Paper Dolls

by Emma Chamberlain

  “Oh God,” I laughed. “I dunno… She didn’t seem excited about the strip club.”

  “She’s probably never been,” Natalie suggested.

  “Yeah… I think you’re right.”

  “Aren’t you jealous?”

  “You know I’m not,” I sighed. Nat knew me…

  “You wish you were there,” she teased knowingly. She’d finally agreed to voice the truth I wouldn’t speaking.

  “I do, yes… But I like this,” I said. “I like you…”

  “I know,” she said. “I like you too. But we are NOT getting married,” she smiled wide and then dipped me.

  As my head fell back I felt how dizzy I was. Nat’s center had just been pressed into mine and I liked that.

  When she pulled me back up, I clung to her, scared to fall.

  “I’d say you’re almost drunk enough for phase two,” she decided.

  “Okay,” I said, worried.

  We left the bar and she drove us to some other place.

  As we were approaching I already knew where we were going. The landmarks were familiar and we’d done this drive together before.

  “Get it yet?” She teased, looking over at me.

  “Ya know, I’m kinda glad. I haven’t eaten. This is smart.”

  “I knowwww,” she sang.

  It was a topless restaurant. I remembered it well. Nat tried to push me into many new places once she knew that I wanted to go. If I didn’t know any better I might think Nat was taking me on some sort of nostalgia tour to try and get me to remember her. I knew better though. She was being far too tame if that was really her goal. When Nat knew her goal she went for it. This was just some coincidence, something else.

  We sat down and were quickly approached. Nat did all the talking and I just sort of sat back.

  When the booze came I took to it quickly. So much for phase one being done. I guess she had said: almost. This must be phase one and three quarters.

  “What do you think?” Nat asked.

  “About?” I wondered, taking a French fry and dipping it into some ketchup. I shoved the thing into my mouth and continued to look around.

  “You really think you can go your whole life with just one pair of tits?”

  I shrugged. I knew she was baiting me.

  “Yeah,” Nat said, sitting back and checking me out. Her face implied that maybe she could too.

  “Hey,” I said grumpily, hugging my chest with one arm as I tried my best to gulp down another beer.

  “Avery’s got amazing tits,” Nat daydreamed, with a beautifully sick smirk all over her face. I loved her sick smile.

  “She does,” I agreed, imagining them too.

  We didn’t stay long. We laughed a lot and I tipped very well.

  After that, Natalie escorted me off to some other place.

  This place was a club.

  We hadn’t been here before but the amped up ambiance hit me the second we stepped inside.

  The music was so loud. There was a cover that Natalie easily waved off. She was pretty. I watched the bouncer pretend she was on some special list.

  We walked right past a long line of people and some hot guy stamped our hands before he let us completely inside. This sort of thing wasn’t foreign to me but I hadn’t done much of this since I met Avery and that was a weird thing to be thinking about.

  “WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?!” I yelled, once Nat had pulled me a good ways into the large and packed room and just stopped.

  The music thumped and thumped. Crazy sick bass. A man walked by with tubes of liquor and Nat stole two.

  “DRINK IT!” She said, handing one back and waiting for me.

  I threw my head back and obeyed. The concoction was syrupy. I didn’t much like it.

  “ANOTHER!” She said, waiting and watching me. I did as I was told. The second was yellow instead of blue. It tasted a bit more like lemons and I liked that.

  She pulled a little white pill out of her compact.

  “Open,” she said.

  “I don’t want-”

  “Livia, trust me,” she pushed.

  “Okay,” I obeyed, opening my mouth and letting her place something right onto my tongue.

  For a second she let me just stand there and look at the people and think of dissolve. I took the moment to feel myself slow. Calm now, I swallowed her pill down.

  Natalie turned to me then, she touched my face shortly and leaned down just to give me a sweet kiss. It could've been she wanted to check and make sure I had taken her medicine. It could've also been a goodbye.

  My pill had dissolved and all I could taste was sweet liquor and my beautiful friend.

  I was drunk already, my head spun slow and almost useless. I liked it though, basic things were now exciting. The color in the lights, the simple beat, the sweet warm touch of her hand. Memories of my life before danced all around me. But Nat’s hand was in mine, her eyes were soft, needy, and kind. And I knew she wasn’t going to try to have sex with me or do anything weird. I knew I could trust her and she counted on that.

  We walked through the crowd, my hand in hers, my chest on fire.

  There were people everywhere and all I could feel was the sweat and the skin and the beat and the heat. There was no space. Oddly enough I didn’t want any. I felt at home.

  Natalie pulled me up through a bunch of people until we were fully trapped in a close dancing crowd.

  Pretty soon there was someone at my back and Nat took my front protectively. Other people danced around us but all I felt were those two bodies sort of holding mine. I couldn’t fall. This crowd wouldn’t let me. At all times, at least four hands were touching me.

  As the music thumped I let myself sort of be carried as I got lost in it all.

  For all I could tell, we were only in the club for a few throbbing songs. I’d been in some state of trance though for sure. I wasn’t aware of how long we’d been dancing. How long Nat was holding me safely against her warm chest. My muscles were sore and I didn’t smell like me now, I smelt like other people and everything else. Avery’d probably freak. This sort of scent meant things.

  As Nat pulled me out she found two more tubes of liquor and made me take them one-at-a-time.

  When we got back out into the parking lot the air felt so amazing. I didn’t know what to say. I felt a little out of it now and I was definitely all sweaty. When I touched my face I felt my smile with my finger-tips. The damn things was plastered there.

  “That was interesting,” I laughed.

  “Phase three,” she said, excited for that.

  She didn’t give me any time to adjust or say no. One second things were happening then the next it was something else.

  I liked to dance with her, I really missed that.

  I couldn’t initiate a kiss with her though so that made it a little bit sad since, drunk as I was, I really wanted too. When I closed my eyes I imagined Avery was there… Kissing Avery back then would’ve felt like some kind of ecstasy. I would’ve been way too into it and wanting her inside me right there.

  Now that I’d done all that, all I wanted to do was touch Avery’s body and make out for hours on end. Just thinking about it relaxed me and put me into this dreamy state.

  Nat opened my door and pushed me back inside of her car.

  When she got back around and started driving on, I stopped to think about how incredibly good she was being. One kiss, just one. A sweet thing and nothing to take or steal. She was saintly at the very least.

  Any normal person would’ve kissed the fuck out of me back there. I’d been touching her and letting that guy push me into her. She didn’t take advantage, she didn’t start kissing me, she didn’t take me to the bathroom like I know she would’ve done at any other time in our relationship, any time but now. She let me safely lose myself for at least an hour, let me touch her and rub all over her without the use of my lips, and then she pulled me out at the first second I might breach our agreement.

  “I’d take
it by now you’re a little horny?” She asked, looking over at me and checking.

  “Um… Yes,” I confirmed with a tight-lipped smile. I was horny before we even started. That wasn’t a hard task to achieve, that was almost my resting state.

  “Good,” she said. The car sped down the nearly empty roads and Natalie blasted Lady Gaga’s Venus and I laughed like a crazy person, for no particular reason, causing Nat to laugh too.

  This was better than old times. I couldn’t explain it. It just was better.

  Nat parked the car at some other place. I could hear the music blasting out of every inch of it as I stumbled up the street with her hand gently guiding me.

  “Guess I gave you too much,” she laughed, holding onto my waist.

  “I’ll be fine,” I laughed. Whatever the drug had been it didn’t overwhelm me. I was sure that the smile was a side effect and as far as side effects went a smile seemed like a positive thing.

  Natalie was amazing. She’d really planned the whole night. She knew exactly where to take me, exactly what to do. I had to wonder how long she’d been thinking on this.

  We burst through the wooden swing doors of what seemed to be some sort of old-timey saloon. When we got further inside though, I could tell it was a western-themed throwback burlesque club.

  “What the fuck,” I laughed. The old stand-up piano in the front tinkered on while some woman played it in a ridiculous ruffly outfit. This was exactly the sort of place Natalie and I had made fun of when we first went out. I had teased her and said she’d end up somewhere like this if she just let her mom run her life. We made jokes about taxi dancing and very old men and the things that they liked.

  She led me to a seat in the front that had a reserved place-marker on it and I felt nervous when she leaned down over my back.

  “This one's for you,” she whispered.

  “Wait,” I said, trying to keep her near. It was dark inside and they’d announce the next performer was coming up. I’d never been to this club before but I knew what that meant. I didn’t want to sit all alone. I wanted a friend.

  “You’ll be fine,” she whispered. “I’ll make sure.”

  Her hands and presence left me and I felt the sadness sort of invade. It crossed my mind, more than once, that I might still do anything for her. Together or not, we still had this bond I couldn't deny or explain.

  A man with a microphone took the center stage right in front of me and I realized I was too close to be worried about who was with me or not, I had no choice but to be put on the spot. I was in one of those spots that was guaranteed to get the full show.

  “And now, ladies and gentleman, an old favorite, back from her long day on the range. The young cowgirl from not too far from here. Watch yourself! She’ll shoot a bullseye in every man’s heart! Give it up for Nataliaaaaaaaaaa!” His voice boomed and my smile spread. I immediately knew. She got me. She always did.

  As she came out in this ridiculous outfit I shook my head.

  She had a shotgun in her hand and those little shorts and those low cowboy boots. It was hilarious. She knew I hated all of this shit. This was the full gimmick.

  When she walked the whole walkway and finally came center stage I couldn’t look at her with anything other than happiness and adoration. By now we’d just been through so much. Nat jumped and swung round the pole making it seem effortless and I just laughed.

  A man brought me tequila and she winked at me while she danced for everyone else.

  She didn’t strip, I was glad for that. She was an excellent dancer though. I definitely did not have a hard time watching her move.

  When she came down, she sat and pulled me up to sit on her lap in the stupid outfit she must’ve pulled from some forgotten trunk at the back of a wardrobe closet on one of her more kitschy shoots.

  “So, what do you think of the night so far?” She asked breathless. Her cheeks were flushed and she was just as sweaty as me. Still, she opted for water. She was being too good.

  “I think I never realized how perfect you are,” I said.

  “Good, that was my whole plan,” she laughed.

  I felt her arms around my waist keeping me on her and safe. I noticed too that she’d been playing with my phone ever since she’d sat down.

  “Let's get a picture,” she said, holding the thing up as I drank the cocktail that had come right after the shots.

  Any more liquor and I might literally fall asleep but it tasted so good.

  “You feel good on my lap,” she said, resting with me. She was texting someone but I couldn’t tell what it was about and I didn’t care. The next girls on the stage were doing some weird sort of hokey country-line dance burlesque and it was hilarious.

  “How the hell did you even find this place?”

  “I searched for you,” she smiled.

  “Okay, what’s next?” I asked.

  “Wait a second,” she laughed angrily. “How do you know we’re not done?”

  “I know you,” I reminded. I was beginning to feel like a little doll in this round-robin.

  She pulled me in and hugged me. “Goddammit! I wish I could kiss you,” she said.

  “I know, me too,” I said back. I wasn’t sure how monogamy would suit me. I knew that Avery’s kisses were my favorite but I liked affection, I always did.

  “Alright,” Natalie said. “May as well give you the grand finale.”

  She checked her phone and I wondered if maybe we’d done the other phases too quick. She could be taking me somewhere that only opened at like 11 or 12. I didn’t know what time it was. I didn’t even know how long we had been in each place. It was all a running blur. A good blur, but a definite smear.

  She took me back to the car, taking care with me and noticing how out of it I definitely was.

  “This last place will be a little new,” she warned. I wasn’t sure what to expect, so far we’d only done things we’d done before.

  “Okay,” I said. I wasn’t nervous but I was intrigued.

  We had to drive a little farther and it was too dark for me to really see where we were when we finally pulled up to what looked like a nondescript building void of signage. It was pretty nice, like a small Victorian standing alone in a random part of town.

  Sitting out front I really did wonder what this was. I knew it had to be something grand. Nat was too good to disappoint.

  I thought maybe it was one of those dinner theater things where you become part of a murder mystery. I would love something like that. It was so late though. They wouldn’t do that so late...

  “Come on,” Nat said, helping me out. My feet were sore. My head pulsed.

  I was glad this would be the final stop. No matter the cathartic feeling, I didn’t think I could take very much more.

  “Okay, we’re just going to go in,” she said. “You don’t have to do anything. It works like that. Some people like voyeurs.”

  I wasn’t sure what to expect. That wording though made me ponder.

  “Okay?” Nat asked, making sure I was still alert enough for whatever this was.

  “Yeah,” I said, wishing I already knew.

  We opened the door and went in. The walls were black but there was a white desk with a lady standing behind it. She had cute black-rimmed glasses on and she was wearing an expensive silk white blazer with no shirt and no bra on underneath.

  “Reservation?” She asked, looking straight at us as we walked up. My eyes were drawn in to the way her hair was up away from her neck.

  “Natalie for two,” I heard Natalie say.

  “The full tour,” the woman smirked.

  “Yes,” Nat agreed. “The full tour.”

  “Okay. Sign here,” the woman held a very clean white clipboard out and Nat signed. I was going to read it but Nat took my hand in hers and forced me to just sign without taking time to go over anything.

  The woman gave Nat a secretive smirk of intrigue.

  “James,” the woman said, looking off to a man who had been st
anding off against a wall like a soldier or guard. He also wore a blazer with no shirt beneath, his blazer was black. As he came close to us I could smell his heavy cologne and see the form of his hard pecs beneath his lapel.

  “Welcome,” he said, watching my eyes before taking a decorated black mask and slipping it over my eyes. It had holes for me to see through and all it really covered was about half of my otherwise visible face

  “Thanks,” I said, instantly excited by the masquerade.