by M. Piper
“Listen… you’re paying for this. Why don’t you sit and have a talk with me?” He motions towards the chair I always sit in, and I chuckle.
“You set that up back there, didn’t you?” I rub the back of my neck, astonished that the good old Dr. T is trying to play matchmaker.
“I’m unsure what you’re talking about, Benton.” His blank face is so damn hard to read, but he has to know. I’ve said her damn name too many times for him to not put two and two together.
“Gabby. You know about Gabby and me. That’s why you just did that, isn’t it? You never pick up patients on your own,” I say, starting to pace.
Damnit, just seeing her back there made me want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. Fuck. I miss her so bad, and it’s only been a few days. This shit’s insane. These feelings I have for her are stronger than I had with Carly, and I hate thinking that, but it’s true. Carly was a true love, no doubt, but Gabby…. I just feel like Gabby and I are meant for each other. Like we fit together perfectly… as long as we open up to each other.
“Ah, Gabby,” he says, shaking his head. “She’s a sweet girl.”
“Damn right she is,” I mumble.
“What was that?” he asks, eyes on mine.
“Nothing. Let’s get this over with,” I growl, sitting in the chair.
We spend the entire hour talking about my relationship with Gabby, the loss of my mother, how being a single parent is. He’s curious most about my feelings towards my relationship with Gabby, though. He doesn’t necessarily want to know why I love her, or what I’d do for her, but it’s as if he’s trying to get my true feelings of how things have worked out between us.
“Fuck, I don’t know. I hate that it all got so muddled. It’s like, the moment we decided to give being exclusive a go, my mom passed and shit just went to hell. I see something in Gabby that I want to help, but she’s not letting me in. I’ve tried letting her in to my story, but she shuts down. Having a kid… well, that shit doesn’t make it easy for adults to have heart to hearts.” I chuckle and Dr. Travers smiles and nods his head.
“True, but it’s needed. Those conversations, if never done properly, can break relationships.”
He’s right.
We need to talk. Really talk. We both need to lay our shit out there, and get over it together, because that’s what I need. I need her.
After the appointment, I head back to get Hannah from my dad. He’s been going fishing a lot more lately, not spending much time at the house. Every time I see him walk into the kitchen, he makes it a point not to walk next to where he found my mom. I still remember having to clean up her blood from the kitchen floor that my dad wasn’t able to get. I don’t walk in there at all. Not yet. Maybe one day.
“Hey, B,” he says from the living room. He’s holding Hannah, who’s fast asleep in his arms. It’s not her bedtime yet, but seeing how peaceful he is holding her, I don’t say anything about it. He needs her. He needs to feel needed. My mom relied on my dad for a lot, so I’m sure he’s feeling a little lost right now.
“Hey, Dad. How’d tonight go?” I ask, packing up the diaper bag.
“Good. She’s smart, son. Been learning a lot lately, I can tell.”
“Yeah, Gabby’s been working on walking a lot with her,” I say absentmindedly, not realizing what I said until I notice my dad smiling at me. “What?”
“Gabby? She spending a lot of time with you two?”
“Dad.”
“Oh come on, I know you’re a grown man. I’m just curious what people my granddaughter is hanging around, that’s all,” he says, grinning.
“Yes. We’ve been seeing each other for almost eight months now, Dad.” A small stretching of the truth to keep him happy.
“Well, I like her,” he says, turning back to the TV.
“Me too,” I whisper, grabbing Hannah out of his arms, and putting her in the baby carrier.
“Bring Gabby back over sometime, okay? You two don’t be strangers.”
“Will do, sir.” I salute him, then nod and head out to my car. The half hour drive home after the day I’ve had is much needed peace and quiet.
Getting Hannah into her crib without waking her up is a challenge I’ve had way too much practice at. By the time I click her door closed and turn on the baby monitor, I’m ready for a beer and some mind numbing TV.
All of that changes when there’s a knock on the door before I’m even able to sit. Opening it without checking, I see Gabby standing in front of me, tears streaming down her beautiful face.
“I’m sorry,” she says, sniffling. She’s so fragile looking right now that I just want to hold on to her, but I have so many other feelings swarming me so I just stand and stare at her. “Can I come in?”
“Oh yeah, of course,” I mumble, moving to the side so she can make her way inside. She looks drained, and I’m worried because, if she’s that drained and sad, why didn’t she come to me?
“So… what’s going on?” I walk towards her, following her into the kitchen, and wait for a response. It never comes though. Her small, curvy figure sits atop one of my barstools as she tucks her legs under her. Her eyes hit mine and I feel a pull to her. Magnetic. Like we’re meant to be together. I see her eyes start to dart around the room, her fingers start playing the band on her wrist. Something’s bothering her. I just wish I knew what the hell it is.
“I uh,” she starts, then stops. Taking a deep breath, she stands abruptly. “I need to use your bathroom.”
Taking off towards the bathroom, I’m left alone in the kitchen, staring in her direction as she makes her way down the hall. What the hell is going on here? Is she drunk? Her eyes aren’t bloodshot, and she isn’t wobbly when she walks. Something’s going on, and I plan on finding out tonight.
It’s all or nothing. If she can’t trust me with everything… with every piece of her… then I can’t keep this game up. Dr. T is right. I need to be able to have a stable and happy life for Hannah. This guessing game shit with Gabby needs to stop. I don’t want it to, but I can’t go on like this.
Before she makes it out of the bathroom, there’s another knock on my door. What the fuck?
It’s after 10PM on a work night, and I’m typically in bed by now. Who would be banging on my door right now? Growling at the strange way this evening is turning out to be, I peek through the peephole to see a very frantic Annaliese, and an incredibly disgruntled Adam.
What the fuck?
“Hey,” I say, letting them in. Adam has to nudge her in the front door just so he can get it closed behind them. What the hell is going on?
“She needs to tell you something,” he grunts, nodding at her.
“I… Gabby…” she whispers, her eyes finding mine finally. She looks scared, or sad… or something.
“What? What about Gabby?” I feel a bit frantic at this point because whatever she came here to tell me obviously isn’t something she’s comfortable talking about, and, if they knew Gabby was here right now, in my bathroom, Annaliese probably wouldn’t tell me why they came here. I have to get it out of her before Gabby comes back. “What is it, Annaliese?” The growl that comes out of me wasn’t meant to be menacing, but Adam sure took it that way.
“Hey now, calm the fuck down. We’re just here to help, Benton. Shit’s deep… I’m not even sure you’re aware of it but she’s got issues. I… we… just want to make sure you both are on the same page. You have a kid, man… you don’t need to be involved with someone that’s going to bring you down.”
“Adam don’t make it seem like she’s a bad person!” Annaliese says angrily. She turns her gaze to me and smiles sadly. “We’re worried about you both because we love you both, Benton.”
“Fuck,” I say, sighing and glancing to the bathroom door. “Just tell me what it is.” I’m pleading, but I have to know. I just want to fix her. We stand in my foyer, staring at Annaliese, waiting for her to say something… anything… but she’s too nervous. Right as she opens her
mouth to start to talk I hear Gabby behind me.
Shit.
“Ann? Adam?” Gabby says from behind me.
Fuck.
“Oh God, Gabby you’re okay.” Annaliese runs to her and hugs her while Adam just stands there, stern, shaking his head.
“What the hell is wrong with you, man?” Why’s he look so angry towards her?
“She tell you how she found Gabby today, dude?” he asks.
“No,” I whisper, watching Annaliese fuss over her best friend.
“She’d been calling and texting for days. Ever since she heard of her being ‘laid off’ from the lawyers place, she’s been trying to get a hold of her. Apparently, Gabby shut down, dude. She was out of it when Ann arrived today. Add to it the drama shit that happened to her all those years ago? Chick’s got skeletons, man. I don’t want you unhappy, Benton. Shit, I love the thought of you two together, but you don’t need that drama in your life. She needs to fess up or get the fuck out.”
“Excuse me?” Gabby’s surprised voice comes from behind me, and I want to reach out and slug Adam.
He just doesn’t think about other people’s feelings.
“What? I’m just warning my best friend that his ‘girlfriend’,” he exaggerates with air quotes. “Is a PTSD patient who eats pills for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
Gabby’s face falls. Harder than ever before, I see her façade of being ‘okay’ break and the hurt shine. Fuck.
“Adam, what the hell?!” Annaliese wails on him with her purse. If it’d been under any different circumstances, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from laughing, but the way Gabby is glaring at them, then looking at me, I want to hold her and make the hurt go away. Even if I don’t know what the hurt is being caused by.
“Baby, listen…” Adam sighs, pointing his hand to me. “He needs to fucking know she’s a goddamned mess.”
“Oh, fuck you, Mr. Fucking Chicago!” Gabby screams. “I can’t fucking believe you, Annaliese. One thing I confided in you, and you go and tell the biggest fucking mouth in the city!”
“Gabby, I had to talk to someone,” Annaliese whispers. “I thought my fiancé would know how to keep his big mouth shut!” The glare she sends him tells me everything I need to know.
He’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.
“Go,” Gabby whispers.
“Gab, no,” Annaliese whispers.
“Just… please, Ann. Just go.” Gabby’s plea is almost silent as the tears start streaming down her face.
I’m so nervous, and so confused, and all I can do is watch as this unfolds right here in my foyer. Hands on my head, eyes wide, I watch as Annaliese hugs her best friend with no reciprocation, then drags Adam out of my place, gently clicking the door shut behind her.
“Gabby,” I manage, bringing her into my arms. Her entire body is trembling, and tears are soaking through my shirt. Son of a bitch, I’ll kill the person that made her like this.
“I’m so sorry,” she hiccups.
Fuck.
“Babe, I need to know what the hell is going on. Every time things get rough, we go through this. You cry, you apologize, then you run. I know you’ve had a rough past, but I need to know details, Gabby. I want to know. I need you to tell me.” I’m trying to keep my voice as calm as possible, but, when her sad light brown eyes look at mine, I suddenly get furious that someone did this to her. Someone made my Gabby feel this way. “Goddamnit, Gabby! Just fucking tell me!”
She whimpers and backs away, closing her eyes like she’s preparing for a hit.
She thought I was going to hit her?
“Gabby,”’ I whisper, walking towards her and taking her face in my hands. “I’d never hurt you, Gabby. I love you, Gab. I just… I need to help you, and I can’t do that without knowing what’s wrong,” I plea with her, begging for her to tell me… to let me in. Her tears stream down her face as she backs away from me, breaking a little piece of my heart off and stomping on it.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have even come here,” she cries, and then leaves the apartment as fast as she stormed in.
“Son of a bitch,” I mutter. Running into my bedroom, I grab the baby monitor and check on Hannah. She’s still fast asleep, and the monitor reaches outside the building. If I move fast enough, I can catch Gabby before she’s too far gone.
We can get through this. We have to.
Running out the door, I come to an abrupt stop at the sight before me. If I thought she looked fragile sitting on my stool, I was wrong. Now, curled into a ball in the corner of the hallway, crying her eyes out, my girl looks terrified and broken.
And all I want to do is take all the hurt away.
“No, no no Gabby,” I whisper, falling to my knees in front of her. I take her hands in mine, and she looks at me with tears in her eyes.
“It was all my fault, Benton. I can’t do it again.”
She sniffles, then shakes her head and curls into my body as sobs course through her. I manage to stand, holding her in my arms, and bring her back inside my apartment. Taking her straight to my bedroom, I lay her on the bed and let her curl her body into mine. It’s not long before the tears stop and her breathing evens out.
We have a lot of talking to do, but right now she needs to rest.
It’s Time
Gabby
Noo!
“Ma’am, you have to stay back!”
“Let me GO! My son is in there!” I wail on him until his hands let me slip free, but, from the impact of hitting the tractor, I’m not stable enough to get back to him. “Noah!” I cry out, crawling my best towards the flames.
“Gabby!” Jordan screams from the back seat.
No no no… Why can’t he get out?
“No!”
I keep screaming, but, when I feel the arms come around my midsection, I know it’s no use fighting. Everything hurts and I can only partly see out of my right eye. I know there’s blood all over me, but I don’t care. I have to get to my baby.
When the blast happens, my biggest fear unfolds right before my eyes.
Please, God… no.
Hold on baby, help is on its way.
***
“NO!” I jolt up, eyes tracking the room, all in an attempt to remind myself that I’m safe. I’m not back there.
“Hey, it’s okay, Gab.” Benton’s voice calms me and reminds me why I’m here.
He came for me and brought me in here. He didn’t make me talk, he didn’t make me explain. He just held me. That’s exactly what I needed… everything I wanted… and he did it without me having to ask.
“I’m sorry, Benton,” I whisper, contemplating getting out of bed and going home.
Last night, after my appointment, I completely lost it. On the way home, I saw a family on the train and they were so happy and laughing and playing with their small baby that I completely lost my shit. My mood has been shit lately, and I thought after meeting with Dr. T that things were looking up, but then I was reminded of everything while I watched that family. I didn’t ever make it home, I just wandered until I ended up here. Then Annaliese and Adam happened, and then I passed out.
That’s how low I’ve gotten.
“Lay down, babe. It’s the middle of the night.” His groggy voice would normally have me crawling on top of him, begging him to take me, but, this morning, I can’t stop my mind from rattling off everything I shouldn’t be doing.
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t have told Annaliese.
I shouldn’t be spending all this time with Hannah.
I shouldn’t… but I can’t get myself to leave.
I keep trying to get the words that Dr. Travers told me last night back to the foreground. I was so set on telling Benton when I left there. Even after seeing him in the office, sure I was scared that he knows something is up, but, by this point in the game, he’s crazy if he doesn’t suspect something.
Lying back in bed silently, he wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.<
br />
“I know you’re not ready to say it, and that’s totally okay. I don’t expect you to say it back to me just because I said it, Gabby. But know this…” He pauses and leans up on one elbow, looking me in the eyes. “I love you. I love that you are so good with Hannah, I love that you’re so determined to get past whatever you went through all alone…. But I wish you would talk to me. You need to trust that I can handle whatever it is you have in your past. I’m not going anywhere.”
He leans down and gently kisses me, igniting my need for him. It’s been too long since we’ve had sex that, the minute he deepens his kiss, I feel my body start tingling. Slowly and without words, he undresses me until we are each bare, vulnerable, and connected in only a way that lovers can. It’s not fucking. It’s making love. The way his eyes stay on mine with every thrust, the way his lips take in my pert nipples, sending waves of pleasure straight to my core. He’s treating my body as if it’s a temple. He’s worshipping me, showing me how much he loves me without words.
“You feel so goddamned perfect, Gab,” he whispers, his lips trailing my neck. I moan and arch into him.
“I’m so close, Benton,” I whimper, his hand snaking down and rubbing gently on my clit. “Oh, mmm,” I purr.
“Open your eyes, Gabby. Let go, baby. I’ve got you.” He thrusts harder, deeper, and within seconds I’m exploding around him, feeling the effects of the orgasm all the way to my toes. That has to be the fastest I’ve ever came before, and it definitely was one of the strongest orgasms I’ve had. So much passion and love in his eyes, making me feel things I’m not used to; things my body loves.
“Fuuuck,” he groans, firmly inside me as he lets go of his release. The feeling of being connected without any barrier is so sexy. I can feel every pulse of his orgasm, every small movement, and I fucking love it. Panting, he leans on his elbows and kisses me sweetly, rubbing his nose lightly on mine. Groaning, he moves to lie beside me