Saving Her

by Mia Ford

  For as open as I was about my life and as willing as I felt to allow Johnathan to get to know me, there was something about that conversation that was still off limits in my mind.

  We were quiet for a long while. I placed my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of him.

  Soon, though, I felt eyes, staring at me.

  At first, I tried to ignore the gaze, knowing that it was Johnathan, but eventually, the feeling was too substantial, and I was forced to open my eyes.

  When I did, I saw that Johnathan was close to my face, grinning in a strange manner. It was a sad smile, that accompanied dark eyes. The light in his gaze was completely lost to his memory, but there was still a slightly hopeful vibe coming from somewhere deep inside his expression.

  “Thank you,” he insisted, and I returned a beam of acknowledgement.

  “For what?” I asked, turning my head in an effort to be consoling and attentive.

  “For putting up with me. If I were you, I would’ve killed me by now. I can be a real pain in the ass,” he answered in a slightly humored way.

  “I still owe you my life,” I responded, half teasing, “So, that buys you some time.”

  “You’re beautiful,” he insisted, catching me off guard, “And I am such a fucking fool.”

  With that, he pressed his lips against mine, as his arms wound around me, bringing him close to me.

  Immediately, I reciprocated the kiss, weaving my hands through his hair and pulling him close to me.

  The taste of him was refreshing and despite my fatigue, his kiss was inspiring and renewing.

  All I wanted at that moment was to be closer to him, to feel him and to have a similar experience here, in the woods, that we had in the cabin.

  I didn’t worry about being seen by anyone and I wasn’t even thinking about the threat that the psycho guide might still pose.

  Within the moment we kissed, all my worries melted away. I was no longer concerned with the state of my injuries or, anything about the world that did not have to do with Johnathan and I, sharing this moment.

  His tongue was naughty and easily thrust into my mouth, winding its way around in a caressing, yet seductive manner; as though it promised what the rest of him intended to do to me. This caused my heart to race and the sensitivity of my nerves to escalate with anticipation.

  If this was going to morph into an experience I would never forget, I didn’t want to miss a second of it.

  Unsure of how days, or even moments would go, considering our mutual baggage and the looming threat of parting ways, potentially forever, I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity to make a memory with him.

  I had learned a long time ago to hold onto the good things and learn from the challenges.

  While Johnathan’s fickle ideas about us being together were frustrating, when he was aligned with my ideals, there was no point in sabotaging the moment. I would rather simply enjoy it.

  After all, the pain was going to come, if it was meant to be anyway, so I figured there was no sense in dwelling on it.

  If Johnathan wanted to be romantic, I wasn’t going to stop him.

  I even held out hope that something inside would finally click, and he would start to see things the way I did. I wanted him badly, so any continuing affection kept me hoping that it might last.

  “God, I am so sorry for being such a jackass,” he muttered through panting breaths, breaking away for only the moment it took for him to speak.

  “Shut up,” I responded, reclaiming his mouth again.

  I heard him chuckle behind my lips as his fingertips ran gently through my hair, taking care to avoid the bandage that still wrapped around my head.

  I felt overwhelmed with emotion as my body began to buzz with fervor.

  Between Johnathan’s natural, alluring scent and the freeing, fresh air that was inherent in the mountains, flowing all around us in the wilderness, I felt spritely.

  Strangely enough, I had never thought much about making love outside, as I usually wasn’t that kind of person. I felt that sex should be a personal experience, rather than a rebellious endeavor.

  However, as Johnathan started to slide my shirt off my shoulders and urge my nakedness, I didn’t care about anything, other than being with him.

  Ravenously, we pawed at one another, removing one another’s clothing hastily, eager to unwrap the gift of one another.

  When Johnathan’s chest was revealed to me, I pressed him down, so that his back was against the dirt. I drug my fingers lightly down his robust chest, gliding over his abdomen and finally, picking teasingly at the waistband of his jeans.

  He growled in response as our visceral reactions started to control the desires of our flesh.

  We were hungry for one another and the arguing we had done previously, contending with the emotion we had both displayed within the past few days was brooding.

  It was obvious that we both felt an intense surge of need, transpiring through our bodies. We wanted to leave the world behind and revel in the oneness of one another.

  Our hearts and souls called out to each other, even though we had fought and even though there was so much left unsaid between us, words were useless to us now.

  I ducked down, seductively surrounding the epicenter of his manhood, while my fingers traced the jeans with a tantalizing slowness. I wanted him to feel an intense sense of longing. I wanted to torment him like he was so fond of tormenting me.

  After playing with the jeans for a moment, my hand covered the bulge, which I knew was waiting to be revealed.

  I looked up and grinned at him, in a seductive, yet teasing manner as I kneaded him, leaving the pants in between our touch.

  As I moved, I slid down, pressing myself against his leg.

  Again, I looked up at him, before carefully, I unhinged his pants, finally unveiling his already starkly enthusiastic member.

  My body shook as I gazed upon it, instantaneously yearning for it to be inside of me.

  Even though it hadn’t been all that long, I had missed him and from the eagerness of his physique, regardless of what Johnathan said, he missed me as well.

  Tossing the jeans to the side, I glided myself up and eased myself toward him. I stroked my womanliness, which was already moist and waiting for his entry, up his manliness, before swinging back down.

  Straddling him, I clasped my fingers around him and started to stroke, easily and with a slow precision, so that he felt every bit of my movements.

  He grinned, leaning his head back and enjoying the foreplay, as I took my thumb and ran it over the tip of his manliness.

  Even though he didn’t say anything, I felt his body jerk in reaction and so, I continued to tease him by tugging and stroking him, until I started to feel a need.

  At first, it was fun, but eventually, I wanted to be the one, feeling the slow, intricate movements I was creating with my hand.

  So, I repositioned myself carefully and after a few strokes, warming my intentions, I inserted him inside me.

  I heard Johnathan gasp as I eased down, before pulling up and then returning, in the same slow, tantalizing motion that I had started with.

  I closed my eyes, pleased to feel him filling me as every movement pressed deeper inside me.

  I groaned as he became slick and my body insisted that I go faster. I swallowed hard and eased myself up, pressing my breasts against him.

  Johnathan reacted by grasping each of my breasts and kneading them with just the right amount of force.

  I closed my eyes and sat up, focusing on thrusting myself up and down, trying to hold the advancing astonishment of climaxing off as much as I possibly could.

  I was enjoying this immensely. Not only did Johnathan make my entire body feel free, the openness of our surrounding, the scent of the earth and the raw feel of it beneath us was invigorating.

  It almost felt as though I was becoming one with the earth, as well as with Johnathan.

  Laying closer to h
im, I dragged my fingers across the dirt, trying to stave off the ultimate finally, leaving deep, raked ridges in the ground.

  Surprised by my own display of excitement, I was encouraged to continue.

  When I reached myself back up and returned to the hasty movement, I felt Johnathan grab one of my breasts, trapping my already hyper-sensitive nipple between his finger and thumb.

  Looking at him, he was sure to make eye-contact with me, before he smirked and rolled the bead lightly between his fingers.

  I screamed out, trying to pull back, as a surprising sensation coursed through me.

  However, between the hold Jonathan had on me and the connection we shared, I was unable to get away.

  Pulling me closer to his level, Johnathan took the breast into his mouth and suckled on it, while his tongue flicked and prodded, it, before he started to tease the other.

  I yelled out again and started to thrash back and forth. I felt him, vibrating inside of me each time I moved, which caused me to catapult toward ultimate invigoration.

  Going back and forth with such fervor eventually caused Johnathan to simply grasp my breasts and play with them as his member started to thrust with excitement as well.

  Once the mutual ambrosia entranced us, we were focusing more on our rising pinnacle of success, far more than teasing foreplay.

  We moved back and forth with ease, thrashing our bodies around in the dirt, without a care as to what was happening.

  At that point, between our intense need, our heightened heartrates, and our heavy breathing, we didn’t focus on anything other than keeping one another satisfied.

  Finally, an explosion erupted inside of me at the same time I felt Johnathan insert his love into me.

  Climaxing together, we were both completely enraptured in the moment.

  This was the most freeing feeling I ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

  My only hope now was that it wasn’t all going to come to an abrupt end, once we hit the ranger’s station.

  However, as my consciousness disembarked from the trip of pure ambrosia-fueled euphoria, I refused to focus on that.

  Instead, I chose to focus on the moment I was living in; the excitement I was privy to and the freedom that I was awarded.

  I wasn’t sure if I would ever get the chance to feel this way again, so I was going to enjoy every second of it for as long as it lasted.

  Chapter 18:

  Johnathan

  Afterwards, I found myself in a similar position to the first day that we had made love. While I was even more content by the outcome, I was unsure of how all of it had transpired. I was confused and somewhat disappointed in myself.

  I felt vulnerable, now that she knew the shitstorm that is my life, I wasn’t sure how I should react.

  Some of me was happier than I had felt in a long time, but most of what I was feeling was anger.

  I wasn’t guilty anymore, but I did feel as though I betrayed my own convictions. I was enraged by the idea that I had allowed myself to get emotionally involved.

  After what we had talked about and everything that had happened, I had tried to be positive, but once the excitement stopped and I was left alone with my thoughts, the darkness of my past life was able to creep back in.

  She doesn’t really want you. I told myself. She’s stuck with you right now. That’s the only reason she is trying to be nice to you. She is going to end up just like Sarah, if you aren’t careful. You need to end this, now, before it kills you.

  Although, there was still a sense of trust in Carrie, that I had, though I wasn’t sure where it came from. I figured it had something to do with her honesty toward me and her willingness to call me out on my mistakes, instead of feigning happiness, when she was really planning to leave me, tear my heart out and stomp on it.

  Yet, even with her apparent honesty, there was no absolute way that I could be sure she wasn’t going to destroy me.

  All you have left is Jake and Jake likes Carrie. If she takes him away from you, what purpose will you have to live? I thought, knowing that was the only thing of value she could take from me now. She could put me in jail, I supposed, but what would hurt most about that was leaving my dog behind.

  Therefore, I decided that he was the only reason I still had any care for keeping my freedom and my sanity. However, I did still want to keep it, and so I decided that if I didn’t want to risk the little that I was able to salvage from my first catastrophic relationship, I needed to get away from this relationship before it swallowed me too.

  Although, after contemplating everything that had happened the night before and how good it felt to talk to someone about my life, I knew it was going to be even harder to let her go.

  I ground my teeth, my jaw locking, as I tried to fight the urge to go back on my word. I had told her that I would try, and I owed her that; especially after everything she had put up with from me. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to revert to my old ways, but I was finding it difficult to press forward. Every time I thought about keeping my word to Carrie, genuinely trying to keep it all together, I would feel an empty, sinking feeling in my gut and I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. I wanted to, God I wanted to. I felt that if I could only break this cycle of guilt and distrust, I would be open to a host of different possibilities but as much as I tried, as much as I wanted to let go of the past, it continued to haunt me.

  Thoughts of what could happen assaulted my mind.

  Talking to Carrie about my past had helped me in one respect, being able to get it off my chest. Having someone who was willing to listen, who didn’t have another bombshell to drop on me, was something I hadn’t experienced before. Every other time I had attempted to relay the story, another piece of information was revealed, that plagued me. At best, I was fighting to keep my freedom, after learning of another bombshell the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with had dropped on my life. So, having the conversation end the way it did, with sex that didn’t end with me getting stabbed at the back, was nice.

  However, it had dredged up a lot of feelings. It had reminded me of unpleasant situations that I hadn’t wanted to think about in a very long time.

  Flashbacks of being arrested, being drug out of the bar, without having any idea what was going on, was now fresh in my mind. Granted, the enormity of the situation was partially due to shock and partially due to intoxication, but that didn’t change the memory. It was still a pretty shitty thing to have happened and I never wanted to be in a similar situation ever again.

  Without Carrie in my life, I could almost guarantee that I was never going to have to deal with anyone ever again, which meant my trust wasn’t going to be tested. I would never have to worry about what she was doing, or what she was planning.

  However, without her, I also would likely never be happy.

  I had a feeling that if I didn’t try to invest my trust in Carrie, I likely wouldn’t ever trust anyone and therefore, I would never give myself a reason to be happy.

  After all, Carrie was right. I hated living out in the cabin all by myself. It was lonely and dark. It drove me crazy at times and I wasn’t sure how much longer I would be able to take it.

  However, even with everything I had convincing me that there was something better, something to fight for, for the first time in a while, I still couldn’t bring myself to take that leap.

  Before I knew it, I was reverting to my old ways. I hated it, but I also couldn’t stop myself. For my own sense of sanity, I felt that this was what I needed to do.

  Hastily, I untangled myself from Carrie’s grasp and as she stirred, I told her, “Come on, Carrie. It’s time to get up. We have to go now if you want to make it back to civilization before dark.”

  “Umm…Okay…” Carrie replied, rubbing her eyes, and trying to ward off the sleep that plagued her. She seemed confused, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her confusion. I simply wanted to get the hell out of there as quickly as I possibly could.

  I
had made my decision and I wanted to act on it before I lost my nerve.

  “Johnathan, can we maybe talk about this for a minute…Is there something wrong?”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. There’s nothing wrong. I just want to get you to the ranger’s station before dark. It’s simple survival.”

  Instantly, Carrie’s eyes narrowed, and she seemed upset with what I was telling her.

  “Why do I get the feeling that you’re trying to get rid of me?” She asked, getting to her feet as she glared at me.

  “Uh, honestly? Because I am,” I replied, knowing that I was being an ass again, but I tried not to care.

  “At least you’re being honest…” Carrie answered in a small, sad voice.

  Strangely, she didn’t seem angry anymore. She simply seemed sad and disappointed. I would’ve preferred that she was angry.

  At least if she was angry, I could defend what I was doing.

  “Listen, Carrie, it’s nothing personal,” I insisted, trying to get her to answer me.

  “Oh, I know,” she replied as she gathered up her things and turned her back to me. “It never is. It’s all about you and your need to be a stoic loner.