Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series)

by Keahey, Robin

  Oh, I thought I was finally over those. I took a deep breath and let it out. He nodded his head and I was about to do it again, when it occurred to me how close his face was to mine and I knew my breath was rough. I quickly clamped my hand over my mouth.

  His eyes widened. “What is it? Are you going to be sick?” I shook my head. “Then why are you covering your mouth?”

  “I haven’t brushed my teeth, and your face is like two inches away,” I mumbled out between my fingers.

  He huffed. “Quit worrying about your breath. I don’t care. You scared me to death last night, and I need to know that you’re okay.” He tried to pull my hand away, but I held it tighter to my face. He gave up and let out a sigh of defeat. “Don’t move,” he said sternly, so I didn’t.

  He left my room and came back a minute later holding my toothbrush. I looked at it and noticed he’d put toothpaste on it. He dipped it in the glass of water on my nightstand and handed it to me. “Here, now you can brush,” he said and was completely serious.

  I stared at him in disbelief but took my toothbrush anyway. I brushed my teeth in bed, while he held the water glass out so I could spit into it. When I finished, he took my toothbrush and the glass and left my room. He returned a few minutes later with a clean glass of water. I took a few sips and placed it on the nightstand as he got back in bed beside me, slipping under the covers this time.

  He rolled on his side to face me. “Do you remember your dream? I woke up to the sound of you screaming my name.”

  I shuddered. “JT was drowning me in a lake. You were there with Angie and had a baby girl. I called out for you to help me, but you just ignored me.”

  He grimaced. “It was just a bad dream. I would never be with Angie or let something bad happen to you. You know that.” I nodded my head. I did know that. He kissed my lips and said, “Come on and get up. I’ll go make us some coffee.

  “Okay, but I’ve got to take a shower first because I’m all sweaty. You had me trapped under the covers,” I said with a laugh.

  He chuckled. “Sorry, baby. I just had to be close to you after what happened last night. You scared me.”

  “Was it a bad one?” I asked and bit down on my lip, hoping he’d say no but doubting it.

  “Well, I’ve never seen anyone have a panic attack before, but the way you were clawing at your neck made me afraid you were going to hurt yourself. So, I’d say yes, it was a bad one.”

  I frowned, feeling terrible that he’d had to take care of me yet again. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Levi. I’ve got to get a better grip on things. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.”

  “You’ve been through a lot of trauma, and it does things to your mind. You will get better as time passes, and I’ll be here to help you through it all,” he said, tucking my hair behind my ear.

  I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. “I know and I love you even more for it. Now come on. Let’s get up. We both have to work today, and I’m not going to let all that bad stuff get in the way of my day.”

  He smiled and threw back the covers. I noticed a red mark on his chest when the neck of his t-shirt slipped down a little. “What is that?” I asked, reaching over to pull his shirt down further.

  He sat up out of my reach and quickly replied, “Nothing.”

  I sat up, ready to pounce if he tried to get away. “Uh uh, tell me.”

  “When I tried to get you to take your medicine you were so scared and didn’t understand what was happening-” he trailed off.

  “Wait. What?” I gasped out. “I did that to you? Show me,” I demanded.

  He hesitated for a moment but pulled off his t-shirt and turned to face me. He had three red scratches across his chest. They started at his right collar bone, crossed over his sternum and ended in the middle of his left chest muscle. I had literally clawed him.

  I started to cry. “Oh Levi, I’m so sorry.” It broke my heart that I’d done that to him.

  “I’m fine, really. It looks worse than it feels.”

  Before I thought about it, I leaned over and kissed his collar bone, where one of the scratches began. I slowly kissed my way along the angry red line. Levi sucked in a breath, gently cupped my face and pulled me away from him. He looked into my eyes and in a strained voice said, “Go get dressed. We need to talk.”

  Uh oh, I don’t like the sound of that. He picked up his shirt, slipped it over his head and walked out of my room, leaving me with a sinking feeling that I’d done something wrong.

  I got off the bed and heard him in the kitchen making coffee. I grabbed some clean clothes and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. What is his deal? I cringed as I realized what I’d been doing when he stopped me and now, had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to talk about- and it scared me.

  I finished up in the bathroom in record time. It’s not that I was eager for the conversation I figured we were about to have. It was the anticipation of what he might say that had me rushing.

  I found him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him and another in front of the seat across from him. This must be bad. I don’t even get to sit by him. I sat down in the chair and looked up at his face. He looked tense. I swallowed, feeling my stomach churn.

  He studied my face for a moment and gave me a sad smile before he spoke, “Katie, I need to tell you about my past.” I blinked, surprised at his words. I never expected this amazing godly man to have much of a jaded past.

  “Okay. I’ll listen to whatever you feel like you need to tell me,” I said and held out my hand across the table. He reached over and grasped my hand, squeezing it gently. I sat unmoving as I looked into his somber face. He’d speak when he was ready.

  He opened his mouth and began, “I’ve been saved since I was ten years old but as I got older, I didn’t always live like it. When you were describing your ex last night as a popular football player, it reminded me a little bit of myself. I would be at a party on Saturday night with my football buddies then in church the next morning. I didn’t ever drink, only because of what I saw it do to my dad, but I still went. Girls were really into me. I was a big guy, even back then. I had a few girlfriends but nothing serious until my senior year. I dated this girl for six months and ended up sleeping with her several times. I felt terrible after every time because I knew it was wrong. We broke up, and I went off to college where I met Denise and you know that story already. We were engaged so I told myself it was okay to sleep with her, but I was just making excuses for my actions. When she broke off our engagement, I felt like I was a failure in God’s eyes. I made a decision that I would truly live my life for Him and not for myself. I needed to make some changes, and I knew the first one had to be a promise to God that I would be abstinent until I was married. I’ve kept that promise for three years. So, to answer the question you asked me a while back, this is why I work out so much. It helps me deal.”

  Whoa! This is a lot to process. Levi wasn’t as perfect as I thought and in a strange way, it made me feel a little better. I knew in my mind I had put him up on a pedestal. Relief also flooded me at his words. He had never tried to do more than kiss me, but still that question of when he would push for more often nagged at me. I wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship and didn’t know if I ever would be after all that I’d been through.

  “Three years, huh? I still don’t understand what working out has to do with that, but if you say it helps, then I’m all for it.” He laughed and opened his mouth to say something. I cut him off, afraid he might try to give me details that I didn’t want. “No, you don’t have to try and explain it to me. I’m good, really. Listen, you might not think so but to me, your promise is a blessing. I love you very much, but honestly, the thought of sex terrifies me. I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression back in my room. It tore me up that I caused those scratches. I was just trying to comfort you and maybe myself a little too,” I said softly.

  He smiled. “Baby, I knew what
you were doing was innocent, but I didn’t let it stay that way. My mind started to wander, and I had to put the brakes on those thoughts fast. You are the first woman I’ve dated in the past three years that I’ve even felt the need to tell about my promise. I didn’t have the desire for them like I do you, and that’s why I had to leave your room. You are the one for me and I love you so much, but I will keep my promise. I can control myself, so you don’t have to worry about any pressure from me to go beyond just holding you and kissing.”

  My heart melted at his words. Levi was the picture of integrity, and I couldn’t understand why God would bless me with this man’s love. I was so undeserving of it. I had to tell him the truth about Asher soon, no matter what. I couldn’t continue to be selfish. He deserved better than that.

  He looked at me expectantly. “Yes?” I asked and knew I should have just ignored him.

  “Will you tell me about your ex now?” he asked and I could tell it was difficult for him.

  “What do you want to know?” I asked and bit my lip hard.

  “Everything,” he simply stated.

  I sucked in a breath. It was like he could read my mind. I opened my mouth to tell him but closed it again. No, not yet! I couldn’t lose his love right now. I needed it to heal my broken heart. I would tell him about Asher but not today. Today he would learn only about Seth and that was hard enough.

  “I don’t think you realize how much you’re asking of me,” I whispered.

  His hands squeezed into fists and his nostrils flared. “That bad, huh?” he asked. I frowned and lowered my head.

  He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. He told whoever answered that we wouldn’t be at work, and they needed to get someone to cover the counter. He ended the call, roughly shoving it back into his pocket. I sat there a little awed. I guess I’d always seen him as the kind, gentle Levi I knew and not as the boss of his own company. It was kind of exciting to see this side of him. He must have noticed the surprised look on my face. “What?” he asked and smiled.

  “You being all bossy was kind of hot,” I said, blushing.

  He lowered his chin. “Really? Because I remember trying to get bossy with you once, and you didn’t think it was hot at all. If I recall correctly you put your hands on your hips and told me you were staying at work when I told you to go home,” he said with a smirk.

  I snorted out a laugh which made Levi lose it. We both laughed so hard, we had tears running down our faces. About the time we thought we had it under control, one of us would start again.

  I cleared my throat and got myself together. “I completely forgot about that. Yeah, so maybe I like it better when you’re bossy to other people.”

  He chuckled and came around the table, pulling me in for a hug and a sweet kiss. “I love you so much, Katie.”

  “I love you, too.” I gave him a sad smile knowing the laughter was over for a while. It was time to let him in just a little. “I’ll tell you about Seth now.”

  I saw his jaw tense. “So that’s his name. I’ve never heard you say it before.”

  “That’s because I didn’t want you to ever know it,” I replied.

  He didn’t say anything to that. He just led me to the couch. I sat in the corner so I could face him and pulled my knees to my chest. I looked into his eyes and started from the beginning. I told him how we began dating, how charming he was, and how he left me bruised that first time. Levi’s whole body tensed when I mentioned Seth hurting me. As I got to the part about our two month anniversary, I cringed before stammering out, “We..uh..slept together only once, and it was horrible.”

  “Okay,” he said and thankfully left it at that.

  I moved on to how things went downhill after that and what Seth did to me after the party. Levi became incensed and broke down a little when I told him about all the bruises on my body. He held me close for a long time, and I decided that he’d heard enough. I left out the parts about how my parents found me, the pictures my dad took, the mental breakdown I had, and of course, Asher.

  Levi took me to his house for the rest of the day. He cooked for me and even tried to teach me to play the guitar. After thirty minutes of me not getting one single chord right, he put it away and said maybe I should try the piano. We just enjoyed our time together and neither one of us mentioned JT or Seth again. He took me home later that night but stayed and slept on the couch again. He didn’t want me to be alone in case I had another panic attack. I didn’t and woke up the next morning feeling happier than I could ever remember being.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Levi’s mom, Kathy, wanted to meet me so she invited us over for Sunday dinner after we got out of church. I’d been to church four weeks in a row with him, and I loved it there. I asked if his mom went to church and he said yes, but that she’d changed to a different one when she divorced his dad. She no longer felt comfortable there with the same people that had been their mutual friends. I thought that was sad but didn’t say it. He also told me she wrote inspirational articles for several Christian magazines for a living. I thought that was a pretty awesome job to have.

  When we arrived, a beautiful, dark haired woman greeted us at the door. She smiled and I instantly knew where Levi had gotten his dimples from. I’d barely made it past the front door before she drew me in for a big hug. “Hey, sweetie, I’m so glad to finally meet the pretty girl that stole my baby’s heart.”

  I hugged her back and looked over at Levi. He rolled his eyes. “Mom, you can let go of her now,” he said when she continued to hug me.

  She finally released me and swung her gaze to Levi. “Why don’t you go in the kitchen and find something to do while Katie and I get to know each other.” She smiled, but the tone of her voice indicated her request wasn’t optional.

  My eyes darted to his and he chuckled. “Be gentle, Mom,” he said and left for the kitchen.

  She led me into the airy living room. My eyes landed on several framed photographs grouped together on an end table. She sat down on the couch, leaving room for me, and picked one up. I sat down bedside her and studied the picture. Levi looked to be about eight years old and was all lanky arms and legs in his little league baseball uniform. I smiled at the image of his sweet face, noticing that even back then he had a mischievous look in his eyes. “I bet he kept you on your toes,” I said as she placed the picture back in its spot.

  “That he did. I spent many nights trying to corral him inside the house for bedtime. He loved being outside. He would run around with the other neighborhood boys and disappear for hours into the woods behind the house. I could always count on him showing up at mealtime though, that boy always had a big appetite.” She gave me a warm smile, and I felt some of my nervousness melt away. “Levi tells me you’re studying business management at Union. How’s that going?”

  “It’s good. I like my classes and they end early enough that I can work at the nursery.”

  She lit up at hearing this. “Yes, he told me you worked there. I bet he took one look at you and didn’t interview another person.”

  I felt my cheeks get warm. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

  She laughed and patted my hand. “I do. Honey, I’m going tell you a little secret. He called me one day back in February and told me he’d met the girl he was going to marry.”

  I gasped. “What? He told you that? But we’d only talked for like twenty minutes that day.”

  She smiled and shrugged. “I know, but he said he knew you were the one for him. I’ve never seen him like this, not even when he was engaged to Denise.”

  I was speechless. He wants to marry me? I knew he loved me, but I didn’t know he felt this serious about me so soon.

  Kathy reached over and patted my knee. “Since he was a little boy, I’ve prayed for him to find the girl that God made for him. He didn’t choose you on his own. God has plans for y’all.”

  I blinked back the tears her sweet words evoked, but then the reality of the situation hit me. He would never
marry me. If he knew the truth, he’d be gone forever. Pain tore through my heart like a bullet, and I fought back a sob. I cleared my throat, determined not to break down in front of her. “Excuse me, where’s the restroom?”

  Concern evident in her voice, she replied, “Down the hall. It’s the first door on the left.”

  I made my way to the bathroom before the tears began to flow. I wiped them hastily and took a few deep breaths. I stared at my reflection for a moment and whispered, “It’s time.”

  I made the decision to tell him the truth, the whole truth, as soon as we got back to my apartment. I turned on the faucet and dabbed a little cold water under my eyes to combat the redness. I took a few more deep breaths to steady myself before opening the door.

  I was about to step out when I heard Levi’s voice and stilled. “What did you say to her?” he whispered.

  “I told her that God brought you two together and that you were going to marry her.”

  “Mom, you can’t say things like that to her. You’ll scare her. She’s been hurt a lot, and I’ve been careful not to push anything on her too fast. I love her so much, but she keeps me at a distance.” Even whispering, I still heard the pain in his voice.

  “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I know she loves you. I can see it in her eyes, but something is eating her up and she’s trying to hide it. You should have seen her face. She looked so happy when I said y’all would get married, but then it’s like she thought of something and suddenly didn’t believe me anymore.”

  I felt bad for eavesdropping, so I closed the bathroom door quietly, opened it up again, and closed it behind me loud enough for them to hear. I walked back into the living room; Kathy was still in the same spot on the couch. Levi was nowhere to be found. I smiled to myself. Sneaky little things.

  “I’m sorry about that. I had something in my eye.” Lamest excuse ever. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  Levi strolled in, took my hand, and led me to the kitchen away from his mom. “She made meatloaf. Let me apologize now,” he said with a grimace.