Divinity

by Michelle L. Johnson

  As the woman walked away, Julia tossed the card into the small wastebasket under the counter.

  “Creepy old lady.”

  -Fame and fortune?- Julia asked, a touch of sarcasm in her tone.

  -No,- Michael answered. -This was a gift of opportunity. This was your senior year in high school, remember?-

  The scene shifted to Julia in her room later that evening, looking over college brochures. She frowned and tossed them all in the garbage. “I just don’t have the money.”

  -I see,- Julia said softly.

  Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, Julia fought off a wave of dizziness. When she opened them, she was striding up the sidewalk, chatting on her cell phone. One step away from the curb, her keys slipped out of her hand, landing behind her on the pavement.

  “One second, Charlie,” Julia said. “I just dropped my keys.”

  Julia turned, scooped up her keys and faced the crosswalk once more, stepping onto the street. “Sorry about that. What were you saying?”

  -Dropping my keys was a gift?- Julia snipped. -I think you lost me on this one.-

  -Watch again, girl. This time, watch the street you would have been standing on.-

  This time, Julia focused on the street. She saw the driver who was turning the dial on his radio and ran the red light, driving straight through the spot Julia would have been had she not stopped.

  “Is it wise to allow her to see so much?” Gabriel asked, folding his arms over his chest.

  “She needs to see that she doesn’t walk alone, and never has. She needs to know she is not disposable. But she also needs to learn that her own choices have played a role in some of the difficulty that she has endured.” Michael appeared misty, as he always did when he was physically appearing in more than one place at a time—something only another Archangel would notice.

  “I think she understands that quite well,” Gabriel answered. “But you will make her blame herself for the actions of her abusers, and that is not the case at all. She must know this or she will regress.”

  “You know how important it is that she understands the paradox of human choice,” Michael said, studying Gabriel for a few moments. “She can handle this, Brother. She is past the point of self-blame for all of that. She is different. You will see. She will see the gifts and learn the lessons. She will embrace it all because it will mean that someone has cared for her all this time. That is what her human heart desires more than anything.”

  “I pray you’re right, Michael. For all our sakes.”

  VIII

  JULIA shook her head and opened her eyes. She was back on her patio, seated in her wicker chair as though she had never left. Then she realized that she actually hadn’t left—physically. She shrugged off a shiver and looked up at Michael. He loomed over her, arms crossed, watching her reactions. Measuring them. The shadow of his enormous wings pooled at his feet.

  He was so much like Gabriel in intensity, but so different in personality. His voice was deep and rich—almost soothing, and his lightheartedness surprised her. Julia was sure that, when it came right down to it, Michael would be just as fierce and unyielding as Gabriel, but he had this way about him. She was comfortable with him. Familiar.

  The scenes from her past had her searching her mind for all the other things she might have missed along the way. She felt as though she were permanently rooted to her seat, as though she weighed a thousand pounds and the Earth was spinning faster and faster, creating a severe and unnatural gravity that bore down on her. She fought to steady herself, pressing her feet to the ground and gripping the arms of her chair tighter.

  “Breathe deeply,” Michael said.

  Julia nodded, sucking in a deep breath, and then slowly releasing it. She felt some of her anxiety slip away. After a few more gulps of air, she was able to speak.

  “So you were there for me,” she said, “instead of Gabriel.”

  Michael raised his eyebrows. “I don’t believe that you could miss the point entirely. Are you so eager to hate him that you can’t see all that you have been given?”

  Julia sighed. Admitting to herself that she had been wrong all those years was difficult. She had never been alone. But that didn’t mean she had to forgive Gabriel for not allowing her to know. She grudgingly let it go—for the moment.

  “All right. I accept that I have made some choices. I understand about choice and consequence, but that last one? How was that my choice?”

  “You were given the gift of life. It was only days later that you attempted to return it.”

  Julia looked away, for the first time feeling guilt for trying to end her life.

  “Fair enough.”

  She remembered the world fading as she wept with relief that it was almost over. Then the four hours she cried and begged God to let her go when she realized she was not dying. She had been hallucinating, arguing with visions about why she should be allowed to “go home”, when her garage door was flung open in a rush of fresh air that forced out the poison. She didn’t give up, though, and stayed in the car until it ran out of gas.

  For two days she had let her restaurant run itself while she had what felt like the worst hangover of her life. The day she returned to work was the day she met Alex. Julia smiled, remembering the first time she saw him.

  “Wait a minute. Are you saying Alex is a gift?” Julia had always felt as though he was.

  “Yes, girl,” Michael said gently. “But a gift of his own giving.”

  “He gave himself to me?”

  “Look inside yourself. Find your spirit, and you will find the answers. You have known Alex for a long time.”

  The sadness had returned to his eyes, and Julia didn’t know if it was because he had been reading her mind, reliving that day, or if it was something else. As though he knew her questions, he smiled at her, that breathtaking smile of the angels, and she returned it. Her guilt and anger washed away. Now she was excited, anxious to learn more of the secrets she hoped Michael would share with her.

  “So, how do I do that, Michael? Find my spirit, I mean.”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” he said, as the world began to swim away.

  “Where are we? This place feels familiar,” Julia said when the world around her stabilized.

  She stood on a dirt path in a forest, the keen smell of damp moss a shock to her senses. The light filtered through the trees in a way that made Julia think of Heaven touching the Earth. Through the trees to one side, she could see a pond that had several small stones sticking up out of the water, making a path to the large boulder in the very center. She took in a sharp breath as she remembered the place from her youth.

  “I used to come here by myself to sit out on that stone and think,” she told Michael, who was looking out toward the boulder.

  “Yes. I accompanied you here every time.”

  “I would sit for hours, just thinking… Wait—you did? Why?”

  “I am, and always have been, your protector.” He glanced in the opposite direction briefly, searching through the trees. “It amuses me that you know so little of us. Of yourself. Let me first show you how to find your spirit, and then I will explain a little about myself to you, so that you may understand more clearly.”

  He turned from the pond and headed in the opposite direction, silently walking through the fallen twigs and leaves. Within moments, they reached a clearing of tall, swaying grass. He stopped on the edge of the meadow and turned to Julia.

  “I took you to the pond first; it is the first place you found peace and meditation. It will be an easy place for you to find within your mind. When you get to the pond and can visualize it clearly, turn and walk through the woods in this direction. You will find this field.

  “The act of walking through such a serene place will serve to calm your mind further and will solidify this place. Come, we have a bit further to walk.” He strode toward the center of the field with Julia close behind him.

  After walking for several minutes, Juli
a realized there did not seem to be an end to the field. As far as she could see there was only tall, green grass, rolling like waves in the breeze. She inhaled deeply, the aromatic grass adding to her serenity.

  “This place,” she murmured. “What is this place?”

  “This is the place between waking and dreaming, the place you will envision in your mind while meditating. We call it the Second Realm. It is the bridge to the higher realm.”

  “Higher realm?” Julia asked. “Do you mean Heaven?”

  Michael’s eyes found Julia’s. “It is a place with many names. Heaven is one.”

  Julia ran through a quick mental checklist—Nirvana, Summerland, Valhalla. There were many more, of course, but she had only to look into Michael’s eyes to see that she was on the right track.

  “Come here and walk the field until you are fully here,” he said, returning to his teaching. He took on an instructive tone, losing his earlier lightness. He was all business now. “Meaning that your conscious mind is not on the Earth realm, fretting about the day’s events. Once you are in this state of readiness, the bridge will appear.”

  Michael waved his arm ahead of him. His fingertips left streaks across her vision like the sparklers with which she scribbled in the air as a child, leaving behind memories of light.

  As the light faded, a semi-transparent bridge appeared. It was made of every color Julia had ever seen, the light weaving together almost the same way both Gabriel and Michael had when they first appeared to her. It spiraled up to and through the clouds.

  Her jaw worked silently, failing to find words for the exhilarating beauty. A single tear trickled from the corner of her eye.

  “I forget how magnificent these things are, having seen them so often,” Michael said. “It is refreshing to see for a while through those human eyes of yours.”

  “Where does it lead?” Her voice was hushed, as if she would disturb the beauty of the bridge if she spoke above a whisper.

  “To the heavens. Right now we are in the realm between.” Michael’s voice was low and soothing. Julia could feel the vibration of it. “Come.”

  As Michael began to ascend the spiraling bridge, Julia kept up with him easily. She was surprised she didn’t feel vertigo, since there was nothing solid beneath her feet.

  She laughed at herself as she imagined falling through the bridge and plummeting toward the Earth. In her quick visual, Michael swooped down out of the sky and caught her, cradling her protectively as he took her back up to the bridge.

  A sound snapped her out of her mini-daydream. She looked ahead to see Michael watching her, amused.

  “It’s not likely. I don’t wear spandex, and I don’t like phone booths.”

  Her face flushed crimson. Her embarrassment deepened when she realized the sound she had heard was Michael. Snickering. As she joined him, her own light laughter felt good after so much turmoil.

  She forgot all about that when they reached the top of the bridge and she saw the giant wooden doors. Michael swung the doors open for her, and said three words that covered her from head to toe in goose bumps and flooded her with the most profound feeling of peace she had ever known: “Welcome home, girl.”

  “This is dangerous.”

  Gabriel turned to face the owner of the intruding voice. He kept his expression flat, though he was disturbed that Uriel had managed to see what Gabriel was watching. “Uriel.”

  “Gabriel.”

  “What is dangerous, Uriel?”

  “Showing her the way. Welcoming her home. There is a reason they live in ignorance of these facts. Humans are ill-equipped to deal with this. Even Children.” His last word dripped with animosity.

  “She already found her way, Uriel. She thought she was dreaming, but she has visited frequently.” Gabriel turned his attention back to watching Michael and Julia. He was beginning to admire her resilience, and see her potential.

  “Do you favor this one?”

  “Uriel, sneering does not become you. I am merely observing, as we do with all of them. I suggest you take it up with Michael.” Gabriel had little patience for Uriel at the best of times. The tone of his voice had always grated on Gabriel’s nerves.

  Uriel left with a huff.

  “Sometimes I am surprised it was Lucifer who crossed the line and got himself banished, and not Uriel.” Michael’s voice surprised Gabriel, but he did not show it.

  “He does have some misguided anger,” Gabriel answered. “You have an odd look in your eye, Michael. What is it?”

  “Twice now Uriel has found you. Why?”

  “Perhaps he was merely curious.”

  “Perhaps,” Michael said, looking off into the distance. “He should have enough of his own work to do. Is he aware of her relation to you?”

  “I believe so. He did not mention it, but I think he is.”

  “This does not sit well with me, Gabriel. We will have to be more careful. It is too soon to let the others in on our plans.”

  “He has seen nothing of our plans,” Gabriel said, folding his arms. “He has only witnessed me viewing her. And what if he knows she is mine? Watching over them is something we are all prone to do. Find Zach-ariah on any given day and you will see him checking on his own several times.”

  “That may be true, but you will need to be more careful.”

  “I will, Michael. Do you think Uriel has his own plans, or that he would try to stop us?”

  “We’ll see.” Michael was silent for a long time, his attention obviously elsewhere. When he spoke, his words had a weight to them that sank into Gabriel’s being. “Pray I’m wrong.”

  IX

  THIS—IS Heaven?” Julia stammered. Her stomach knotted. It was disconcerting being in Heaven. She felt obligated to be dead. Fear gripped her, and though she knew it was irrational, she wondered if, now that she had seen Heaven, she would be allowed back to Earth. She turned to ask and Michael shook his head, interrupting her before she could begin.

  “You’re not dead, and I didn’t bring you here in order to trap you.” He took a step forward. “You need to find your spirit. There is no better way than to come here to find it.”

  Some of the tension lifted from Julia’s shoulders and she took a tentative step forward. She had thought Heaven would be all pearly gates, shiny gold, and fluffy clouds. Perhaps even a clerk at a desk with a big log book in front of him, or Saint Peter standing at the gates, trumpet in hand, waiting to announce the new arrivals.

  “You watch too many movies, girl. This just happens to be the image with which you are comfortable, the one you have seen before. This is where you enter in your dreams, is it not?”

  “It is, but those were dreams. I didn’t know it was actually Heaven, and there were always battles on the other side of the door. Strange battles, without weapons. Explosions of light…” Julia’s voice trailed off as she remembered, and she sucked in a sharp breath. “Was that real, Michael? Are there battles in Heaven?”

  “There will be no battles on the other side.” Michael peered through the door, then looked back at Julia with a kind smile. “It was real—at one time. The battles you saw were distant memories. This is simply a doorway into the realm. Once you open it, you enter in the spot you intend to enter.”

  He stepped through the doors, and she followed close behind. The only difference on the other side of the doorway was the floor—it was made of clouds. Her feet disappeared into the mist, but she could feel them resting upon something solid. They were in a space without walls or ceilings that continued on as far as she could see. She thought it was like looking out over the ocean.

  Julia’s chest tightened. Again, she wondered if she might be dead. She shoved the thought aside and breathed deeply.

  Michael waited for Julia’s breathing to return to a steady rhythm, and then continued.

  “Those dreams you have, they were of your assignment long ago.”

  “My assignment in Heaven? When?”

  “Long before there was a physic
al plane. It was your ‘job,’ or more accurately, your spirit’s job. You collected and healed the innocents. Apparently you relive it in your dreams.”

  “I really don’t understand. Are you telling me there are battles in Heaven? That I am—was—what? A medic?” Julia’s voice was rife with confusion, her brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of it all.

  “A ‘heavenly medic?’” Michael arched an eyebrow.

  As perplexed as she was, Julia had to admit it did seem rather silly.

  “In a sense, yes, you were,” Michael said. “These dreams are memories of a distant past. In your dreams, you often become your spirit because it is easier. You would journey all over the world in seconds. It would take days, or weeks, on the lower plane. Here, there is no physical matter. There is only energy. But be aware. It can be very dangerous when you are dreaming in spirit form. Because of who you are, you are like a beacon. You draw the negative ones to you.”

  “Negative ones?”

  “We are straying quite far from the topic,” Michael said. He shook his head. “There is positive energy and negative energy. Your spirit is made up of positive energy. There is always a struggle for balance; therefore, the positive will always hunt the negative and vice versa. When they are chasing you in your dreams, you will hear a squeal. Similar to the sound of a bomb dropping from the sky.”

  “I have heard that before. In those dreams, I’m always running from that.” She shuddered and her wide eyes searched the air.

  “They won’t come anywhere near you here in the highest realm.” He winked at her. “In the dream realm—the Second Realm—they think you are an easier target because you are neither spirit nor physical form, and your light calls out to them.”

  “My light? What do you mean? Why would they be after me?” The desperation she felt at her ignorance was sweeping her into a heart-pounding frustration. “This would all be so much easier to understand if you had only come to me earlier. If Gabriel had…”