Leave her alone, Seth. She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  Seth glared at her. “Go away, Hallie. This is none of your business,” he growled out.

  She didn’t move though. She continued to stand beside me with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring back at him.

  He leaned in close to my face and whispered. “You have to tell your parents I didn’t hurt you, that it was an accident or something. Your dad called mine and said he had pictures of what I did to you.” I looked into his eyes, my expression blank, and didn’t say a word. “Katie, are you listening to me?” he asked and reached out to grab my arm. I scooted away before he could touch me. “I love you, and I know you love me. Please, I can’t live without you. I promise I’ll never hurt you again,” he pleaded, tears pooling in his eyes. He sounded sincere, but I couldn’t go back to him. I wouldn’t live my life like that. Plus, I was too broken now anyway. I would never be the same.

  I opened my mouth and with a steady voice uttered one word, “No.” I turned and walked away with Hallie at my side.

  ***

  Seth didn’t let up that entire week. It was a living hell. I would find gifts in my locker, and he followed me from class to class trying to talk to me. I asked to be moved away from him in English class, which made him furious.

  In the hallway after class, he slapped the books out of my hands and made a move to shove me but was stopped by Mr. Reid. “I suggest you walk away, Seth,” he said, his voice firm.

  Seth glared at him but did what he was told. Mr. Reid stooped down and picked up my books, giving me a warm smile as he handed them over. He walked beside me in silence all the way to the cafeteria. As he opened the door, he cleared his throat. “I don’t know what all is going on, but you need to stay away from Seth and his friends. You don’t think the teachers have noticed how he treats you? Well, we have and it makes us sick. If you were my daughter, you wouldn’t be at the same school as him. Promise me you’ll be careful.”

  I cocked my head, confused. This was the same teacher who had called me out in class earlier in the year. I didn’t know he even paid attention to his students outside of class, let alone cared.

  “I’ll be okay,” I said, giving him my best fake smile.

  As he looked at me, the compassion was evident in his eyes. “He’s changed you. You aren’t the same carefree girl you use to be. I hope you can get past whatever this is and get your life back on track.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I replied softly and walked into the cafeteria, leaving him standing at the door.

  “What was that about?” Hallie asked as I sat down at our table.

  I glanced back at the empty cafeteria doors. “He saved me from the wrath of Seth.” I told her what almost happened and she frowned.

  “Well, I’m glad he was there,” she said, patting my leg.

  “So am I,” I whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to appear.

  ***

  The weeks passed, and Seth seemed to realize that our relationship was truly over. He began dating the cheerleader I’d seen him talking to once before. While th
is came as no surprise, the hurt I felt at seeing him with another girl did. I knew part of me still loved him, and would continue to for a long time, but the damage had been done and neither time nor words could ever repair it. I had wanted to return the necklace he’d given me, it was one less reminder of him, but couldn’t find it. I tried to remember the last time I’d worn it and thought maybe it had been the night of the party but couldn’t be sure. I’d torn my room apart searching for it but still hadn’t found it. I wasn’t too worried about it, thinking that eventually, it would turn up.

  Things returned to normal around me, but I couldn’t shake my depression. It lingered long after the nightmares stopped. It didn’t help that I continued to see JT quite regularly. At the smallest glimpse, I would grab Hallie and head the other way. He’d managed to catch me alone a few times and seemed to enjoy reminding me of what he could do if I ever told anyone about that night at the party. Hallie still didn’t know what happened with JT. No one did. I’d made sure of that. She just thought I wanted to avoid all things Seth related, and I didn’t correct her. She knew something wasn’t right with me and tried her hardest to make me feel better but nothing worked, and I found myself slipping further and further away.

  Chapter Ten

  As February arrived, I realized my period was late. It should have come the last week of January. I panicked and drove to a pharmacy one town over and bought a home pregnancy test. I couldn’t do the test at home, so I snuck into the pharmacy restroom and did it there. I sat on the lid of the toilet, willing the test to be negative. I closed my eyes and did something I hadn’t done since before I’d slept with Seth- I prayed.

  “Lord, I know I shouldn’t ask you for anything after what I’ve done, but please don’t let this test be positive. I promise to never have sex again. I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t let this be positive.” I opened my eyes and peered down at the stick as it shook in my hand and through my tears, saw the plus sign. I was pregnant, and my life was over.