How to Beat the Bully Without Really Trying

by Scott Starkey

  They went bananas. They scrambled over or around the chain-link fence and rushed toward me. Instantly, I found myself being hoisted up on shoulders while the cheering mob carried me down the street.

  “He beat the McThuggs with his bare hands!” one kid was shouting.

  “That’s what I’m talking about,” Rishi exclaimed as he took my picture.

  I smiled down at him and flipped him the ball. Kayla just rolled her eyes and walked off, but I remember thinking as we rounded the corner onto the field that no running back, not Walter Payton or even Jim Brown, had ever made such a brilliant football run. In the distance I saw Josh and Toby pedaling away as fast as they could. From time to time they looked back to make sure I wasn’t coming for them.

  Chapter 7

  THE LEGEND OF OLD MAN JOHNSON

  By the time I arrived at school the next day, my victory over the McThuggs had spread far and wide. The bus was abuzz with it. We were, of course, silent around Mrs. Lutzkraut, but at art, with Mr. Borus, the stories began again. Mr. Borus himself told of a time the McThuggs had circled his minivan and had threatened him for twelve blocks.

  By the next day, the tale had grown to the point that Mr. Feebletop himself mentioned it in the morning announcements. He talked about famous heroes and bravery and then related it by saying: “We here at Baber are fortunate enough to have seen bravery in action. Someone in this town finally stood up to a group that’s menaced our town for years. Well done, Rodney! Now rise for the pledge.”

  As we made the familiar speech with our hands on our hearts, Mrs. Lutzkraut sneered at me. When we sat down she said, “I don’t think there’s anything brave about doing something as stupid as you did. First off, you were trespassing. Secondly, other children will now approach strangers. You can join me for recess and write an essay explaining why your actions were wrong. I’ll talk to Mr. Feebletop about letting you read it over the loudspeaker tomorrow.”

  Rishi interjected, “Mrs. Lutzkraut, Rodney was . . .”

  “Rishi! Save your energy for math! Boys and girls, take out your textbooks, notebooks, and put a heading . . .” I looked around. Rishi was angrily taking out a book. Jessica was busy writing something. Unfortunately, she wasn’t busy looking at me, which was strange, since she had been there when I supposedly had throttled the McThuggs. I worried that maybe Kayla had begun to poison her mind against me. And as for Toby, he hadn’t said a word since I climbed the fence. Sitting next to me, he looked pale and sick and was clearly avoiding eye contact. In all the excitement, I hadn’t given him much thought. But I had seen that smile he had given Josh as I walked to my fate. Toby was out to get me.

  “Rodney!”

  “Yes, Mrs. Lutzkraut?” I choked.

  “What is the answer to number five?”

  Apparently we were checking the math homework. “Um, forty-two,” I guessed.

  She smiled. For a second I thought I had it right. Then she continued, “No! You’re not even remotely close. I suppose the famous McThuggs ate your homework while they chased you down the . . .”

  “Actually, I chased them,” I corrected her.

  “Silence! The day’s just started and I’ve already had enough of you.” She stared at me long and hard before moving on to the next question.

  Halloween, my least-favorite holiday, was fast approaching. Yes, I like the candy, but there are many other things about it that don’t quite work for a scaredy-cat like me. First off, I hate the dressing up part. I don’t mind seeing Superman or a few fairy princess costumes but I can definitely do without the Draculas and Freddy Kruegers.

  Last year, Rocco Ronboni cornered me along with his posse as I walked the streets of my old neighborhood with Timmy, Tony, and Tommy. He yelled, “Fire!” and blasted me in the face with shaving cream. “Hey Rathbone, how does that feel?” He laughed. I recalled my eyes beginning to burn. “Hey, check it out, guys,” he had continued. “This shaving cream contains menthol. Avoid contact with the eyes. Whoops!” I remembered their laughs as I stumbled blindly along Bell Boulevard. Well, at least he was far away now. Maybe, with Josh and Toby leaving me alone, I’d coast through Halloween this year with no problems.

  I would soon discover, however, that in Garrettsville, Halloween isn’t easily avoided. The kids began talking about costumes and candy even before September came to a close. Some of them started collecting secret stashes of shaving cream or Silly String. I made a mental note to get a costume with protective eyewear. Stories of eggs flying and paintballs shooting were quietly discussed in the back of the bus. But I didn’t learn of the town’s main horror until one afternoon in mid-October.

  I finished my homework, grabbed my football, and walked out the door. Rishi and Slim were waiting for me on their bikes. They looked kind of nervous or something. “We’re going for a bike ride before we play football,” Rishi explained.

  “Uh, okay, sounds nice,” I replied. Slim giggled nervously.

  “Get your wheels and we’ll get Dave,” Rishi yelled as he rode off. “Meet us at the end of the block.”

  It was a nice autumn day. A ride seemed like a good idea, but Rishi and Slim were acting a bit off, and my chicken sense was tingling. I noticed my palms sweating as I pulled my bike from the garage.

  When we all linked up, the three of them were even stranger. Dave muttered a quiet, “Hey Rodney,” and we were off, winding down streets and cutting through paths. We passed Crystal Lake and, as we made a right onto Elm Street, the pace slowed. Somehow, the street felt darker. The houses looked bleak and run-down. The grass wasn’t as green and there were no people walking around. Then, in the distance, I could see a house that made my stomach gurgle, and I wished there was a bathroom nearby. Somehow I knew it was where we were going, and anger and panic swept through me. “Why are you bringing me here?” I asked in the steadiest voice I could manage.

  “You’ll see, Rodney. Just a little closer,” Rishi answered.

  The house was menacing. It was boarded up and decrepit. The paint was peeling and dirty. It must have been white years ago, but now it was grayish brown. The green roof was missing tiles and was full of holes. The porch looked sinister and the railing was missing spindles. Two old lions, chipped and dirty, sat at either side of the walkway like they were guarding the place.

  I had trouble swallowing. My hands quivered and I hoped no one was looking at me. We rode up to the curb and the four of us stood looking at the den of evil. “It’s Old Man Johnson’s house,” Rishi said. “He murdered his whole family.”

  “I heard the house is possessed,” Slim said. I fully believed him. It seemed to be looking down at me, with the top two windows like eyes and the downstairs windows forming an eerie grin.

  “I thought we lived in Garrettsville, not Amityville,” I muttered. They looked at me, slightly confused, but their attention returned to the house as an old swing out back screeched in the light breeze and a shutter banged against the siding. I no longer cared about my tough guy reputation. Rishi beat me to it and yelled, “Let’s get out of here!” We all tore behind him, and it wasn’t until we were safely at our football field near the vacant elementary school that we stopped pedaling. The McThugg brothers, by the way, hadn’t bothered us since the wasp incident. Evidently, they thought I had brought the yellow-jacket bees with me that day as a warning from the Ratfields.

  “So,” Rishi turned to us breathing hard, “who’s going to do it this year?” I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I knew I didn’t like whatever “it” was. I tossed the football onto the grass and got off my bike.

  “What’s the deal?” I asked. “What’s this ‘it’ you’re talking about?”

  Rishi looked me in the eyes and said, “Rodney, that’s where we’re going on Halloween night.” I figured I’d correct him on that one. He might be going there but I wasn’t going anywhere near the place.

  “I won’t be able to join you, I have . . .”

  Slim interrupted me. “Rodney, you got to go. Every year
something scary and exciting happens at Old Man Johnson’s house. You can’t miss it.”

  “Have you gone?”

  “Well no, but my older brother Charlie said it’s the thing to do in Garrettsville. And besides, he wouldn’t let us go last year, but now he’ll let us go because he wants to meet you. He says they’re all talking about you in high school and what you did to the McThuggs.”

  Talking about me in high school? What was next, my own show on the Disney Channel?

  Rishi jumped in. “Look, Rodney, none of us have ever gone, but now that you’re with us, we’ll be all right. Besides, every year someone tries to get close to the house and do something crazy. . . .”

  “Yeah, and you’re just the guy,” Dave added, but I cut him off. Crazy wasn’t my idea of a great Halloween.

  “That’s nice, you go be crazy, but my mom makes me take my sister out, so I probably won’t be able to go with you. Too bad, though. It sounds exciting.”

  “Don’t worry,” Rishi said, as he put a hand on my shoulder. “We’ll wait for you to finish. This is something I know that someone as tough as you, someone who lives for danger, would not want to miss.”

  Oh man! I didn’t know what to say to get out of it. “Uh, okay,” I mumbled, and then, trying to get back to nicer things, I asked, “Still time for football today?”

  We all thought about it but it was already getting late, so we said good-bye and rode off. It wasn’t until I was on my street that I remembered the football. I had left it in the field by the school. The sky was dark orange, and night was coming on, so I raced back as fast as I could.

  By the time I got to the school it was almost dark out and the chilly air smelled like leaves. No one was around and I found myself alone on the empty field with the abandoned building sitting quietly in the distance. The place sure was creepy. Something seemed to move in the shadows by the building. As I reached for the football I thought I saw a guy with a hockey mask peering down at me from one of the upper windows. With my imagination running wild, it wasn’t long before my feet did too, and I pedaled home full speed. If I couldn’t even be alone on a field for five seconds, what would happen to me on Halloween?

  That night I slept with the light on, thinking of escape plans and hoping Old Man Johnson was safely behind bars—not lurking behind the walls of his house.

  Chapter 8

  A GHOSTLY ENCOUNTER

  Everyone dressed up for Halloween at Baber. In New York we weren’t allowed to dress up in school, which suited me fine, but that was not the case here. Apparently, Mr. Feebletop loved Halloween as much as the kids, and everyone was in full costume as they arrived that Thursday morning.

  Dressed as Babe Ruth, Mr. Feebletop waited at the front door inspecting and applauding costumes as they passed by. I was dressed up as a football player. Rishi was Darth Vader. Dave and Slim were mummies, although their costumes had pretty much unraveled by the time they got to class. Mrs. Lutzkraut was the only one not dressed. “I love her costume,” Rishi whispered to me.

  “Yeah, she makes a perfect witch,” I shouted back. Oops.

  Mrs. Lutzkraut spun around. She swung her ruler in the air angrily, and for a moment I really believed she was weaving an evil spell. Actually it was almost as bad.

  “Rodney, you’ll add two more weeks of recess with me for that one.” Ugh. “And as for the rest of you, hurry and get unpacked. If the costumes prove too distracting to our lessons, there’ll be no Halloween party at the end of the day.”

  I tried to focus, but it’s hard adding mixed numbers in shoulder pads. Amazingly, though, we did have a party that day, but I soon wished we hadn’t, for that’s when things started to go badly.

  Toby had been quiet since his little plan to get me killed by the McThuggs had failed. Now, Rishi did his best to wake him up. Walking through the party in full Darth Vader clothing and mask, he approached Toby, who wore a fake mustache and a brown derby hat. He grabbed him by the shoulders and said, “Toby-Wan Kenobi . . . I am your father.” A bunch of us laughed. The only person not smiling was Toby-Wan.

  “Yeah, you’re havin’ fun now, but let’s see who’s smiling tonight at Old Man Johnson’s. I heard you were heading down there.”

  “That’s right,” Rishi shot back. “We’ll be there, and we’ll see who goes farther up the steps to the . . .”

  “Look,” I interrupted, wanting to change the subject. “Mrs. Lutzkraut is giving out bags of candy.”

  Sure enough, she had pulled a large bag from her closet and placed it on her desk. She cleared her throat and began, “I want you to sit down. I prepared a little party treat. Several days ago I made each of you an egg-salad sandwich.” I gagged and dropped my head onto the desk.

  The day and the party eventually ended. Mrs. Lutzkraut gave us a stack of homework and reminded us to study for the science test tomorrow morning. Homework on Halloween! She definitely made an excellent witch.

  “I’m tired,” my sister whined. I had already dragged her to about a hundred houses.

  “Oh come on, Penny, a few more. Just think of all the candy!”

  “I don’t care,” she whined. “My feet hurt. I want to go home.”

  I could see she was about done and I figured that my friends had probably left by now without me. Then I reconsidered. “Let’s hit Oak Street before heading back.”

  “Just ’cause you’re too scared to go out with your friends, you don’t have to torture me.”

  “Scared? Me? Seriously, Penny, where do you come up with this stuff? I just enjoy spending time with you.” She wasn’t buying any of it and shook her head as I walked her home, as slowly as I could. Everything seemed quiet as we climbed the porch steps. I let out a little sigh of relief as I turned the knob and entered the front door.

  Then I jumped. Three hooligans in dark outfits were waiting for me. Actually it was only Slim, Dave, and Rishi talking to my mom, but I think I would have preferred hooligans.

  “So, where are you going?” my mom asked Rishi.

  “We’re just heading around. Get some candy. Show Rodney the Halloween spots.”

  “Rodney’s afraid to go out. He’s especially scared of shaving cream. . . .” Penny’s big mouth started up but stopped just as quickly when she saw me reach for the sofa cushion. I had found that threatening to smother her was an effective way to shut her up.

  “My sister’s always the joker. You know, shaving cream, it’s the menthol . . . reacts poorly with my sensitive skin . . . got hives this one time . . . yeah, not fun . . .” I was mumbling through the excuse until I realized no one was paying attention.

  My mom changed the subject. “Penny, go brush your teeth. After all that candy, we don’t want any more cavities. And, boys, don’t get back late. You have school tomorrow.”

  “We won’t, Mrs. Rathbone,” Rishi answered. Slim grabbed me by the shoulder and we headed out into the October night. The air wasn’t too cold and I was happy to see how bright the night had become—until I realized it was due to a scary full moon on the rise.

  The four of us walked down the various streets. Some kids were running around having fun. Obviously they weren’t heading in the direction of Old Man Johnson’s home. As for us, our conversations were thin and quiet. Slim looked white and hadn’t said much of anything. Dave was talking to Rishi about eggs or something, although neither seemed real interested in what they were saying. A sense of dread hung over us.

  Eventually we turned onto Elm Street. A crowd of kids had gathered several lots from the Johnson house. Most of the kids looked nervous or scared. One kid said, “Oh good, Rodney’s here,” as if I was going to somehow protect him. I tried hard to control my leg from shaking and slowly shuffled my way to the back of the crowd. Trouble, though, in the form of Toby, soon found me.

  “There you are. I thought you guys wouldn’t show,” he exclaimed.

  I noticed Josh standing behind him in a leather jacket with silver rivets sticking out from the shoulders and sleeves. He was quie
t, angry looking, and serious. Some kid in a mask who I didn’t recognize said, “What did you think? Rodney’s not going to miss something like this.”

  What a fool, I thought.

  Toby looked at me, but perhaps thinking about my legendary punching ability, turned to Rishi. “There’s no way you guys are heading up to the house. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “I don’t see you standing up there,” Rishi said. Then he threw down the gauntlet. “Maybe if Josh holds your hand, you’ll cross the street.”

  Toby sneered and I thought he was going to rush Rishi, but then again Rishi was standing next to old Fists of Fury himself: me. Instead, Toby walked right up to the house, stopped in front of one of the stone lions, and planted a big kiss on it. Some kids shouted approval while others laughed. Toby just strutted back from the house, high-fived Josh, and turned to us. “Now, can any of you top that one?”

  “Ooooh. Kissing a lion. Like that’s supposed to mean something?” Rishi countered. “The lion is at the end of the walkway. You didn’t even make it onto the porch. Do something brave, then start talking.”

  At this Josh walked toward Rishi and the air grew colder. He glanced down at him and I thought I could see the faint outline of a mustache growing above his lip in the moonlight. Josh walked away from us past Toby and right on up to the Johnson porch. Reaching the front door, he pulled his leg back and kicked. I could clearly hear the loud thud. Satisfied that he had caused enough damage, he shuffled back to us.

  Toby smiled at Josh, and the two of them turned and faced the crowd. Toby said, “There, big mouth. No one’s done that before, and I know none of you will even come close.” The crowd started clapping and I almost joined in. Toby was right, though. No one was topping that.

  Rishi held up his left hand to silence the crowd. His right hand gripped my shoulder. He began, “Not bad but, come on, I thought we all came down here to see something impressive.”