Paper Dolls

by Emma Chamberlain

  My sweat has become so cool on my skin.

  If I don’t move soon I’ll get goosebumps and probably turn to ice. Avery’s got the sheet all about her. To fight her for warmth would certainly wake her up. I couldn’t do that. Her peaceful sleep was rare and I could tell she was peaceful because of that trademark expression on her face. I like that she has about four different grades of seriousness. She’s at level one now. She’s not stone but she’s what I like to call calm-serious.

  Just beyond her perfect lips I can see the numbers on the clock all red and blaring. I hate that clock, Avery likes the alarm though and it is very effective.

  I take a careful look at her and gently slide myself off the mattress, taking great care not to move the bed if I can help it. Sometimes Avery sleeps really light. Right now she seems to be sleeping deep though. I can’t help but feel proud of that.

  The night is young, well, the morning, and Avery has school today. I don’t necessarily have to go but I could. I feel like I’ve broken things off with Huntington, like they were a bad date. I pick my robe off the door and wrap myself inside of it to sneak off to the kitchen.

  Outside looks the same as I left it. I can’t help but smile at the thought of how adorably angry Avery was after I pushed her in that pool.

  As soon as I opened the fridge I realized I was ravenous.

  We have French bread and fancy cheese. I could cut up tomatoes and put some basil leaf and olive oil on and stick that in the oven.

  That actually sounds fucking magnificent.

  Eating when you’re actually hungry is so much better than eating when you’re supposed to because someone said.

  I twist the knob on the oven and set it to preheat.

  There’s a half-full bottle of wine left in the fridge and my name is so on that.

  It was so perfect; I couldn’t sleep right now if I tried.

  I cut the bread, the cheese and the tomatoes, and pieced the snack together making far more than I should eat.

  Sneaking a bit of cheese, and a sip of wine here and there, I managed to douse my thumb with balsamic dressing. When I went to lick it off I got a surprise dose of Avery and felt that punch of pleasure as my lips curled up into a smile and I knew I was happy.

  The living room in the guest house is nice now. I have all these important memories of us in here that I can think about whenever I’m alone like this and staring off with nothing better to do. Sometimes I even remember Holland out here. We didn’t really have much time to talk but I remember her face on that day when she’d had to endure Avery and I’s surprise emotional sexcapades.

  That’d been a long time coming, that experiment. Funny, with us, everything seems to want to explode and combat and happen all at once.

  I sat down on the couch and found a hair tie so I could keep my hair from annoying me.

  I turned the tv on and started up Pride and Prejudice again since it could always soothe me to some normal state. Not the short cute movie. That’s soothing too but definitely not in the same way. The BBC miniseries from 1995 is just so comprehensive and enjoyable. The casting is spot on and the story just keeps going and going. It basically screams WATCH ME! I’M PERFECT! I’M THE BOOK! YOU KNOW YOU MISS ME! WATCH ME AGAIN!

  I watch it so often, even Avery’s onto my ways.

  There are worse things she can find strange about me. A lot of people enjoy media in repetition. Just like a lot of people enjoy period dramas. Funny how there is always someone like you somewhere but you might not ever meet them.

  I kept the sound on the TV low and waited for the cheese to melt on my bread. Now that I was unsupervised, I had some random energy. In the old days I’d sneak off to the gym in the house and use the treadmill. I hadn’t really done that since Avery moved in.

  Funny how I was about to go to my old room before I saw my mom. I still kinda wanted to see my room. I only went up there to look for things now. I wanted to lay on the bed and watch a movie and just remember months ago, the first time I had Avery in my room, bringing her back from the lake and giving her care.

  There were so many memories. We had so many now.

  I clung to them recklessly. I was scared I could lose them. I even started a diary a long time ago when personal time with Avery seemed somewhat void and scarce. That’d been hard. I really tried not to be bothered. Apparently that was stupid. Can’t win either way.

  I dug beneath the couch and pulled out the journal, flipping to a random day.

  My handwriting was all cute because I wasn’t mad but more bored and looking for something to entertain me.

  February 19th

  I miss Valentine's day… Avery went all crazy with it and it was deliciously gross. Old me would’ve laughed scornfully at new me. She made me breakfast in bed and skipped her morning swim practice. I didn’t have to wake up alone. I got to wake up with a hyper love just waiting to please.

  Even though we had more time we still managed to be late to school.

  At school she was so love-struck. Every period she found a way to either find me and touch me or leave me a secret gift. My favorite was the little scavenger hunt she made at lunch. I’d been excited to kiss her and she sent me this text in clue-form. I had to decode it and follow her clues. She was watching from somewhere. Every time I found what I was supposed to I’d get another text.

  At the very end she was at the piano on the auditorium stage.

  As I walked down the aisle I heard her playing that song she first played me, the one about the little corner of her heart. Sitting down next to her after all of that was a bit overwhelming.

  The week before had been so crazy and busy. She had a meet and some early district qualifying tournament and I’d been helping her with all that extra credit for math and physics. That whole week we might of had maybe an hour for just us. Or maybe just… I dunno… Sometimes she doesn’t really see me. She has a life. She’s busy.

  My life isn’t complicated like that. I have more time to be a witness… More time to just… Wait...

  I could smell the bread toasting and I knew I probably left it in too long.

  I had to stop reading and go pull it out.

  On the TV screen Mrs. Bennett was going on and on in that harsh way of hers. I could quote every word. I adored it so much.

  “OH! You take delight in vexing me!” Mrs. Bennett whined.

  I pushed the cookie sheet up onto the stove and noticed I’d ignored my snack for precisely the correct amount of time. Julia Child would be proud.

  I stacked my food up onto a plate and made sure to bring the wine when I came back. It was a pinot grig. I wasn’t usually fond of pinot grig but I was running on empty and everything was tasting so good.

  I sat back down and bit into my snack. My eyes rolled back in my head and I mumbled something ridiculous to myself.

  “I need to eat more,” I whispered, dropping the bread and picking the diary back up. I flipped to the last page and wrote the date.

  April 11th

  EAT MORE OLIVIA. YOU ARE A HUMAN. YOU NEED TO EAT MORE FOOD.

  I put the journal back down and scoffed a laugh before eating more and more. Pretty soon I was almost out of food and I wasn’t sure how much I ate but I knew it was probably not healthy.

  I picked my wine up and sipped it. It was so cold and scrumptious. I’d eaten quick so the wine went straight to my head.

  “Are you seriously eating right now?” I heard Avery’s voice crack as she stood in the doorway to witness me. She was wearing an oversized shirt and her arms were loosely crossed beneath her chest.

  “You’re having a fever dream,” I said. “Go back to bed. Nothing to see here. Olivia is acting completely normal.”

  She groaned a little and fell down hard on the sofa almost smacking her head into mine on the return because of the force of her bounce.

  “And you’re watching this again?”

  “Okay, why are you judging me?” I teased, lifting my arm up so she could lay onto her back and put h
er head down on my lap.

  “Not judging. Observing,” she yawned. “Aren’t you tired?”

  “Do I look tired?” I asked, staring down at her. For whatever reason I had a ridiculous amount of energy. I think it’s because I felt like we were okay again.

  Not okay since the letter or okay since the venue or okay since all that stuff with Skylar and Nat. Like… Okay okay. Okay since the lodge. Okay since before those months where things like February 19th were out of the norm.

  It made me smile just thinking it.

  “What’s up with you?” Avery asked queerly. She was looking at me all strange.

  “I think I drank something I shouldn’t have,” I teased. It wasn’t the wine…

  She started to laugh.

  “Okay you are really weird at,” she lifted her head to see the time on the blu-ray player. “2:54 in the morning,” she finished, laying her head back down. “Who are you and what the hell have you done with my fiancé?”

  “You’re right,” I said. “I’m an alien. I’ll be doing some tests on you later. It’ll be a fun surprise. Please don’t worry.” I picked up one of the final two pieces of my lazy people pizza and brought it up to her mouth. “Open,” I said.

  She did and bit down.

  “Mmmm, shit,” she laughed, crunching and trying not to choke as she sat up. “That’s actually really good.”

  “You sound surprised,” I noticed.

  “I just mean. I would never think to just make that. It looks like some fancy restaurant thing.”

  “What would you have made?” I asked.

  “I dunno,” she scoffed. “We have popsicles right? I would’ve had that.” She did have quite an addiction to fudgesicles. It was kind of adorable. I always made fun of her but she tasted super good when she was eating those so I didn’t care.

  “So that’s what you would’ve fed me tonight after I starved due to sickness?”

  I didn’t want to talk about the letter or the fight.

  “No, I would have found something both delicious and packed with some kind of nutrients, thank you. Not everyone wants popsicles at ten at night.”

  “Avery Lockhart, nutritious?” I looked over at her skeptically.

  “You’re right,” she laughed. “I never order salads when we go out and you’re way more into fresh fruit than I am. I love that about you. How you like to eat good stuff.”

  She leaned into me with her body and sighed.

  The familiar weight comforted me instantly. I turned my lips into her forehead and hugged her.

  Her fingers reached around to my side and she fingered my journal until I felt it wiggle against me.

  “Were you writing?” She asked.

  “Not really,” I laughed. “You can look if you want.”

  “Okay,” she said, flipping to my most recent entry.

  Two seconds later she busted up into laughter.

  “I fucking love you,” she chuckled.

  “I love you too,” I answered, hugging her against me. “What are you doing up anyway? I thought I took care of you.”

  I brushed her hair away from her face and looked down on her. She’d been so peaceful. I hoped I wasn’t loud. I guess it could’ve been the smell of food. She ate though so that’d just be strange.

  “You did,” she said softly and then sighed. “I think my body just knows when yours is gone.”

  “Creepy,” I lied.

  It wasn’t creepy. It was adorable and also the reason I usually stayed still longer than necessary in many of our calm and physical situations.

  “I know right? I’m like your stalker,” she joked, touching at my neck and turning her forehead into my neck.

  I felt her move her lips up and kiss at my pulse. “Mmmm,” I hummed. “Yes, please.”

  I pushed at her body a little to move her back so I could straddle her legs and push my hands through her hair to look down and really see all of her there.

  She leaned back into the couch and her hands came to my thighs quickly to rest as her eyes flared in the contact and she tried to remain calm and stare back. The way I affected her was everything. I wanted to take her over completely. I wanted to be the only thing she could ever see.

  I bit my lip and looked down.

  “Am I in trouble?” She asked, eyes traveling and scanning me.

  “Always,” I said, scooting into her and leaning down to take her lips with mine and taste her warm wet tongue with my own. Her hands moved up on my thighs and then around my hips as her fingers squeezed in at my skin and she breathed into the kiss while rubbing me into her and controlling me. Her body between my thighs, her hands well intentioned and pulling me in close. Every piece of her invited me and asked for me to stay. As I tasted that balance of strength and vulnerability in her I felt appreciation and wonder. My fingers tugged at her soft hair and I smiled as I broke away.

  Her lips met my neck and kissed as her hands slid, arms taking and hugging my body to hers. I curled over her and hugged her back, smiling.

  “You’re just mine,” I said, squeezing her happily. I finally felt a bit of that tiredness I knew I should feel. She had me. I was found. I could rest.

  “I am,” she chuckled lightly, hugging me back.

  “You make me happy,” I whispered. We were finally back to our start and completely okay.

  Chapter 8

  Avery

  “Mom that is hideous. Put it down.”

  I shook my head and felt bad when she pouted. She’d actually liked the thing. I gave her a weak smile and turned back around to see Olivia looking through a rack of elegant dresses. They were nothing like the poufy, tulle-infested, thing that my mother had just tried to sell me on.

  I felt lost in a sea of white. Not just plain old white but every shade. How could there be so many? I was starting to think I should just wear something out of the closet at home and be done with it. Yet, I couldn’t take this away from my mom. She was so happy to help me find a dress.

  I had a feeling that she’d wanted to get to know Liz a little better as well.

  “What about this?” Olivia asked, holding up a dress.

  “That’d look good on you but everything would pretty much. You’ve got that kind of body.”

  She looked at me oddly, a bit confused and disgruntled. Then she shrugged and moved to put the dress back.

  “What? You do. My boobs make dresses look weird sometimes,” I tugged at my shirt a little.

  I’d always been very conscious about how my tops fit when I wear anything other than a t-shirt.

  Olivia came up behind me and walked very close, brushing past me to pull at a dress on my other side. As she hovered behind me she made it look like she was considering something.

  “Your boobs look amazing in every dress I’ve ever seen you in,” she whispered through tight lips. I felt her hand touch on my shoulder as she pulled away.

  My body relaxed and I picked at the plastic wrapping over one of the dresses. “Thanks, Babe.” I turned around and she moved back just a little. “You’re totally biased though.”

  “Should we survey the crowd?” She challenged, looking back at a few men just standing around and pretending to be interested while a few other girls shopped.

  “You wouldn’t,” I said, raising an eyebrow. She was so serious though.

  “You really don’t know me that well,” she teased.

  “That’s below the belt,” I said, trying to keep my smile from showing. I shoved her shoulder a little and got into her space again. “I know you. I especially know your boobs,” I whispered.

  She turned into me and held me close so she could whisper in my ear. “I love your boobs,” she said. “They’re definitely better than mine and a survey would prove how desirable but I won’t do that to you.”

  I stood there and just looked at her, really tempted to get the survey myself but guys liked big boobs. Well, a lot of them did anyway. I just always thought that Olivia was so classically beautiful and sculpted. I l
oved it. She was so pretty and her boobs were perfect.

  I stepped away from her to look at another dress, stalling a little. “I like yours better,” I said, holding up a dress. “And they’d look amazing in this.” It was a strapless dress with an off-white French lace on top and a silk and tulle bottom.

  “Pick some things,” she said. “I’ll try on anything for you, really.”

  I put the dress over my shoulder. I’d like to see her in it if nothing else. I moved through the store, looking here and there, finding tons of things for Olivia but nothing for me.