The Essential G. K. Chesterton

by G. K. Chesterton

  And it is this that lends an epic and almost primeval symbolism to the tragedy of Kitchener's end. Somehow the very fact that it was incomplete as an action makes it more complete as an allegory. English in his very limitations, English in his late emancipation from them, he was setting forth on an eastward journey different indeed from the many eastward journeys of his life. There are many such noble tragedies of travel in the records of his country; it was so, silently without a trace, that the track of Franklin faded in the polar snows or the track of Gordon in the desert sands. But this was an adventure new for such adventurous men--the finding not of strange foes but of friends yet stranger. Many men of his blood and type--simple, strenuous, somewhat prosaic--had threaded their way through some dark continent to add some treasure or territory to the English name. He was seeking what for us his countrymen has long been a dark continent--but which contains a much more noble treasure. The glory of a great people, long hidden from the English by accidents and by lies, lay before him at his journey's end. That journey was never ended. It remains like a mighty bridge, the mightier for being broken, pointing across a chasm, and promising a mightier thoroughfare between the east and west. In that waste of seas beyond the last northern islets where his ship went down one might fancy his spirit standing, a figure frustrated yet prophetic and pointing to the East, whence are the light of the world and the reunion of Christian men.

  MAGIC A FANTASTIC COMEDY

  BY G.K. CHESTERTON

  THE CHARACTERS

  THE DUKE DOCTOR GRIMTHORPE THE REV. CYRIL SMITH MORRIS CARLEON HASTINGS, _the Duke's Secretary_ THE STRANGER PATRICIA CARLEON

  _The action takes place in the Duke's Drawing-room._

  NOTE

  THIS play was presented under the management of Kenelm Foss at The Little Theatre, London, on November 7, 1913, with the following cast:

  THE STRANGER FRANKLIN DYALL PATRICIA CARLEON MISS GRACE CROFT THE REV. CYRIL SMITH O.P. HEGGIE DR. GRIMTHORPE WILLIAM FARREN THE DUKE FRED LEWIS HASTINGS FRANK RANDELL MORRIS CARLEON LYONEL WATTS

  THE PRELUDE

  SCENE: _A plantation of thin young trees, in a misty and rainy twilight; some woodland blossom showing the patches on the earth between the stems._

  THE STRANGER _is discovered, a cloaked figure with a pointed hood. His costume might belong to modern or any other time, and the conical hood is so drawn over the head that little can be seen of the face._

  _A distant voice, a woman's, is heard, half-singing, half-chanting, unintelligible words. The cloaked figure raises its head and listens with interest. The song draws nearer and_ PATRICIA CARLEON _enters. She is dark and slight, and has a dreamy expression. Though she is artistically dressed, her hair is a little wild. She has a broken branch of some flowering tree in her hand. She does not notice the stranger, and though he has watched her with interest, makes no sign. Suddenly she perceives him and starts back._

  PATRICIA. Oh! Who are you?

  STRANGER. Ah! Who am I? [_Commences to mutter to himself, and maps out the ground with his staff._]

  I have a hat, but not to wear; I wear a sword, but not to slay, And ever in my bag I bear A pack of cards, but not to play.

  PATRICIA. What are you? What are you saying?

  STRANGER. It is the language of the fairies, O daughter of Eve.

  PATRICIA. But I never thought fairies were like you. Why, you are taller than I am.

  STRANGER. We are of such stature as we will. But the elves grow small, not large, when they would mix with mortals.

  PATRICIA. You mean they are beings greater than we are.

  STRANGER. Daughter of men, if you would see a fairy as he truly is, look for his head above all the stars and his feet amid the floors of the sea. Old women have taught you that the fairies are too small to be seen. But I tell you the fairies are too mighty to be seen. For they are the elder gods before whom the giants were like pigmies. They are the Elemental Spirits, and any one of them is larger than the world. And you look for them in acorns and on toadstools and wonder that you never see them.

  PATRICIA. But you come in the shape and size of a man?

  STRANGER. Because I would speak with a woman.

  PATRICIA. [_Drawing back in awe._] I think you are growing taller as you speak.

  [_The scene appears to fade away, and give place to the milieu of_ ACT ONE, _the Duke's drawing-room, an apartment with open French windows or any opening large enough to show a garden and one house fairly near. It is evening, and there is a red lamp lighted in the house beyond. The_ REV. CYRIL SMITH _is sitting with hat and umbrella beside him, evidently a visitor. He is a young man with the highest of High Church dog-collars and all the qualities of a restrained fanatic. He is one of the Christian Socialist sort and takes his priesthood seriously. He is an honest man, and not an ass._

  [_To him enters_ MR. HASTINGS _with papers in his hand._

  HASTINGS. Oh, good evening. You are Mr. Smith. [_Pause._] I mean you are the Rector, I think.

  SMITH. I am the Rector.

  HASTINGS. I am the Duke's secretary. His Grace asks me to say that he hopes to see you very soon; but he is engaged just now with the Doctor.

  SMITH. Is the Duke ill?

  HASTINGS. [_Laughing._] Oh, no; the Doctor has come to ask him to help some cause or other. The Duke is never ill.

  SMITH. Is the Doctor with him now?

  HASTINGS. Why, strictly speaking, he is not. The Doctor has gone over the road to fetch a paper connected with his proposal. But he hasn't far to go, as you can see. That's his red lamp at the end of his grounds.

  SMITH. Yes, I know. I am much obliged to you. I will wait as long as is necessary.

  HASTINGS. [_Cheerfully._] Oh, it won't be very long.

  [_Exit._

  [_Enter by the garden doors_ DR. GRIMTHORPE _reading an open paper. He is an old-fashioned practitioner, very much of a gentleman and very carefully dressed in a slightly antiquated style. He is about sixty years old and might have been a friend of Huxley's._

  DOCTOR. [_Folding up the paper._] I beg your pardon, sir, I did not notice there was anyone here.

  SMITH. [_Amicably._] I beg yours. A new clergyman cannot expect to be expected. I only came to see the Duke about some local affairs.

  DOCTOR. [_Smiling._] And so, oddly enough, did I. But I suppose we should both like to get hold of him by a separate ear.

  SMITH. Oh, there's no disguise as far as I'm concerned. I've joined this league for starting a model public-house in the parish; and in plain words, I've come to ask his Grace for a subscription to it.

  DOCTOR. [_Grimly._] And, as it happens, I have joined in the petition against the erection of a model public-house in this parish. The similarity of our position grows with every instant.

  SMITH. Yes, I think we must have been twins.

  DOCTOR. [_More good-humouredly._] Well, what is a model public-house? Do you mean a toy?

  SMITH. I mean a place where Englishmen can get decent drink and drink it decently. Do you call that a toy?

  DOCTOR. No; I should call that a conjuring trick. Or, in apology to your cloth, I will say a miracle.

  SMITH. I accept the apology to my cloth. I am doing my duty as a priest. How can the Church have a right to make men fast if she does not allow them to feast?

  DOCTOR. [_Bitterly._] And when you have done feasting them, you will send them to me to be cured.

  SMITH. Yes; and when you've done curing them you'll send them to me to be buried.

  DOCTOR. [_After a pause, laughing._] Well, you have all the old doctrines. It is only fair you should have all the old jokes too.

  SMITH. [_Laughing also._] By the way, you call it a conjuring trick that poor people should drink moderately.

  DOCTOR. I call it a chemical discovery that alcohol is not a food.

  SMITH. You don't drink wine yourself?

  DOCTOR. [_Mildly startled._] Drink wine! Well--what else is there to drink?

  SMITH. So drinking decently is a conjuring trick that you can do, anyho
w?

  DOCTOR. [_Still good-humouredly._] Well, well, let us hope so. Talking about conjuring tricks, there is to be conjuring and all kinds of things here this afternoon.

  SMITH. Conjuring? Indeed? Why is that?

  _Enter_ HASTINGS _with a letter in each hand._

  HASTINGS. His Grace will be with you presently. He asked me to deal with the business matter first of all.

  [_He gives a note to each of them._

  SMITH. [_Turning eagerly to the_ DOCTOR.] But this is rather splendid. The Duke's given 50 to the new public-house.

  HASTINGS. The Duke is very liberal.

  [_Collects papers._

  DOCTOR. [_Examining his cheque._] Very. But this is rather curious. He has also given 50 to the league for opposing the new public-house.

  HASTINGS. The Duke is very liberal-minded.

  [_Exit._

  SMITH. [_Staring at his cheque._] Liberal-minded!... Absent-minded, I should call it.

  DOCTOR. [_Sitting down and lighting a cigar._] Well, yes. The Duke does suffer a little from absence [_puts his cigar in his mouth and pulls during the pause_] of mind. He is all for compromise. Don't you know the kind of man who, when you talk to him about the five best breeds of dog, always ends up by buying a mongrel? The Duke is the kindest of men, and always trying to please everybody. He generally finishes by pleasing nobody.

  SMITH. Yes; I think I know the sort of thing.

  DOCTOR. Take this conjuring, for instance. You know the Duke has two wards who are to live with him now?

  SMITH. Yes. I heard something about a nephew and niece from Ireland.

  DOCTOR. The niece came from Ireland some months ago, but the nephew comes back from America to-night. [_He gets up abruptly and walks about the room._] I think I will tell you all about it. In spite of your precious public-house you seem to me to be a sane man. And I fancy I shall want all the sane men I can get to-night.

  SMITH. [_Rising also._] I am at your service. Do you know, I rather guessed you did not come here only to protest against my precious public-house.

  DOCTOR. [_Striding about in subdued excitement._] Well, you guessed right. I was family physician to the Duke's brother in Ireland. I knew the family pretty well.

  SMITH. [_Quietly._] I suppose you mean you knew something odd about the family?

  DOCTOR. Well, they saw fairies and things of that sort.

  SMITH. And I suppose, to the medical mind, seeing fairies means much the same as seeing snakes?

  DOCTOR. [_With a sour smile._] Well, they saw them in Ireland. I suppose it's quite correct to see fairies in Ireland. It's like gambling at Monte Carlo. It's quite respectable. But I do draw the line at their seeing fairies in England. I do object to their bringing their ghosts and goblins and witches into the poor Duke's own back garden and within a yard of my own red lamp. It shows a lack of tact.

  SMITH. But I do understand that the Duke's nephew and niece see witches and fairies between here and your lamp.

  [_He walks to the garden window and looks out._

  DOCTOR. Well, the nephew has been in America. It stands to reason you can't see fairies in America. But there is this sort of superstition in the family, and I am not easy in my mind about the girl.

  SMITH. Why, what does she do?

  DOCTOR. Oh, she wanders about the park and the woods in the evenings. Damp evenings for choice. She calls it the Celtic twilight. I've no use for the Celtic twilight myself. It has a tendency to get on the chest. But what is worse, she is always talking about meeting somebody, some elf or wizard or something. I don't like it at all.

  SMITH. Have you told the Duke?

  DOCTOR. [_With a grim smile._] Oh, yes, I told the Duke. The result was the conjurer.

  SMITH. [_With amazement._] The _conjurer_?

  DOCTOR. [_Puts down his cigar in the ash-tray._] The Duke is indescribable. He will be here presently, and you shall judge for yourself. Put two or three facts or ideas before him, and the thing he makes out of them is always something that seems to have nothing to do with it. Tell any other human being about a girl dreaming of the fairies and her practical brother from America, and he would settle it in some obvious way and satisfy some one: send her to America or let her have her fairies in Ireland. Now the Duke thinks a conjurer would just meet the case. I suppose he vaguely thinks it would brighten things up, and somehow satisfy the believers' interest in supernatural things and the unbelievers' interest in smart things. As a matter of fact the unbeliever thinks the conjurer's a fraud, and the believer thinks he's a fraud, too. The conjurer satisfies nobody. That is why he satisfies the Duke.

  [_Enter the_ DUKE, _with_ HASTINGS, _carrying papers. The_ DUKE _is a healthy, hearty man in tweeds, with a rather wandering eye. In the present state of the peerage it is necessary to explain that the_ DUKE, _though an ass, is a gentleman._

  DUKE. Good-morning, Mr. Smith. So sorry to have kept you waiting, but we're rather in a rush to-day. [_Turns to_ HASTINGS, _who has gone over to a table with the papers._] You know Mr. Carleon is coming this afternoon?

  HASTINGS. Yes, your Grace. His train will be in by now. I have sent the trap.

  DUKE. Thank you. [_Turning to the other two._] My nephew, Dr. Grimthorpe, Morris, you know, Miss Carleon's brother from America. I hear he's been doing great things out there. Petrol, or something. Must move with the times, eh?

  DOCTOR. I'm afraid Mr. Smith doesn't always agree with moving with the times.

  DUKE. Oh, come, come! Progress, you know, progress! Of course I know how busy you are; you mustn't overwork yourself, you know. Hastings was telling me you laughed over those subscriptions of mine. Well, well, I believe in looking at both sides of a question, you know. Aspects, as old Buffle called them. Aspects. [_With an all-embracing gesture of the arm._] You represent the tendency to drink in moderation, and you do good in _your_ way. The Doctor represents the tendency not to drink at all; and he does good in _his_ way. We can't be Ancient Britons, you know.

  [_A prolonged and puzzled silence, such as always follows the more abrupt of the_ DUKE'S _associations or disassociations of thought._

  SMITH. [_At last, faintly._] Ancient Britons....

  DOCTOR. [_To_ SMITH _in a low voice._] Don't bother. It's only his broad-mindedness.

  DUKE. [_With unabated cheerfulness._] I saw the place you're putting up for it, Mr. Smith. Very good work. Very good work, indeed. Art for the people, eh? I particularly liked that woodwork over the west door--I'm glad to see you're using the new sort of graining ... why, it all reminds one of the French Revolution.

  [_Another silence. As the_ DUKE _lounges alertly about the room_, SMITH _speaks to the_ DOCTOR _in an undertone._

  SMITH. Does it remind you of the French Revolution?

  DOCTOR. As much as of anything else. His Grace never reminds me of anything.

  [_A young and very high American voice is heard calling in the garden. "Say, could somebody see to one of these trunks?"_