Bring Me Flowers (Garden of Love 5)

by Melanie Wilber

  He surprised her just enough to get a smile in return. She reached for the remote control and asked if he had taken out the movie from last night.

  “No. It’s still in there.”

  “Will you watch it with me this time?”

  “Sure,” he replied, feeling brave once again. “On one condition.”

  He laid down on the couch, turned onto his side, and invited her to join him. “Let’s pretend we’re at home; the girls are in bed; we’re finally getting some time alone after a long day; and you lay down beside me to watch a movie. If that isn’t normal life, I don’t know what is.”

  She hesitated. He knew she wanted to, but her guard wouldn’t be laid aside that easily.

  “I won’t try anything,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I promise. Just be with me.”

  ***

  Kathleen moved from her place on the couch and stretched out beside Jon. Neither of them spoke. She started out with her back barely touching his chest and his arm resting on her hip. Thirty minutes into the movie, his arm was holding her tightly against him; she could feel his heart beating; and his lips were close enough to her ear to feel the air moving in and out of his lungs.

  Jon didn’t know it, but several times over the next hour she closed her eyes and imagined him adjusting his position just enough to kiss her cheek and neck. One time her imagination went so far as to turn toward him and allow him to kiss her with the tender passion she knew he was capable of.

  But he kept his word to not “try anything.” She ended up falling asleep before the movie ended. He woke her with a gentle whisper in her ear.

  “I think this qualifies for “whatever,” don’t you?”

  She woke up slowly, forgetting where she was for a moment. Stretching out the kink in her neck and feeling another one in her shoulder, she shifted her position and opened her eyes, wondering if she was still dreaming when she saw Jon staring down at her.

  “Hi,” he said.

  She knew she should sit up and get out of here. And if she and Jon weren’t married she would have done just that. But the truth was, they were married. He was her husband. And anything they did right now would hold no shame. She just needed to decide if she was ready for that.

  He made the choice for her. “I’m sorry to wake you, but it’s four-thirty. I thought you might want to call Hannah.”

  “Four-thirty?” she asked, pushing herself up.

  “I enjoyed watching you sleep too much to wake you,” he explained.

  “I guess I was a little tired. I was out late last night.”

  He smiled. “Oh, yeah? With who?”

  She hesitated only a moment before responding.

  “With my husband.”

  ***

  The following Friday afternoon they all went to the beach together. Jon told the girls he wanted to do something extra special with them since he’d missed the previous Saturday. He suggested to Manda and Jamie that they invite their mom to come with them, explaining that if he asked, she would probably say no, but if they asked, she might say yes.

  He never would have done such a thing without Katie’s permission, but going to the beach had actually been her idea. After having him over for a few hours twice that week, she asked if he would like to take them all away for the weekend to “just see” what more time together would be like. So far he hadn’t had to do anything except be exactly who he was. His desire to return to his marriage was genuine. Being with Katie had never been an effort for him. It was his other ambitions that had gotten in the way.

  Arriving at the small beach house that belonged to his parents, they helped the girls with getting settled in their room. Jon brought in their bags and then returned to the car to get Katie’s and his own.

  “I put yours in the other bedroom,” he said when she asked about her things.

  “The girls aren’t that naive, Jon. They know we don’t sleep together in the same bed anymore.”

  He smiled. “I was planning to sleep on the couch.”

  “You can have the bed,” she said. “I can sleep with the girls.”

  “You’ll be more comfortable in there,” he said, referring to the bedroom across the hall with a queen-sized bed that had a nice view of the ocean. “I’ll be fine on the couch.”

  “Okay, thanks,” she said.

  He smiled at her and kissed her lightly on the cheek before leaving the room. Katie went into the other bedroom to look out the window. The sun hung low in the sky, barely visible through the cloud-cover. She heard Mandie and Jamie run out of their room and down the hallway. They found Jon in the living room and asked if they could go down to the water.

  “It’s getting dark,” he said. “But we could go for a few minutes. Ask your mom if she wants to go.”

  They came to find her. She turned from the window and told them to go with their dad. She would stay behind and make some hot chocolate and popcorn for when they returned.

  Alone in the quiet cabin a few minutes later, Katie went to the kitchen to unpack the food they had brought. The two times this week when Jon had dropped by in the evenings, she had felt nervous and tense about what each evening might hold. Would the girls suspect something and start asking questions she didn’t feel prepared to answer? Would Jon try and kiss her or touch her in ways she wasn’t ready for? Would they end up fighting again?

  But here at the beach house where they’d spent many happy times in the past, all that seemed to be left behind, and she felt at peace about whatever happened this weekend. If Mandie or Jamie asked questions, she would respond honestly. If Jon wanted to kiss her tonight, she would let him do whatever she felt comfortable with at the time. For the last three weeks--and even before that, Jon had been nothing but sweet to her--the way he used to be all the time, and she knew he wasn’t faking it. Jon had never been good at pretending he was fine when he wasn’t.

  She had the popcorn and hot chocolate ready when they returned. They spent the evening playing some board games and then watched a VeggieTales movie before Kathleen tucked the girls in for the night. Kathleen read them a story and wished them sweet dreams. Before she left the room, Amanda had a question to ask.

  “Mama?”

  Kathleen turned back. “Yes?”

  “It’s nice that Daddy brought us here, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s nice that he let you come too.”

  “Yes, that was nice of him.”

  She didn’t have anything else to say. “Good night, Mama.”

  “Good night,” she said, leaving the room and smiling at her daughter’s insight.

  Jon had decided to take a shower while she put the girls to bed, and she could hear the water running. Going to her room, she decided to change into some comfortable plaid pajama bottoms but left her sweater on. She went to the kitchen to brush her teeth and wash her face. Returning to her bedroom, she didn’t hear the shower going anymore and heard the bathroom door open. She half expected Jon to come looking for her, but he didn’t.

  Stepping into the living room a few minutes later, she saw Jon standing in front of the fire. She debated about taking a seat in the recliner and picking up the book she had brought to read, or going to stand beside him. His hair still looked wet. He had on jeans and a white t-shirt.

  She decided to go stand with him, feeling like she didn’t want to be the one dictating what tonight held for them. He welcomed her easily, pulling her close to him. She rested her head on his chest, feeling safe and loved.

  “I wish we could erase the last two and a half years, Kathleen,” he spoke softly. “Just go back to the last time we were here, realize how blessed I was to have you and the girls, and--”

  “Shh,” she said. “It’s in the past, Jon. I forgive you. Let’s move on, okay?”

  He held her tighter. “You’re too good to me,” he said, breaking into quiet tears.

  Kathleen clung to him, feeling the love in her heart for this man returning in full force.

  “I
have to love you, Jon,” she said, stepping back and looking into his eyes. “I don’t know how to do anything else.”

  He kissed her then, very tenderly and cautiously like he wasn’t sure if she wanted him to, but she did.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Jon gave Katie several gentle kisses, feeling amazed by her love and forgiveness. “I doubt the girls are asleep yet,” he said. “Do you want them to catch us doing this?”

  Katie allowed him one more and then stepped back. “That may not be best,” she said but couldn’t hold back a smile.

  Taking her hand, he had a funny thought go through his mind. “You know what this reminds me of?”

  “What?”

  “Our wedding night.” He smiled and explained. “After almost two years of dating you and being more comfortable around you than anyone in my life, all of the sudden I felt incredibly nervous with you, like I had just met you or something.”

  “And you feel that way now?”

  “Yes.”

  She appeared to enjoy that thought, and she added her own. “That seems like a long time ago.”

  “Not that long,” he said.

  They talked quietly for twenty or thirty minutes before he went to check on the girls. Finding them asleep, he returned to Katie’s side, wondering if he should allow himself to kiss her any more tonight. He wanted to but knew he might have a difficult time not doing anything more. And he wasn’t certain either of them were ready for that. The possibility of intimacy between them made him think of something else he hadn’t found the right time to share with her, but it seemed like a good moment.

  “I’ve missed a lot with Manda and Jamie, haven’t I?”

  She didn’t reply.

  “I’m sorry you’ve had to carry the load all by yourself.”

  “I think God has carried me. I’m amazed by how well they’re growing up--besides you being gone, I haven’t always been myself either.”

  He put his arm around her, and she snuggled closer to him. “Do you think they would like to have a little brother or sister?”

  Katie looked up at him and smiled. “I’m sure they would.”

  “How about you?” he asked.

  She swallowed hard and dropped her eyes. “Yes.”

  He lifted her chin toward him. When she looked at him, he leaned forward and kissed her gently.

  “I’d like that too, Katie.”

  She let the tears flow, and he held her close.

  “It’s taken me the last two years to figure out what’s really important in life, Katie. And I’m sorry I’ve had to learn it the hard way, but I have learned that. I promise.”

  She appeared to believe him, and he responded to her trusting gaze by kissing her. She didn’t fight him. His mind told him to stop, to not overdo things, but his own desire and Katie’s response to his touch urged him on. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest and he wanted more, but he took a moment to think about this, drinking in the smell of her hair and holding her beautiful body close to him.

  “I’ve missed you, Katie.”

  “I’ve missed you too,” she replied, adjusting some of the large pillows on the sofa and leaning back against them, inviting him to join her in the more relaxed position. Knowing he was not misreading her in the least, he kissed her again, like he had stepped back in time to their early married days when they couldn’t get enough of each other.

  But as much as he enjoyed the intimate exchange, he felt he shouldn’t let this go too far--not yet. His mind tried to rationalize that she was his wife. Two years of separation hadn’t changed that fact, and she certainly wasn’t resisting him. But his heart didn’t feel right about it.

  “If you want to stop I’ll understand,” he said, taking a moment to let them both catch their breath.

  “I don’t. You’re still my husband.”

  He was tempted to let it go at that, but he wanted her to be one-hundred percent certain. “Katie, I only want us to do this tonight if you can tell me something.”

  “What?”

  “That you want me to come home. Tomorrow we tell the girls, and on Sunday I go pack my stuff and move back into the house. Are you ready for that?”

  He saw a glimpse of uncertainty and fear cross her face. He knew it was too soon.

  “It’s okay to say no,” he assured her. “I want to come home, but I’ll understand if you’re not ready.”

  “Are you sure, Jon? You have every right--”

  “No, I don’t,” he said. “There’s more to being married than a piece of paper. It’s about commitment and trust, and until we both have that with each other again, sex isn’t going to fix anything.”

  She moved away from him, appearing ashamed she had nearly given in so easily. He pulled her back to him in an instant. “Hey, I said I wouldn’t take you to bed, not that I don’t want to hold you. Don’t go.”

  They did end up sleeping together on the couch. Jon fell asleep with Katie doing the same in his arms, but when he woke up shortly before dawn, he was alone. He got up to check on her and saw her sleeping soundly in the bed. He left her alone and decided to go for an early morning walk on the beach.

  He prayed the entire time; some with audible words, some within his heart. He couldn’t believe they were here. It had only been three weeks since he’d given Katie the card and declared his feelings to her. And here she was, spending the weekend at the beach house, willing to trust him again--not completely, but certainly more than he deserved or had expected this soon.

  Falling to his knees in the sand as he thought about what she had been willing to do last night, he broke down before his Savior and felt so unworthy of His love and Katie’s. In the past few months he had often felt he should bow out of Katie’s life and let her fall in love with someone else. Someone who would do a much better job of taking care of her and loving her faithfully.

  But he had to try. He had to take the chance of getting her back. She was like the sun, air, and water to him. The last two years had been so dark and empty and meaningless. Without her, nothing mattered. And with her, everything did.

  ***

  Kathleen scanned the clothing rack for jeans in her size and took the selected pair along with two other items to the dressing room. The pants were a bit snug, and she knew one time through the wash would likely increase the problem. She felt disgusted with herself for not taking off more of the fifteen pounds she had been trying to lose since Christmas. No one else seemed to think she had any reason to be dieting, but the scale and her tight-fitting clothing told her otherwise.

  She returned the jeans to the rack and reluctantly selected the next size up. Hannah approached her, holding a mulberry-colored sweater under her chin for Kathleen’s opinion.

  “Great color on you,” Kathleen replied to her shopping partner for the afternoon. “How much?”

  “Too much,” Hannah said, extending the sweater at arm’s length to take another view of it herself. “Maybe I’ll ask James to get it for me for my birthday. No, I hate doing that. I always tell him to get me something he picks out himself, and I’m always amazed at what he decides on, especially when it ends up looking great on me and it’s something I would have never picked out for myself.”

  “Well, then maybe I’ll get it for you,” Kathleen said. She could tell Hannah really liked the sweater but also knew her friend would put it back if she felt it was too expensive. She and her husband lived on a strict budget.

  After leaving the mall, they decided to go out to dinner. Kathleen had suggested an afternoon of shopping yesterday when she picked up Jamie from day care. Two weeks had passed since spending the weekend with Jon and the girls at the beach. The rest of their time there had gone well, but she still had reservations about him moving back home this soon.

  He told her when they had talked on the phone Thursday evening that he was planning to take Amanda and Jamie to a movie today. Kathleen had decided to take advantage of the extra hours to herself and confide in her best friend about what
had been going on since Valentine’s Day.

  Kathleen dumped the news while they waited for their food to be served. Hannah remained quiet and listened as she told her about Jon’s renewed interest in saving their marriage and about the time they had been spending together over the last five weeks. Hannah had always been a good listener, and Kathleen found herself babbling about how the old Jon was back and how she came closer to agreeing to being husband and wife again with each evening they spent together and every two-hour phone conversation they had.

  Hannah admitted she had been wondering if something was going on because she’d heard Jamie talk about Jon being at the house more, and about them all going to the beach together.

  “What’s holding you back, Kath? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  “No. It’s been nothing but good. I’m just afraid. I don’t think I can survive losing him twice.”

  “But if you don’t take that chance, you won’t have him anyway,” Hannah stated. “You might as well dare to hope for the best. God has brought Jon back, and you have to trust Him to carry you through no matter what happens in the future.”

  Kathleen nodded in agreement. “I’ve been keeping this to myself because I’ve been afraid of what others would think. Your support means a lot to me.”

  “There’s nothing more that I would like to see than the two of you happy again, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.”

  On her way home she thought about Hannah’s words and also about what Pastor Swan had said during their counseling session on Tuesday. Pastor Swan’s words had gone straight to the core of the matter, leaving little room for denying how important their marriage still was to her.

  “What’s the desire of your heart?” he asked. Psalm 37:4 says, ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.’ When we are seeking God and trusting Him, our desires will match His desires for us. He will show you the way that is best for you, if you let Him.”