Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series)

by Keahey, Robin

  This wasn’t what I had expected to hear. “Oh,” I said and smiled, happy he felt the same way about my body as I did about his.

  We didn’t say much else as we sat there. He held my hand but there was no cuddling or kissing, and it left me a little blue. I yawned and knew my eyes wouldn’t stay open for much longer, so I decided to go to bed. I dragged myself into Levi’s bedroom and pulled back the covers on the bed before climbing in. He followed me but stood in the doorway, not coming into his room. I gave him my best smile and patted the spot on the bed next to me.

  He chuckled but shook his head. “No, I better sleep in the guest room tonight.”

  My smile instantly fell. He walked over to the bed, leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss. “I love you,” he said, sounding tired.

  “I love you too,” I replied, my heart breaking a tiny bit.

  He left and went across the hall to the guest bedroom. I heard the bed squeak under his weight as he got in. I didn’t want to sleep without him. I reached over and felt the cold, empty spot next to me and couldn’t stop the tear that slipped from my eye, or the next one, or the next still. I wiped them away and closed my eyes, hoping sleep would find me soon. I heard Levi’s sigh and knew he missed me too.

  I tossed and turned and finally gave up on sleep. I rolled onto my back and listened to the sounds of the house instead. After a while, I noticed Levi’s steady breathing and knew he’d fallen asleep. I wondered what he would do if I snuck in and tried to sleep next to him. Would he let me, or would he turn me away? I had a feeling I knew which one he’d choose, but I was becoming a little desperate. I needed him like I needed air to breathe.

  Decision made, I quietly crept out of bed and slipped out of the room. I crossed the hall but stopped in the doorway. My heart raced as I tried to prepare myself for his possible rejection. I tiptoed over to the bed and slipped in beside him. He didn’t have a shirt on and as I placed my hand on his chest, his eyes flew open. “Katie, what are you doing?” he whispered.

  “I missed you. I can’t sleep without you next to me,” I whispered back.

  He pulled me close. I rested my face against his bare chest and wrapped my leg around his.

  He gently pushed my leg off and said in a strained voice, “Baby, you need to stay on your side of the bed.”

  I frowned. “But I just want to be close to you.” Levi took a deep breath but before he could speak, I leaned up and kissed him. He kissed me back, threading his fingers into my hair. I heard him make a low sound in his throat and something inside of me snapped. I broke our kiss and out of nowhere asked, “Will you make love to me, Levi.”

  He stilled instantly. “Katie, don’t do this to me,” he whispered as he slipped his hands from my hair and gently nudged me away. I saw the answer on his face before he spoke. “It breaks my heart to tell you no, but I have to. It’s not that I don’t want to make love to you. Believe me, I do, but when I made my promise to God, I meant it. I won’t break that, no matter how much I love you,” he said, his voice full of pain.

  I closed my eyes for a second, trying to contain my emotions so I could speak. “I’m not scared anymore, and I don’t know how to handle these feelings I’m having for you,” I said honestly.

  He cupped my face in his hands. “Baby, it means so much to hear you say that. You’ve just got to hang on until we’re married. I know you can make it. Be strong for me, for us, please.”

  “I know you’re right, but this is so difficult.” I slowly got up from his bed and stumbled across the hall to the other room. I closed the door and climbed into bed as my tears started to fall again. I muffled my cries in the pillow that still smelled of him.

  Chapter Thirty

  I heard Asher babble and opened my eyes as I tried to find the switch to the lamp. I fumbled around and finally got it turned on. I looked at the bedside clock. It was 5:30am. Hey, that’s better than yesterday. I got out of bed and picked him up.

  In his sweet baby voice, he called out, “Momma.”

  I smiled at my beautiful son and whispered, “Yes, baby, it’s Momma.”

  I laid him on the bed and changed his diaper, before taking him to the bathroom to do my morning routine. I crept into the kitchen for a bottle, shushing Asher along the way. I didn’t want to wake Levi, not after last night. My broken heart wasn’t ready to face him yet.

  Surrounded by darkness, I cuddled Asher on the couch and fed him. The chill in the room caused goose bumps to erupt on my arms, so I grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and swaddled us. Warm and relaxed, my eyes began to droop. I stretched out and tucked Asher between my body and the couch. I yawned and decided to close my eyes for just a second.

  Suddenly remembering I was on the couch with Asher, my eyes flew open. I was confused for a second as I took in the sunshine streaming through the front window. I glanced down at the still sleeping Asher and got up quietly to peek at the clock, it read 9:15am. Good grief, I can’t believe we both slept so late. I noticed a note on the counter and grabbed it, hurrying back to the couch.

  You looked too peaceful to wake up. I hope you have a good day. Call me if you need anything. Love you both, Levi

  His note made me wonder if he wasn’t ready to face me either. I decided last night, after I quit crying, that the best thing for everyone would be for me to go back to my apartment. I didn’t want to make Levi uncomfortable by being here if it was too difficult for him. I knew I hadn’t made it any easier. It was hard on me to be so close and resist my strong feelings towards him. I said a prayer asking God for strength and guidance. Deep down, I did want Levi to keep his promise to God, so I had to take the temptation away as best I could. That meant no more overnights with him.

  I quickly packed our things, before waking Asher and heading to the apartment. It was nice to be in my own place again, even though I’d miss all the extra time with Levi. I finally called him after I unloaded the car and settled Asher with a bottle.

  “Hey,” I said when he answered.

  “I was about to call you. Is everything okay? I was worried since I haven’t heard from you.”

  “Everything’s fine. I was just busy. I went ahead and packed up our things. We’re back at the apartment now. I think it’s best that we stay on our own again,” I said quickly, hoping this wouldn’t start a fight.

  There was silence on his end. “Katie, don’t do this,” he finally said.

  “It’s already done,” I replied.

  “Fine,” he said in a clipped tone.

  It killed me that our conversations since yesterday at the nursery, felt strained.

  “Can I come by after work?” he asked.

  “Sure. I’ll have dinner ready for you.”

  More awkward silence followed. “Listen, about last night-” he started to say, but I interrupted him. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’ll see you tonight. I love you.”

  I heard the sadness in his voice as he said, “I love you too.”

  We said goodbye, and I hung up. I let out a deep breath as I dropped to my knees and prayed, “Please, Lord, don’t allow me to use the promise he made to You against him. I love You and want to please You too. I feel so distant from him. Please heal my hurt, Lord, and help me have self-control.”

  I spent the rest of the day cleaning and entertaining Asher. I danced around the apartment with him on my hip, loving the sound of his delighted squeals. We played peek-a-boo and itsy bitsy spider until my fingers cramped. His sweet personality showed in all that he did, from the things he liked to the things he didn’t. He kept me on my toes, and I loved it.

  I fed him and put him down for a nap, taking this moment of peace to shower and get myself ready. The day had been smooth so far. I even had time to eat lunch. As I scooted his toys over and sat down, I thought about my new life, a life I never dreamed would be possible for me, and knew it had God’s loving hand all in it. He did this through His never-ending mercy and grace. I knew, no matter what, God loved me.

&nbs
p; I glanced up at the clock and decided to call Hallie. It was past time to talk to her.

  “Hey, Hallie. How are you?” I asked when she answered.

  “I’m great. I hear you’re finally admitting that Asher is yours,” she said and laughed.

  What? She already knew? “You say that like you’ve known all along,” I replied.

  “That’s because I have,” she simply stated.

  “H-how could you have known? We didn’t tell anyone,” I stammered out.

  “Katie, you’ve been my best friend since the third grade. I know you, girl. You acted differently after you broke up with Seth, scared and sad. When you left and told me it was because your mom was pregnant, I knew right then it was really you.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so after a minute of silence, Hallie spoke again, “Look, I understand why you didn’t tell anyone. Seth treated you terribly. The whole school knew how mean he was to you. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he pushed you around. I knew you were scared of him, and you had a right to be. You and your parents just did what you thought was best. I played along because I thought that was what you wanted.”

  Tears stung my eyes. “You don’t know how many times I wanted to tell you. I was so ashamed and scared. I was afraid I’d lose you if you knew,” I choked out.

  “Katie, I love you. You are like my sister. You would never lose me no matter what, and I’m proud you’re raising him now.”

  I dried my face on my sleeve and smiled. I was proud of myself too. “I’ve got some other news. Levi asked me to marry him.”

  She squealed so loudly I had to hold the phone away from my ear. “That is wonderful. The way you talked about him, I knew you were in love.”

  I could hardly contain my joy. “I am and the best part is he loves Asher like his own son. You should see him with Ash, he’s amazing. Even after all I’ve done, the Lord continues to bless me. Now, enough about me, let’s talk about you. What’s happening in your life?”

  She giggled. “I’ve met someone. I really think he’s the one too. His name is Brandon, and he’s studying pre-med. I’m so happy, Katie.”

  “Oh, I’m so happy for you. Tell me all about him.”

  We spent the next thirty minutes catching up. I told her how much I missed her and promised to let her know as soon as we set a date for the wedding. We said our goodbyes and hung up. I shook my head in awe. I wasn’t alone, even from the beginning. I had the Lord and Hallie, if only I had opened my eyes to see it back then.

  I checked the time, noting it was already four. I decided to make my mom’s famous lasagna for dinner. Asher woke up happy, and I put him on my hip and hurried to the kitchen. I wanted everything to be perfect for Levi.

  Dinner was ready when I heard him knock. I opened the door and there he stood with a gorgeous smile and a bouquet of red roses. I tried not to swoon as I took the bouquet from his outstretched hand. “Thank you, Levi. They’re beautiful,” I said, my voice breathy.

  “You are very welcome, though I don’t feel like it’s enough to make up for last night,” he replied.

  I brushed off his comment and led him inside. He spied the lasagna on the stove and grinned. “Did you know that was my favorite?”

  I shook my head. “Nope, it just sounded good to me today.”

  He leaned down and cupped my face in his hands. “I love you, Kaitlyn Crane.”

  I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch. I’d missed it so much. “And I love you, Levi Phillips.”

  He released me too soon, and I tried not to pout. I opened the cabinet for a pretty glass and after finding one, put my flowers in water.

  He picked up Asher from his playpen, snuggling him close. Asher smiled and said, “Dada,” plainly.

  He kissed him on the head. “I missed you today, little man,” he said as he buckled him into his high chair.

  We ate and took turns feeding Asher, who babbled between bites. I felt so much better, the distance between us now closed, but we still needed to discuss what I’d done.

  I took a deep breath. “I want to apologize for how I acted last night. It was wrong for me to pressure you. I prayed for God to give me more self-control. I know that’s why you were keeping your distance and not because you didn’t want me.”

  He placed his hand over mine. “You don’t have to apologize. There is nothing wrong with what you feel for me. And yes, I do want you just as much, if not more, than you want me. We just can’t act on it yet. We’ll get through this and on our wedding night it will have all been worth it.”

  I nodded my head and gave him a quick kiss. I loved this man and his beautiful heart so much.

  He broke the kiss and his steady gaze met mine. “Is that why you moved back to your apartment?”

  “Yes. It’s just too difficult being there with you all night and not being able to love you the way I want to.”

  He frowned. “I know, baby. I’m still not happy with y’all being here by yourselves, but I’ll just have to give that to the Lord,” he said.

  We finished up our dinner and bathed Asher. Levi fed him a bottle and put him to bed. He came back and sat next to me on the couch.

  He pulled me close and said, “There are a couple of things I need to discuss with you.”

  I swallowed nervously at his words but relaxed when he smiled. “The first thing concerns your parents paying all your bills. That’s going to stop, now. You two are my responsibility, so everything gets paid by me.”

  I shook my head. “We aren’t married yet. They aren’t your bills to pay.”

  “You and Ash are already my family. I don’t need a marriage license to tell me that, and I will take care of my family.”

  I wasn’t about to argue with that. He obviously felt strongly about it, and I felt as if we were already a family too.

  I waited for him to go on. “The second thing is we need to set a date to get married. I know I’m ready now, but are you?” he asked with a knowing grin.

  I laughed. “Levi, you know I am. I can hardly wait for you to get off work. I want to go to sleep with you by my side at night and wake up in your arms in the morning. I want to cook your meals and do your laundry. I want to take care of you like you take care of us. I’m ready to be at your side for the rest of my life.”

  He stroked my face and kissed me passionately. When he pulled away we both smiled. “I missed you kissing me like that,” I whispered.

  “Well, we can’t have that,” he said, his voice husky.

  He gave me another kiss that left me weak in the knees. I pushed him away gently and cleared my throat. “Let’s pick a date right now,” I said and pulled out my phone to look at the calendar.

  He studied the dates. “Let’s go with the end of June,” he said.

  I glanced up at his face, he was serious. “Levi, that’s just a month away.”

  A sly grin crossed his face. “Hmm, you’re right. Maybe that’s too long to wait.”

  I managed to laugh at his joke, even though my brain was already occupied with wedding thoughts. Could we really put a wedding together in a month?

  “I’ll have to talk to my mom and see if she thinks it’s possible,” I said.

  “My mom will help in whatever way she can. She loves you so much and has been asking when she could keep her grandson again.”

  I smiled at the thought of Kathy’s kindness and how she dropped everything to help take care of us when I was hurt. “I’ll call her tonight.”

  I closed my eyes and visions of the evening he proposed filled my head, giving me a wonderful idea.

  “I don’t know what type of wedding you had in mind, but I’d like to keep it simple. I was never one of those little girls who dreamed of a castle wedding, with tons of people and a dress that had a mile long train. I actually think it would be great to have the ceremony at your house out by the lake. We could have it at sunset.”

  Levi grinned and looked relieved. “If that’s what you want, I’ll make it happen. I’m glad I don�
��t have to find a castle, but I would have for you.”

  I gave him a sweet kiss and had no doubt he’d do anything to make me happy.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Levi took the day off so we could get our marriage license and pick out his suit, since the wedding was only two weeks away. His mom was thrilled when I called to ask her to babysit. I knew Asher was in great hands and didn’t worry.

  We ran our errands and had the rest of the day all to ourselves. He told me he took the week after the wedding off for our honeymoon. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going. He wanted it to be a surprise.

  “I need to know if where we are going requires us to fly, because I’ve never flown. I might panic,” I said with a grimace.

  He smiled and patted my knee. “I know, baby. I called your mom and told her where we were going. She told me you’ve never flown.”

  Oh, so Mom already knows where we’re going. I gave him a sly smile.

  “Don’t even think about asking her about it. She won’t tell you,” he said, his face serious.

  I gave him a pout. He leaned down and kissed it away.

  “So, we won’t fly?” I asked, my voice already rising in panic at the thought.

  “Oh, we’ll still fly, but you’ll have your medication, and I’ll be right by your side. I’m telling you now so you’ll have two weeks to get used to the idea,” he said, taking my face in his hands. “You can do this, Katie.”

  I had two weeks to prepare myself. I could do it.

  “Oh and you’ll need a passport,” he added.

  A passport, that meant we’d be going to another country. I gave him a huge grin as I thought of another way to get my answer. “So, tell me what I need to pack for this mystery honeymoon.”

  He pulled me from the couch and led me to my room. He went to the closet and pulled out a sundress and a pair of sandals. Wordlessly, he held them out to me.

  “Okay, it’s obviously somewhere warm,” I said, letting out a squeal. He chuckled but stayed tight lipped.

  I spent the next few minutes going through the closet and drawers for my nicest summer clothes. He shook his head occasionally at something I held up, and those went into the reject pile. With my honeymoon wardrobe finally picked out, I realized I didn’t have a swim suit. I hadn’t been swimming in years.