by M. Piper
“Hey, bitch,” she answers.
“Love you too,” I joke. “What’re you up to?”
“Nothing,” she huffs. “Adam told me to go shopping today and get things for the honeymoon, but I don’t plan on wearing anything the entire two weeks… soooooo there’s not much to buy.” She laughs, helping mend my worries about the two of them.
“Just a week away, babe… You ready for this?”
“Ugh, yes,” she answers exasperatedly. “I’m ready to move on with our lives together, as man and wife… and not have to keep everything so secretive and quiet. I have a fucking team of people ready to wait on me hand and foot next weekend, but all I want is to be in Adam’s arms and on that private Island for two weeks. Too bad we have to wait a month for that; I just want it now. I couldn’t care less about the ceremony, the people… I mean my dress is beautiful, so that’d be a shame… but all I want is him.”
Somewhere in her speech I found myself daydreaming about what it would be like if I ever were to get married. Of course, it wouldn’t be anything near as extravagant as Annaliese and Adam’s wedding, but I’d still want a party. Just a party. Maybe a courthouse wedding, maybe a small get together with family and friends… but I would want to party. I’ve never really let myself think about what my life would be like when I grew up because I never thought I’d make it. Now, the thought of actually getting married and being with that one person has my mind flying around like it’s on drugs. Scattered and focused at the same damn time.
“What’s up, Gab? You never call me in the middle of the day,” she says.
“Oh… um…” I pause, then start talking and don’t stop until I’ve told her everything. Every little detail. It’s amazing that, a year ago, I’d never told anyone about my life before college, and now I find that talking to my boyfriend and best friend is one of the most therapeutic things to do. By the time I’m done, she’s silent.
Annaliese is never silent.
“Annie?” I whisper into the phone.
“I hate that name,” she whispers, and then laughs, forcing a chuckle out of me. “Jesus, Gabby. What are you going to do?”
“Hide?”
“Well, that’s not an option. You’re the maid of honor at my fucking wedding. No you… no wedding.”
“Annaliese, I’m not putting your wedding day on the line.”
“Gabby, you don’t even know if she’s actually coming for you! You can’t pull out of your best friend’s wedding just because you’re scared!”
“Shit.” I sigh. “I know… but, if you don’t want me there, I understand. You don’t know her… she’s fucking evil.”
“Fuck you, Gabby. Stop being so ‘woe is me’ and be happy that I’m getting married! You’re the fucking maid of honor, and I’m the bride that gets what she wants,” she says, then bursts out laughing. “Sorry… I tried to channel Bridezilla… it didn’t work.” She laughs and I immediately feel better.
“So, you’re cool with me still being there?”
“Of course! I told you, I’m not getting married without you there. You’re family… the little family I have left.”
“Love you, woman,” I say, then hear Hannah wake up from her nap. “Gotta go, bitch. I’m being summoned,” I joke.
“Later, sweets.”
By the time I get Hannah up, changed, and fed a snack, it’s almost time for Benton to be home.
Home.
Smiling, I wander around his place while Hannah plays in her bouncer.
Home.
I call my place my place… I called the apartment I shared with Annaliese our apartment. I called the place I lived when I was younger my mother’s house, because it never felt like home. It’s insane to think that this beautiful place will be my home.
Vaulted ceilings… I guess being on the top floor of a remodeled condo building can have its perks. Dark wood floors are a manly touch to the otherwise bare décor. I wonder if he lived here with his wife, or if he moved after she passed. If I were him, I would have moved.
Making my way back to the living room, Hannah looks ready to get out of her bouncer, and I’m ready to do something else but play with blocks and balls. Grinning, I search the place until I find exactly what I’m looking for.
Finger paints.
By the time Benton makes it home, Hannah and I are well on our way to making the biggest mess ever with finger paints. Apparently, she likes the taste because I’ve spent the past five minutes trying to stop her from eating it.
“Wow,” Benton says chuckling. He drops his bags next to the door and laughs again, hands on his hips. “So how was your day, little miss?” he asks Hannah, leaning in to kiss the top of her head. It’s hilarious watching him try to escape her tiny messy fingers when she grabs for him. I never pegged him as a man who cared much for vanity, but he obviously doesn’t want that suit getting washable finger paint on it.
“Hey, you,” he says smiling at me. “How was it today?” His hands cup my face gently and I melt into him. It feels so good, so natural, him coming home to Hannah and me playing. I haven’t had an attack all day, which is hopeful and reassuring that I’m making the right choice.
“Wonderful,” I answer. “I love her.” Our eyes connect and he smiles, leaning in to kiss me gently on the lips. So much of me wishes I could push this further, but, with his daughter starting to pull for him, I know that’s not a good idea.
“I’m going to have to do a little work from here tonight,” he says, walking to the kitchen.
Work from home? He’s never had to do that.
“Oh. Okay,” I say, picking Hannah up and heading to the sink to wash her up before dinner. “Everything going okay?”
“Yes. Everything is fine,” he says, sighing. He looks worried about something. I hope he’s not keeping something from me.
“You sure?” I push for more, but he doesn’t budge.
“Positive, Gabby. Sorry… just stressed. There’s a few business acquisitions we may be getting that have me on edge. I can’t really talk about anything else until it’s all final.”
“Ok. I get it, trust me.” He nods silently, watching me clean off Hannah’s hands. “So, dinner tonight?”
“Let’s order in. I need to go to the store,” he says, sighing as he looks in his bare fridge.
“I can go tomorrow. You’re busy. Hannah and I can go to the store.” I say it without thinking that he might not want me to have her tomorrow. I mean… he is paying for daycare. Maybe he wants her there.
“Oh… ok. Yeah. That works,” he says. I notice him clenching his jaw and watching me. I wish he’d tell me what’s going on tonight. He seems off about something.
“You heard anything about your mom?”
“Oh, um. No. I haven’t had the news on today, though.” I shrug it off, trying not to let the comment get to me. Obviously, the thought crossed his mind that it’s not safe for me to take his daughter out in public. It crossed mine too, the minute I said I’d take her, but I can’t let him see my self-doubt or else he’s not going to let me be with her again… and I can’t have that.
“Why do you think she’s even after you anyway? I mean… what’d you ever do to her that would make her want revenge this far in the future?” He throws another shirt on to get ready for his evening workout, and I hold back the drool.
“Uh… I don’t know.” I shrug. “Being born?”
“That’s not funny, Gab. I, for one, am glad you were born,” he says kissing me gently.
“Mhmm… who knows? You know what, it’s all going to be okay. She’s probably just running from the cops and not actually out there looking for me,” I say, trying to make myself believe the words I’m saying.
I don’t, but I need to. I need to… because we all need to be okay.
We will be, too.
We’ll be fine.
Trust
Benton
“Dude, you look like shit,” Adam says as I walk into the break room to grab my third cup of coff
ee this morning. It’s only 9AM. I’ve only been here for an hour, and downed more coffee that I usually do in an entire day. I thought being a parent brought on a lack of sleep, but that’s nothing to these past few days of pulling double time following Gabby and Hannah around town.
I’m not sure how she can feel so comfortable with taking Hannah out and about like she has been with her mom still on the loose, but, if she’s comfortable, I trust her. She wouldn’t put my daughter in danger. She loves her.
Just watching her care for Hannah makes me love her more and more. Each time I see her, my heart swells with pride that she’s finally coming out of her flashback haze she seemed to be in for a while there. I think being around Hannah has been truly good for her. Now, if only I could learn to juggle working full time and keeping up with my normal work flow, as well as being a good partner and parent when I’m home and not a walking zombie PLUS secretly watching my girlfriend and daughter every time they leave the house, I’d be fantastic. Unfortunately, at this rate, I’m wearing down fast.
“I know.” I grumble something to Adam then head back to my office with two mugs of coffee. I have too much shit to get done this morning, and, this afternoon, Gabby is planning another trip to the park, so it’s going to be another day of working my ass off, sitting in a car watching my girlfriend to make sure she’s safe, then staying up all night to finish work.
Who needs sleep, anyway?
“So, you good for Friday night?” Adam asks, breaking my concentration on the files in front of me.
“I’m your best man. I better be ready,” I grumble.
“Will you have that stick up your ass the entire night, or can you pull it out before then?”
“Sorry man, but this whole playing two different roles is starting to wear on me. It’s only been a few days, but I’m so goddamned tired.” I lean back in my seat and sigh, running my hands down my face.
“You know, if you would just talk to her about it, you wouldn’t be in this situation?”
“Right. And then piss her off because she’ll think I don’t trust her.” I do trust her.
It’s everyone else I don’t trust.
“She’s not stupid, man. Give her more than that. Gabby knows there’s a danger out there right now,” he says, shrugging.
I told him yesterday, finally, what’s been going on when he called me out on being completely off my game lately. Even when Hannah was a newborn, I wasn’t this scatter brained. She slept well at night; she didn’t cry too much. She hasn’t been a sick baby, thank God. Parenthood so far has been easy… way easier than making sure a crazy person doesn’t kill your girlfriend and daughter.
I spend the rest of the morning locked in my office with no one around to bother me. I have to get some of these papers filed, and emails answered, before I break to watch Gabby. It sounds creepy as fuck, but I don’t care. I want her to trust me, I want her to know I trust her… but I need those two safe. If this is the only way to make sure that happens, then I’ll do whatever it takes.
By the time I’m finally on my way to the park, I’m starving and angry that I forgot lunch again today. Fuck! My mind seriously needs to get used to this new schedule. And my dick needs to get in line, too. We haven’t had sex in days because I’ve been so stressed and tired. I know she knows something’s up, but I can’t tell her.
My phone rings as I watch the woman I love play with my daughter at the park near my place. Picking it up, I see my dad’s face on the screen.
“Hey, Dad,” I answer, not taking my eyes off Gabby. The park is busier than normal for the middle of the week. I can’t lose sight of them or I’ll never find them.
“Hey Benton, how’s things going? I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”
‘Nah... Just on my lunch break,” I answer with half honestly. The gas station sandwich on my passenger seat is lunch, technically.
“I haven’t heard from you lately. Just checking in on my granddaughter. Am I still watching her this weekend?”
I smile, knowing how excited he is to have her all to himself this weekend. This will be good for Gabby and me. We need this time to work on us… and to fuck.
Jesus, I need to fuck her.
“Yeah. I’ll have Gabby bring her over early on Friday if that’s okay. They have girl stuff to do for the wedding, so she’s gotta get going pretty early.”
“Oh Gabby… that’s good, good.”
“Yeah… She’s moving in with us, Dad.”
I’m met with silence for a moment before he finally speaks again.
“Good. I’m happy for you, Benton.”
“Thanks, Pop.”
“Do you love her?” he asks, uncharacteristically. He never wants to talk about shit like this.
“I do. A lot.” I answer as honestly as I can without getting mushy with my dad.
“Treat her right, Benton. You never know when will be your last day with her.”
His words remind me that it hasn’t been that long at all since he lost the love of his life… my mother. I miss her every day, but I know how to cope with an unexpected death. Just don’t dwell on the bad, and you’ll make it through the day. Each day you make it through gets easier and easier until one day you only remember the good things.
“I will, Dad.” I watch Hannah start to cry from the swing she’s in, and Gabby immediately takes her out and walks her around, bouncing her gently to calm her.
So fucking beautiful.
When she puts her back in the stroller, I know I’m parked in a spot that they’ll see me when they walk by, so I have to focus on getting out of the way before they come by.
“Listen, Dad, I’m about finished with my lunch and have a call coming in. Can I talk to you tomorrow?”
“Absolutely.”
“Bye, dad.”
“Bye, Son. Tell Gabby hi, and hug my granddaughter for me.” He hangs up before I can reply, and I’m able to finally move and find a different perspective to watch them walk home.
Gabby’s texted a few times today, and she always texts when they are locked back inside the apartment, but I can’t answer until I’m out of her sight. I don’t want her to think I’m free when I’m sitting here watching her. I don’t really have a reason for it, but I know that she can’t find out.
She’s so fucking beautiful walking down the street with Hannah bundled up in the stroller. Every day here gets colder and colder. Soon, the winter is going to hit and these walks to the park will come to a halt. Hopefully sooner than that, Gabby’s mom will be found and I can stop worrying about them every time they go out while I’m at work.
I love Gabby, and watching her interact with my daughter puts the thought in my mind that I need her to be my wife. It’s crossed my mind plenty in the past few months, but it’s not until today that I realize the seriousness of it all.
I need her… forever.
I’m doing everything I can to keep her safe, but, when she’s married to me, she’ll be mine for good and I’ll always be able to keep her safe. Always.
I love her, she loves me… we both love Hannah more than anything else, so why not get married and make us a family? What the hell am I waiting for?
“Call Adam,” I tell my phone, pulling out into traffic as soon as I get the text from Gabby that they are safe and locked inside.
“What?” he answers shortly.
“I’m not coming back in today,” I say, sitting at a red light. Quickly, while listening to Adam start to yell at me for never being in the office anymore, I pull up directions to the nearest jewelry store.
I need Gabby to be my wife.
“Adam, fucking chill, dude. I’m getting shit done, am I not? I just need to take care of something important right now,” I say, locating a shop a few miles away.
“What the fuck is going on, Benton?”
“I’m asking Gabby to marry me,” I say, so scatterbrained and excited that I kind of feel like squealing.
Grown men do not squeal!
“Nice dude… um… congratulations. You think she’s ready for that?”
“She is. I am. I need her to be my wife, Adam. Need.”
“I know the feeling.” He chuckles and sighs. “Jesus, you fell hard, B.”
“Yeah… I did.” I nod, following Siri’s directions as I make my way to the shop. “I want to do it after the rehearsal dinner.”
“Oh. Um… I’m okay with it, but I’ll have to check with Annaliese…”
“No dude, not at the rehearsal dinner. That’s your time. I want to do it after. After all of that. I need to take her some place beautiful.
And I know just the place.
“Hey man, I need some help,” I say, parking in front of the jeweler. I then, as quickly as I can, tell Adam my plan to make her mine.
Paper Lanterns
Gabby
This past week of living with Benton has taught me that I really can love again. It’s scary as shit, and I worry every day that something will happen to rip this happiness out from under me, but I can’t force these feelings away any more. When he proposed this crazy idea, I laughed. Hard. Now that we’ve grown into a routine, though, it all feels so right.
“Hey, you,” he whispers on my neck before leaving a gentle trail of kisses down to my shoulder, causing goosebumps to rise from the gentle touch. “You always do this.” He chuckles, tracing the tiny bumps on my arm with his fingertips.
“Can’t help it.” I smile, pulling my hair to the side. “Zip me?”
He growls in frustration. “I’d rather be taking this off of you.”
“And I can’t be late to my best friend’s rehearsal dinner,” I warn, turning and wrapping my arms around his neck. Reaching up on my tiptoes, I press my lips to his as soon as his hands go around my waist. Deepening the kiss, I can’t find it in myself to pull back and finish getting ready. It’s so unbelievable to me how, in less than a year, I’ve fallen so hard for this man, when I never wanted any of this for myself.