Saving Her

by Mia Ford

  I chuckled, more out of shock that he had made a joke, and shook my head, deciding to continue with the conversation I felt we needed to have.

  “You were right about me coming out here all by myself. It was a stupid thing to do and guide or not, you’re right; being up here all alone with a man I didn’t know was really fucking stupid.”

  Johnathan didn’t respond right away, but the look in his eye made me regret bringing it up again.

  “I’m trying to apologize. I’m sorry for the way I reacted,” I answered, “I was just defensive, because I know it was stupid. I knew it was stupid when I was doing it and if I didn’t, my friends certainly told me enough times before I left.”

  “But, you’re stubborn. You wanted to do it, so you were willing to take whatever risk you needed to take?” Johnathan hissed, sounding as though even my apology was upsetting him.

  “Yeah, I guess,” I shrugged, “I just wanted a little adventure. I was bored with school and no one else wanted to go with me. I had to make my own way, or I would never go.”

  “Well, you certainly got the adventure you were after, I guess,” Johnathan retorted, before taking my bowl away and bringing the dishes to the sink.

  I was stunned to silence, completely unsure of exactly what I should say to him. I didn’t want to argue anymore but I was a little insulted.

  So, I simply stopped talking. I could tell by the darkness surrounding the outside of the cabin that it was getting late, so I allowed the exhaustion that plagued me to consume me.

  Hopefully tomorrow would be better.

  Chapter 8:

  Johnathan

  After I spoke, I immediately regretted it. However, I was far too stubborn myself to admit that. So, when Carrie simply took my silence as an opportunity to go to sleep, I let her without ever offering up my own apology.

  I wasn’t sure why I had gotten so defensive. I was fine until she mentioned the stupid instance with the man in the woods. Instantly, my anger returned, but I wasn’t angry with Carrie.

  I was furious with the situation. While, I understood that if she had never done what she did, I would have never met her, which for some strange reason, mattered to me. Yet, if she had never gone into the mountains with that man, I would’ve been okay with never meeting her, because she would’ve never had to go through that ordeal.

  Plus, I wouldn’t have to be sitting here, wondering why the hell I felt any of this. I still didn’t know why I cared or if I would continue to care.

  A long time ago, I had become convinced that any human connection was a black hole, through which my life and everything about me would be sucked through if I ever fell for that temptation again. Yet, this girl, with one bat of her eyes, made me want to take that leap all over again and I couldn’t, for the life of me figure out why.

  Later that night, once Carrie was long asleep, I could no longer deny the feelings I had for Carrie, or the loneliness that I had persuaded myself was necessary. I knew from the moment I met her that I liked Carrie and it seemed that the more I tried to deny my feelings, the more intense they became.

  Now, they had started to manifest in a sense of jealousy that I didn’t want. Of course, I didn’t want to be an asshole to Carrie, but I knew it would be weirder if I showed her how overprotective I was of her.

  I wondered whether it would be better for me to tell her about what else I had found in the woods, or if that was better kept my secret. Since I didn’t think it mattered, I didn’t want to tell her. I had gotten her out of the situation and explaining what I had found would only scare her.

  She’s been through enough… I thought but argued that she was a grown woman and deserved to know the truth. The possible implications of her actions shouldn’t be hidden from her. She needs to know the kind of fucked up evil that is in this world.

  I had no doubt in my mind that the man intended to kill her and leave her body in the mountains, somewhere she would never be discovered. The thought scared the shit out of me, and again, I wondered what the likelihood of him returning to finish the job would be.

  However, I figured since I was going to try to keep her safe until she was back to civilization, it was unlikely that he was going to do anything. If he tried, I would kill him. Simple as that.

  Yet, I knew that I wasn’t going to be around to protect her forever. The overall issue of what the man she had trusted was planning to do to her was still a valid threat. Though I thought it was unlikely that she would make the same mistake again, I couldn’t be sure and therefore, I felt that I needed to do everything I could to keep her from falling for the same type of trick.

  I have to tell her. I can’t protect her from this. She needs to know. I insisted.

  Still, I didn’t want to drive her away, despite the fact that I told myself that would be best. I knew that if I explained all of this to her, it would scare her and there was a possibility that she would think I was trying to prove my point, other than simply protect her.

  Again, part of me couldn’t deny that might be best. She and I weren’t supposed to be together. We were from two different worlds. I had chosen absolute solitude and she had a life outside of these mountains.

  Pushing her away might be the only way that I could protect us both from whatever strange sense of connection we seemed to have.

  I was sure that she felt it too, which annoyed me. I didn’t want to have that affect on anyone, because I didn’t want anyone to have a similar effect on me.

  Being out here all alone with my dog wasn’t the life I wanted, but it was the life I felt was best for my sanity. I knew that I could no longer handle reality. It had fucked me royally and I had no more use for it.

  If you truly have no more use for humans and humanity, then why do you give a damn about what happens to this woman? I wondered, playing devil’s advocate to myself.

  After a moment of contemplation, I countered the idea with the thought that maybe my feelings were so strong because I hadn’t been around people for so long.

  Yet, even as I tried to convince myself of this, I knew it was something different. I knew that I was trying to bullshit myself into believing a lie, though I was willing enough to believe it.

  I knew that something about Carrie was different. I had no idea how I knew that, or if it even made sense to think that way. After all, I wasn’t too naive to believe that wishful thinking was the true source of what I misperceived as intuition.

  Of course, I wanted her to be the answer to my shitty life, but I had given up on finding that answer a long time ago. It bothered me that one instance could completely shake the resolve I thought was ironclad.

  Could it be that I’m not as broken as I thought? I contemplated this but was fairly certain that wasn’t the case. What had happened to me had scarred me for life. My trust was shattered and that took a hell of a lot more than a hot body and a pretty face to piece back together. Don’t kid yourself. I decided, knowing that even if I was able to fool myself enough to be convincing, my re-entry into humanity was going to cost a lot more than I was willing to give.

  Never again.

  It wouldn’t be fair to her…or to anyone. I told myself, though I still felt the urge to continue trying to find some solace in my thoughts.

  Since, regardless of what I decided or the outcome it yielded, this could be considered improvement.

  It also could be considered a relapse. I countered negatively. Going and making the same damn mistake is proof that you’re crazy, not that you’re cured.

  I tried to be a somewhat logical man and despite my present situation, I knew myself well. I knew when I was interested and when I was simply horny.

  While Carrie definitely made me feel a connection to her that was almost painfully alluring, I also yearned to get to know her. I didn’t want a one-night stand, I wanted her.

  Although, I still didn’t quite understand why; primarily because I didn’t know her at all. I had gotten her out of a bad situation, but we had argued in the two, some
what normal conversations we had. Granted, I was an asshole on purpose in both situations, but that was only so I could shield myself from the truth of it all.

  As I sat, staring deep into the fire as it blazed with unmerciful fury, I contemplated all of this.

  I wanted to come to some explanation and I wanted to do it before I did something I would regret.

  I briefly contemplated that this was some kind of fate, but quickly scoffed at the idea. Fate wasn’t in our favor. I could attest to that. If fate was on our side, people wouldn’t get knocked on their ass so many times before finally settling for something that resembled happiness.

  Still, even though my convictions were strong, with one glance back at Carrie, sleeping soundlessly, with Jake warming her feet at the bottom of the bed, I wondered if there was something that I was supposed to be noticing.

  After all, Jake seems to like her, but he always was something of a lady’s dog.

  As I had told Carrie, he’s a big mush. There’s not a mean bone in that dog’s body, so long as you aren’t out to hurt anyone.

  Of course, I tried to convince myself that Jake was simply trying to comfort Carrie. After all, I was sure he could sense that she was going through something traumatic, even if he didn’t quite understand.

  Yet, if that was it, or if there was something more, a deeper connection there, between the dog and the woman, I couldn’t help but wonder if Jake has the right idea.

  Perhaps, instead of worrying about keeping up the walls that were obviously not working so well for me, I should go with it.

  The last time almost killed me, but it didn’t, so maybe this time wouldn’t either.

  After hours of fending off what I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind was inevitable, I resolved to learning more about this woman. I would try a different approach; one that involved me being less of an asshole and more of the person I was once, a long time ago.

  Considering we were stuck together, at least until Carrie’s ankle healed, I decided it was better to be hospitable than to have her resent me for something I could’ve prevented.

  I finally decided if she was going to hate me, I would rather her hate me for something I did. At least then, I wouldn’t have anything to regret.

  Chapter 9:

  Carrie

  When I woke up, I felt disgusting. I wasn’t used to being so gross. Normally, I was an extremely clean person. So, having not taken so much as a whore bath for God knows how long was starting to weigh on me. I felt as though I smelled disgusting and each time I moved, I heard my hair crunching from the dried blood.

  It made me sick and after laying there, in the darkness, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep if I had to continue living in my own filth.

  So, I carefully eased myself off the bed, careful not to wake anyone. Although, as soon as I moved, I heard Jake groan as his large head poked up to see what was going on.

  “Go back to sleep,” I told the dog, “It’s okay.”

  Yet, when I turned around, I saw a figure towering over me. I was so concerned with the dog, I didn’t even hear anyone coming up behind me.

  My heart dropped as I had a flashback of the tour guide. I screamed and staggered back, but I was caught by large, sturdy hands and brought back up.

  “What the hell? Carrie? What’s wrong?” Johnathan asked, sounding genuinely concerned. He made sure I was stable before releasing my arm.

  “Nothing…I just wanted to go take a shower,” I complained, picking at my hair. “I feel gross.”

  Even though he didn’t make a sound, I could almost sense him rolling his eyes at me.

  “Really?” Johnathan finally retorted, “You couldn’t have wanted to do this last night, or waited until morning?”

  “I’m sorry, I just woke up and,” I shivered from disgust, “I just feel like everything is caked on me and I want to get it off.”

  I must have sounded desperate though, because when he spoke again, his voice was a lot more understanding.

  “Okay…Okay, fine. Just…Sit down, will you?” As he spoke, he guided me back to the bed. “Let me get some light in here and I’ll help you.”

  “Thank you,” I answered, relieved that he was going to do something about it instead of just telling me to go back to sleep.

  Obviously still waking up, I watched his shadow slunk over to the large oven and prime the embers of the fire and add firewood so that the flames returned, giving some light to the room.

  I waited patiently, even though it was difficult.

  When he returned, though, Johnathan helped me over to the sink. He unbandaged my head and got me a chair to sit down on. Afterwards, he eased me back, so that he could carefully clean my hair.

  “Thank you,” I replied again, as I watched his large hands methodically and carefully remove the crimson from my hair.

  I wasn’t sure if he didn’t hear me, or simply didn’t feel like responding, but either way, he said nothing. Instead, he used some kind of soap on my hair, before washing it out, paying particular care not to touch the spot where the blood had originated.

  “I can’t touch that yet,” he announced, pointing to the back of my hair. “I don’t want it to start bleeding all over again.”

  “That’s okay,” I replied, but he was already back to work. I wondered if he had done that purposefully, to let me know that he wasn’t asking for my permission.

  Still, I didn’t care. He could be a jerk all he wanted, so long as he helped me feel like myself and not like the Carrie in the movie who got covered in pig’s blood.

  At least this was my own blood, I tried to tell myself as the sickening thought passed through my mind, but it ended up doing little to console me.

  Blood was blood and it was gross.

  After Johnathan had finished, he told me that if I wanted, I could take a shower to wash off my body.

  Pointing me toward the bathroom, he warned, “Don’t get water in your cut. It’s starting to scab, and I don’t want anything to fuck it up. It’s actually looking good.”

  The thought made me weak in the knees but instead of dwelling on that, I managed to shake my head. “Okay. Thanks.”

  I hobbled over to the bathroom, with Johnathan guiding me. He made sure I was alright before quickly leaving the room.

  The shower was simple and seemed to be more of an outdoor setup than indoor plumbing, but I supposed I should be grateful for at least this advancement.

  I took the hose off the rung and pointed it down while I turned the nozzle. Water immediately shot out of the sprayer. It was freezing but thankfully, I didn’t have it pointed toward me.

  The water seemed to take forever to warm up, even marginally, but when it did, I was thankful. I used the strange soap that had the scent of pine and washed myself off, careful to keep my injured ankle out of the water as well. Even though it wasn’t open, it still had a splint on it and I didn’t feel like going through the effort to take it off.

  I was simply happy to not feel crusty anymore.

  When I got out of the shower, I saw there was a towel hanging on the hook that I could’ve sworn wasn’t there before. I dried myself off as best as I could before putting the towel around my body and walking back out, into the main portion of the cabin.

  I noticed that the bed was changed, with new sheets and I had comfortable clothes on the bed, laid out for me.

  I looked around and saw Johnathan in his normal spot, sitting in his chair, rocking slowly back and forth, watching the fire.

  He didn’t seem to notice that I was there, or made no attempt to enlighten me, so I cleared my throat.

  “Thanks for putting my clothes out…and changing my sheets,” I called, but Johnathan didn’t turn around.

  I looked over at the bed and a previously displaced Jake was now rolling around on the covers playfully, as though he was trying to get his scent back on the sheets.

  Swinging out a little bit, to look around the chair, I saw that Johnathan’s head was cocked to th
e side and his eyes were closed.

  I didn’t think he was sleeping for some reason, but I figured if he didn’t want to speak to me, he didn’t have to and so, I shrugged and walked back over to the bed.

  After putting the clean pajamas on, I crawled back into the bed and was finally able to get a good night’s sleep.

  The next morning, my senses woke me with the sounds and smells of breakfast.

  At first, I was confused, wondering why there was a big hairy thing in my bed, and who was making breakfast.

  Yet, when a shot of pain reverberated up my leg, I remembered what had happened and where I was, before opening my eyes. I moved slightly, and the massive dog inched closer to me, almost like a child, grumbling in his sleep.

  I stifled a chuckle and hugged him, hoping that today was going to be better than the past few days. I couldn’t take much more arguing and craziness. I wasn’t used to all of this and while I no longer had a fear of Johnathan, I wanted to like him. I wanted to learn more about him.

  I had no idea why I wanted him to let me in, but I was willing to believe that I had met him for a reason.

  Obviously, this could’ve been the fact that he saved me, coupled with the dream that made me think this way, but knowing that didn’t dampen my resolve.

  I wanted to get to know Johnathan and I wanted to figure out why he was up here, all alone.