Paper Dolls

by Emma Chamberlain

  “Skylar, we don’t have to do this. We can go home or go get food. Whatever you want. I’m sorry. I know this sucks.”

  “I want to have booze. And I want to see boobs. And I want to pretend I’m happy with this. Just like you want to pretend you are happy too.”

  “Fine. If you change your mind just say and we can go.”

  I sank down in the car seat as she turned onto the highway.

  “I’m not uncomfortable with this night. At least, I wasn’t going to be until you made me uncomfortable. I actually thought you might like… I dunno, like this?! Or make me laugh or something?! Make me realize it doesn’t really matter because it shouldn’t?! I don’t know... Sorry, I’m being a selfish bitch right now. I shouldn’t have said any of that, I just didn’t want you to think my attitude was about Natalie. It’s all this stuff. It’s the wedding on Saturday. I’m just bitter. Get me drunk. Shut me up. Put some girl on my lap. I’ll get over it. I just want to pull this all off like a Band-Aid, this whole weekend.”

  This whole damn night brought up some issues I’d rather not be dealing with and now here was guilt showing its ugly head. This night was no longer about me getting married and having a last night of wild fun. It was about me making sure Skylar had some fun.

  “I shouldn’t say anything,” her voice got lower and she cleared her throat a few times. “I think Natalie’s going to do something kinda fucked up with Olivia.”

  My head swiveled to look at her. “What are you talking about?”

  “I don’t really know where they’re going, probably because Nat KNEW I would just tell you the second you asked, but she kept dropping all these hints about Olivia’s kinks and these sort of places one could go to pay for such services. Does Olivia really like all that stuff?” She asked, bothered. “I mean, you told me she liked a little spanking,” she shrugged, lightening up at the appealing memory.

  My eyes got huge and I felt like sinking into the Earth. This was not happening. I’m sure I was blushing but I managed to look her in the eyes.

  “If you’re talking about BDSM than I can tell you that it’s not anything we’ve ever done and it’s not her thing. Natalie probably just thinks it’s funny to take her there. She likes to get a rise, which I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

  “So, you don’t like tie Olivia up and leave her places or like pull her around on a leash or anything?” She was sort of blushing but definitely serious in asking. This was my fault for watching that video. She wouldn’t have asked this before.

  We’d long since gotten off the freeway. Skylar was pulling into an unfamiliar parking lot. It wasn’t busy at all but it really shouldn’t be on a random Thursday night just after nightfall.

  “Nat said they had like these rooms with relevantly placed holes in the walls. And these other rooms with whips and things. And these other rooms with two-way mirrors where you could pay someone to tell you what to do. And that they had dungeons and clubs… I dunno, she said all kinds of stuff. You’re right I guess. She does like to get a rise.”

  “No, I do not tie her up and leave her. I do tie her up though. She’s tied me up before. Nothing with leashes or anything like that.”

  Skylar parked the car and shut it off. “Wow,” she said, thinking about it.

  “How does Natalie know so much about this place? Does she go there or something?”

  “I don’t think so,” Skylar blushed, looking over at me. “I think she looked it up for Olivia. She only ever talked about that sorta stuff with Olivia in mind. We’ve never done anything like that either.”

  “Okay, but how is it when you two have sex? Have you never gotten rough or anything?”

  I was just curious. Skylar and I hadn’t really talked a lot since she started hooking up with Natalie. It was about time for a check in.

  “What?!” Skylar seemed almost upset that I would even ask. “Okay, first off… Avery that’s super personal… But since you’ve told me things, and… Been through things, I guess I’ll just say, secondly that Natalie’s all bark,” she said. “I was the one who’d been baiting her at the golf course but as soon as she started touching me I realized I was in over my head and she was so gentle after that. She teases but… No, she doesn’t hurt me or anything. Is that what you’re asking me?” She seemed confused. Maybe just surprised.

  “No, no,” I waved my hands, warding off that information. “I meant was it awesome or okay?”

  “The first time I was scared,” she said, remembering. I could feel her vulnerability from where I sat. “I hadn’t really ever tried... With a girl,” she clarified. “It was. Immediately, it was different. And I was really shaky and I started sweating so fast. When she touched me it was a mix of things. She wasn’t going fast, she’d even slowed everything down for me but it all felt like it was too fast somehow, I don’t know… It definitely wasn’t her fault though. It was me.”

  “The second time was a lot better. The third time was…” She smiled and hid her face, looking out the window for no reason so I couldn’t see the full extent of her smile. “Nat’s amazing,” she said.

  “Good.” I smiled along with her. “I just wanted to make sure that you were happy with how things were going. You deserve happiness, Sky.”

  “Aves…” Her smile dropped. She looked down after she’d said my name. “It’s not…” She shook her head and growled a little to try and calm her anger down. “Sex is great,” she said, looking up at me. “Sex is great but it’s not,” she pursed her lips and shook her head back and forth to try and tell me something she didn’t want to say.

  “It’s not love.”

  “Sure,” she sighed. “You used a different word than I would’ve but yeah. It’s not love. She’s not you,” she reminded, obviously hating that she had to say it.

  “I know, it’s not. That’s not what I expected… You to just be happy. I mean in the future. You deserve good things now and this will pass. Sky, I don’t ever want to make this harder. You need to tell me if I am.”

  “Sometimes you say things… I can’t help but think you don’t know what I’m feeling sometimes. Maybe it’s because I know I was wrong all along. I dunno. I just hope it goes away. You keep wanting to talk about these very real things and I am more than cool with that until it feels like you’re forgetting my truth. Like you think my life’s simple without you or easy. It’s not. I’d rather be with you. All the time. And that’s… I can’t ask for that. I can’t atone for that. That’s not something I want to think all the time but I think it. And then you ask me things like this and I’m just… I can’t pretend that how happy I got before about that sex, I can’t pretend I wouldn’t trade that in a heartbeat for any kind of romantic relationship with you no matter how brief. And I don’t like telling you that but I don’t like thinking that you don’t fucking know. It’s just. It’s not simple,” she made herself stop.

  “No, it’s not.” I shrugged, feeling like a jackass. “I never mean to hurt you. I hate that I do. I need to watch what I’m saying. I don’t expect you to pretend anything.”

  The neon lights of the sign outside our car were softening the atmosphere with pink and purple glows. It felt strange to sit here with Skylar, talking about love and sex in front of a strip club.

  “The only way you could hurt me is by downplaying or not even thinking about what you should know I must be feeling. That’s the only thing I can’t take, Avery. It’s really the only thing. Everything else is good.”

  “Sky, I don’t ever want to downplay that. I know if Olivia wasn’t in love with me I’d be despondent so you’re a superhero in my opinion.”

  “Well,” she sighed, looking out at the lot and semi-ignoring my sentimental appreciation out of a need for ease and the return of our old comfortable ways. “Should we go in?”

  “Yeah, let’s go get you some boobs.”

  I got out of the car and walked toward the club. I looked up at the sign. Devil’s Daughters was spelled out in neon. The side of the sign was supposed t
o be a woman’s leg and each section of the leg alternated flashing pink and purple lights.

  We made it up to the door and I held it open for Skylar. Inside, there was another door to get into the actual club proper and a woman sat out at a counter, chatting with a man. It seemed like he worked there and was just having a chat with her.

  “Hi, how much to get in?” Skylar asked.

  “For you two?” The man asked, smiling and seeing the both of us. “Enjoy,” he said, moving out of the way with the cash from other people sticking out of his hands. “Wait, you’re over 18 right?”

  “Yeah,” Skylar said. I didn’t even have time to nod.

  “K, good,” he said. “Have fun sweethearts.”

  “Well, that was easy,” I said as we breezed in. “They don’t seem very strict.”

  Inside it was dark except for the stage lights and there was a mistiness to the room that seemed almost ethereal… In a sex-soaked kind of way.

  I bit my lip and walked along the back. There were only a few customers in the place and they were all close to the stage where the dancing was going on. We went straight to the bar.

  It took up one side of the building and was set back from the stage. There were a few tall round tables in the bar area and then more tables in the middle of the place and finally chairs right up in front of the stages. The opposite from the bar, there were little private booths covered in black leather.

  I wondered how often they cleaned those. With a shudder, I turned back around and watched the bartender walk down from the other end of the bar.

  “What can I get ya?” The bartender asked.

  “Ahhhh-” Skylar was a little distracted, she couldn’t even fully turn her eyes back to the woman asking her a question. “Any specials?” Skylar asked, moving her eyes back to the bartender before darting them back out to the girl on the center poll. The woman pursed her lips, amused. I smiled and laughed a bit.

  “Just beer,” I said.

  “Any preference?” The bartender asked, tilting her head a bit.

  “No,” I said frankly, moving my hands on the table to show that I really did not give a fuck about anything right now.

  “You got it sugar,” the woman scoffed an amused laugh and went back to the taps.

  “Okay, earth to Skylar?!” I said, snapping my fingers in front of her face.

  “God, they’re… Good at that,” she mumbled, all locked-up and thirsty. We were pretty far away but she was definitely watching.

  Our beers came quickly. The woman brought a whole damn pitcher and set down two large glasses that were already filled.

  “Whoa,” I said, noticing.

  “No preference,” she smirked in a sing-song voice, and to remind me, as she set the things down and walked off. “If you need anything else I’ll be right over there. We have chips and French fries and stuff if you want.”

  “Ooo, that, yes,” I said. Food was way more exciting than this place. “Fries. Yes please. And if you have burgers or anything like that.”

  “You got it,” she said, going back unfazed.

  I tapped Skylar on the shoulder and handed her one of the glasses and took the other for myself. There were three girls on different parts of the stage right now. One blonde and two brunettes that did not draw me in at all. Yet, Skylar was looking from one to the next with equal fascination.

  I was having more fun watching her act like a hormonal teenager in the bloom of her sexuality.

  She took the beer in her hand and drank it while still staring out. “This was a good idea,” she said, nodding slowly amidst her daze as she drank. “I already feel better,” a subtle smile graced her lips. And her cheeks were stained with an almost permanent flush.

  “Good,” I laughed at her and leaned back on the bar. “You want to get closer?”

  I could tell she was itching to get a better view and I could wait here for the food or come back. I didn’t really want to go though. It was safe back here. No one was looking at me and I couldn’t see the strippers eyes.

  That would make me feel weird. To have them look at me, expecting me to give them money. It was their livelihood. I’d feel bad for not having much to give. My hand went to my back pocket and I remembered Olivia shoving money in there.

  I pulled it out and looked. “Holy shit,” I said.

  I counted it all out. Skylar’s stare fest broke and she looked over.

  “Olivia gave me five hundred dollars before I left and I didn’t even realize it.”

  “Shit,” Skylar said. “You can go wild in here with that.”

  “Like you know?” I challenged, wondering if she’d been here before and maybe not told me.

  “Funny,” she said blankly, finally seeing me again. “Five hundred dollars is a lot of money. Use your brain.”

  Skylar’s face and eyes turned back to the girls. I noticed the one on the left had been the one she’d been most preoccupied in. “Must be nice to just have hundreds of dollars to shit away,” Skylar grumbled, drinking her beer down all bitter.

  The bartender set two plates down on the bar and I turned, seeing the motion in my periphery. I grabbed both plates. “Well she’s going all out for the wedding stuff,” I said.

  It wasn’t really a lie but I know Olivia would have had no issue handing over five hundred dollars to me if I’d asked for something. The money wasn’t important to her.

  “Come on, let’s get a table toward the front,” I said.

  We moved through the empty section of tables and I set the plates down.

  “Let’s get closer,” Skylar said, her eyes glazed.

  “Umm, really?” I swallowed and dared a glance up at the girls on stage. It seemed fucked up to sit there right in front of them and eat a cheeseburger.

  “Yeah,” she said, grabbing our drinks and taking off without saying anything else.

  She was acting all weird like the strippers were actually sirens and she was drawn in.

  I picked the plates up again and followed her. She picked a place, front and center. We sat down and I was too uncomfortable to look up but I knew if I did I’d see a lot of skin.

  “You know, you and Olivia could like… Buy a house or something, instead of going all crazy on some lavish wedding.” She was talking at me but staring ahead and making full-on eye-contact with the blonde girl, dancing right in front of her, who literally looked no more than two years older than us.

  “It’s not that lavish, actually. It’s really simple compared to others and we’re looking at lofts and townhouses for the fall.”

  “Right,” Skylar muttered sort of gravely. Her attention was taken and I couldn’t tell if she had even heard me or what.

  Which was fine because I was just going to hunker down and eat my food. I wanted to slip her some money to give the stripper but I knew it would probably make her mad.

  As I went in to bite my burger I looked up for a moment on accident and noticed the sort of eye-sex that was going on between Skylar and this half-naked girl.

  “Gimme, money,” Skylar gulped suddenly, serious. She put her hand out to her side and wiggled her fingers without even looking at me. Something was happening here. I scoffed and set my burger down. I couldn’t even enjoy my food.

  “Do I need to get you two a room?” I joked.

  “Yes please,” Skylar said, completely wrapped up. I noticed her staring the blonde girl down and biting her lip. Her cheeks were pretty red.

  I handed her some of the money. It was mostly in smaller bills. It seemed that Olivia had been thinking ahead. That made me smile. She was always doing these things. Even taking care of me in this way.

  “Don’t spend it all in one place,” I joked and went back to my food.

  “You do know there’s a restaurant right next door,” a pleasing yet unfamiliar voice said right close to my ear.

  “What?” I put my food down again and looked. I hadn’t expected to see a stripper. I don’t know why. Not that, that’s all she was. Fuck. “No,” I laughed
. “No, I didn’t know. I’m here for my friend.”

  “I can see that,” she smiled lovingly.

  She was hot. That was my first impression. Just hot. I didn’t want to think that but it was obvious. Her tanned skin looked super smooth and her body was curvy and her abs looked toned but not over the top.